Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“ I cannot believe that bastard!” Iris fumed, slamming a teacup down on the table so hard that it cracked and tea spilled out over the wood surface.

“Iris, be careful,” Violet said, frowning at her as she signaled for the footman who had brought the tea to bring a rag.

“Why should I be careful? It’s my own china, and I’m furious. I’m allowed to be furious!” Iris was, indeed, furious. Watching her, Rosalie was sure that her sister was more angry on her behalf than she herself was.

Maybe I’m still in shock. It hasn’t really hit me yet that my husband has thrown me out of my own home and decided that we will not live as husband and wife any longer.

“You are allowed to be furious,” Violet said patiently, “but you’re scaring Henry.” She nodded at her son, who was sitting in her lap and had clapped his hands over his eyes at the sound of the cup breaking. “And we’re here to support Rosalie. It might not be helpful to her for us to be angry. She’s still processing.”

Iris twisted her lips, as if trying to hold in a rebuttal, then sighed and nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Henry.” She reached out and patted the top of her nephew’s head then turned to Rosalie. Her eyes narrowed. “Is it helping you if I’m angry? Or not? Because if it’s helpful for you, I’m happy to continue.”

“You can feel whatever you want,” Rosalie said mechanically. “It’s helpful for me to see people expressing emotions because right now, it feels as if I don’t have any.”

“It’s still too raw,” Violet said at once. “It only happened yesterday after all. Soon, you’ll begin to feel all the emotions you’re supposed to feel.”

“Be glad you’re not feeling them yet,” Iris said. “Because trust me, heartbreak is the worst feeling in the world.”

“How do you know?” Rosalie asked, her interest piqued despite the fact nothing had piqued her interest since Nathan had sent her away yesterday. “You’re happily married.”

“Yes, but it wasn’t all roses when we first got married,” Iris said mysteriously. “Believe me, we had our fair share of conflict. It was only through hard work and learning to trust one another that we were able to overcome them and find our way back to each other.”

“Which is exactly why we shouldn’t condemn Nathan just yet,” Violet said. “This may be a similar moment when he and Rosalie have to work to trust one another. We wouldn’t want to make that harder by calling him a—” she glanced at her son, “b-a-s-t-a-r-d.”

“Well, he is,” Iris said, folding her arms. “At least, he’s being one right now. If he shapes up, then I will retract my statement. But for now, I am going to call anyone who hurts my sister a?—”

“Careful!”

“A you-know-what. ”

Violet shook her head. “Really, Iris, you shouldn’t swear even when children aren’t around. It’s very unladylike. Unduchess-like.”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Everything about me is unduchess-like. I don’t care. And neither does Eavestone.”

Rosalie felt herself shrink further down into the sofa where she was sitting across from her sisters. The last thing she wanted to hear right now was about her sisters’ marriages, especially the good parts. She wasn’t sure she could bear it.

Violet, however, seemed to notice, and she quickly changed the subject.

“What I’m curious about is what happened. One second, from what you’ve told us, he was happy to continue the marriage. We both saw you two dancing together! You looked like a happily married couple. And then the next—” She shook her head. “It doesn’t make sense.”

“I think it was the threat of Lord Cain,” Rosalie said. Her throat hurt from how much she had been sobbing the night before, and she didn’t enjoy speaking. She tried swallowing, but it didn’t help much. “After Lord Cain cornered me, he seemed to think that he was putting me in danger and that it was for my own good that we separate. But it wasn’t even his fault!”

“Hmm.” Violet frowned. “That doesn’t really make sense.”

Rosalie nodded, trying to fight off the feeling of guilt. She knew the other reason Nathan had pushed her away, but of course, she wasn’t going to share with her sisters what he had confessed to her. Part of her was tempted to do so. Perhaps one of their husbands knew the whole story, and they could get him to tell Rosalie.

But she also felt that it would be a betrayal of Nathan’s trust to tell Violet and Iris. They were family, but still… what he had told her was serious. He could be hanged for it if it were true. And truthfully, she was afraid to say the words out loud. She was scared that if she did, then what he had said he’d done would become real. Maybe she would even start to believe that it was true.

But she felt guilty for not being able to tell her sisters the whole truth of what had happened. They couldn’t really help her if she didn’t tell them the truth.

“I think we need to figure out what happened between Lord Redfield and Carramere,” Iris said, looking thoughtful. “Clearly they discovered something that led Carramere to believe Lord Cain is the true guilty problem in this opium conspiracy you told us about.” She threw Rosalie an irritated look. “Which, by the way, I must reiterate my displeasure you got yourself involved with. You could have been killed, involving yourself with criminals!”

Rosalie didn’t have the energy to argue with her.

“Anyway,” Violet said quickly, “I agree. We need to find out what happened and then figure out how we can fix it. Only then will Carramere realize what a fool he’s being and take you back, Rosalie. That or a romantic gesture…”

Her eyes became dreamy, but Iris frowned. “No romantic gestures,” she snapped. “He is the one that needs to make a romantic gesture to get Rosalie back.”

“Do you think he will?” Rosalie asked, hope suddenly flaring in her chest.

Violet gave her a small smile. “I really think so,” she said. “It was clear to anyone who saw you dancing last night that the Duke holds you in high regard. He would not let that go. Perhaps he’s scared. Fear can make men do things they wouldn’t otherwise. But I know that his feelings for you are deep.”

“As much as I currently dislike the man, I have to agree with Violet,” Iris said. “It was clear to me that the Duke is very much besotted with you.”

Rosalie swallowed again. Her heart was pounding with excitement and fear. She wanted to believe that they were right, but it was terrifying to entertain that hope.

“The important thing,” Iris said, leaning toward her, “is to think about what you want, Rosalie. Do you want him back? The answer might be no. Perhaps he hurt you too much. Perhaps you want to live separately. He could stay in the country, and you could live in town or with one of us. It’s your decision, and Violet and I will support you full heartedly in whatever you decide.”

Violet nodded, and Rosalie let her sister’s words wash over her. Until this moment, she hadn’t thought about what she wanted. All she had been able to think about was what she had done wrong and why the Duke had left her. She’d been blaming herself. But at her sister’s words, new feelings began to form in her.

What do I want? she asked herself. What do I want more than anything on earth?

She allowed herself to remember the kind of man she’d always told herself she would marry: the kind, gentle man who was the opposite of her father. Then she thought about the Duke. And then a feeling gripped her that was so strong it nearly made her cry out. To her delight, it wasn’t painful, really. Not like how her sister had described heartbreak. In fact, it kind of felt wonderful.

It was fury.

“Wake up, Nathan!”

If the voice hadn’t woken him up, then the face full of cold water that followed it seconds later certainly would have.

Nathan shot bolt upright, his eyes snapping open, his heart pounding in fear and surprise.

“Where am I?!” he shouted, looking wildly around. Water was dripping down his face, getting in his eyes, and for a moment, he couldn’t see anything, especially because of the blinding white light coming from the study window…

The study. He was in his own study in his townhouse in London. And as he blinked and rubbed the water from his eyes, he made out his cousin, James, and their friend Phineas, standing in front of him. Phineas was holding a pitcher that had clearly just been used to wake Nathan up.

“What’s going on?” Nathan asked as he took in the two men. James, he noticed, was wearing an expression of deep concern while Phineas looked mildly annoyed. “What are you two doing here?”

“What we’re doing here,” Phineas snapped, “is trying to find out what you did that has caused both of us to get earfuls from our wives.”

“W-what?”

“Our wives, good man!” Phineas said, shaking his head. “Your wife’s sisters! They have been livid ever since last night when you apparently threw your wife out of your house and sent her to live with me. Thank you for that by the way.”

Nathan’s brain was slow to catch up. He’d been out all night and had only arrived back home at around nine in the morning. Not that it had led to anything. Lord Cain was still eluding them. But it had been a great distraction, at least. He’d barely been able to think about Rosalie as he and Lord Carfield—with the help of some of Grove’s men—had searched some of the more seedy dens of iniquity in London.

“I’m sorry your wives are mad at you,” Nathan said when at last he was able to compute what Phineas was saying. “But really, this is a private matter between me and the Duchess. It doesn’t concern you.”

“Unfortunately, it does concern us when we have to live with the women you’ve hurt,” James replied, giving him a regretful smile. “And when it comes to the Crampton sisters, it seems that when you hurt one, you hurt them all.”

“You two have both had complications in your marriages before,” Nathan grumbled. “And you’ll notice that neither time did I come to you, demanding answers.”

“That’s because you weren’t married to Rosalie yet,” James pointed out. “If you had been… well then, you would have had to hear about it, and then we would have, too.”

Nathan rolled his eyes and looked around the study. The sun was bright and high in the sky.

“What time is it?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.

“It’s two o’clock.”

Nathan groaned. That meant he’d only gotten about four hours of sleep.

“Can we talk about this later?” he asked, sitting back in his chair. “I’d like to try and sleep a few more hours before I go out searching for Lord Cain again.”

“Ahh, so this does have to do with Lord Cain.” James’ jaw clenched. “That man is a snake. He somehow managed to slither his way out of prison, and now, he’s back in our lives, wreaking havoc again…”

“It’s worse than that,” Nathan said. “He devised a whole elaborate scheme to kidnap Rosalie. Of course, he doesn’t see it that way. He thinks he’s wooing her. But she despises the man, and he’s completely delusional about it. I’m sure that he will try to kidnap her again and convince himself that she has gone with him willingly.”

Phineas cracked his knuckles. “Not if we have anything to say about it.”

“That’s why I sent Rosalie away,” Nathan said. “For her own good. The closer she is to me, the more it incites Cain. And I can’t go looking for him when she’s in the house. It would frighten me too much to leave her alone. That’s why I sent her to yours, Phineas. I’m sorry if it was inconvenient.”

“Don’t get me wrong, she is always welcome with me,” Phineas said. “We love to have family stay with us, but it is getting a bit tense in the sitting room… the three sisters seem bent on some sort of scheme to seek vengeance against you.”

He shuddered, and Nathan almost laughed. So, Rosalie has found herself the heroine in a new kind of novel, I see. A revenge story.

Although another part of him also wanted to rage at what he had lost.

“It’s best if she hates me,” he forced himself to say. “Living with me would only cause her pain.”

James’s eyes narrowed. “So, this isn’t just about Lord Cain?”

Nathan cursed himself. Trust James to be able to interpret everything I say. “It is about Lord Cain,” he said quickly. “But I also think that I am fundamentally not a good fit for Rosalie. She wants a very different kind of man, and ultimately, she would not be happy with me.”

“Did she say that?” James asked. “Or did you decide that for her?”

Nathan flushed. “I am doing this for her own good!”

“In my experience,” James said gently, “ladies like to decide for themselves what is for their own good. They don’t want their husbands deciding it for them.”

“And in my experience,” Phineas added, the look of irritation finally having given way to sympathy, “when a man pushes a lady away and says it’s for her own good, it is, in fact, usually because he is trying to protect himself from getting hurt.”

Nathan swallowed. At once, Rosalie’s words from the night before flashed before his mind: I do care for him. In fact, I love him! Those words had filled him with the utmost terror. Was it possible that he had only pushed her away and claimed it was to protect her because he feared what would happen if she knew the real him?

Is it possible I fear that she will stop loving me?

But that was ludicrous… He was the Beast of Carramere! Nothing scared him!

And then he remembered the look on her face as he had packed her into the carriage and sent her off to the Eavestone house. That had scared him: the look of pain and hurt in her eyes. It had scared him to think that he could hurt someone he loved so much and that it might result in her loving him less.

“Maybe you did what you did to protect yourself against the pain of losing her,” James said wisely. “If you pushed her away, hurt her, and rejected her, then if she stopped loving you, you could point to that as the reason. It wouldn’t be because you’re unworthy of love; it would be because she was hurt by what you did to protect her.”

Nathan licked his lips. This hit him right where it hurt the most, and he had a terrible feeling that James was right.

“Well, what was I supposed to do?” he demanded, anger filling up the hole of sadness that was still inside of him. “You know my history, James! You know the things I’ve done! Was I supposed to let her find out about those and watch the love she has for be extinguished? No! It is better we break now before we both get deeper into this. The pain would be much worse down the road for both of us.”

James gave Nathan a long, searching look then he turned to Phineas. “Could you give us a few minutes alone?”

Phineas threw James a disgruntled look, set down the pitcher, and left the study. Only once the door was firmly closed behind Phineas did James speak.

“There is another option,” he said, his voice low and careful. “You could tell her the truth. The real truth, not the way you have twisted the truth in order to take all the blame.”

“The truth is that I am responsible for the deaths of my brother and father. The truth is that I welcomed my father’s death! I even hoped he would die.”

“You are not responsible!” James said, banging his fist down on Nathan’s desk. “But until you learn to let go of your guilt and accept that you are not to blame for your father’s sins, then you will continue to sabotage every good thing that comes into your life.”

“I—” Nathan began, but James cut him off.

“I know about pain. You know how much I hated my father. You and I were both cursed with evil fathers. But that does not mean that we carry the same evil inside of us. And it does not mean we have to spend the rest of our lives haunted by the things they did to us. You have a choice, Nathan. You can continue to carry your pain inside of you, and it can continue to push away everything good, or you can let it go and try to repair yourself and your relationships.”

Nathan’s heart was aching again, and this time, he felt sure it was going to snap in two. He couldn’t let go… he couldn’t. There was too much anger twisted up inside of him. Too much anger at his father, at Ethan, at himself.

Mostly at himself.

James seemed to read his mind because he shook his head despairingly. “I just hope that you can repair your relationship with Rosalie before it is too late. Because believe me: women do not wait around forever for you to apologize. Think about that.”

And he left the study, leaving Nathan feeling the worst he had in two years.