Chapter 58

"I wish it were you who had died."

The nightmare keeps replaying in my mind, like a slow-motion movie on repeat, over and over, again and again.

"I wish you were never born."

I'm pulled out of my daze when something wet lands on my wrist, and I try to see what it is, but my vision's blurred, and I realize I'm crying. In the middle of class. Great.

I wipe at my eyes, clearing them just in time to see Sammy motioning toward me. A second later, Jace is beside me, one arm on the chair behind my back, the other resting on my thigh. His gaze searches mine, the sympathy in his stare only making things worse.

He doesn't speak.

He rarely has the past twenty-four hours.

After he was done with classes yesterday, he came right over to my house. I could hear him talking to my dad downstairs, asking how I was and if he could do anything for us. I couldn't make out Dad's answer, but it didn't really matter. There was nothing anyone could do. Moments later, Jace had joined me in my bed, silently holding me, and we remained that way until we left for school this morning. The only time he left my side was to grab food and made sure I actually ate it.

"I think I need to go home," I tell him now.

He's already halfway out of his chair when he replies, "I'll take you."

"You have practice," Sammy reminds him, and he responds with a shrug.

"Tell Jonah to let Coach know I had to go."

There's an emptiness in my chest I've never felt before. A heartache so strong it's… isolating. The world passes me in a whoosh as Jace drives me home, and I wish he'd say something. Anything to drown out the voices in my head.

"I wish it were you who had died."

He veers off the main road sooner than necessary, but I don't ask him where he's taking me until we're there. A hundred yards from where he parked the car is the natural spring they all took me to for my birthday.

I turn to Jace, my eyes alone speaking for me.

Jace shrugs. "It made you happy… last time we were here," he says, but all I can hear is:

"I wish you were never born."

"I just want to go home, Jace."

Without a word, he puts the car in gear and takes off again. A half hour later, we're back at my house.

"You want me to come in with you?" It's the first time he's ever asked.

And for the first time ever, I tell him, "No."