Chapter Thirty

C ordelia hung her dripping coat over the banister and went into the kitchen. She knew Lydia was home, there’d been another dripping coat in the hallway. And she knew that the time had come, that they needed to actually talk, rather than just having a throwaway conversation in the waiting room.

What she didn’t know was precisely what she should say. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say.

She switched the kettle on because it gave her something to do with her hands and besides, she was cold after being out in the rain. Then she noticed the new box of teabags on the counter. Lydia had, of course, remembered to buy some.

Because Lydia was so organized.

Because Lydia made life better in so many little ways that up until now, Cordelia didn’t think she’d noticed them.

She closed her eyes as the kettle boiled, thinking about Lydia comforting Toby, taking his sweating, crying body out of her arms and calming him when Cordelia herself was so sleep-deprived and tired that she could barely see straight.

She thought about the teabags by the kettle.

She thought about the coat in the hallway.

And she knew, deep down, that there was nothing that she wanted more than for Lydia to stay.

Want wasn’t the problem though, was it? She could want all she wanted and it didn’t make things right, it didn’t mean she had the right to ask for what she wanted. To demand it. To put herself in first position over Lydia.

Jesus.

Say one thing about Hunter, life with him had been simpler. He’d made the decisions and she’d gone along with them. Easy. Well, easy until he left and then she’d discovered that she was now terrible at deciding anything since she was so out of practice.

She felt rather than heard Lydia come into the room. A little shiver went down her back, her skin felt a little warmer.

Yes, there were feelings there. Big ones, she was pretty sure. Iceberg like ones, where only the very tip of something very large had so far showed its face. Deciding what to do with those feelings, deciding how far to tip the iceberg, how much of the buried ice to show, that was key.

“Tea?” she asked, not turning around.

“Please,” said Lydia.

More than anything else right now, Cordelia wanted Lydia to come up behind her, wanted Lydia to wrap her arms around her waist and bury her face in her back and hold her, just for a moment.

Which was why when it actually happened she was breathless for a second.

Lydia’s arms were tight and strong and in an instant Cordelia felt like maybe things could be okay. Then Lydia let go and everything went back to normal.

“Sorry,” Lydia said.

Cordelia turned around. “Sorry about what?”

Lydia blushed. “Um, maybe that was inappropriate? I mean, I guess we’re sort of… arguing or something and, well, I didn’t want to be manipulative. I just suddenly wanted to hug you for a second. So I’m sorry if there’s mixed messages or something. Jesus.” She let out a breath. “Fuck. I’m a bit bad at this.”

Cordelia poured water onto two tea bags. “I’m not an expert myself. But, um, it wasn’t inappropriate, I don’t think. I liked it. I was just wishing you’d do exactly that. ”

“We need to talk about all of this, Cordelia. You know that, right?”

“I do.”

“And not in a ‘hide everything away’ kind of way. Not in a ‘you just telling me to leave’ kind of way. But in an absolutely honest kind of way. The kind of way where we both bare our souls and hope like hell the other one doesn’t take advantage of it.”

“I’d never take advantage of you,” said Cordelia, taking the two mugs and putting them on the table. She added an extra plate for the tea bags. “Biscuits?”

“Biscuits?”

Cordelia shrugged. “I don’t know. All this sounds like a bit of negotiation, you know. I thought biscuits might be the thing to have. Plus, I know you went shopping because you got tea bags and I therefore conclude that you bought biscuits too, because logical Lydia knows that the two go together.”

“Fine. I got biscuits,” Lydia said, smothering a smile.

Cordelia opened the cupboard closest to the kettle. “Of course they’re in here. Practical. And chocolate digestives, another practical choice. Not boring like a Rich Tea, but not overly indulgent like a Jammie Dodger. Good choice.”

“Thank you,” Lydia said. “So, shall we sit down? Let the negotiations begin?”

Placing the biscuits on the table, Cordelia pulled out a chair and sat down. She still didn’t know what she needed to say. She cleared her throat. “This rain won’t let up, will it?”

Lydia shook her head. “There was a puddle so big on the high street that I practically had to ford it to get to the shop.”

“It gets that way sometimes after it’s been dry too long,” Cordelia said. “Like the earth has forgotten how to drink the rain in and just leaves it lying on the surface. It’ll flood if we’re not careful.”

“I’d be surprised if it hasn’t flooded already outside of town at the rate this is coming down.” Lydia took her tea and sat down. “Well, that seems to be the small talk part of the negotiations taken care of. Shall we move on? ”

Cordelia swallowed. “Okay. Um. I don’t really know where to start with all this. I suppose that first I’d like to say that…” She took a deep breath. “Fuck it. Alright, I have feelings for you.”

Lydia smothered another smile.

“You know, this isn’t going to work if you keep laughing at me,” said Cordelia.

“I wasn’t laughing at you.” Lydia sat up straighter. “And since we’re on the subject, I have feelings for you too. I don’t think that’s the part that we’re in any doubt about, is it?”

“No, I suppose not.” Cordelia sipped her tea, it was burning hot. Rain smashed against the window. “Then I suppose we should move on to… other parts of the conversation.”

Lydia sighed. “Cordelia, this is an impossible thing to decide. I’m not so sure that there’s a right answer here.”

“Isn’t that what we’re here to talk about? To lay the options out? Make the best of what we have?” Cordelia said tightly, wishing now that the conversation was finished already, that everything was already decided.

“I think,” began Lydia, but she was interrupted by the ringing of her phone.

“What do you think?” pressed Cordelia, because maybe logical and brilliant Lydia had thought of something she hadn’t, maybe Lydia actually had an answer to all this.

“Cord, I have to answer this, I’m a doctor,” said Lydia, picking up her phone.

“Right, yeah, right, of course.” Maybe Lydia being a doctor was part of the problem, Cordelia thought uncharitably. A thought that was rapidly chased away when she saw Lydia’s face pale.

“Magda?” Lydia said into the phone.

“Magda?” echoed Cordelia.

“Alright, everything’s okay,” said Lydia. “I need you to stay calm and talk me through things, okay? Are you feeling contractions?” She looked at Cordelia and nodded. “And you’re sure your waters broke.” She nodded again to Cordelia. “Alright, alright, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be there in just a few minutes, you just stay calm and stay where you are, alright? I’ll deal with getting the ambulance, don’t worry.”

She banged the phone down on the table and stood up. “I need to get over there ASAP, just to be on the safe side. I need you to call the ambulance and give them her address. Where’s my bag?”

“By the door,” said Cordelia, already reaching for her own phone. But even as she did, it started to ring. She answered it immediately. “Yes?”

“Cordelia? It’s Max. Is Lydia with you?”

“Yes, but she’s on her way out. There’s an emergency,” Cordelia snapped.

“I need to speak with her urgently,” said Max.

And there was something in his voice that made Cordelia hand over the phone without question, quickly passing it to Lydia who listened and then sank back down into her seat.

“Okay, okay,” Lydia said, eyes closing. Cordelia could almost see her thinking. “Alright, I’ll be there. Give me ten minutes. Are you with her now?” She breathed slowly and deeply. “Alright, keep her calm please.” She hung up the phone.

“Max is with Magda?” Cordelia asked, worry creeping over her.

“No,” said Lydia. “Max is with Toby. He found him wandering around in front of his house in the rain. Then he found Sharla, Toby’s grandmother, lying on the living room floor. She’s had a fall and Max thinks she’s broken her hip.”

“Shit,” Cordelia said, her mouth getting dry.

“Oh, it gets worse,” Lydia said. “The roads are all flooded. The ambulance service say it’ll be hours before they can get through.”

“Shit,” Cordelia said again, standing up even though she didn’t know what she was supposed to be doing.

“Stay calm,” Lydia said. Cordelia didn’t know if she was talking to her or herself. “Let’s think this through.”

There was a heartbeat of quiet.

“Right. Cord, I need you to go to Magda. You need to sit with her so that she’s not alone and keep her calm.”

“What if she’s having the baby?” Cordelia said, panicked. “I don’t know anything about giving birth. The closest I’ve seen is James Herriot with his hand up a cow’s bottom.”

“She’s not giving birth. Not yet. And if labor goes on then she’ll know what to do. She’s been to her birthing classes. You can call me anytime you need to and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Then go to Magda first and I’ll go to Max and Toby’s grandmother.”

“Sharla is going to need pain medication and you can’t handle that,” Lydia said decisively. “I’ll go and get her some morphine, make her comfortable and let Max take Toby over to his and Mila’s house. When he gets back and when Sharla’s as comfortable as she can be, I’ll come over to Magda’s, okay?”

Not seeing that she had much choice, Cordelia nodded.

Lydia stepped closed, grabbed her hand, squeezed it. “Everything’s going to be fine,” she said.

And Cordelia completely believed her.