24

Bethany"s arms held tight to Cedric as they raced through the winter wonderland, heading for Cordelia"s house. She had mentioned visiting her cousin a few days earlier, but a fallen tree had blocked the path to Owen"s place through the forest, and she hadn"t been too interested in walking that far in thick snow that hadn"t yet settled. The promise of a snowmobile ride had been far more enticing, particularly when clinging to her own bear. He had offered to let her drive while he led the way in his bear form, but she wanted to cling to Cedric rather than try to navigate her way through trees and snow that were unfamiliar to her.

If things went well between her and Cedric, she would be making this journey many times in the future. The opportunity to drive the snowmobile would present itself again.

While Bethany was excited to see her cousin and fill her in on what had happened since she left town, she was also nervous, because the anger she had held since finding out the truth of Cedric"s nature wasn"t entirely gone. Cordelia had been keeping a secret from her, a huge secret at that! Why hadn"t Cordelia told her that Owen was a bear? They shared everything with each other! Was she ever even planning to tell her? Would she have stumbled upon Owen in his bear form one day and accidentally shot her cousin"s love?

And beyond that, she also needed someone rational to talk to about the whole baby thing with. She needed Cordelia to either slap sense into her, or tell her she wasn"t as crazy as she felt. She needed someone to tell her that it was okay to let her guard down, and to maybe feel a little hope for a future with Cedric.

She needed... far too much than what was possible during what would likely be a short visit, given that night came early that far north, and they wouldn"t want to try and travel in the dark, but Bethany wouldn"t complain about being out of the cabin and finally visiting her best friend and closest family.

The cabin came into view after what felt like a short drive, given the distance between the two cabins, and as they drew closer, the front door opened to reveal first Owen, followed by Cordelia, who had her coat half pulled on. Cordelia was grinning from ear to ear and grabbing Owen"s arm as they parked beside Owen"s truck, and Cedric climbed off first before offering her a hand to climb off.

She took it, even if she didn"t need his help, and squeezed it quickly before letting go and heading towards her cousin, ready to give her a big hug.

"You"re here! When Owen said you were gone, I told him you were fine and knew you were probably with Cedric, but Gareth came by a few days ago and told us as well, and—"

"You bitch!" Bethany shrieked, the need to yell far outweighing her need for a hug. "He"s a bear shifter, and you didn"t tell me?"

Cordelia laughed, clearly not realizing just how angry Bethany truly was, and shook her head a little as she left Owen"s side to approach. "You didn't already know bear shifters exist, did you?"

"What?!" Bethany shrieked in answer, now confused. "People know?! Who knows?! I didn"t know!"

"Mrs. Free knew, and let me tell you, she is—"

"Mrs. Free is batshit crazy, but no, I didn"t know! You knew, though, and you didn"t tell me when you came back to town!" Bethany shrieked as she slapped Cordelia"s arm, now close enough to do so. "I had to find out when I woke up to a bear on the front porch!"

"Gareth mentioned that," Cordelia said with a laugh while pulling her into a hug, whether she wanted one or not. "I found out when I nearly crashed your truck into Owen while he was in bear form. I thought I was dreaming."

"And I nearly shot him!" Bethany huffed, giving up on her rising anger for the moment as she let Cordelia hug her. "I"m angry with you for not telling me."

"Oh, shut up," Cordelia said with a sigh, still not letting go of her. "It wasn"t my secret to tell."

"We tell each other everything," Bethany insisted, her shoulders dropping slightly.

"Yeah, we do," Cordelia agreed while finally letting go and pulling back. "And you didn"t tell me how serious you were about Rick."

Cedric groaned behind her at the reminder of the name Bethany had used their first few weeks together, before she had known his real name.

"In my defense, I was kidnapped," Bethany insisted as she felt Cedric move to stand behind her, and took his hand as he grabbed hers.

"You said that I couldn"t kidnap someone who was willing," he pointed out, and squeezed her gloved hand.

"I was dickmatized," she snapped, looking over her shoulder to add a glare for effect. "And obviously crazy."

"Yeah, yeah," he huffed while shaking his head and looking towards his brother. Bethany looked towards him as well, and saw Owen shaking his head as well.

"So you"re where she got that stupid word..."

Cordelia was laughing, but when Bethany looked towards her cousin again, she saw a curious look on the woman"s face, as though trying to figure out a puzzle. What would have her thinking so hard?

"Okay, we need to talk," Cordelia said suddenly, before Bethany could even broach the idea. "A private girl chat. Owen, make yourself sparse. No listening in. Take your brother with you."

Bethany"s eyebrow rose as she looked to the stoic mountain man, expecting him to refuse or something else, but instead he shrugged his shoulders and waved his hand slightly towards Cedric, who hadn"t moved from her side. "Come on. I have work that needs a second set of hands in the workshop. We can do something productive while they talk."

Cedric still hadn"t moved from her side, but Bethany was desperate to talk privately with Cordelia, and if Cedric didn"t go with him, she was almost positive he would listen outside the door otherwise.

"Go," she insisted, giving Cedric a smile. "Help your brother out."

"Fine," he agreed, and leaned in to kiss her.

It was a quick brush of their lips, barely even really counting as a kiss given how normally they were unable to detach themselves from one another, and she let go of his hand as he began trudging away, leaving her behind while they made their way around the cabin, heading towards the much large building some distance behind it. She didn"t know how far his heightened hearing could work, but she hoped it would be enough, as she needed to be able to speak freely, and admit the things she was still too scared to even admit to herself.

"Come on inside and I can make some coffee for us," Cordelia offered as she headed towards the door, already tugging off her coat. "You"re probably cold after the ride over."

"A little, but Cedric keeps me warm," Bethany commented as she began to tug off her layers. There was an entryway, much like the one at Cedric"s house, where she could hang up her coat and leave her snow covered boots to dry, and beyond that, the door was open to reveal a cozy cabin, similar to Cedric"s but missing the loft. The kitchen looked a little bigger, and the bedroom was fully open to the rest of the home. The space was warm and well lived in, and already, Bethany could see her cousin"s touches on the space.

"We don"t have creamer or fresh milk, but Owen did buy cans of evaporated milk for me to last the winter," Cordelia explained from the kitchen, where she had a percolator going on the stove top, much like the one Cedric had in his home. "I hear you have a cow. Next time you come this way, I wouldn"t be opposed to trading for some."

"I"ll tell Cedric. I"m surprised he didn"t think to bring some."

"Owen doesn"t really drink it, so probably didn"t dawn on him."

The small talk was fine and all, but it wasn"t the reason why Bethany needed to talk to Cordelia, although she didn"t really know how to broach the subject. She looked up to see her cousin once again eyeing her with that same puzzled look on her face.

That was the last thing Bethany needed—her cousin figuring out whatever had her puzzled. It probably had to do with herself and Cedric, and if Cordelia came to any conclusions before Bethany was ready to put labels on things...

The small talk would have to continue, at least until Bethany knew Cedric was far out of hearing range, and her nerves had settled a little.

"You look like you"ve settled in well here," Bethany commented as she fingered Cordelia"s favorite blanket, now folded and laying across the back of the couch. "Your books and things on the shelves, your clothes hanging up... You"ve been here, what, a week?"

"Is that all?" Cordelia asked, now pulling two cups from the drying mat and setting them upright. "Honestly, I lose track of time out of here. With nowhere to be at any given time, we eat when we"re hungry, sleep when we"re tired, and busy ourselves with whatever we feel like when we want to. I"ve never felt so rested in my life, particularly after the workouts we put ourselves through."

Bethany could understand that feeling, given how much she had slept since she had arrived at Cedric"s cabin, but she had still been keeping track of the days, mostly because she was waiting for her period. She had another seven to ten days until it arrived, and then the clock would reset, and she would be counting the days until Cedric could tell she was ovulating.

Her cycle had never been regular when she was off birth control. There was no telling what would happen once the hormones were out of her body.

"When I was here the first time, Owen had made space for a lot of my stuff over time, so it was easy to put everything back in place when I returned. Anything that doesn"t have a place will eventually. Owen is working on an addition to the dresser, and in the Spring, we"re going to add onto the cabin. The harder part has been Owen learning to share his space with someone. He"s never lived with a woman before, so having all of my hair stuff in the bathroom and insisting on dirty clothes going in a hamper took in a lot of huffing, but he"s already getting better."

"What, you had to house train him?" Bethany asked with a laugh. "Cedric is already well trained in that regard. Picks up his dirty clothes without me mentioning it, remembers to do his laundry, washes the dishes when he"s done eating... Arguably, he"s probably used to cleaning up after Gareth, but there"s no need for me to mother him. Really, he"s the one taking care of me."

"Oh?" Cordelia asked, raising her brow as she poured the coffee into the two mugs. "A man who doesn"t need a woman. A woman who doesn"t need a man. That"s an interesting pairing."

And there it was. The very subject Bethany needed to talk about, but had been avoiding. Her and Cedric, and what was going on between them.

Bethany"s first instinct was to lie to her cousin, particularly about her feelings for Cedric. Before, she had certainly been a little dickmatized when it came to her feelings, but now that she knew him better, things were changing. She could appreciate the little things about him, like how he always made certain to stack an extra blanket on her side of the bed, and how he tended the farm animals, and even how he made breakfast. He was a gentle soul in a huge body, and could fuck like a God.

Maybe she was still dickmatized, but there also wasn"t anything about him that she didn"t love.

The only thing holding her back was the secret he had kept, and the fear that there was more he wasn"t sharing with her.

Maybe she would keep her feelings to herself, for the time being, until she was ready to admit out loud that her heart was open to him, in a fashion. In fact, she shouldn"t touch on her feelings at all. Cordelia was pretty smart, but she was also looking at life through dick shaped eyes at the moment.

Rather than thinking about and talking about men, she would talk about the compromise she had made with Cedric, and how they were going to try for a baby.

"It"s because I told him one night that I wanted to be a mother and have a baby. He got all jealous at the idea of me asking someone else, and offered to get me pregnant. I figure it"s going to take a few rounds, so we"ll fuck all winter long, and by spring, I"ll return to town and he can do whatever it is he does the rest of the year."

Bethany had busied herself while she spoke by making her coffee, and now, she took a sip from the mug, savoring the taste to keep herself from saying more. There was more to their connection and cohabitation than what she had said, but Cordelia didn"t need to know that.

Didn"t need to know that Cedric was ready to offer her the world.

"Well," Cordelia said, sounding a big surprised. "I"m... not sure what to say."

"There"s nothing to say," Bethany shrugged, still holding the cup in her hands so she could use it as a distraction. "You knew I always wanted to be a mother, and that I would one day find someone to help me get pregnant. It just so happened to be the brother of the guy you"ve hooked up with. You"ll really be my baby"s aunt."

She expected Cordelia to chuckle at the thought, given how often Cordelia had teased that they were closer than cousins and more like sisters, and would insist on being called Aunty Cordy, but all she got was silence. Bethany looked up to see a pensive look on Cordelia"s face, or what she could see of it, as she was looking down at her own cup of coffee.

"Owen and I are trying for the same," Cordelia finally said, although she didn"t seem... happy about it.

"Do you not want a baby?" Bethany asked, not really certain of Cordelia"s feelings on the matter.

"What? Oh, yes. Of course I want a baby with Owen. I mean, before him I would have been happy with or without, but now that we"re together and it"s for real, yes. Watching him become a father, exploring the world with a child, raising them to love this life as much as he does and as much as I"m starting to, I definitely want that."

There was now a smile on Cordelia"s face, but it made Bethany wonder why she had seemed concerned before.

"And I love Owen. I know it"s only been a few weeks, but I truly love him, and he loves me. I know they don"t have soulmates, but he feels like another piece of my soul, the settled down part that wants simpler things, the part I ignored for years. He completes me in a way I never would have thought possible. I"ve never felt so... content. And I know that word can sound like I"m settling, but I"m not, honest. I feel complete with him, and it makes me want something more, something additional. I"ve never been happier."

The smile lighting up Cordelia"s face told Bethany all she needed to know to believe her cousin"s words. She truly was happy, with Owen and with the idea of being a mother. That was good. Bethany was glad she was happy.

She wanted to ask more about the soulmate thing, though. Cedric had mentioned it once or twice, saying bears didn"t have soulmates, but if they didn"t, then who did?

Was this something he was keeping from her? Another secret? Should she be worried?

Cordelia took a long sigh, and Bethany braced herself. Here it was, the other shoe about to drop, and she was pretty certain that whatever thing her cousin was about to say, it wasn"t going to be a complaint about Owen.

"I"m a little worried, though, about you and Cedric..." Cordelia began, then shook her head slightly. "I mean, it"s obvious how he feels about you. Does he think it"s not going to last? Owen said the same sort of thing, which is why I came back to town, but I"m surprised he would be trying for a baby if he thought he would get tired of you."

Bethany"s hackles had already raised at the voicing of concern in general, but now, Cordelia was out of line. What Bethany was doing, and who she was doing it, was honestly none of Cordelia"s concern, particularly now that Cordelia had decided to up and disappear to a guy"s house and move in with him, leaving her and their future plans high and dry. They had shared a plan to move in together, pooling their money together to get a nice cabin, and a baby had always been a part of Bethany"s plans for the future. Just because Cordelia had jumped ship, that didn"t change Bethany"s own plans.

And besides, to talk about Cedric"s feelings... Cordelia had no idea what Cedric"s feelings were. How well did she even know the man? Only through the eyes of his elder brother? Yeah, she had no right to speak about Cedric, or what they were doing together.

"Just because Owen was ready to shove you out the door at the mention of commitment doesn"t mean Cedric is ready to do the same," Bethany pointed out, trying to do her best not to snap at her cousin. "And it"s nothing like that. We"re only together for a baby. There"s no need for commitment. We fuck, I get pregnant, he continues to live his life."

Cordelia was rigid as she stepped forward and set her mug on the counter between them. She was looking down at it, and Bethany took another sip of her own while waiting for her to respond.

"You"re... only together for a baby?" Cordelia asked slowly, still not looking up. "Not because of any feelings between you?"

Bethany scoffed. "There"s no reason for us to have any feelings. It doesn"t take being in love to get pregnant. He was jealous at the idea of me fucking someone else, but he also said bears don"t really do commitment, so—"

"Jealous?" Cordelia questioned, shaking her head as she started laughing. "Bears don"t get jealous, Bethany. That"s their whole thing. They fuck when they come across someone they want to fuck, then move on. If he"s jealous, that"s the human in him."

"And human men leave after they"re tired of a woman too," Bethany pointed out casually. "Look, it"s honestly not that deep. I"m not getting any younger, I want a child, he can apparently smell when I"m ovulating, so we"re going to have sex until I"m pregnant, and then he can go back to his old way of life."

"And that"s it?" Cordelia asked, sounding as though she didn"t believe her. "He"s going to continue on with the rest of his life and ignore the fact he has a child in town?"

"Why not?" Bethany questioned with a shrug. She was trying to ignore her conversations with Cedric as she spoke, and how she knew he would struggle with the idea of letting her go. Cordelia was being too judgmental right now. If she confessed to what Cedric had said during their argument, then admitted to her own growing feelings...

Coming to visit Cordelia had been a mistake. She wasn"t ready to confront her feelings quite yet, and Cordelia was clearly not going to be on her side.

"Cedric said it was up to me," Bethany continued, lifting her chin as she spoke. "It"s up to me how involved he is. I don"t expect anything from him. Maybe some help if the baby is a shifter in their teen years, but he can be fun Uncle Cedric, and I can do the rest by myself."

Cordelia sighed before she finally spoke. "He really said that? That he would be as involved or uninvolved as you wanted?"

"He said it was up to me," Bethany said with a shrug. "We"ll figure it out as we go."

Cordelia finally picked up her drink again and took another sip, giving Bethany a moment to breathe. She hadn"t exactly snapped at her cousin, but she had set down a boundary. She wouldn"t have Cordelia questioning her decisions nor her relationship with Cedric, not that there was much of one. At least, not before Bethany had decided what she was going to do about her growing hope and desire for the man.

"If you"re sure of what you"re doing, then I"m happy you"re finally getting what you want," Cordelia said, after a moment, still looking at her cup."I"m just surprised he would be okay with being like his father. Owen says it has bothered him and he"s always wondered why bears were like that. I had assumed he would want to be involved."

Bethany blinked a few times as she processed what Cordelia was saying, but not really understanding. Cedric"s father? She didn"t really know anything about the man, and only knew that Cedric"s mother had raised him and his brothers by herself, but...

She hadn"t really pieced it together until that moment, given the clues Cordelia had just given her. Cedric"s father hadn"t been involved, by choice, and it had bothered him, apparently...

And now, she was demanding that Cedric do the same.

"I don"t really know anything about his father," she admitted, now the one to look at her coffee, unable to meet the other woman"s eyes. "We haven"t really talked about that sort of thing. I didn"t realize it was... Well, he never brought it up when talking about having a baby, so I guess it doesn"t bother him as much as Owen thought it would."

Or, she was lying to herself about whether or not it would bother him, just as Cedric was lying to himself about being okay with not being involved.

"Wow, you two really aren"t that close, are you?" Cordelia asked, once again sounding confused. "I guess I misread the situation entirely. The way Cedric looked at you... I mean, I thought he was in love with you, and you were pushing him away."

Bethany couldn"t even bring herself to look up at her cousin to try and deny it. Cordelia was right on the money, because even though Cedric hadn"t said the words, it was pretty obvious to her how he felt about her, even if he didn"t necessarily have the words shaped in his own head yet.

He looked at her like she hung the moon in the sky, or better yet, the sun. He had told her more than once that he was soaking in her sunshine and warmth, for as long as she would let him. And now, he was giving her her ultimate desire, and she...

She was trying to hold him at a distance, not get too attached, and basically reaffirming that he would never be involved with her again once she had what she wanted from him.

She was using him, just like so many in the past had used her. The realization made her feel sick to her stomach.

"Oh... so he is in love with you." Cordelia sounded sad at the realization, and Bethany knew it wasn"t pity for her. "And you are holding him at a distance until you get what you want."

"Don"t say it like that," Bethany insisted, choking a little. "I don"t... I do have feelings for him, but I know how men are. He"ll get tired of me eventually. We"re not you and Owen. He"ll get tired and I"ll be left to pick up the pieces that remain. It"s one thing if it"s just me, but I have to put a baby first."

"A baby that doesn"t exist yet," Cordelia pointed out, her voice still very gentle and no longer judgmental. "Maybe the two of you should figure out your feelings before trying to get pregnant."

"I already ovulated once and we didn"t have sex, so we can have a month to learn more about each other," Bethany admitted, verging too close to her own feelings for the man once again as she spoke. "But we can"t hold off forever. You know it"s going to take a few cycles for me to get pregnant."

"I do, but... Bethany, why are you even pushing him away? Do you not like him like that? Or—"

"I don"t know," Bethany lied, even as her feelings felt like they were choking her. "I mean, I do. I do know... I can"t let myself love him, though, Cordelia. He"s... he"s never had a girlfriend before, never lived with another woman. There"s a reason for that. When the winter is over, he"ll be ready to move on, and if I don"t have any feelings, I can return to town, and—"

"He"s never had a girlfriend before," Cordelia repeated back to her. "Never lived with another woman. Never had a woman he felt jealousy for. Never cared for someone like he cares for you. That"s a sign, don"t you think, that you"re not like anyone else to him?"

Maybe. Probably. Yes.

"Did his father really abandoned them?" Bethany asked, her voice cracking again on the question. "We haven"t talked about it, so—"

"So maybe you should talk about it," Cordelia insisted, shaking her head slightly. "I shouldn"t have mentioned it, since you don"t already know, but you should know how he feels about it. It will probably change your feelings on whether or not you want to keep him away from a child you have together."

"But I can"t trust him," Bethany insisted, resorting back to her original complaint as a reason for keeping her distance from Cedric. It was a feeble one, one which really had no bearing any longer, given that he had never actually lied and more kept things from her that he just wasn"t yet ready to share, but she was willing to cling to anything that would give her a reason to not hope for too much from the man. "I feel something for him, but I can"t trust him. I can"t rely on him. It"s better to expect nothing and be surprised than end up hurt in the end."

"Oh, Bethany," Cordelia sighed, shaking her head slightly. "Do you not trust him, or are you simply scared to trust men at all? Are you holding things other men have done against you against Cedric? Or are you scared to love at all?"

Bethany didn"t have an answer for that, and went silent again as she sipped her coffee, her mind too full to even start to organize an answer, truthful or otherwise.