29. The Earthquake

Logan

Logan looked at the selfie Hunter sent him that morning longingly on his bed as he awaited a response.

“Hey, Logan, you coming out?” his roommate, Charlie, asked him from the door.

Logan glanced at his phone and then back at Charlie. “Not tonight. I have a bunch of work to wrap up.”

Now in Los Angeles, Logan spent another Friday night in, waiting for Hunter to return his call. They went on, what was possibly, their last camping trip in early August, and now, mid-September, Logan and Hunter counted down the days until they could be together again. It was almost eight, which meant it was nearly eleven in New York. Logan made sure his ringer was on max volume and decided to watch a movie on his laptop while he waited.

You up?A text came in from Hunter around quarter to ten, followed by a phone call.

“Hey,” Logan answered eagerly, getting up to lock his bedroom door.

“Mhh, it’s so good to hear your voice,” Hunter said huskily.

“Haven’t heard yours since Sunday. Are you good? You sound tired.”

“I’m sorry I’m back so late. We got caught up at this after-party and—”

Logan didn’t care to hear the details of his night; it was always the same. He only wanted to snuggle in bed with his phone, tell Hunter how much he missed him, reminisce about their past nights together, and make plans for the future.

“It doesn’t matter, I just want to enjoy this time right now,” Logan interrupted. “I missed you this week.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

“What are you doing?”

Hunter yawned loudly. “Just showered and getting into bed.”

Logan hopped under his covers and lay on his side with the phone on his pillow. “Wish I could be in bed with you right now, kissing you, undressing you.”

“Mhh, I know, me too, baby. I’d kiss you on your neck, just the way you like it. Are you touching yourself?”

“Uh huh,” Logan huffed, shoving his hand down his waistband and stroking his penis with his fingertips.

“Fuck, yes, wish I could see you right now,” Hunter said in a low, sleepy voice.

“Want me to turn on the video call?”

“Not tonight, Lo, I’m beat.”

Something about Hunter’s tone made Logan pause. He didn’t say anything, instead, waited on Hunter to drive the conversation. There was silence for the first few seconds, followed by light breathing.

“Hunter? Hello?” Logan asked, but there was no response. The breathing turned into strong, rhythmic huffs. “Hello? Are you there?”

“Sorry.” Hunter yawned. “I passed out there for a sec.”

“Why don’t you just go to bed? It’s late for you.”

“Yeah, I think I will. I promise I’ll have all day tomorrow. We can go shopping, workout, watch a movie—”

Logan’s heart clenched. “Sure.”

“I love you.”

“I love you,” Logan said before hanging up the phone. He wanted to be the first to do it. Two minutes and eighteen seconds; he’d had longer conversations with his grandmother. He had never felt so far away from Hunter, and it was more than just the distance.

Where you at? I’m on my way, he texted Charlie.

Hunter

“Why are you so upset? I’ve been busy. I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”

It was late October and Hunter wrapped up his third month as a Junior Associate.

“So you say. You’re not too busy for bars, dinners, and clubs,” Logan jeered. “I called you twice last night and you ignored it, and then you never called me back. I don’t know what’s up with you. It’s been like this for two months.”

“Nothing is up! I couldn’t talk when you called or my phone was on silent, but I was so tired I passed out. Why are you taking this so seriously?” Hunter had avoided his call, but not because he didn’t want to speak to Logan. He had felt so exhausted that he couldn’t bring himself to make the call, not wanting to have a half-hearted conversation. He preferred long, meaningful chats with him in a relaxed state of mind.

“You couldn’t send a text to tell me you’re okay but you’re posting stories about your night?” Logan raised his voice. “You know what? Forget it.”

“I have to go out with these people, Logan. You don’t understand. When you have a real job, you’ll know what it takes,” Hunter snapped.

“When I have a real job? You’re such a pretentious asshole. You—”

“I’m the asshole?! What is it, Lo, is there some chick out there you’re trying to fuck so you’re starting shit for no reason?”

A sharp sigh hissed through the phone. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Great. Great thing to say when you’re a million miles away.”

“I can’t,” Logan started and then a long exhale left his mouth. “I don’t think there is anywhere else for us to go from here.” As Logan spoke, his voice quivered with tones of hurt and devastation.

Reality crashed down on Hunter, leaving him stunned. “What? What are you talking about? Stop being dramatic. Come on. Over a few phone calls?”

“It’s more than that. You don’t respect me nor the relationship.”

“‘Nor the relationship,’” Hunter mocked him, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “You’re always trying to sound so clever.”

“Right.” Logan sighed wearily on the other line, his voice filled with exhaustion. “I’m gonna go.”

“Wait, stop. I’m sorry,” Hunter said. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Logan, not in this way. He didn’t mean it. He was only trying to spend meaningful time with him. “I should’ve called and I’m being a dick. I’m sorry.”

“I can’t be in this relationship with you anymore.”

Hunter felt a sharp sting in his ears as the words reached him, the sensation causing everything around him to crumble. “What? No, Logan, come on. It’s not that serious—I—don’t do this.” A wave of despair washed over Hunter, causing his throat to constrict.

“It’s not this one thing. It’s many things. The distance just … is not working out. Summers are hard enough, but having to be apart this long? All year? And until when? Two years when my program is over? You’re over there, I’m here. I can’t see you when I want—”

This was just a fight. This wasn’t serious, it was just one more bump they had to overcome. They’d had fights before and had been fine. Hunter blinked back tears. “I’ll see you this Thanksgiving. It’s next month, Lo. And for Christmas and New Year—”

“It’s not meant to be. How long were we going to keep this up anyway? We knew this had an expiration date. We’re going to keep pretending we’re friends? Pretend we have girlfriends again or wives?”

As Hunter’s pressure rose, his eyes became teary, blurring his vision. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I can’t do this without you.” He was glad Logan couldn’t see him over the phone. “I love you.”

Hunter could hear Logan take a few short, deep breaths.

“Logan, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please,” Hunter continued. “Say something. I’ll be better, I swear. I’ll do anything for you, I can’t lose you.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Logan said, and let out a pained whimper followed by short, quick breaths.

Hunter’s sobs filled the room, a raw expression of his lack of control. “Logan, please, don’t cry. It hurts to hear you cry. Don’t do this. Please, I’m sorry. I am so sorry. Look, I—I can’t handle this. I can’t handle any of this without you.”

“I’m sorry. I wish things were different. I gotta go.”

“No, please. Lo, please. I love you so much. Don’t leave me like this. I’ll get on a flight tomorrow. I’ll move to Cali—whatever you want. I’ll do it,” Hunter begged, not holding back his gasps for air. “Please, baby.”

The call ended. Clutching his phone like it was Logan, Hunter collapsed onto his bed, letting out deep, long wails into his pillow. The piercing cries gave way to frantic, shallow breaths. His head throbbed as the room spun out of control. He lost count of how many times he called him and how many texts he sent; short texts, long texts, angry texts, desperate texts—until they stopped going through.

***

The next couple of days dragged on for Hunter, each one feeling like an eternity. Neil came over on Sunday night after trying to get Hunter to go out that day.

“I’m just not feeling it,” Hunter said, handing Neil a bottle of water and plopping down next to him on the couch.

“Thanks. This weed is strong. My cotton mouth is serious right now. You should take some for the week,” Neil said, leaving a small bag on the coffee table.

“Nah. I don’t like feeling high all the time. That shit slows me down,” Hunter said.

Neil lined up cocaine on the coffee table. “Take a bump.”

“Nah, man. I’m good.”

“You haven’t been up to shit lately. Whatever it is you’re going through, you’ll feel better,” Neil said, before clearing the line in one swift movement. “I’ll leave this for you—just in case.”