Chapter 16

SIXTEEN

F or once, Zed woke slowly. Sounds filtered in, one by one: the gentle humming of the Chaos at rest, the distant clang of a boot on a corridor floor. If he concentrated, he might be able to pick up the low murmur of voices. He was safe, he was warm, he was…

Not alone.

Grunting softly, he opened his eyes and glanced down. A familiar head of blond curls lay on his chest. One arm was draped over his stomach and a leg had captured one of his knees. His own arm curled around Flick's shoulders, holding him loosely in place.

With a sigh, he let his head sink back onto the pillow. Showing up at Flick's cabin last night had been presumptuous, but given the choice of sleeping with Emma or sleeping with Flick, he'd take Flick every time, because…well, because of the chance of this. Closeness, being held, holding another person—things that might've happened with Emma but would've been incredibly awkward. He'd been alone for so damned long, it seemed, and he needed…what?

Flick's friendship, yes, absolutely. They had reconnected and Zed couldn't give that up, even if he should. He wanted to talk to Flick every day, he wanted to remember the Academy together, he wanted to bask in the brightness of his best friend—the brightness that had dimmed but was still there, such an integral part of Felix Ingesson that nothing could extinguish it. He wanted Flick in his life.

Would Flick be satisfied with their renewed friendship, or would he want more?

Do I want more?

Could Zed even ask for more? They'd completed their mission. Sometime today, they'd leave Chloris Station and try to find Emma real help. He had some ideas on what to pursue there, if he could get up the courage to call his brother Maddox, the genius in the family. He wasn't ready to see any of his brothers or his parents face-to-face—they'd recognize immediately that things were…weird. If it meant getting Emma help, though, he'd do it. But…did he really have any right to drag Flick or his family any deeper into the shithole his life had turned into?

"You're thinking too loud."

Zed looked down again. A bleary green gaze met his and he resisted the urge to swipe blond curls off Flick's forehead. "Sorry."

"Did the head-rubbing help?"

"You fell down on the job. Kind of reassuring you can still sleep, no matter what."

"Yeah, well…My turn to say sorry."

"'Sokay. Your breathing, uh…it has a nice rhythm." He made a face at the lines of rivets in the ceiling. Your breathing has a nice rhythm? Really, Zander? He tensed, preparing to slide out from under Flick. "I guess we should?—"

"Zed, just…stay. Okay?"

Relaxing, Zed said, "Okay."

He lay still, with Flick draped over him, mostly unmoving except for the steady rhythm of his breaths. The man's smaller form felt like a concrete statue, unyielding, and Zed found himself fearing the next words to fall from Flick's lips. To anyone unprepared to help him, Zed knew he was a burden. Without the support network the AEF had created for his team, he was just a broken, unfixable soldier.

Suddenly, he didn't want to hear the words. He didn't want Flick to tell him they were done. He didn't want to just lie there and let Flick cut the last ties Zed had to…anything. He tensed up again and this time, Flick tightened his grip.

"Don't."

"Let me go." Fuck, his voice sounded tight. He didn't want it to.

"You really are an impatient bastard. Can you just…" Flick trailed off with heavy breath. "I'm trying to figure out what to say."

"I don't want to hear it. Just don't say it."

Flick pushed himself up again, lines slashing across his forehead. "What do you think I'm going to say?"

"That I'm too much. That you have a good life here, and you don't need me fucking it up and…" His head thudded to the pillow.

"Selfish bastard too."

"Yeah."

Zed made another attempt to get up, but Flick shifted, straddling his hips. He sat back, putting all his weight on Zed's stomach, just above his groin, and glared down at him.

"Stop," Flick ordered, his voice low and firm. "You're not going anywhere until I figure out what the fuck I want to say to you."

"Goddamn it, just—" Zed bit back the whine. He could force Flick off of him, but any action would likely end with Flick landing on the hard floor, and he didn't want to hurt him. Closing his eyes, he melted into the mattress. "Fine. Say it."

Break my heart.

Instead of words meeting his ears, lips met his mouth. Zed's eyes snapped open and his lips parted, an opportunity Flick didn't miss. His tongue slipped past, stroking, exploring, igniting something in Zed's chest that went beyond lust, beyond friendship. His hands drifted along Flick's ribs, down to his hips, but he resisted doing more, regardless of his dick's thoughts on the matter.

Flick drew back just as dark spots had begun to encroach on Zed's vision. He trailed kisses along Zed's jaw and let out a shaky sigh.

"You are too much," he whispered. "But that's nothing new. You've always been too damned much." He nosed Zed's cheek. "And yeah, I have a good life. I've worked hard for this life, for what I've got here. The Chaos is where I belong."

"I know, I?—"

"Stop. I'm talking." Flick rested his forehead against Zed's temple, his breath ghosting along the stubble peppering his jaw. "I don't know what we've got. If we've got anything. We're friends, we'll always be friends. Beyond that?"

Zed held himself very still, his hands on Flick's hips motionless. "Do you think we could…"

Flick pulled back and met Zed's eyes, his own shadowed and serious. "I think we could go day by day. No asking for more than that. And if you hurt anyone on this boat, all bets are off."

Zed gritted his teeth and let his gaze slide away from Flick's. "I'm sorry you have to see me like this. I'm sorry I'm not…not who I should be."

"I'm not who I should be, either." Flick nudged Zed's lips with his own, the kiss soft and sweet, and…reassuring.

That was one more thing they had in common. For all that he and Flick had started out in disparate situations—rich kid versus station rat—they shared a lot, now. Their years at the Academy, getting fucked over by the AEF, their wish to make a difference in the galaxy…though, did Flick still want that?

"You're thinking again," Flick murmured against his lips.

"Can't help it."

"When a hot guy is kissing you, you shouldn't be thinking about anything but his lips on yours."

"Maybe that's what I'm thinking about."

"Nope." Flick drew back and met Zed's gaze. "I know you, Zed."

"Yeah," Zed admitted, his throat tight.

Yeah. He did.

Zed curved a hand around Flick's head and pulled him back for another kiss, one that wasn't as soft, wasn't as reassuring, but was still so bloody perfect. Flick's scent, his taste, overwhelmed Zed, that weird mix of familiar and new. He quivered as their tongues slid together, unable to stop the hand on Flick's hip from digging in.

"Oh my God. Zander Anatolius, trembling beneath me." Flick nipped at his ear, his jaw. "Do you know how much of a fucking turn-on that is?"

Zed let out a shaky breath and rallied. "Nope," he said, allowing a long slow grin to take his lips. "Show me."

Mischief flashed through Flick's eyes as he lowered his head to Zed's jaw again. His teeth scraped at the stubble, and Zed sucked in a breath at the unexpected intensity of it. His hips thrust upward, looking to rub his hard cock against Flick's ass…but the bastard moved with the motion instead of against it, reducing the friction to almost nothing.

A chuckle vibrated against the skin of Zed's throat. "I'm supposed to be showing you, remember?"

"Flick…" Zed rolled his hips again, his fingers biting into Flick's hipbone to try to hold him in place. He let out a groan as Flick grabbed his hand.

Flick folded it up and held it against the mattress, and he did the same on the other side. He leaned on Zed's hands and said, "Stay." With a last quasi-serious scolding look, Flick released Zed's hands and shifted downward.

Zed let his head sink into the pillow as his friend nudged his legs apart and settled between them. Flick tugged at his waistband and pressed a kiss to the stripe of skin he bared. Zed's abdominal muscles tensed at the touch, his cock jumping in the confines of his pants.

Flick's mouth closed over Zed's hard cock, his breath warm even through the layers of fabric. He pulled off, but his lips brushed the hard ridge maddeningly as he spoke. "Maybe I should slow down a little."

"Don't you fucking dare," Zed gasped.

Flick jerked his pants down farther. The head of Zed's cock barely felt the chill of the air before Flick's lips surrounded it. Zed ignored the earlier admonition and threaded his fingers through Flick's hair, gripping the curls and pulling gently. His hips wanted to move, but his half-removed pants and Flick's weight held him still, at the mercy of the other man's lips…and tongue…

"Fuck." It sounded more like a whimper than a curse, but Zed didn't care.

Flick's mouth was so hot and wet, the suction he added exactly right. He sucked down as much as he could, his tongue adding another layer of stroking, encouraging, enticing. He withdrew, only to start the process again, and again, until Zed was quivering for real, on the cusp of no return, pathetic noises falling from his lips as he begged for just a little more.

Felix couldn't say he remembered the taste of Zed's cock, but he remembered the feel of him in his mouth, the constrained urge to thrust, hips trembling beneath his hands, whimpers and whines sweeter than any song drifting past his ears. Having Zed quiver beneath him delivered a heady rush of adrenaline. Desire burned across his skin, a hot flush that shot straight to his groin. Tangled in a fold of his shorts, Felix's cock ached, the scrape and pull of fabric against flesh as exciting as the tang of bitterness that touched his lips and tongue.

He paused to watch the needy buck of Zed's hips.

"Whoa, boy," he murmured, aware his breath would tickle the moistened erection seeking his mouth.

"You're killing me."

"Hush."

Zed twitched beneath another breath of air. Amused—and damned aroused—Felix bent to his task again, wrapping his hand around the lower half of Zed's shaft, little finger nudging into his balls. Zed's answering groan told him he'd used just the right pressure. Tongue swirling, he tasted Zed's length, paying attention to the contours and the way his lips flowed over them, the jerk and release of Zed's hips, the renewed grunts and groans.

It was tempting to suck his way to victory, despite the ache of his jaw—it had been a while since he'd done something so intimate with a lover. But Felix wanted more than an exchange of blow jobs. He wanted the connection, all of it—what they'd had a couple of days before, what he'd all but tossed away when the afterglow had faded. He wanted to love all of Zed, not just his dick.

Pulling away again, he ignored the throaty whine and poked his tongue into the groove between Zed's balls and thigh. The tip of his tongue marked a trail, the scent of sleep-warmed skin and musk rising to meet him as Zed shifted—no, squirmed.

He bit a fold of flesh and moved down to tease Zed's inner thigh.

"I'm dying."

"Tremble for me, Zed."

He did, legs shifting, knees flexing against the confines of his pants. Likely, his toes curled. The fingers wrapped around Felix's head tugged at his hair. Growling softly, Felix tucked his face back between Zed's legs, his tongue washing across his tight nuts to tickle the other thigh. He gave the straining erection a quick stroke and chuckled at the attendant groan.

"You were never this much of a tease before."

"Had a bit of time to perfect my technique."

Better to acknowledge the years they'd been apart than to suggest he'd pined, thrown himself into inappropriate situations or avoided physical intimacy altogether, regardless of whether he'd done all of the above or not.

Felix bit the other thigh gently and smiled as Zed cried out and clutched his head. Kissing his way back up over the thigh, Felix let his shoulder brush past Zed's cock, so very aware of how it felt because of the incidental nudges against his own erection. He took a moment to revel in the scent of man, the combination of musk and sweat that always made his gut flip and his heart race, then took Zed's cock into his mouth to deliver four hard, fast sucks, fingers gripping where his lips couldn't reach. Felix lifted his head again and nearly crooned as Zed called out his name, each syllable stretched with need.

"Feel-iix!"

"Sing it, baby."

Zed's hips bucked up and down and Felix felt his respond, pushing forward with the desperate need to find that cleft between Zed's buttocks. God, he wanted to fuck him again, or maybe even make love to him—slowly, torturously, until both of them sang, the echo of their whines louder than the harsh pant of their breaths.

Zed pulled his hand from Felix's hair and gripped his shoulder. He applied enough pressure to halt the tease, holding Felix centimeters away from his cock. Felix glanced up to find his lips curved in a wicked smile.

"Wanna play, do you?" Zed said.

Uh-oh.

It seemed Zed merely shrugged. Then the world turned, bed disappearing, and Felix found himself flipped onto his back, arms upraised and pinned. A short cry jolted from his throat, the panic of being confined catching him despite the arousal thrumming through his veins, the scent of Zed so strong in his nose, the beloved face hovering over his.

Felix tried to pull away from the edge of his fear. He took deep breaths, worked his features into something not strained; remembered he was aroused, damn it, not frightened. He focused on the steady beat of his pulse, the smell of soap and sweat, the hint of sex. Zed's breath washed across his lips and down over his neck and teeth scraped at his collarbone, but the tight grip of fingers that felt like iron around his wrists defeated him. Felix bucked and strained.

Zed pulled away in another sudden movement, and the absence of pressure was almost worse than the previous weight. Felix flinched against the void and opened his eyes to find Zed staring at him, sensuous mouth in a tight line, forehead wrinkled with concern.

"You okay?"

Felix prepared to shrug off his moment of panic, pretend he liked it rough. The dark question in Zed's gaze forced the truth from his lips. "You…found my off switch."

He pulled his arms over his chest in a protective cross. Zed looked down, and his steely gaze narrowed on the bands of scar tissue around Felix's wrists. He reached out to trace one, blue eyes lifting to ask permission first. Felix gave it with a nod. The calloused fingertip touched him so gently, Felix barely felt it.

"I'm sorry," Zed murmured, his expression closing, all traces of humor and lust fleeing.

"Don't be." Felix caught Zed's hand and tugged him forward. "C'mere."

Zed came reluctantly, his weight shifting so that he no longer pinned Felix's legs. Felix caught him behind the neck and pulled his head down, his mouth close enough to kiss. Lifting his chin, he flicked his tongue across Zed's full lips and kissed him gently.

"I never start anything I don't intend to finish," he said, his mouth moving over Zed's so that the words caressed the other man's lips.

Zed leaned into him again, capturing his lips in a deeper kiss, tongue thrusting between. Felix closed his eyes and gave in to the weight pressing down over him, the lock of lips, the hand closing over his shoulder. It's Zed, just Zed. He forced away the fear of being trapped, the oily sensation of dread, and invited Zed to possess him. He grasped Zed's erection, fingers wrapping around the warm length. Zed's groan pushed through into his mouth, interrupting their kiss.

Felix squeezed. "I want you."

"Jesus…"

Felix kissed him again. "I need you." He nodded toward the shelf. "Get the lube."

Zed's eyes narrowed, obvious desire darkening his gaze, but his smile didn't match. Felix could see the war waging behind his features, the concern that pulled him in two different directions.

Felix coaxed his dimple to life, knowing the effect it had always had on Zed. "I gave you an order, soldier."

Zed relaxed. His eyes, still heavy-lidded, warmed and his smile softened. "Sir, yes, sir," he whispered, the echo of their previous encounter more of a thrill than the actual words. Just like that, they'd started something new. He sat back and reached for the shelf, then got off of Felix's legs and tugged at the waistband of his shorts. Felix pushed them down to his knees, and kicked them off. Zed's hand caught one of his upraised knees in a gesture so casual, yet practiced, it seemed they had been doing this for years. The coil of tension in Felix's gut loosened.

"So I'm going to guess it's been a while for you too."

Since he'd bottomed, yeah. Felix answered with a coy smile.

Zed laughed. "You are such a fucking tease. I should leave you here with your balls aching."

Felix peered down at his jaunty erection and reached around it to cup his nuts, which had started to ache. "You'd be punishing yourself as well."

"I could jack off in the shower."

"While thinking of me?"

Zed tossed the tube back toward the shelf and leaned forward. "So full of yourself," he murmured before catching a nipple with his teeth.

Felix gasped, then hissed as cool fingers touched him.

"Relax."

The sensation of being touched so intimately soon overrode his fears. A groan rolled through Felix, dropping his head and shoulders back to the bed. Zed stroked him with a gentle sureness that had his hips rising, seeking the right angle, aiming for a certain connection.

"Oh, yeah," Zed said. "It has been a while."

"Just get on with it," Felix said through gritted teeth. "I'm ready…"

Zed hit the spot and Felix whined. He bit his lips to keep from whining again as Zed's fingers withdrew. Felix wrapped a hand around his dick, the comforting warmth of his own fingers sending a pleasant shiver into his groin. Leaning forward, Zed grasped his hips and lifted him slightly; Felix didn't panic, he groaned, ready to be moved any which way Zed wanted him, needing that hard cock inside him, those hips between his thighs.

He hadn't forgotten the pinch, the burn, but it still took him by surprise. Felix quickly forgot it as Zed inched forward, reminding him, again, why his ass clenched every time he looked at a handsome and well-muscled man.

"Zed…"

"You good?"

Felix breathed out sharply. "Very good."

Zed kept the pace torturously slow, as if he'd suspected Felix's earlier plan, and Felix stowed the impulse to plead, to ask his lover to fuck him, harder, faster. They'd done that. They might get to do it again. This…this was different. This was what he really wanted—hips rolling together, one knee hooked around Zed's waist, his good hand wrapped around his lover's hip, fingers curled into warm flesh. His broken hand flung up over his head, forgotten, because all that mattered was the connection between him and Zed.

Felix lifted his chin as Zed leaned forward, both of them stretching toward a kiss that sealed the deal, then dropped back, neck arched and exposed to Zed's lips. He shivered beneath kisses and nips that traveled across his shoulder. He bucked as the more acute angle of their hips touched off another thousand points of pleasure, Zed's dick nudging his prostate again and again.

"Oh, fuck…don't stop."

"Wasn't planning on it," came the deep murmur.

"I'd have to make you pay…"

"I couldn't stop now even if I tried." Zed lifted away so that his elbows locked, holding him just above and in just the right position to begin the drive home.

Felix groaned and grabbed his dick with a squeeze and a cry as Zed's hips slammed forward harder, faster, harder still. Having apparently never fallen entirely out of sync, Zed's climax triggered his own, his cock jerking in his hand as he came. Spots danced before his eyes before merging to occlude his view of anything but pleasure. Their cries no doubt informed the rest of the ship that the two old friends were awake and most definitely getting reacquainted.

Between breathless and dizzying gasps, Felix laughed. He felt loose, so damned loose. He felt…free. Thought swirled slowly, nothing more important than the warmth spreading through his veins, the weight of Zed atop him, the pulse in his groin. The ever-attendant anger he carried inside had been buffed down to an indifferent nub. His fears were quiet. The closeness of Zed was all that mattered.

Zed. Just Zed.

"Zed—"

Felix's bracelet buzzed and rattled on the shelf above the bed. The wall unit chimed in and Elias's voice issued from both, his message cutting sharply through the fabric of his afterglow.

"Emma has left the ship."