12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Aydan

Jayce had been living with the pack for two weeks now, and despite the time we spent together at my home, entwined in each other's arms, he was avoiding me in public. It seemed I was the only person he was keeping at arm's length. And I got it, I did. But I also hated it with a burning passion.

I wasn't going to push. Not when I couldn't offer him more than what we had. And the thing was, I wanted to. But it would be cruel, cruel in a way I never could be with him. It would be one thing going into an arrangement where neither of us cared and when a fated came along all would be right in the world. Only feelings were in the way, and the end would crush us all if we allowed ourselves to pretend this was more.

Why couldn't this be more.

Despite all of that, Jayce was doing so well. Every time I turned around, I learned about some new project or program Jayce had proposed and was helping to organize. The den had tentative plans for next month's Harvest Moon gathering, including a harvest festival with pumpkins and a homemade catapult. The idea sounded over-the-top to me, but Jayce had talked with someone from Greycoast who had an overabundance of pumpkins and was willing to trade for them. Though we had no immediate need for the pumpkins, they were here now, and two of my den members were constructing a catapult, citing there were only so many pies that could be eaten.

The whole thing seemed preposterous, but it was doing wonders for the den. People were excited, planning events and collaborating. There was a buzz of excitement in the air. Jayce was a natural leader, and though I found our leadership styles quite different, his approach was clearly effective.

Unlike me, he wasn't top down. He listened and sort of helped guide people to where they wanted to be. It was hard to explain, and I didn't see how I could do the same, but it worked for him, and honestly, really amazed me. He was constantly doing that—amazing me. Not a day went by when I didn't ask the goddess why he couldn't be mine, hoping that they would change their mind and he suddenly could be. If only that were possible.

"Alpha." Finnegan had me snapping me back to the present where I was having lunch with him, as I did every other day.

I knew that eventually, I would need to let this omega down gently, but it was sadly political too, and I needed to tread lightly. The tentative partnership we had planned wasn't going to work. He knew about Aydan. We hadn't had a full-on conversation about it, but he did. And not for a second did I do anything that resembled more than friendship with the omega. But the understanding that this was the expectation for us was still there.

I was in a horrible position. His brother came here to mate my Corey, and when that fell flat—well, it put the pack in a really crappy position. This was both Finnegan's and my way of smoothing that out, and I supposed it was working.

"I need to be honest with you," he said.

"Of course, Finnegan. Whatever you need to say, you can."

The diner was pretty much empty now, and we had the place to ourselves. We could speak freely.

"I don't think any sort of partnership between the two of us is going to work out." Thank gods he said something. If I had been the first, the pack might've had to deal with backlash. This was good. This was very very good.

"Oh." I leaned forward slightly and lowered my voice. "You know it too?"

"I've known for quite a while," Finnegan said, blushing. "And honestly, I've only been coming to lunch with you so that I could spend time at the diner."

Things started to tick into place. He rarely even talked to me when he came, always preoccupied with the kitchen. Had we truly wanted to be together it would've upset me, but I'd actually been pretty grateful for it because we had nothing to talk about. Not really.

His gaze flicked toward the kitchen, where Patrick was working with his earbuds in. "Ah." I finally put the pieces that had been staring me in the face together. "That is interesting. Does Patrick know about your… intentions?"

Finnegan shook his head, and a wave of guilt hit me. Why hadn't I seen this? A good Alpha would have.

"Well, you don't need to use me as an excuse to be at this diner."

His eyes opened wide.

"Your job is on the computer, right? You work from home?"

Finnegan nodded.

"I know the apartment you live in is kind of cramped, and right now the best Wi-Fi in the territory is here in this diner. There's no reason you couldn't bring your laptop here to work. If you did that, surely a certain bear would take notice."

"You aren't giving me false hope, are you, Alpha?" Finnegan's eyes sparkled. He wanted this, and I wanted it for him. Even if Jayce hadn't come, it would be true. He was a nice guy, he just wasn't my nice guy.

I grinned.

"I wouldn't do that to you. Finnegan, if you think something is there and it's worth pursuing, then do that. The rest is up to you and him. I'm sorry that I didn't see it sooner."

"Thank you, Alpha," Finnegan said. "I was nervous about saying something and I shouldn't have been. You and I were both here because we thought it was best for the den, and that's great and all, but maybe… just maybe it's time to think about what's best for us."

"You are officially much too smart for me."

He beamed.

"Want me to play matchmaker?"

His body froze, his cheeks redder by the second. "No. That… I don't think… it would… no."

"So, no then?" He'd never lost his words with me before.

It was adorable how into Patrick he was. Now that he spoke of it freely, he didn't even pretend to disguise it. We spent the rest of lunch talking about the alpha, or rather me listening to him talk about him, and then I told him about Jayce.

"Glad you finally told me. But the real question is, are you going to do anything about it?"

"I can't." I told him my reasons, and the more I explained my reasoning, the more Finnegan rolled his eyes.

"Don't ruin a good thing, Alpha," was the last he said on that, and he was right.

We finished up our food, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Now that I was politically unattached, I needed to find Jayce. Finnegan was right. I was ruining a good thing. If fate decided to fuck with me, so be it. I was going to keep what I had for as long as I had it.

I eventually tracked him down at the healing clinic.

When I walked in, Jayce was sitting on the counter, his legs swinging. "Wouldn't it make more sense for you to be in an exam room?" I asked.

He jumped when he saw me. "You scared me half to death!"

"Seriously, though, why are you sitting on the counter? Wouldn't it make more sense to be in an exam room?"

"Nah, this is more fun. People come in and out. I get to say hello."

Rissa came out of the back room holding a vial and a little box. They had been investigating ways to help get rid of the scent, and I hadn't realized they found one. Skunks tended to keep that shit secret. Why give people access to the secrets of your weapons and all that.

"All done," they said, handing him the vial. "Drink this tonight with a cup of tea, then go to sleep, and everything will be fine. It'll take time. The first thing you'll notice is your own sense of smell returning. After that, the skunk scent will start to fade, and your own scent will come back."

"Oh, thank goodness."

"I hardly notice it anymore," I said. "I might even miss it when it's gone."

He shot me a doubtful glare. "You will not. I hate not being able to scent anything. If I ever meet that skunk again—"

"You won't do anything or you'll be right back here drinking this tea," Rissa said.

"I didn't hustle him. He had no right to spray me," Jayce said. "That's why he came after me in the first place—he thought I was cheating."

Rissa's tone shifted. "I need you to take a pregnancy test."

Jayce stilled. "Why, is this not safe if I'm pregnant?"

That wasn't my question, not at all. Now everything inside me needed to know the results of said test. And goddess help me, I wanted it to be positive. What was wrong with me?

"No, you'll still take the same thing, but there are a few herbs in that potion that can deplete some minerals you'll need if you're pregnant. So we'll put you on a vitamin regimen if you are pregnant."

"Oh, all right." Jace took the box and went to the restroom.

Pregnancy was not something that had occurred to me until now. He and I had been careful, and there were times I hated it. Condoms were like admitting that we never wanted to be more. And the truth was, we both did. It just hadn't been in the cards. And I wasn't sure it was now, but I was going to try.

I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of a cub that was a mix of me and Jayce. Would our children turn out more serious or a little chaotic like him? I kind of thought chaotic might be nice. It wasn't the first time my mind wandered there, either.

"Dreaming, Alpha?"

"What's that?" I said, my gaze snapping to Rissa.

Jayce came out. "All's good. The trash was full, so I bundled it up. I'll take it out for you." He grabbed the vial and left. "Thanks, Rissa," he shouted as he walked out the door.

What the heck was that about?