38. The New Life

Hunter

“Guess what tomorrow is?” Grayson asked Hunter from the passenger seat while Hunter tried to concentrate on the road signs.

“Trash day,” Hunter said, glancing at his rearview mirror. “Shit, I think that was a cop.”

“It’s been a year since you asked me out.”

“Only a year? It feels like longer.”

Grayson rolled his eyes and looked out the window. “Oh, shut up.”

“What’s the exit?”

“Thirty-eight. I just hope you got me something nice,” Grayson said with an exaggerated pout.

Hunter looked over at him and then back at the road. “Isn’t love enough?”

“Whatever, Hunter. I’m just warning you. It better be fucking nice to make up for the last month.”

“Why is this wedding so far away? How much further?” Hunter ignored him. He knew it was their anniversary. Although he had been slammed at work during the last quarter of the fiscal year, he had planned their anniversary for months. After the wedding, they would head back to the city the next morning. After geocaching and a picnic in Central Park, Hunter booked them a private dinner cruise followed by box seats at a ballet at Lincoln Center.

“Thirty-four minutes. You know how Benji is. Steven’s family is from New Jersey. The rehearsal dinner is tonight and then we can hit the slots.”

“I don’t have to go to that, right? It’s only for the wedding party.”

“Yes, you’re absolutely coming. There’s no way I can be around Jerry without you there.”

Hunter’s brows knit together. “What? Jerry? Jerry who? Your ex? Why would he be there?”

“He’s one of Steven’s groomsmen. That’s how I met him—through Steven.”

Hunter chuckled and shook his head as he tried to mask his frustration. “I forget you like grandpas.”

“He’s thirty. Not much older than you.”

“That’s the guy whose picture you still have up online? The ‘cold nights in’ guy?”

“Wow, you stalk hard, don’t you? Yep, that’s him.”

“The one with those weak looking arms?” Hunter laughed. Grayson giggled, seemingly amused at Hunter’s jealousy.

“Gray, I trust you. You’ve been nothing but honest with me and I want you to enjoy yourself this weekend. You work hard, you deserve it.”

“I love you. And I want to show you off at the rehearsal dinner tonight,” Grayson said, adamantly. “Is there anything you want to do in Atlantic City this weekend?”

“I just want to dance with you, a slow dance. Cheek to cheek.” Hunter went silent as flashbacks of Logan and Maxine dancing ran through his mind. He remembered how he had pictured himself with Logan, dancing in front of everyone. How stupid, he thought. He chose Logan, and Logan only chose himself. And there he was, lost in his thoughts, conjuring up a nonexistent memory. When Hunter came out of his trance, he realized Grayson was mid-sentence.

“… but I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

Having no idea what Grayson had just said, he waited a moment. “I got you something. It’s an early anniversary gift. It’s not your present, but it’s one of them. Check the center console.”

Grayson’s eyes lit up. “You’re lying. Really?” He quickly lifted his elbow and opened the center console to find an envelope with his name on it. “What is this? … Cash?”

Hunter smiled proudly, as he glanced over at Grayson’s excitement. “That’s for this weekend. You can spend it all on the slots or buy yourself something nice. Whatever you want.”

“Hun, wait,” Grayson said as he counted the hundreds in his hands. “I can’t take this much cash from you. Forty-two … forty-three … forty-four … five thousand?! Hunter, I can’t. This is too much, seriously. I’ll give you half.”

“I want you to have it. Blow it all on something.”

Grayson laughed, neatly placing the money back in the envelope. “What? No fucking way. I’m paying my rent with this.”

“Gray, just move in with me. It’s been a year now. You’re always at my place anyway.”

“Let’s stop by a bank before my crazy ass loses this shit. I’m not getting mugged. I’m not leaving it in the car, so we get broken into. I’m not dropping it anywhere. Nuh, uh. Not today.” Grayson shook his head colorfully and then checked himself out in the mirror.

“Gray,” Hunter nagged.

“Why didn’t you just transfer it to me online? You know who has this many hundreds on them? Drug dealers. You know, I thought you were a drug dealer when you kept leaving me hundred-dollar tips at the bar. I said, oop! I’ll be the trap queen.”

“Can you calm down? Every time we’re around Benji and his friends you put on this persona.”

Grayson whipped his head toward him, eyes filled with fury. “You mean my friends? The gays? You know, just because you hate yourself doesn’t mean I have to.”

Hunter rolled his eyes and clutched the steering wheel a little tighter. “Here we go.”

“Yes, here we go. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret.”

“What? You’ve met most of my friends. We go everywhere together. What more do you want?”

“Tell your family. Tell the world!”

Defeated, Hunter collapsed his shoulders with a sigh. “I just … don’t see the point.”

“Whatever, Hunter.”

It was an uphill battle. They hadn’t engaged in that specific argument for a while, but its lingering presence permeated their lives.

“So, did you hear my question?” Hunter asked.

Grayson crossed his arms and leaned against the arm rest of the car door. “I’m not moving in with you. I don’t think I could ever do that. Not without serious commitment.”

“We are serious.”

“Yeah? Post me online … See? You can always decide to leave me out in the cold. If we were married, it would be a different story. Keeping my place is my one shred of independence. You always pay for everything anyway,” Grayson said, looking straight ahead, with a hand now tucked between his thighs. “Not suggesting we get married, but you know what I mean. Have you ever thought about marriage or wanted to get married?”

Hunter recalled the last time he saw Logan and how sure he was about marrying him. “No.”

Back in Manhattan, a week after the wedding, Hunter and Grayson returned home from a morning of Sunday errands. Locked at the lips, they kissed their way through the door of Hunter’s penthouse. With a gentle nudge, Hunter closed the door, creating a private sanctuary. He pressed Grayson’s body against it, savoring the taste of his lips before planting a trail of kisses down his neck. His hands slipped under Grayson’s shirt and down to unbutton his jeans.

“Shit!” Grayson jumped up, startled, with eyes fixed over Hunter’s shoulder.

Hunter turned around to see a man on his couch. The side-swept blond hair and light-blue shirt made him think it was his father. “Chad.”

Chad’s horizontal lips shifted to a half smile before leaning forward and taking a swig of beer.

“What are you doing here?” Hunter asked, sensing Grayson buttoning his pants behind him.

“It’s my place,” Chad said, in a calm voice.

Without taking a further step in, Hunter responded, his voice filled with surprise, “It’s Mom’s … Why are you here?”

“We had dinner plans tonight, remember?”

Grayson opened the door which made Hunter turn around. “I’ll just head out,” Grayson whispered.

“No, don’t go,” Hunter said, taking him by the hand.

“I’ll grab some groceries for the week and come back in twenty.”

Hunter nodded, a silent gesture of approval, and Grayson scurried out the door.

Turning to face the music, Hunter’s hand instinctively reached up to his forehead as he stood silently, his gaze fixed on the ground.

“You can come in,” Chad said, leaning back on the sofa and bringing his ankle to his knee, the way their father would. The brothers exchanged a silent glance, their eyes filled with unspoken emotions. The chasm between them not getting any smaller.

Hunter felt as if he’d faint. Chad. His only brother, the person he admired and emulated the most growing up, now knew this side of him. The side of him few knew. The side of him he worked so hard to bury away. “Do you have something to say?” Hunter asked.

“Do you have something to say?” Chad echoed with a chuckle. He leaned forward and polished off his beer. “Could you get me another one?”

Hunter’s heart dislodged itself from his throat as he started toward the kitchen. His veins pumped blood faster than they ever had before. He wanted to shake his brother for showing up unannounced, and also hug him for staying calm. Unsure of what reaction he expected, he opened two beer bottles from the fridge, headed back to the living room, and joined his brother on the couch.

They drank in silence for a few minutes. Hunter sat at the edge of the couch with his body forward as if he’d spring up at any moment.

“You know,” Chad said, laughing to himself, “I thought that was Logan for a sec. Could you imagine?”

Hunter’s eyelids shut at the words. If you only knew. With eyes closed, he took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Logan … broke up with me,” Hunter said, turning his head to face Chad.

Chad laughed out loud before noticing Hunter’s unwavering expression. “Wait, what?”

“He dumped me.” Chad grew silent again as he sipped his beer. Hunter rested his elbows on his knees and sank his head into his hands, anxiety washing over him.

“So, you bailed on dinner to hang out with—what’s this guy’s name?”

“Grayson.”

“Grayson. Did you just meet recently? How long has this been going on?”

“A year.”

“A year?! Holy, fuck, Hunter.” Chad finished off his second beer and placed the bottle on the coffee table next to the empty one. “So, you went from Logan to Logan 2.0.”

A laugh escaped Hunter’s lips as he absentmindedly massaged the back of his neck. “Don’t say that in front of him. He’s already on my case about Logan.”

“I think I scared him off,” Chad said, glancing at his watch. Hunter felt relief when Chad got up and walked toward the door. He followed behind him to ensure the door was locked once he left.

Chad was about an inch shorter than Hunter, although their frames were almost mirror images of one another. They were clearly brothers, although Chad got their mother’s large, expressive blue eyes and Hunter’s were narrow and stern, like their father. Chad grabbed a key out of his pocket and handed it to Hunter. “Here’s my copy. I won’t be popping in on you again.”

“Keep it.” Hunter’s lips curved upward into a smile. “Just in case.”

Chad pulled Hunter into a tight embrace, squeezing tighter with each passing second. The sound of his own sniffle made him lose all composure and tears flooded his face. He remembered crying in Chad’s arms countless times as a child, but couldn’t recall why. Chad had always been safe for him, his foundation, his protector. Chad rubbed his back, the familiar motion bringing Hunter an overwhelming sense of relief.

The jingling of keys and the door unlocking made Hunter pull away, and in stepped Grayson, grocery bag in hand with a concerned look on his face as he watched Hunter dry tears from his eyes.

“Hi, you’re Gray, right? I’m Chad.” He extended his hand and Grayson shook it awkwardly while juggling the full brown paper bag.

“You okay?” Grayson asked Hunter. Hunter gasped lightly between breaths, doing his best to dry his eyes. Finally, a tight-lipped smile appeared on his face.

“Are you hungry, Gray? Have you two eaten?” Chad asked, pulling out his phone. “Hey, babe … Sorry I’m taking forever … Hunter is coming over tonight … Yeah. And he’s bringing a friend.”

“Boyfriend,” Hunter corrected him, looking at Grayson.

Chad continued, “Sorry, a boyfriend … I know … I know! I don’t know … You can ask him yourself, okay? We’re on our way.”

“Give me a minute,” Grayson said. “I’ll put these groceries away and change my clothes. You guys can wait for me downstairs.”

“That reminds me,” Chad said, opening the door, “I had a package delivered here by mistake.”

In the hallway, the brothers waited for the elevator to ding on their floor.

“Baby Logan seems really nice.”

“Oh, shut up.” Hunter laughed, his cheeks flushing. “If only you knew who his ex is.”

Chad’s hands went into his pockets, mirroring Hunter’s stance. “What? Who?”

Regret washed over Hunter as he shook his head, realizing the impact of his words. “Nothing, never mind.”

“No, no, no—”

“Seriously,” Hunter said, “he’d be so pissed if he knew I told you.”

“I know them? Him. Her?”

The elevator opened on their floor, this time with no attendant in sight, and they stepped in.

“Chad, look, I seriously shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Tell me and I’ll tell you why Mom and Dad divorced.”

Hunter’s deep and hearty laugh filled the elevator. “What? It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”

“No, I mean, this is big, big news—nothing you can imagine.”

“Mom told you?”

“Trix overheard Mom on the phone last time she was in town. Remember how she stayed with us? And how she gets sloppy drunk and talks too much?”

As Hunter exhaled, he could feel the tension leaving his body, readying himself for the words Chad was about to exclaim. “Okay. So … Lawrence Turner,” Hunter said, just before the elevator dinged and opened in the lobby and he stepped out. Chad, frozen in shock, barely able to react in time to stop the doors from closing with him inside.

“Oh, man. Oh my god,” Chad shouted, unmindful of his tone, drawing unnecessary attention to himself.

“Shh. Now, tell me about Mom and Dad.”

Chad’s mouth hung open, unable to utter a single word, as surprise gripped him and drained the color from his face. “I—I can’t even form a sentence.”

“Chad!”

“Okay, okay. So, Mom found out Dad was cheating on her—”

“Okay, no shit.”

“With one of the neighbor’s teenage daughters.”

Hunter felt his stomach churn. His father’s gross behavior had reached new heights. “Which neighbor?”

“I dunno. She didn’t say. But I can’t get over the L.T. thing.”

“You can’t say a word to anyone.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Hunter looked around the empty lobby as if someone could hear. “About him … about me …”

“It’s a new age. You can come out, you know.”

The elevator door opened and out stepped Grayson. “Ready to go?”