Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

CAMMIE

I shrug off Chase’s arm when he tries to put it around my shoulder and stuff my hands in my pockets. I’m positive that girl who practically glued herself to him a minute ago is a former hookup. She was so thrilled to see him, and then she shot daggers at me with her pretty, green eyeballs when he basically shrugged her off, exactly like I’ve done to Chase.

I’m so out of my depth. What started as a great night has done a swan dive into a pile of crap. I’m grateful when Chase doesn’t suggest walking through the house again and guides me around the outside. I feel horribly out of place, and stupidly jealous.

All these girls who go to these parties are effortlessly cool and pretty and have no problem talking to him. Or any of the other guys. They’re fun and fun to be around. They want to be here. And it doesn’t matter that I’m standing right beside him. They all seem to look right through me. Like I’m a pane of glass. Like I’m not even there.

“Chase man! You just got here!” A guy calls out.

“Chase! I didn’t even get to say hi!” Another freaking girl rushes over and throws her arms around him .

“My girl has an early class. I’ll see you later.” He extracts himself from her hug and rushes to catch up to me.

I know this neighborhood. We’re not that far from campus. It’s maybe a fifteen-minute walk. I just need to hold it together that long.

As I head for the sidewalk, the front door is thrown open and two girls rush out. Two familiar girls. Barbie and Annabelle.

“You were supposed to be keeping guard!” Barbie barks at Annabelle.

“I didn’t know you were going to take his jersey!” Annabelle tries to get her to stop. “You have to give it back!”

“Not now!” Barbie snaps her fingers at Annabelle. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Annabelle looks like the last thing she wants to do is follow Barbie, but she does anyway, and they disappear down the street at a sprint.

“That looked intense,” Chase mutters.

I head down the sidewalk going in the same direction as Annabelle and Barbie, but they’ve already disappeared around the corner. Chase falls into step beside me.

“Cammie.”

I make a noise, but don’t say anything.

Chase tugs on the sleeve of my jacket. “Hey. Are you okay? Did Dougie say something to you?”

“I’m fine.” Dougie was annoyingly stereotypical. He asked who I came with. When I said Chase, he laughed like he didn’t believe me. Sure, he was drunk, but that’s when people’s filters disappear. He was just speaking his drunken truth.

“You’re not fine. Can you stop for a second? Please.”

We’re far enough away from Mac’s house and between streetlamps, so no one can witness this. I better not cry. I bite my lips together.

“Tell me what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Did you hook up with that girl who hugged you?” The question is out before I can call it back .

“Which one?” He cringes and his expression shifts to discomfort. “Do you really want to know?”

I sigh and tip my head back. “Not really, and that basically answers the question anyway.” It’s a pretty night. There are stars in the sky and the moon is bright. How different would this have been if we’d made it to the movie? “I don’t know if this is a good idea.” Or if my heart can handle being broken by Chase.

His brows pull together in a delicious furrow. It’s so unfair that he can be pretty even when he’s displeased.

“What’s not a good idea?”

I swallow past the lump in my throat and motion between us. “This.” God, my feelings are too big, and the look on his face is ruining me.

“Because that girl hugged me?” He shoves his hand through his hair, like he’s just as anxious as me.

“No. Not because she hugged you. I mean, it’s part of it. I don’t look like any of the girls at these parties, Chase. I’m not cool, it’s not really my scene and it’s definitely yours.” There’s a huge lump clogging my throat.

“First of all, you’re beautiful, Cammie. Second, you’re the coolest fucking person I know.”

I give him a look.

“I’m serious. And just because this hasn’t been your scene doesn’t mean you won’t ever like a party,” Chase implores. “I thought maybe it would be a good way for you to meet my friends, but I realize now maybe it was a bit overwhelming.”

“I’m scared, Chase,” I admit.

“Of what? Talk to me, Cammie. I can’t fix this if I don’t know what I did wrong.”

If I’m not honest we’ll never get anywhere. And how will I feel if I let my fears rule me? What will keeping this to myself solve? Nothing. I motion toward Mac’s house. “All those girls in there are so different from me. Besides being put together and pretty and cool, they don’t have a problem coming up to you and saying hi, or even hugging you. Even when I was standing right there.”

“I don’t need you to be like those girls. I like you just the way you are.”

“That’s not really the point, though. It’s fine when it’s just the two of us. But when we’re with your friends I don’t feel…included. I disappear to you just like I do with all of them. You didn’t introduce me to half the people who said hi to you,” I explain.

“I didn’t remember their names,” he admits.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because honestly, it really doesn’t.”

He nods slowly, maybe absorbing my words. “I can see why that would be problematic.” He rubs his bottom lip with his thumb. “I’m sorry I brought you here.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry for bringing me to a party, Chase. I can see how they could be fun. I just need you to remember to try to include me.” I shore up my courage to say the last part, because it’s the hardest to verbalize. “I just want to feel as special when we’re out together as I do when we’re alone.”

His breath leaves him on a whoosh, and he steps in and cups my face in his cold palms. “You are special. So special. You’re the only girl I’ve ever felt this way about.” He presses his forehead to mine. “Give me a chance, please? I’m new at this, and clearly not great at the whole boyfriend thing, but I can learn. I want to learn. I want to be a good boyfriend. More than that, I want to be your boyfriend.”

My heart stutters and gallops. “I want you to be my boyfriend, too,” I whisper.

He wraps me in his warm, strong arms and buries his face against my neck. “I’ll do better next time, I promise. And if I’m fucking shit up, please call me out. I don’t want to lose you.” He pulls back and brushes his lips over mine.

“I don’t want to lose you either.”