Chapter 53

"What are you on right now?" Sammy asks. "And can I have some?"

"I'm not on anything," I reply, staring out the window as she drives me home from brunch. I catch my own goofy grin in the reflection and laugh at myself.

"You're definitely on something," Jeannie chimes in.

"I'm high on life," I lie.

Sammy gasps, and I switch my attention to her. "Jace told you he loved you!"

"How could you tell?!"

My friends squeal in response, and I melt into mush in the back seat of their car.

"Did you say it back?" Sammy asks, and she's yelling, her excitement for me only escalating my own.

"Of course she did. Look at her," Jeannie answers for me, and she's not wrong.

I did say it back, a thousand times over. And then we kissed—a thousand times more than the amount of times we shared those three little words. Soon enough, those kisses turned heated, and we'd stripped down to nothing, whispering those words against each other's skin, and we were so close. So close to sealing that love in the most beautiful way… until we both realized that my dad was in the next room, and it felt weird and wrong, and so we put it off with the promise of soon. Personally, I couldn't wait. Then Jace asked why his face was burning, and I realized amid all our declarations that I'd applied a mask to his face that I should've washed off twenty minutes ago.

He looked like a peeled orange when he left for work this morning, and I couldn't stop laughing, and he couldn't stop glaring at me. Until I reminded him that he couldn't be mad at me because I loved him and he loved me.

"Earth to Harlow," Sammy sings, pulling me from my daze. "Dang, girl, your cheeks must hurt with that big of a smile."

"They do," I agree.

"So, tell us everything!" Jeannie squeals, sitting up on her knees, facing me. "I bet the sex afterward was insane."

Sammy smacks her cousin. "Sit down, you little horn bag."

I giggle. "He wants me to go with him."

"To college?" Jeannie asks.

I nod.

"Where?"

"He's still undecided right now, but I don't care where he goes." We'd ended last night the way we do most nights—me in his arms while he held me close. Only the TV wasn't on and he wasn't playing games on his Switch. We just lay in the darkness and made plans for our future. He'd most likely have to live on campus for the first year, and so we'd look for a room for me to rent nearby. "It shouldn't be too hard to find a decent one in college towns," he'd said, and I'd agreed. Though I didn't really care where I slept. I'd sleep in his van if it meant being near him, and I told him as much, which led to us being naked for the second time, and him between my legs, and then Dad coughed—perfect timing—and Jace pulled away so fast he almost fell off the bed.

"So, you're leaving us?" Sammy asks now, glaring at me in the rearview. "I mean, yay! We're so happy for you!"

"Ignore her," Jeannie says, rolling her eyes. "She's just jealous because she can't wait to get off the compound."

"Hey, since you'll be leaving with Jace, maybe I can take your room." Sammy smiles at me through the mirror, and I already know what's coming before she even says it. "Get real close with Daddy Greene!"

Even seeing Mom's car in the driveway isn't enough to pull me down from my high. After saying goodbye to my friends, I hop out of the car and enter the house as quietly as possible so I don't wake her.

I climb the stairs quickly, ready to crawl back into bed and text Jace a million messages that all read the same:

I love you

I love you

I love you

Before I can make it into my room, I hear Mom talking from the other side of her closed bedroom door. "I'm just packing some clothes," she says, and I pause with one hand on the doorknob to listen intently. "Well, I can't just pack up my entire wardrobe and leave it bare. That's a little obvious."

Eyes narrowed in confusion, I tiptoe to her room as quietly as possible, hold my ear an inch from the door.

"I have to go, though. I still want to shower and get out of here before Harlow gets home from school." … "Yeah, it's so hard to be around her these days." … "Oh, you know. New beginnings, but the same old Harlow." … "She's acting out again… fucking the boy next door and God knows who else."

My stomach turns, drops to my feet, and I close my eyes to stop the tears from forming.

"Okay, I love you," Mom says, and my eyes snap open. "I'll be home soon."

Home?

Her footsteps near, and I rush into my room, hide out in the closet.

Home?

It doesn't make sense. This is her home. This is why we moved here, so she could be closer to work. Right? My eyes widen when reality hits, and I rest against the wall, finding it hard to stay upright. I don't know why I was so caught up on the word home, when her previous statement should have been the outlier. She said I love you, and I know she wasn't talking to Dad. Because even though Dad had scolded her in the past when he'd overheard her make hurtful comments to me, she would never be so blatant with him, so crass as to refer to me as fuckingthe boy next door.

Devastation swirls, forming a knot in my stomach, and I can't seem to breathe. There's oxygen in my lungs, I know there is, but it's being held hostage, because I know what I need to do.

I just don't want to do it.

Through the closet walls, I hear the pipes clank, then water flow through them, and I close my eyes again, try to breathe through the pain.

As quietly as possible, I leave the safety of my closet, creep out of the room and into the hallway, and resume my position just outside her door. I listen for any sounds other than the shower running, and when enough time passes and I'm sure Mom's occupied, I open the door.

I find her phone charging on the nightstand and pick it up. Everyone in my family has the same PIN for everything. Same password too. My parents set everything up when Harley and I were kids, and we just never bothered to change them. We had nothing to hide. If Mom's PIN is the same, then she has nothing to hide… right? I enter the PIN and watch in amazement as the phone unlocks. One more glance over my shoulder at the bathroom door, and then I focus on the phone again, my heart in my throat, and tap into the recent call log.

I somehow manage to mute my gasp, and carefully replace the phone as silently as possible.

I save my tears for when I'm back in my closet, the closed door blocking out the rest of the world. It feels like day one again—lying on the floor, clinging to my dead brother's jacket, wondering how and why and where it all went wrong.

The difference between then and now is that I know the answer.

Jace once told me that pain is the price we pay for love. That I'm nothing but a victim of loving the right person through the wrong times, all with the hope that there's light at the end of the darkness.

I know he was referring to my mother when he said this, and he was right. I've always loved her. No matter what she said or did to me, I never once felt an ounce of hatred in my heart for her. I've made excuses for her, just like everyone else.

She's grieving.

She's grieving.

She's grieving.

I've waited and waited and waited for the light at the end of the darkness, but I know the truth now, deep in my heart… There will never be light with her… not when she is the darkness.

With bated breath, I remain in the closet, my cries silent so I can stay unnoticed and listen out for when she leaves. It only takes ten minutes for her to shower, pack whatever clothes she needed, and leave her family behind.

As soon as I'm sure she's gone, I sit up, wipe at the endless tears that won't fucking quit, and find the number for her work.

Determined, I dial the number—the first step of putting my plan in place. If I'm going to do this, then I want all the information I can gather.

The call connects on the fourth ring, and I smile into the phone, hoping it will transfer in the tone of my voice. "Hi, I'm Harlow. I'm Marcella Greene's daughter. I wanted to surprise her with some flowers and was hoping you could tell me if she's there today. I haven't been able to see her lately with school and work and all…"

The woman on the other end loves this for my mom; she tells me so herself. She's also surprised that mother dearest has a daughter because she's never mentioned me before. No surprise there. But, "She's not working today, but she's back on shift tomorrow morning."

Morning?She works nights. She has since we moved here. "Does she rotate shifts at all? I know she did back in Dallas, so I wasn't sure if it was the same there."

She thinks a moment, before answering, "She worked nights for about a month when she first started, just until the position she was hired for became vacant, but your mom's the chief nurse for the day shift, so that's her regular schedule now."

"Okay, thank you!" I say so cheerfully it makes me sick. "And again, I want it to be a surprise, so please don't mention this to her."

"You got it."

I hang up, my mind reeling, trying to catch up to all the lies my mom has spewed so effortlessly. I pull up her contact for the first time in months and send her a text:

Harlow

Hey Mom. I know you've been working a lot and you're really busy, but I've started cooking since we moved here, and I'd love to make you dinner sometime… to say thank you for everything. Maybe Sunday night? I get off work at five, if you can be here around six?

I hold the phone to my chest, can feel my heart pulsing against my ribcage. It seems like forever before she responds.

Mom

ok

I swallow my nerves, my hands shaking as I reply.

Harlow

Great. See you then!

And then I throw her a lie, to avenge all the ones she's given us.

Harlow

I love you

I fall into a heap on my bed, wondering how it is I went from the best day of my life to one of the absolute worst.

My mom is having an affair.

With my uncle.

My dad's brother.

The same man who helped us move here.

The same man who got a transfer to the same city where my mom works.

Not only are they having an affair, but they're living together.

And my dad has no idea.

And the worst part?

The part that breaks my heart in two?

I'm going to have to be the one to tell him.