Chapter 13

thirteen

ADELE

The air in the car was tense—but not in a bad way. Adele felt like he was standing off the edge of a cliff, ready to jump. He had no idea what was at the bottom, but he realized he didn’t care. He was ready to take the risk. He was ready to see if he could fly.

The drive home felt longer than the drive to the ferry. Kash’s muscles began to relax about ten minutes after they disembarked, and now, he was snoring softly with his cheek pressed against the window. Adele fought the urge to reach out and brush fingers through his hair. It was hard not to touch him whenever he wanted, but it was easy to give in when Kash was opening up to him.

And that was happening.

He knew there had been a moment on the ferry. He knew Kash understood what Adele was offering, and he’d accepted. He could only pray now that Kash didn’t change his mind when they got in. His heart was in his throat as he turned the car onto their street, and as he slowed to a stop at the stop sign, he reached out and ran fingers over Kash’s cheek.

He twitched.

“We’re almost at the house,” Adele said softly.

Lately, Kash had been jolting awake like he was being chased by a chainsaw murderer, but this time, he groaned, and his eyes fluttered open. He licked his lips, then sat up and turned to face Adele as he started driving forward.

“Shit. I slept the whole way?”

Adele chuckled as he pulled into the driveway and put the car in park. “Yeah. You obviously needed it.”

Kash rubbed his eyes, then offered him a sheepish look. “Sorry.”

Adele raised a brow at him before turning the engine off and getting out. He didn’t bother with their things. He could unpack later. Right now, he wanted to get Kash inside and get that bath going. He wanted more than a long soak, but he also knew Kash needed the warm water.

His legs were moving a little easier, but Adele could see the effort it was taking to put one foot in front of the other. He slid his arm around Kash’s waist and took some of his weight.

“I’m okay.”

“Indulge me,” Adele murmured as he got the door open and helped Kash over the lip. He’d need to even that out soon. And they’d need a ramp for the back deck. And he’d need to figure out more than a shower stool for Kash.

There was a lot to be done, but at least it gave his mind something to focus on other than his desperate desire to get Kash naked, hard, and panting beneath him. Though he wasn’t giving up on that goal anytime soon.

“Let me get the water started,” Adele said as he stopped at Kash’s room. “You can soak while I fix us something to eat.”

“I—” Kash said like he was going to protest, but his stomach interrupted with a loud rumble.

Adele grinned at him. “You were saying?”

“Shut up,” Kash said, shoving at him.

Adele burst into laughter, his heart warm in his chest. He swayed in close and kept his voice low. “You know me better than that.”

Kash let out a long, slow breath. “Yeah. I guess I do.”

Reaching up, Adele cupped his cheek, stroking his thumb along some of the freckles dotting Kash’s skin. There was another moment of almost—then two. He could have crossed the line there. He could have kissed him.

But the time wasn’t right.

Pulling back, he ignored the swooping feeling in his stomach when he swore he saw disappointment flood Kash’s gaze. Still, he didn’t want to get his hopes up before he was sure. “Get undressed. I’m going to get the water going so the salts can dissolve.”

Kash opened his mouth like he was going to protest, then closed it and nodded.

Adele took that as a victory, turning away before he did something like ruin it all by pinning Kash to the wall and drawing an orgasm out of him with long, lush pulls of his hand down the front of Kash’s pants.

His own cock twitched at the thought, but he ignored it as he walked into his bedroom, grimaced at the mess, then decided he didn’t give a shit enough to do anything about it. His tub was sparkling clean from the last time Gage was trying to use chores to weasel money out of him for a date, so he turned the water on, then rummaged around in his cupboard for his bag of Epsom salts.

He had plain, and he had lavender. He had a feeling Kash would like the ones with the soothing scent. He needed to relax more than anything, so Adele set the plug, then dumped in several generous handfuls. The water immediately began to cloud, and he added one of his unused bath bombs to the mix.

The room began to warm up with the water, and he took a deep breath before turning, and he froze in his tracks when he saw Kash there in nothing but his robe. The neck was open in a wide V, and the front was tented with his erection. Adele’s mouth went dry.

How was he supposed to focus on anything else besides him?

Adele cleared his throat and stepped closer to Kash, offering his hand. Kash took it, leaning on him hard as he made his way toward the tub. His feet and calves were obviously stiff but not as bad as they had been right after his fall.

Progress, Adele supposed. Or maybe it wasn’t. He didn’t know nearly enough about what Kash was going through, and he was determined to change that too.

“Thanks.” Kash’s voice was small and soft and so unlike him. But Adele wasn’t sure that was a bad thing. Not with the way Kash was looking at him. “Do you want to get in now? I can worry about food later.”

Adele shook his head with a smile. In truth, he needed a moment to get control of himself. He eased Kash to the little bench beside the tub and waited for him to sit. “Give me fifteen minutes at most. I’ll throw something together, and we can relax in the water.”

Kash looked at him for a long beat. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because I love you,” Adele said without a second of hesitation. “You’re my favorite person in the whole world, and I’m never happier than when I’m with you. ”

Kash swallowed heavily. He looked like he had a hundred questions, and frankly, Adele would have answered them all. But he didn’t ask. He nodded, then took off his robe and swung around until he could slide his legs into the water.

Adele lingered only until he was sure Kash was safely on his backside, then turned and fled like he had Satan himself at his heels. And with the sins he wanted to commit with that man and his body, he wasn’t entirely sure he was off the mark.

He bypassed the kitchen and slid into the guest bathroom, shutting the door with a soft click and turning the lock. No one else was home, and no one was meant to be home, but he’d made that mistake more than once, and he couldn’t risk it this time.

He had to get himself off if he was going to manage getting naked and into a tub with Kash. Dropping the zipper on his jeans, Adele braced his hand on the wall and held his dick over the shower lip. Closing his eyes, all he had to do was conjure the round globes of Kash’s naked ass on the bench, and he was fully hard again.

“Fuck,” he whispered as he began to stroke. “Kash, Kash .” His name tumbled from his lips somewhere between a curse and a prayer. He wanted him so badly every atom in his body ached. He could feel the echo of Kash’s body writhing against his. He could taste his skin on the edges of his tongue, hear the faint ghost of his moans as Adele got him off. He could picture him almost perfectly behind his closed lids, sitting on the shower bench with his legs spread and his cock fat and full.

His hand sped up as he chased his orgasm.

“ Adele ,” the Kash in his mind whispered. “ I want you. I need you… ”

Fucking hell, he was so close.

“ I’m in love with you .”

The imaginary words pierced his core, sending him flying toward ecstasy. His elbow burned as his hand moved, and he bit back a cry as he spilled onto the shower floor in hot bursts. His breathing was coming in shallow gasps, and it took him a moment to recover before he turned on the water and washed away the evidence.

He was still faintly trembling when he zipped himself back up, and he took a quick glance in the mirror and was startled to find the old man looking back at him. Was it lack of sleep that made his eyes so wrinkled in the corners? Was it all the current stress making the hair at his temples go grey?

He turned away from his reflection, moving into the kitchen, and he was relieved he’d only been in the bathroom a couple of minutes. He didn’t have time for a whole feast, but he found enough to make a mini snack tray, and he added a couple of glasses of ice water before heading to his bedroom.

In spite of having just come so hard he saw stars, Adele still felt on edge. His skin was sensitive, and he felt needy, like the only thing that could settle him was being held. He did his best to shove that thought away, hip-checking the bathroom door open, and he let out a small sigh of relief when he found Kash awake and scrolling on his phone like nothing in the world was wrong.

“I have munchies,” Adele said, setting the tray down on the bench.

Kash let his phone tip off the side of the tub and clatter to the floor. “I think I’m actually starving.”

Adele rolled his eyes and reached for the hem of his shirt, grateful he’d rubbed one out so his hard-on might take a break and let blood flow to his brain. At least for a little while. He could still feel the thrum of desire rushing through his veins when he looked at Kash’s naked chest.

The tinted water lapped at his chest, swirling his dark hair, playing with his nipples, which were peaked. Adele’s mouth watered with the need to put his lips on him, and he quickly glanced away as he shimmied out of his pants and kicked them to the side.

He heard a soft intake of breath, but he deliberately didn’t look at Kash’s face as he stepped both feet into the warm water and settled down.

“Let me—” Kash said, grunting as he pulled himself up into a seated position.

In spite of the tub’s size, two grown men were a tight squeeze, but Adele didn’t hate the fact that Kash’s legs settled around his. He felt cocooned and warm, and even with the faucet digging into his shoulder, he had never felt more comfortable.

“Food,” Kash said.

His demand broke Adele’s tense mood, and he laughed, tugging the little stool closer so Kash could reach it. “Every crumb, young man.”

Kash rolled his eyes as he piled a table cracker high with meat and cheese. He chewed slowly, head leaning back against the wall, eyes closed in pleasure. It wasn’t the same expression he got when Adele had his hand on his dick, but it was close enough to make his own twitch beneath the opaque water.

He willed himself to stay soft. At least for the moment. He wanted Kash to soak longer, to eat more, to rest his body so whatever they did after this wouldn’t take such a huge toll .

Adele wanted to be a thousand things for him, but the one thing he’d never tolerate was being a burden.

“You have your thinky face on,” Kash pointed out.

Adele sighed and shrugged, easing lower into the water. It wasn’t as warm as before, but it was tolerable. “I’m sorry about today.”

Kash choked on a cracker and reached for his water, taking a huge gulp before he asked, “You’re apologizing to me ? What the fuck for?”

“I should have thought about what might happen if things got bad and chosen a different thing for us to do.”

“No,” Kash said, his voice stern like it had been earlier that day. His eyes were hard and almost angry. “You don’t get to take that from me. You promised me on the boat we would not give up beach days.”

“Kash—”

“No,” he interrupted again. “I’ve already lost so much to this damn disorder, and there’s a lot I’ll never get back thanks to it.” He gestured angrily at his legs. “I’ll never be able to fully relax. I’ll never be able to step out of the house—even on a good day—without having plan B, C, D, fucking XYZ in case shit goes south. But I’m not going to give up everything that makes me happy because you don’t want to deal with it.”

Adele sat up, the water sloshing around them. Some tumbled over the edge, but he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit about the mess. “That’s not what I’m talking about!”

“Then why? Why are you always so fucking hesitant with me? Why are you treating me like I’m a glass vase full of spiderweb cracks?”

Adele felt like he’d been punched in the sternum. “I’m not trying to. That’s…I didn’t mean…”

“Yeah,” Kash said. He turned his gaze away. “I guess that’s the shitty part about people trying to be well-meaning all the time, but I didn’t come here to be babied. I came here because I wanted to be with the person who encouraged me to climb buildings without a net under me. The guy who dared me to jump from the roof into the pool?—”

“You shattered your elbow when you hit the edge! Bowen had to haul you out of the water!” Adele said, but there was something growing in his chest. Something warm. Something understanding. Guilt was behind it because he hadn’t realized how bad he’d been with Kash, but it wasn’t something he couldn’t fix.

Kash looked like he was trying to hide a smile, then lost because it bloomed over his face, lighting him up. “It hurt so fucking bad.”

“You cried for your mom,” Adele reminded him. “You never cried for your mom.”

“I didn’t actually want her. I wanted you.”

Adele sucked in a breath, then shifted himself forward until his knees were pressed to the bottom of the tub on either side of Kash’s knees. He braced himself on his best friend’s shoulders, hovering over him. The air was too cold against his back, but he could barely feel it. “You had me. I was there. I didn’t leave your side.”

“I know. You never left…”

“Until I did,” Adele said quietly.

Kash shook his head. “ You didn’t leave. I did.”

Adele moved his hand to cup the side of Kash’s cheek and held his gaze. “You and I both know I was the one who checked out. I was a coward.”

Kash licked his lips. “What were you afraid of?”

Adele wanted to tell him. He knew the words. They were lodged in his chest and begging to be released, but he couldn’t make his tongue move to say them. Instead, he dropped his head and kissed Kash for everything he was worth.

It was the first time. For all their fooling around and telling each other that touching dicks was just practice, they had never kissed. Adele had never crossed that line. But in this moment, he had obliterated it.

Kash sucked in a startled breath, but just before Adele panicked and pulled back to apologize, he wrapped his arms around Adele’s waist and dragged him down into the water. It spilled over the sides of the tub as his mouth opened and their tongues tangled. Kash tasted like salt and spit and butter from the crackers. His breath was warm, and his tongue was thick and lush as it pushed against his own.

Adele moaned loudly as he kissed and let himself be kissed. He lost himself to the sensation of Kash’s lips dancing against his, hands rubbing up and down his sides—restless like they didn’t know where to land.

And he was happy. Fucking hell, he was so goddamn happy.

Kash’s erection rubbed along Adele’s lower stomach as he rocked his hips, and he let out a chest-deep groan as he kissed Adele harder—deeper, desperate. Adele opened to him, his heart in his open palms, an offering to Kash because no one else would ever be allowed to take it.

It was him or no one at all.

“More,” Kash said. “Touch me. Please, please touch me. I’ve been fantasizing about this all fucking day.”

Adele’s head was spinning, but he had enough sense to slot their hips together and press their dicks into the circle of his fingers. He was hard now, like he hadn’t gotten off ten minutes before, and the edges of his vision were white .

“Like that?”

“Yes. Shit,” Kash gasped. “Uhg, my fucking hips won’t move.”

Adele leaned in, sucking gently against his hammering pulse. “That’s not you. It’s the tub. Let me do this for you. Let me give it to you.”

“Yes, yes,” Kash chanted.

Adele’s arm was still a little sore from his solo session, but he ignored the pain as he sped up, feeling the way Kash’s body was getting warmer, the way he was writhing, the way his chest was hitching with every inhale.

“Come on,” Adele whispered against his ear before moving his mouth to take another kiss.

Kash’s nostrils flared, and Adele knew he was close. He squeezed down, letting his own dick go so he could give his full attention to Kash’s. He gripped the tip, then slid all the way down toward his balls, and Kash’s back arched, and he cried out softly as his cock pulsed, and then he came.

He settled back with a shudder as Adele let him go and pressed a hand between his own legs. He wasn’t going to come, but he rocked against his palm for a moment until the urge passed. Half-hard still, he sat back and looked down into Kash’s face. He looked dazed and uncertain, and Adele hated that.

“Tell me you don’t regret this,” he whispered.

Kash swallowed heavily. “I don’t. But…”

Adele wanted to fucking scream. “But?”

Kash hesitated, then said, “Can we get out and talk?”

Those words were certain death. He knew that. No regrets, but no way forward. Adele knew he’d given himself entirely away, so he couldn’t pretend he was giving Kash a hand with something he couldn’t take care of himself. This was it .

He’d leapt, flown, and now he was falling.

It was all over before it had a chance to get started. He should have taken his time, damn it. He should have stuck with the plan to woo Kash until he couldn’t see straight.

But like always, he fucked it up.

“Please don’t make that face,” Kash said quietly. He reached a hand up and touched the edge of Adele’s jaw. “I’m not saying I didn’t want it. But things are complicated. I can’t…I can’t do this if we don’t talk about what it is.”

Adele’s heart settled in his chest. It was hope. It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no. He would cling to that for the rest of his life if he had to. “Okay, yeah. Let’s talk. You get dressed, and I’ll make us a space to get comfortable in the living room.”

Kash’s face softened. “Thank you.”

Adele nodded, stepping out of the tub and reaching for his towel. He wrapped it around his waist so Kash didn’t need to feel awkward about staring at his dick, and then he offered both hands to his friend. “You know I’ll do anything for you, right?”

Kash’s eyes cast down as he eased out of the tub and sat carefully on the edge of the stool without disturbing the snack tray. “I do know that. I’ve always known that.”

What Adele couldn’t figure out was why that sounded like it was a problem. But he supposed that was one thing he could put on the list because by the time the night was over, he was determined to have it all out on the table. Kash would finally understand how he felt, and then the ball would be in his court.

There was nothing else to be done.

“Do you need help?”

Kash shook his head. “I can make it from here. Living room in ten? ”

Adele hesitated, then dipped down and waited for permission to kiss him. After a beat, Kash gave a slight nod, and Adele pressed their lips together. It was nothing like their kisses from before. It was uncertain and shy. But it was something.

He basked in the taste of his friend, and only after he was halfway satisfied did he ease back. “See you in a few.” Then, turning on his heel, he left before he cracked and changed his mind about everything.