10

Every night, Bethany looked for Rick to return, and every night, he did.

Whether she was still at work, or she had already gone home and changed for the evening, he returned for her, and she invited him to stay, and...

It was not a relationship, because that would have to be discussed and agreed upon and Rick hadn"t asked her to go steady or be his girl or his woman or anything like that, but it definitely felt like one. He was more reliable than her period, which was thankfully still leaving her alone, despite the birth control.

Sometimes, PCOS was a real bitch to deal with, but her period deciding to stay away while she was enjoying the best and most regular sex of her life? Amazing.

She still took multiple pregnancy tests, because that was the last thing she needed, but they were all blissfully negative.

Another side effect of her chronic illness that she was currently not mad about—the issues with fertility.

Because if Rick was a new semi-permanent thing in her life, they would have to talk about things like babies and the future. They probably should do more talking, but every time she saw him, she was unable to keep her hands off him, and immediately had them both stripped down and back in her bed.

If her period ever showed up and they couldn"t have sex, they could talk then. Until such point in time...

She liked his dick. Liked him. And she was going to keep fucking him until he somehow fucked it up, either by not returning, or by asking for something from her she wasn"t ready to give him...

Like commitment, or plans for the future. Thinking about the future and what the fuck she was doing was too stressful and filled her with anxiety. She didn"t want to think about it. Didn"t want to get her stupid hopes up that maybe this was the real thing. It was only winter, and men went crazy in winter. Maybe, in the spring, she would see where they were at.

Until then...

Until spring and summer and a change in the weather, Bethany would only think about work, getting regular dick, and wondering when Cordelia would return. After a week of the roads being impassable, except by snowmobile, the weather was now more or less clear with only a few flurries each day, and the roads into town were getting cleared once more. Any day now, her cousin would return, and she would get to hear all about what happened between Cordelia and her Lumbersnack.

And Bethany would have to tell her what had been going on with her own...

But thinking about Cordelia was impossible when she walked out of the bar with Rick, and saw his truck parked at the far end of the parking lot. She had promised him, once, that she would ride him in it, and now that she saw the vehicle, she knew there was no way they were making it to her house.

Rick laughed as she pulled him towards the driver"s side door, and climbed up before offering her a hand. He had pushed the seat back as she climbed in and straddled his lap, and then his mouth was on her throat and her fingers were pulling open his jacket to expose his shirt underneath. It was another flannel, one she planned on stealing, as the one he had traded for a few days earlier no longer smelled like him, and for some odd reason she refused to read into, his scent comforted her.

Nothing and no one could ever pry that information out of her, of course. Not even her cousin, if she ever returned. His scent and his presence giving her the best sleep of her life and the best sex she had ever experienced would mean something if she said it out loud. It was better to let those thoughts linger in the back of her skull, along with the hope she also wasn"t touching.

The only thing Bethany wanted to think about was his mouth on her skin, and his cock buried inside of her.

"In me. Don"t bother getting undressed," she demanded before kissing him gain.

Rick pulled away with a laugh after a short kiss. "You"re the one undressing me, Sunshine."

He had a good point about that, but she wanted to feel his bare skin under her fingertips as she dug her nails into his shoulders while he brought her to a delicious orgasm.

It was difficult to get her pants off, and she was ready to give up, given the heavy layers and boots she had on, but Rick seemed to know what he was doing and spun her around to face the steering wheel. She gripped the leather as he tugged her pants halfway down her thighs, and shifted his hips to tug his own pants down, so when he tugged her off the steering wheel she was half crushed over, her bare skin rubbed against his exposed thighs, and his cock rubbed against her ass.

"Fuck, you are already wet for me," Rick groaned as he reached around her to shove his hand between her thighs, which were pressed together thanks to the lack of space. "Lean forward a little, Sunshine. Gonna be awkward, but doubt I could fit this back in my pants if I tried."

She didn"t care if it was awkward or if it felt weird or if it wasn"t as good as normal. She needed to feel him inside of her, filling her up, and the now familiar rush of pleasure through her body as he brought her to peak after peak. She was ravenous for him, demanding, and unable to wait even a minute longer.

His cock ran along her slit, and she shivered, both from the lack of heat in the truck and from the teasing, but then he was shifting under her while pulling her down against him, until she was seated on his cock and able to lean back against his chest.

"Fuck, so tight," he groaned, and moved his hands around again to grope between her legs, which were still pressed tight together.

"You"re not deep enough," she complained, something she had never said before. In the past, it felt as though he was splitting her open, but this evening, probably because her ass was in the way and they couldn"t move as they wanted to, she was aching for more. "This was not my best idea."

"No, but it"s fucking hot." He pushed her pants lower down her legs, to past her knees, and she was finally able to spread her legs better, and shifted as she rocked on him, feeling his cock hitting deeper. It was exactly what she needed as she planted her feet into the floor of his truck and started lifting her hips. "Oh, shit, there you go, Sunshine. Just like that."

He wasn"t as deep as she wanted still, but this was a new angle for them, as she was normally either facing him on top, or flat on her back while he threw her legs over his shoulder. Each time she sank down, his cock rubbed against a spot within her that had her legs trembling, and she gripped harder on the steering wheel as she kept going, wanting to set a rhythm.

His hands moved to her hips and he helped her move, fingers digging into her skin. He was probably leaving bruises, which was a fair trade given how often she tried to mark up his back, even if the cut of her nails wasn"t there in the morning. He would likely spend the night kissing any marks he left on her body anyways, a treat she would never complain about as he worshipped her.

"Oh, God, Rick," she gasped as he lifted his own hips in time with her movements. "Fuck, that feels so good—"

"Not gonna get you off like this," he grunted, but she didn"t care.

"Owe me an extra one later. Feels too good right now to stop."

It wasn"t about reaching the destination with him, but instead about the journey, and right now, she didn"t care about making it to where they were going. All she wanted was more of this, this angle, and more of him rubbing that spot inside of her that made her toes curl and her heart skip a beat.

His mouth kissed her hair, her ear, and lower on her jaw as she leaned her head back as far as she could, trying to give him access to more skin as they moved together. It was difficult to do any more in cramped spaces, but Bethany no longer cared, enjoying the thrill of doing this in his truck too much to want to stop. She had promised it would happen eventually, and they could try again one day, when they weren"t in so much layers.

One day. As if there was a hope or a promise of such a time coming.

"Fuck, gonna blow if you keep this up," Rick growled in her ear. "Shit, Sunshine, feel so good..."

She felt good, felt alive and free, and with his hands moving her up and down to do the work, she stopped trying to move with him and instead let herself only feel. His teeth and tongue were bruising a spot on her throat, his fingers dug into her hips, and that spot inside of her that made her body clench was being rubbed perfectly, in a way that made her think that maybe he didn"t even need to touch her clit to get her off.

Oh, fuck, she was going to come. He was going to make her orgasm on his cock alone. Just like that, a few more strokes, and oh God, he was going to make her orgasm. Her knuckles whitened on the steering wheel as he pushed harder into her, making her feel so full she squealed, and he kept going almost like he knew she was about to come.

"Rick, oh my God, I"m... just like that, like that, I"m so close—"

No, she wasn"t just close. She was there, on the very edge, clenching around him as pleasure rushed through her body. Her fingers and toes tingled as her body went hot, then cold, and she screamed his name while he sucked hard on her throat, his teeth every present on her skin. His cock had felt too big before, particularly given the position, but now she felt stuffed full and overwhelmed, and so good she wanted to cry, or scream, or laugh, and so she did all three.

She was flying high, and in a free fall, and he was there, pumping inside of her until he suddenly growled, and stilled inside of her as he followed into the orgasmic high. Bethany couldn"t even move, only able to concentrate on breathing and feeling the delicious haze of post-orgasm bliss.

He made her orgasm from his cock alone. Nothing else. Only him inside of her, rubbing at the perfect angle, and his mouth on her skin.

She was in heaven.

"Fuck, Sunshine," he growled against her jaw, leaving little kisses as his mouth moved higher, to her ear and then her hair. "Didn"t know you could do that from me alone."

"I didn"t know I could do that," she confessed, laughing with her words. "Fuck, I think I have a leg cramp."

"Me too," he admitted, chuckling with her. "Gonna slide you over so we can pull our pants back up, and head back to your place."

That sounded smart. Good.

Bethany shifted over to the passenger seat as feeling began to return to the rest of her body, ignoring the wet stickiness between her thighs. She would be home in less than ten minutes, where she could pee and clean up before she jumped on him again, so she could suffer for a minute. She wouldn"t take back the pleasure of riding him in his truck, no matter how gross it was to pull on clothes when she felt a mess. She was wetter than normal, which was a little confusing, but it had to be the lack of wipes, and her need to go to the bathroom.

"Might be a bit too old to do that in my truck again," Rick said with a chuckle as he started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. "Hot as fuck, but I"m feeling my age."

In contrast to his words, Bethany noted the way his leg was bouncing as he drove, almost like he had too much energy in him. He seemed younger, somehow. Full of an energy that she couldn"t understand. By contrast, she was now very sleepy.

"How old are you?" she asked, suddenly realizing she didn"t know.

Rick let out a breath, but she could tell he was thinking about it, trying to find the number. "Shit. Haven"t thought about that in a while. This"ll be my thirty-third winter, I think."

That was a strange way to think about it, but she was a little surprised. He seemed older, somehow. "Same. And I feel every single one of those years."

"Really?" he asked, sounding curious. "Thought you were a year or two younger. Maybe it"s the free spirit in you. Makes you glow."

Oh no, she was definitely in her thirties, and now starting to think about her age more and more. She wasn"t getting any younger, and if she wasn"t careful, time was going to escape her entirely, robbing her of her little dream.

Her mind went to that secret spot, thinking about how she only had a few more years, maybe ten at most, until her little dream would no longer be able to come to fruition. Of course, she knew with her PCOS that it would be hard regardless, but the older she got, the more struggles she would likely have. A pregnancy past 35 was somehow labelled as geriatric, as if women in their late thirties and even forties couldn"t have a baby, but given how her body didn"t like to ovulate or have periods, she was probably already on borrowed time.

Maybe the next summer, she would find the right man to give her what she wanted with a promise that she would ask for nothing more. It would be easy, given how men didn"t want to stick around anyways, but she would have to also find one stupid enough to not worry about her going after them for support, even if she had no intention of asking for any.

Then again, if Rick stuck around, there would be no random men crawling into bed next summer...

If he stuck around. Men never did, but after just over a week of him keeping his promise to her, despite the wind and snow, the hope bubbling inside of her was now growing, despite her trying to ignore it.

If she couldn"t pick a random man she could stomach to fuck all summer long, then she wouldn"t be able to find the right one to give her what she was dreaming of, but if Rick was sticking around...

"What are you thinking about so hard over there?"

His question was a valid one, Bethany knew, as she jerked away from her deepest thoughts, and she tried to find something else to say. There was no way she could admit to where her thoughts had really gone. No way she would admit to what she wanted, deep down. What he could give her, if she asked and he was agreeable.

"I love Bear Valley in the winter," she said instead, looking out the window as they slowly moved through town. He wasn"t rushing, which was smart given how the road was covered in ice and snow, even with chains on his tires. "I spent a winter with Cordelia one time, in the city, and I hated it. Too many people, too many lights, and the snow was always dirty."

"You"ve left Bear Valley?" he asked, thankfully not asking her again what she was thinking about, even if she was still contemplating it in the back of her mind.

If he did give her what she wanted, would he still come around? He did live outside of town, but clearly not so far he wouldn"t visit. What did his cabin look like? Was it bigger than her space? She knew he lived near his twin, but he was a single man. How much space would he have even planned for? Would she ever even see it? Would she get snowed in if she asked to visit?

"A few times. Cordelia, my cousin, used to live in the city, and my own family moved there a few years back. I"d visit over the summer sometimes, and I always thought it was big and exciting, but as I got older, I realized it was too loud and too bright. The mountain air is in my blood, and particularly when Cordelia started worrying about jobs and money and school, the glamor of it all faded. Eventually, any dreams I once had of traveling the world disappeared, and I realized I would never be happy anywhere but here."

Rick turned onto the road her cabin was on before he responded. "I"ve seen a lot of the north. I like to travel east, through the mountains, every spring. You"re right when you say it"s too loud and too bright. Every time I hit anywhere too busy, I turn around. That city life, it"s not for folks like us. I like simpler things. Living by the land. You"re right when you say the mountain air is in our blood. Too many humans, and it starts to stink."

She couldn"t agree more, and shuddered at the memory of the air smelling less like trees and snow and dirt, and more like trash and construction and metal buildings and petrol. The scent of fuel never really bothered her until she had sat in traffic for the first time, and felt like she was drowning.

"What do you dream about now?" he prompted, almost like he knew where she didn"t want to go.

The image of him holding a baby in his arms, swaddled up in a soft blanket Cordelia had made with her bright curls peeking out, flashed into her mind, and she forced her gaze back out the window as he parked the truck.

She didn"t want to say it. She shouldn"t say it.

And yet, the words slipped past her lips before she could stop herself.

"The older I get, the more I want to be a mother. To have a little one to raise and love Bear Valley like I do. I want to see the world through their eyes, to teach them all I know about plants and nature and hunting and... it"s probably not in the cards for me, but I want to live simply, and I want to share that."

Her heart was pounding in her chest as reality set in and she realized what in all she had confessed, something she had only ever shared with Cordelia, and her grandfather. Her grandfather, of course, had pointed out that she needed a man for that, but Bethany knew a man was only needed for conception and nothing more. Cordelia had understood her wanting to be a mother, and how she had always loved children and helping them. If she hadn"t needed more of an education, she probably would have taught a few towns over, but there was no way she was going to school in a city for that, and the internet hadn"t been as reliable for online schooling when she had completed high school.

And so now, her only hope of raising children was if she had her own.

And now, the man who kept coming back, knew her deepest desire.

A desire he could give her...

A desire she would never ask him to fulfill.

Bethany turned to look at Rick, who had now parked the truck in front of her house, and saw he was completely still, his eyes wide with his hands locked on the steering wheel. He looked as stunned as she felt by her confession, and she realized, in horror, that she had said too much.

Clearly, talk of babies wasn"t something he had expected from her.

"I shouldn"t have said that," she rushed to say, and ran a hand into her hair, trying to calm her racing heart. "It just slipped out. I know it"s not practical, but—"

"I think you"d make a good mother," he said, his eyes still facing forward and not looking at her. "But, I—"

He cut himself off, and she knew, with a sinking feeling in her gut, that this conversation had to come to an end.

Immediately.

"Thank you for driving me home," she rushed to say, and grabbed her car door to climb out. "I"m clearly tired, to have said something like that, so I"m going to head to bed."

"Okay." That was all he said, and she looked at him hopefully before shutting the door and rushing to the front steps, only glancing back once she reached her front door to see that he was still sitting still in his truck, not looking at her.

He hadn"t looked at her once since her confession, and that, somehow, told her all she needed to know.

No, Rick wouldn"t give her a baby. And if she wanted one, she was going to have to end what was going on between them.

The sinking feeling hit rock bottom as she went inside and shut the door behind her, leaning against it until a few minutes later, she heard his truck pulling away.

Only once he was gone did she look out again, and saw, oddly enough, footsteps leading from his truck to her front door. They were too big to be her own steps, and fresh snow had fallen while she was at work so they were new, so...

Had he nearly followed her inside? Had he almost said something else?

She replayed the conversation in her mind, thinking about her confession. Their thing between them was still new, only a few weeks old if she counted from their first night together, but in Bear Valley, people moved fast normally. Maybe he just hadn"t thought about having babies before. Maybe...

Maybe after thinking about it, he would want...

No. She had to ignore the hope that was trying once again to push forward. He hadn"t said anything, beyond her being a good mother, and finished himself with a but. Whatever the but was, that was him turning her down, or something like that.

Not that she had asked. Not that she would ask.

But the image of him holding a baby in his arms was one that she couldn"t make vanish each time she closed her eyes, and so she forced herself into the shower to wash up, and then into her bed, which now felt too big and too cold for one person.

That had never bothered her before, and she had always enjoyed her big bed covered in blankets, but now, she felt only alone. If Cordelia was in town, she would have trudged over to her cousin"s house, but she had still not returned, and so Bethany was left to lay in bed, alone, wondering if Rick would ever return.

Wondering, and worrying, if she had ruined everything.