Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“ I killed my father.”

The words hung in the air between them like a death knell. Rosalie sucked in her breath, but no air seemed to come. She felt lightheaded and dizzy. What was he saying? Surely she had misheard him. He couldn’t have said that he’d killed his father—could he?

She blinked and shook herself and looked back up into his eyes. He was staring at her now, his expression unreadable. It was almost as if he were begging her to forgive him.

“I don’t believe—” she began, but he interrupted her.

“Not only did I kill my father,” he repeated, “but it is because of me that my brother is dead.”

“What? How can you say that?” she breathed. “I know that you feel responsible because your father held you back, but it wasn’t your fault, Nathan! You are not the reason he died!”

“I am the reason he died,” he said, and she had a horrible realization that there might have been more to the story than he’d let on. But even if there were more, she had a hard time believing that he had purposefully let his brother die.

“Whatever it was, it was an accident,” she said, and she gripped his arm again. “I know you loved your brother! Even if his death was preventable, accidents happen, and you mustn’t believe that it makes you a monster.”

“You weren’t there, Rosalie,” he snapped. “You don’t know.”

“Then tell me!” she pleaded, and tears suddenly pricked her eyes. She stamped her foot on the ground. “Tell me so that I can reassure you it wasn’t your fault! Because I know you, Nathan, and there is no way you are the beast you think you are.”

But he was shaking his head. “You do not need to know the details, but I am telling you. I’m telling you that I killed my father and my brother, and that all the rumors about me are true: I am every bit as terrible as they say I am. Worse, in fact. If they knew the truth, then I would be thrown out of Society once and for all. And I would deserve it.”

“Please don’t say this,” she whispered. The tears were beginning to roll down her cheeks. “I don’t believe you, I really don’t; you are a good man. Maybe you made mistakes, but we can figure it out together. We can find redemption.”

He unfroze then, and one of his hands came to her chin. He cupped her jaw for a moment, and a shadow of tenderness passed over his face.

“I tried to change for you, you know,” he murmured. “I thought that if ever there was someone who could change me, it would be you and my feelings for you. But now, it is clear that you are only getting in the way. Or more accurately, that I am dragging you down with my villainy. If it weren’t for me, then Lord Cain wouldn’t have been able to sneak back into your life.”

“That isn’t true at all! Lord Cain would have tried anything to get me back, whether or not I was married to you! He is a devious, deceitful man, and if I hadn’t married you, he would probably be hounding me for my hand night and day.”

But he didn’t seem to be listening. “I promise you, Rosalie, that I will always protect you: from Lord Cain, from your father, and from anyone else who tries to harm you. No matter what, you will always have my protection.”

A great and terrible fear overcame her, and for a moment, she couldn’t breathe. “What are you saying?” she whispered. “Why are you talking like this, like you and I won’t be seeing each other any longer?”

“Because we won’t.” He dropped her chin just as the tears began to leak down her cheeks. “From now on, we will live separately so that you don’t get dragged into any more of these schemes that put you in harm’s way.”

“But—”

“You will go to live with one of your sisters. I will visit you from time to time to make sure that you are safe and well and that all your needs are being met, but other than that, we shall not meet each other.”

“Are you only saying this because you are worried about my safety?” she demanded. “Is that why you’re pushing me away? Because I know you care for me, Nathan. I felt it. Whenever you kiss me, I feel?—”

“There shall be no more of that,” he said sharply, cutting her off, and there was something final in his eyes now that made her feel like she might faint. A great pain had seized her heart. It was as if something inside her chest was ripping in two.

“There has to be more that you’re not telling me,” she said weakly. “Please. I know that you wouldn’t kill your father and brother.”

“That is enough,” he snapped. “I will not let you think these things; I will not allow you to make excuses for me. I have told you what you need to know so that you can live separately from me without any regrets; with relief, in fact.”

“But—” The sob was rising inside of her, and she knew that she couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“I will escort you to our carriage now which will take you to your sister Iris’ house. Then it will come back for me. You will not see me for a long time. I will make sure to stay clear of you until the current danger with Lord Cain has passed. Thank you for cooperating.”

Somehow, Rosalie managed not to sob as he escorted her from the ballroom, not touching her or looking at her. Somehow, she managed to keep it together as they waited for the carriage. It was only once she was alone inside of it and they were rattling over the cobblestones to Iris’ house that she let herself go and sobbed until she could sob no more.

She is in love with me. With me! Nathan couldn’t fully believe it. He stood at the entrance to Viscount Carfield’s mansion, watching Rosalie’s carriage rattling away through the night, and let the disbelief swirl inside of him.

Me. She loves me.

Of course, she shouldn’t love him. Nathan was not worthy of the love of a woman like Rosalie, who was good and pure and selfless. He was the opposite, evil and polluted and selfish, and she deserved so much more. That’s why he’d lied to her. He had to keep her safe, and lying was his only choice. Not only safe from Lord Cain but safe from Nathan. Because while he had been lying about the exact particulars of his father and brother’s death, the essence was the same: both were his fault, even if he himself had not done the deed.

Which is why Rosalie had to be kept away from him. He wasn’t worthy of her.

And yet, as he turned and began to walk back toward the house, he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he loved her as well. He had never loved anyone like he loved her. She was brave and funny and full of adventure. She was open to new experiences but proud of who she was. She was kind and generous. And he had hurt her.

With each step, he felt as if his heart was becoming heavier. The ache was almost unbearable, and as he approached the front door, he had to clasp his hand over his chest to keep it from ripping in two.

I hurt her, and even though it was for her own good, it feels as if it’s going to kill me. Is this what love feels like? If so, then I’m glad I shunned it in the past.

But he couldn’t have shunned it now, even if he’d tried. His love for Rosalie felt like an infection that the body was unable to fight. She was in his very veins.

“Your Grace.”

Nathan looked up to see that an officer he knew vaguely from Scotland Yard was approaching him from near the doorway.

“Yes? It’s Bricks, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir. I saw you leave with the Duchess, but I was hoping you were coming back because Grove would like to speak with you.”

“Of course.” Nathan shook himself and tried to gather together the fragmented pieces of his brain. He’d almost entirely forgotten about Grove, Reed, and the mess with Lord Redfield after all the drama with Lord Cain and Rosalie, but they must still be waiting for him to return.

“Grove is now in the Viscount’s study,” Bricks said. “He, Lord Redfield, Captain Reed, and the Viscount are expecting you.”

“Very good. Are you coming as well?”

“I’ll stay here, Your Grace, in case Lord Cain tries to leave by the front door. It’s unlikely, but just in case.”

Nathan’s heart sank. “So, you still haven’t found him?”

“Unfortunately not, Your Grace.”

Nathan nodded then hurried up the front steps, through the entrance hall, and into the Viscount’s study where, indeed, Redfield, Reed, Grove, and Carfield—looking baffled at the presence of Bow Street Runners and Scotland Yard at his ball—were waiting for him.

“Ahh, Your Grace.” Grove nodded at him. He was smoking a cigar, but he placed it in an ashtray when Nathan appeared, as if ready to get down to business. “There you are.”

“My apologies,” Nathan said. “I had to find my wife before Lord Cain could corner her. Unfortunately, he already had.”

Viscount Carfield gave a start. “Is my cousin unharmed?”

“She is unharmed,” Nathan assured him. “I sent her to the Duke and Duchess of Eavestone’s for now for her own protection.”

“Very good, very good,” Carfield murmured.

“And what happened to Lord Cain?” Grove asked, his eyes probing. “Did he escape?”

“I believe so,” Nathan said heavily. “He slipped away when I was speaking with my wife, but I haven’t had a chance to search for him yet. It’s possible he’s still somewhere in the house. He knows this place well, I imagine, because of his many dealings with the previous Lord Carfield.”

“Then it’s possible he knows a way out of here that none of us do,” Grove observed, sighing and shaking his head. “We have long suspected that the last Lord Carfield built secret ways in and out of the house in order to help with his smuggling ventures. And, of course, in case he ever needed a quick getaway.”

“I know nothing of secret ways in and out of the house!” the new Lord Carfield squawked.

Grove shook his head. “They would be well hidden. But with your permission, we will search the house starting tomorrow and try to locate them so that nothing of this nature can happen again.”

“And what of Lord Cain?” Lord Redfield asked. “Were you able to get a confession out of him, Carramere?”

“Between my wife and me, yes,” Nathan said. “He seems to have plotted the whole thing as an elaborate ruse to try and get the Duchess to fall in love with him and run away with him.” His hand tightened into a fist at his side. “Of course, it never would have worked as the Duchess despises him. But he is obsessive, and that obsessiveness is highly dangerous. I fear very much for her safety. We must ensure that Lord Cain is caught right away.”

“The Bow Street Runners will be on it!” Captain Reed piped up at once. “We will search day and night if we have to to bring this man to justice.”

“Scotland Yard will also be on the case,” Grove assured Nathan. “You have my word. He is our top priority, not least of all because of his opium-smuggling ring which must be shut down at once.”

Grove turned to Captain Reed and held out his hand. “What do you say that we do a better job of sharing information this time around so that we can be sure to capture this villain?”

Reed hesitated then grinned and shook Grove’s hand. “I say that’s very wise.”

“Then we will begin looking at once,” Nathan said. “And none of us will rest until the man is behind bars. I am ready for this entire criminal organization to be behind bars. I thought it would have stopped by now with the arrest of the previous Lord Carfield and the late Lord Redfield. The fact that Lord Cain is still free and threatening my wife is unacceptable. We must put a stop to him.”

“Yes, we must,” Lord Redfield agreed. “The empire my father started with Jebediah Crampton must be thoroughly eliminated from the world so that no traces of it can continue to pollute our fair country.”

Nathan nodded. A wave of exhaustion was threatening to overcome him. He could feel his legs beginning to shake, his eyes heavy and ready to close. He needed to sleep or at least to get away from everyone. The break with Rosalie was like a hole inside of him that was sapping him of all energy and joy. He needed to rest, or he might fall apart completely.

At the same time, he was afraid that if he let himself rest for a moment, the despair at having lost her would consume him.

He turned to Lord Carfield. “Let’s start tonight.”

Carfield looked uncertain. “Tonight? But the ball…”

Nathan glowered down at the Viscount, who cowered before him.

“Yes, tonight,” he growled. “Whatever it takes to keep Rosalie safe.”

Safe from one of us, at least, he added to himself. I can keep her safe from Lord Cain, but I’ll never be able to keep her safe from myself.