10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Aydan

Being Alpha of any den was incredibly stressful, and it made for difficult times when I had to have tough conversations with my den members. I had never been ashamed of how I handled situations before. I didn't mean to be boastful, but I thought I did quite well as an Alpha—until today. Now I was second-guessing everything.

Today, my behavior didn't exemplify the kind of Alpha I wanted to be, and because of that, I felt lower than dirt. Jayce hadn't been off base when he called me a dick. I sure as shit was acting like one with him. Even as the words came out of my mouth, I could see it, but did I stop? No, I kept doubling down like a… like a dick.

I owed Jayce an apology or twenty and pie or steak or fish. Yeah, fish would do. His bear loved them, my bear loved catching them for him, and there was no mistaking the hostility rolling off his beast pretty much from the time I walked into the diner.

The worst part was, I deserved it.

Even if we hadn't been together the night before, my behavior would have been unacceptable. The fact that we had shared that time together and I had treated him so poorly was unforgivable. Leaving his bed was shitty, but then accusing him of… gods, I was worse than he said and the antithesis of who I wanted to be.

I had some groveling to do, but how did one go about that? I first stopped at the flower shop to pick up a fresh bouquet of seasonal flowers. Or rather, I passed by the flower shop, thinking a bouquet might be in order. But if I bought flowers, I'd be asked why I needed them and who they were for. My den was a nosy one. Still, I thought Jayce might appreciate flowers, so I headed toward the woods instead. The last time I'd gone for a run, we had passed a meadow with wildflowers.

Picking them would show it was more than just an empty gesture, right? I had to go with that because he for sure didn't need the entire pack up in his business. It was bad enough they probably all knew about our argument in the diner. And calling the Alpha a dick was unacceptable, but there was no way they'd be on my side in that one. Nor should they be. I deserved all of their judgment. All of it.

I knew it wasn't good practice to pick wildflowers—they needed to go to seed and spread to ensure more wildflowers in the future. But I figured a few wouldn't hurt, and I could order some seed to help. I found some tiger lilies, daisies, and black-eyed Susans. It wasn't the most beautiful bouquet, but it would do.

When I stepped into my house, it was quiet. Almost too quiet. He wasn't here.

I put the flowers in water and then went in search of Jayce. It wasn't hard to find him. He was with my brother at his house, bouncing my niece Willow on his knee and smiling widely. He didn't see me, the glass door between us, and that was for the better. I'd come without a plan, and I needed one.

Watching him with my niece was mesmerizing. I might've hurt him—no, I fully did, but the sweet cub could cheer up the Grinch pre-his heart growing back.

Watching him, I was at a loss for words. For a moment, he looked so happy that I could almost picture him with a child of his own, one with his eyes and my hair. I shook that thought away. I had plans, and finding my fated mate wasn't one of them. And unlike with other pack members or arrangements, I could easily fall for Jayce, making it a thousand times more difficult when one of us did find our true mate.

Why couldn't he be my fated?

I hated it, but Jayce wasn't my fated mate. I would know. It wasn't like fate kept that a secret. Besides, he wasn't the kind of mate I thought I needed—certainly not the kind who would help me run this den. Sure, he was hot and made me smile, but that wasn't enough.

The thing was, it had only been two days since Jayce arrived, and already he had integrated himself into the den and made himself a valuable contributing member. He was nothing like what I needed, but he was what the den did. He'd spent the entire day yesterday getting to know everyone, and today, when I thought he was merely collecting phone numbers from alphas, he was actually solving problems and offering help where it was needed. I felt both jealous and incredibly proud.

Mostly jealous which was a huge problem, one I was going to have to deal with after I managed the current problem at hand, the one requiring groveling. Much, much groveling.

"Oh, you've got it bad," Zane said, startling me. I jumped. When did he get here?

"I do not." I was a liar pants. "He's Corey's friend and a pain in the ass. Plus, he smells like a skunk."

I added that last bit without thinking. The skunk smell had become familiar since we'd spent so much time together. I actually didn't hate it that much anymore.

"I never mentioned Jayce. Why did your mind immediately go there?" Zane grinned. Jackass.

He caught me. Of course he did. He could always see me. It was the reason we'd been such good friends.

"Why do I get the feeling there's more to you and him than meets the eye?" Zane asked.

"You got something to say?" Why was I poking the bear? The sooner we got over this conversation, the better.

He shrugged. "Can I speak as a friend and not as a Beta?"

I sighed. "I suppose you can." I could use a friend right then. Or maybe a swift kick in the ass. Probably both. "You were my friend before any of that hierarchy bullshit." Which was why I trusted him so completely. I wasn't his pivot to power, like was true of so many Betas in packs everywhere.

"You've got that just-got-laid look about you," Zane said. "And he's the only omega you've been around. I doubt you've dipped your toes in Finnegan's pool."

He was right there. As much as I tried to convince myself I could make something with Finnegan, I was a realist. He and I weren't meant to be. I'd feel bad if he didn't feel the same exact way.

I rolled my eyes. "What the fuck kind of euphemism is that? Don't you have any respect?"

Zane chuckled. "You're not denying it. I can respect that. But listen, you've always been clear about not having casual relationships within the pack when we're in our positions. So, what are you doing?"

I swallowed thickly. That hadn't even occurred to me when Jayce and I had come to our arrangement. I was so wrapped up in the moment.

"I messed up." I let out a sigh. "Not with starting something with him—that's whatever." Not good, but the least of my current problems. "I didn't behave very nicely to him today in front of quite a few people. That's where I messed up."

"Oh, I heard about that." Of course he did. The den was pretty gossip-friendly. Or maybe it wasn't the den at all.

"Let me guess, he came in cursing my name up and down?" I wouldn't blame him if he did.

Zane shook his head. "No. He really didn't say much about it. Sounded a little more sad than annoyed, actually."

Well, if that wasn't a kick to the gut. Mad I could handle. Hurting the sass out of him… yeah, that was a hard pill to swallow. "I'll make it up to him."

The door to the deck opened, and Jayce and Corey came inside. I'd been so focused on my conversation with Zane that I hadn't noticed them getting up.

Jayce barely looked at me, but my niece reached for me, and I gathered her into my arms. "Well, hello, beautiful," I said. Just then, she burped and spit up all over me.

I so very much deserved that.

Jayce burst out laughing. "Oh, that just made my day," he said.

At least I could make him smile, and if it took a baby puking on me, so be it.

"Do you have a minute?"

"Why? So you can be shitty to me some more?"

I deserved that too.

"No. I was wrong."

"Wait, did my brother just admit he was wrong? Have I entered the Twilight Zone?" He reached for my niece who, like me, needed new clothing. "I think your uncle just admitted he was wrong. Wonders never cease."