24. Nixon

Chapter twenty-four

Nixon

I can’t think.

I can’t breathe.

The only thing I can do is cling to Arit like my life depends on it.

And fucking weird as it appears, it totally does. Because I can’t live without him, and if I want to keep him, I have to die.

A sob wrenches out of my throat, and I’m powerless to stop the others that follow. Arit is murmuring what I assume are reassurances, if the calm and collected vibe I’m getting off him is any indication. If I wasn’t freaking the fuck out, I’d be worried for his sanity. How can he be so calm right now? My life has been turned upside down.

Just a month ago I was blissfully unaware of anything outside my ordinary trek to and from work, my friends, and my family. I had no idea about supernatural beings of any kind; I’d never envisioned myself traveling through portals or taking midnight jaunts to Paris. I had never contemplated giving up my family or the chance of having a family of my own. I had never thought about living forever.

As I cling to Arit, the literal other half of my soul, I can’t help but ask myself if I really am prepared to do anything to keep him.

“It’s okay, Nixy,” Arit soothes, running his hand up and down my back and reminding me of all the times Linc and my mother have called me the same thing.

“How can you say that?” I choke out, my breath raspy from all my crying. “Either you have to give up your life, or I have to give up mine. There is nothing okay about that.”

Arit pulls back, not that I give him up without a fight, and his small smile only slightly eases the tangle of crazed emotions writhing inside me. He takes my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “Can you do something for me?” he asks, his voice low and gentle.

I nod because I can tell he’s trying to help.

“Close your eyes.” I do, sniffling a little as the jungle around us fades behind my eyelids. Arit takes my hands in his. “I want you to imagine something. Imagine there’s a dry green forest, with sparse trees and grassland, where a human-like being is running for his life, panting and exhausted, with nothing but a rock and stick to defend himself. He runs on two legs but has little trouble using his hands to scramble around when necessary.

“There’s a crack, the rustle of leaves, the snap and snarl of the pack-hunting dogs chomping at his heels. The being is quickly overtaken, subdued with ease, leaving behind a female of his species and their offspring.

“Picture a family unit, not like yours, but one that communicates with gestures and sounds, possibly the beginnings of basic language. There are young and old members with knowledge that is passed down. They live in caves and small enclosures made of branches and sticks, not huts, not yet, but getting there.

“The little girl loves flowers and helping her mom collect wild berries and plants while her dad hunts using stone tools. But the little girl is young, and she trips, cutting her leg on a sharp rock. Slowly, over the course of several weeks, despite the care of the clan, the girl loses the use of her leg as the infection spreads, and she succumbs to her minor injury. Her family mourns her loss and buries her in a remote cave system.

“Now there’s a raging battle where a soldier is mounted on horseback, sword and shield in hand. He’s terrified and frantic, but he follows his fellow soldiers, slashing and fighting for his life. The air is rank with the scent of blood and death, horses and man alike.

“Clanging metal on metal, sparks and screams rising toward the heavens. The soldier knows he’s going to die, nothing but a number in line with others just like him. A jarring jolt sends him flying off his horse, where he’s now in hand-to-hand combat with the enemy. His leathers are only going to protect him for so long, and he’s swinging and dodging blows while trying not to trip over a gurgling corpse at his feet.

“Tiring quickly from the weight of the sword, the man takes a glancing blow to his right forearm, a quick stream of blood stinging as it seeps out of the open wound. His enemy knows he’s injured and takes advantage, striking the soldier again and sending him to his knees. The last thing the soldier thinks is that he loves his wife and child. Then his head is cut off to land in the blood-soaked field next to more just like his.”

Arit squeezes my hands, and I nearly jolt, so caught up in his storytelling that I’ve forgotten what’s going on. “Now picture the love of a family. Of home and hearth. Of sex, and laughter, and wine, and tuna fish sandwiches. And picture a man who has never once been part of that.” There’s a catch in Arit’s voice that makes my eyes pop open. He’s staring at me like I’m his only reason for breathing. “Now picture a man who is being given a second chance. A chance to live for the first time. To love and be loved. To rest.

“My dearest, Nixon. I have seen too many things—horrible and awful things, wonderful and unforgettable things—but never have I woken up on a cold winter’s morning next to a warm body. Never have I tasted the salt off your skin after a swim in the ocean. I can speak a hundred languages, but I’ve never spoken them to you. And never, in all my years on this planet, have I shed a single tear. Please let me cry in your arms. Please let me sleep in your bed. And please, please, please let me share your life with you.

“I’ve never asked for anything because my purpose is to serve, but I ask you this now: will you share your soul with me, Nixon? Will you share your life with me? I’d give up forever if your answer is yes. To a family. To me. To us. To—”

I can’t wait another second for Arit to stop blathering as I launch myself forward and kiss him with everything I am. This man. This gorgeous, selfless, immortal being would give it all up just to make a life with me. How in the Fates I got so lucky I will never know. But I take his face between my hands and angle my head to kiss him deeper, demanding entrance as I plunge my tongue into his warm and waiting mouth.

Arit kisses me back, just as breathless and bordering on frantic. I can feel his emotions like they are my own, and I can’t help wondering if this moment, if his declaration, means our connection is even stronger now.

If we choose a mortal life, will we still be able to hear each other’s thoughts?

I break our kiss, even though it’s the last thing I ever want to do. “We should talk about this,” I say, my heart racing and my breathing erratic. Arit looks dazed but amused, like he’ll never quite understand humans and their conflicting and crazy thoughts.

“Are you sure you’d rather talk than take this back to our bedroom?”

I gasp playfully. “How dare you try to manipulate me with sex.”

Arit’s smile is a mile wide. “Is it working? Sex sounds like a fabulous idea.”

I laugh and wrap my arms around my man. Arit holds me close in return, teasing me with wandering fingers down my back and into the waistband of my shorts. I gently slip out of his hold and take his hand in mine. “I love you.” The warm smile I get in return combined with the perfect feeling of contentment blanketing my mind has my heart swooning even more. “But yes, I do think we should talk about this. Are you sure you want to give up forever? That’s a huge sacrifice, Arit. Like, way beyond me becoming immortal. I mean, giving up my family would suck, but we’d get millions of years to be together in exchange. We could go anywhere, do anything, see everything together.”

“And never live?” he challenges. “I’ve already seen almost every corner of this globe. I’ve witnessed wars, famine, genocide, the rise and fall of empires, the development of modern science and medicine, the extinction of too many species to count. But I’ve never tasted apple pie. I’ve never taken a walk to a park and lain on a blanket with the person I love. I’ve never taken a bubble bath. I’ve never owned anything . I’ve never had anything. And things like dreams and families are just words. I’m a servant, Nix, constantly on call.

“I understand that we’d be together forever, that we’d pop over to Paris or Tokyo or Rio whenever we felt like going, but after a while, the world begins to feel pretty small. You’d never have a home again. Never have the need for food or water. Never have a conversation with anyone who wasn’t a reaper. And you’d constantly be surrounded by death. Is that really what you want?”

Arit pulls my hand up and kisses the back. “Because to me, I can’t imagine anything better than being free to grow old with you.”

I can’t help a sniffle. “Well, geez, man. When you put it like that…”

Arit’s laugh is everything.

He kisses me soundly. “Shall we go tell Ada the good news?”

“You don’t even want to talk to Dee and Trey first?”

“Meh. If I’m not off the mark, Dee is less than half a million years old. She’s going to have a wildly different opinion on living forever than most.”

That makes me laugh in disbelief. “You’re crazy. And practically ancient. Are you really ready to stub your toe? To have sore muscles after a workout? To be starving but think nothing sounds good to eat? To have bad dreams? Or get scared? Or be frustrated by traffic?”

Arit’s slowly spreading smile makes my heart beat faster. “Yes. To all of that. And to you. To making friends, to trying new things, to getting a paper cut, to sleeping, to learning what foods I like, to having a family. I’ve been alone for millions of years, love. The more people I can squeeze into my life, the better.” Arit pauses for a second, a far-off look entering his eyes. When he doesn’t continue, I squeeze his hand to bring him back. He blinks and suddenly looks a little overwhelmed.

“What? What is it?”

“Were you going to have kids?” he whispers, trepidation and awe battling for dominance in his tone.

I can tell my answer to his question is important, and despite what I want to say, I ask, “Would you like to have kids?”

“I’ve never thought about it before. It was never an option for me.” He runs a hand through his hair and stares off into the distance again. When he eventually comes back to me, he lifts one corner of his lips in apology. “Sorry. Just got lost in thought there. I think getting a dog would be fun. Humans seem to love their pets.”

I lean in and press a kiss to his lips. “Then we’ll figure something out. We’re going to have a lot to think about. Like where we’re going to live. What you’re going to do for work. How we’re going to afford to travel to Paris or Tokyo or Rio whenever we want.”

He smirks, but that quickly transforms into a full-blown smile. “I can’t wait. You’re going to have so much to teach me.”

“And you’re going to have so much to teach me, Mr. I’m-Older-Than-Dirt. You’d make a fantastic history teacher.”

“Or an anthropologist. I could make some incredible ‘discoveries.’”

“Oh my God, you totally could! You’re going to be the next Indiana Jones!”

“Who?”

I sigh dramatically. “Oh boy. We are going to have our work cut out for us.”

And we both laugh as we stand and make our way inside to tell Ada the good news.