Chapter 26 Ella

Chapter 26

Ella

Party noise blasts my eardrums as Brynn! guides me through a sea of people in her Barbie-pink cocktail dress. She did an impeccable job of covering up her swollen eyes after crying on my shoulder for an hour while we got ready in her bedroom.

I don't exactly want to be here without Max, but my friend needs me, too.

She's grieving.

Flamingo-tipped fingers curl around my wrist as Brynn! pulls me between a cluster of fellow seniors. "This house is amazing!" she declares, chugging down a tumbler of punch.

I don't like alcohol, so I'm sipping a watered-down Coke, wishing it was Dr Pepper. "I guess."

Pursing my lips, I follow her into the dining area, where four football players are tossing ping-pong balls into cups of warm beer. I cringe. One of the guys happens to be Andy's minion, and it would be a disservice to his character if he didn't take the opportunity to torment me.

"Sunbury!" He sends a catcall my way. "I called dibs on one of the bedrooms for us. Nice king bed and silky-ass sheets. There's one of those vanilla-scented candle thingies in there. Heard it's an aphrodisiac."

If my eyes rolled any harder, they would land in last week. "You couldn't arouse me if you came with a user manual and a troubleshooting hotline."

"We'll see."

His eyes track down my body, from my cleavage to my bare legs that Brynn! insisted on spritzing with shimmer-dusted body mist. They are still as pale as the Michigan snow, but now they glitter. My black party dress is the same one I wore to dinner the night Max and I had our first kiss and is one of three that I currently own.

Three dresses, glitter, and an end-of-the-year kegger.

I don't even recognize myself.

The party presses on amid flip cup tournaments, loud music, and drunken laughter as I lean back against a wall and wave hello to Kai when he appears, looking dressed to impress.

"Kai!" Brynn! singsongs, leaping into his arms for a bone-crushing hug. "You made it!"

Kai grunts softly at the impact, then blushes, his cheeks tingeing pink as he wraps one careful arm around her waist. "I had to sneak out. Dad says parties are for troublemakers and social butterflies. We'll see which way I'm leaning by the end of the night."

"You'd make a lovely butterfly," Brynn! says, inching back to fix his collar. "You already have the grace for it. All you're missing are the colorful wings and a penchant for flowers." She bops him on the nose, her laughter infectious, all remnants of McKay tucked away for the time being.

A sad smile hints when I think about Max. I imagine him here in his dressy clothes, hair gelled up, dimples gleaming. Sighing, the vision only amplifies when I watch Kai and Brynn! start slow dancing to a moody ballad, drifting toward the kitchen, lost in the moment. Something is clearly brewing between them, and I can't help but wonder if it triggered the breakup.

As I lean against the wall, spinning my empty cup between my hands, something catches my attention on the other side of the patio doors.

My heart stutters.

Max?

I blink, frowning.

No …the hair is too long, the sweep of his shoulders notably different. My eyes narrow, making sure I'm seeing things correctly. With no alcohol in my system, I can only determine that I'm indeed staring at McKay stumbling through the backyard.

That's weird.

I have no idea why he'd show up tonight, knowing Brynn! would be here.

Swallowing, I pull up from the wall and weave through the crowded room. McKay looks awful. His shirt is wrinkled, his hair a disheveled mess as it teases his crooked collar. My pulse trips with empathy. He's my boyfriend's twin brother and he's grieving, too.

Brynn! said he took the breakup hard.

I watch as he slumps down in the grass near the edge of the lake and dangles a beer bottle between his knees. Nibbling my lip, I look over my shoulder at Brynn!, finding her deep in conversation with Kai in the corner of the room, both of them in their own little world as they sway to the music, a small-sized gap between them.

I shouldn't tell her he's here—it'll only put a damper on her night.

Though my loyalties feel divided, I decide to see if McKay is okay and slip out through the patio door, quietly closing it behind me.

It's barely forty degrees outside and the late-December air nips at my skin. I pull the sleeves of my black cardigan down over my palms and cross my arms across my chest for warmth. McKay doesn't notice me as he faces the opposite direction, slinging back a few clumsy swallows of beer. I clear my throat as I approach. "McKay?"

He pauses mid-sip and slowly lowers the bottle, his head tilting slightly until I appear in his periphery.

"I didn't think I'd see you here."

"Mmm. Can't find any place I belong these days."

My ballet flats smash along the chill-laden grass. I've never been great at comforting people and that's probably because I've never been a notable source of comfort. It's hard to be sunshine in someone's cloudy sky when you're a dreary gray cloud.

I glance out at the lake, the water calm and free of ripples. When I'm standing right beside him, I hug myself tighter to counter the biting temperature and let out a sigh, my breath falling out in a plume of white. "Not belonging anywhere is relatable," I tell him. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm willing to offer up my dubious services. No guarantees, no refunds."

He looks up at me, his eyes glazed and intoxicated. "Why would I want to talk to you?"

"Valid point."

"No offense," he adds, taking another swig of beer.

"None taken. Which, might I add, could be a reason in itself. I'm impossible to offend. If I'm part of your problem, you can ambush me with your anger and misery and I'll take it like a champ." I flash him a smile of forced enthusiasm. "Give it a shot. Do your worst."

His eyes narrow through the lowlight as he stares up at me. "You're kind of weird."

"Love that. Keep going."

"Off-putting, too."

"Part of my charm, if I have any at all."

"I'm not entirely sure what my brother sees in you."

"Right there with you."

A partial smile slips as McKay looks up at me, his beer bottle half-tipped over in the grass. When he peers back down at the ground, the smile fades. "He wants to leave town with you after graduation and I don't understand it. He promised that he'd leave with me. Me ," he says, agony lacing his words. "He barely knows you and I'm his twin brother. It's bullshit. It's not fair. He says I've abandoned him, but he's never once tried to chase me down or win me back. He's never fought, never made me believe we're a team…so why bother? Why fight for a father who doesn't even know I exist? Why rebuild a house that has never felt like a home?" He closes his eyes and lets out a rattled breath. "I thought I was the endgame, the grand plan…but I guess I've always been the backup plan. I was there until something better came along." When he glances up, his dark-blue eyes look black. "You came along, Ella. You're the endgame."

My heart stutters.

It gallops with surprise, because I didn't know Max wanted to leave town with me.

It teeters with guilt, because now McKay is an innocent casualty in our escape.

And I know what that's like. I understand what it feels like to be abandoned and overlooked by the people you love. The people you trust. The ones who always said they'd be there.

I blink back the mist glazing my eyes and duck my chin.

I'm not offended… I'm just sad.

I'm sad for McKay.

Shaking his head, he pulls himself up from the grass on wobbly legs, leaving the near-empty beer bottle behind. He sweeps past me, smelling like booze and cheap cologne. "Let's go for a walk."

My head pops up, a baffled frown furling. "What?"

"Come on."

He's already trudging ahead of me, toward the tree line that borders the lake. Hesitating, I glance over my shoulder at the brightly lit house swarming with life and music. Silhouettes dance and sway behind curtained windows and teenagers fill a bubbling hot tub, squealing and splashing with cocktails in hand.

When I look back at McKay, he's yards ahead of me, dissolving into the stretch of darkness.

Worried about him going into the woods alone and intoxicated, I follow.

I jog forward, catching up to him before he reaches the trees. "Did I infect you with my invaluable advice and positive spirit?" I ask, my feet moving at double the speed to maintain his pace. "Maybe I'm cooler than I thought."

"You're not," he mutters. "But you're not a terrible listener."

"I'll take it."

We walk in tandem for a few minutes, sticks and leaves crunching under the soles of our shoes. McKay's balance is unsteady as he swats bare branches out of his way and staggers left and right. He doesn't say anything, so my lone skill as a semi-decent listener feels wasted.

The path through the woods is inclined, causing my calves to ache and the bottoms of my feet to throb through the thin shoes. I'm in no position to be hiking right now. I glance at McKay, still trying to keep up with his longer strides. "We should probably head back. How drunk are you, anyway?"

"Not enough." He ducks underneath a leafless branch. "What has she said about me?"

"Brynn?" I wonder.

"Obviously."

We make our way through the thick trees until we come out near a sloped bluff overlooking Tellico Lake. Moonlight serves as an eerie flashlight, casting a glow on the still water. "She's really upset. She was crying all night before we got to the party."

His breath is a tangible cloud when he exhales. "Not what I asked."

My throat tightens through a swallow. Our feet come to a stop and McKay falls to a sitting position just before we meet the edge of the promontory, collapsing with a graceless plop. I follow suit, taking a seat beside him and crossing my legs. "She just said that it wasn't going to work out. She said you were acting jealous over Kai and things were tense. She's leaving for Florida in a few months, and you're staying behind, so breaking up felt like the right thing to do."

"Jealous," he mutters with contempt. "You think? They've been all over each other since he moved here. It's impossible not to feel pissed off and hurt when I'm constantly catching them together, flirting and making moon eyes at each other."

I pick at the blades of grass. It's not my place to speak on my friend's behalf, so all I say is, "I'm sorry you're hurting. I know it sucks."

Grumbling, he pulls something out of his front pocket. It's a miniature liquor bottle that he quickly pops open, then tips back, drinking it all in one swallow. "It won't last between you and my brother, you know."

I frown. "Why not?"

"He's never had a girlfriend before. He's completely clueless."

"I don't think that matters. I've never been in a relationship, either."

"You guys fuck yet?"

I blink over at him, my cheeks warming despite the chill in the air. "That's none of your business."

He shrugs, spinning the empty bottle between his fingers. "Just a question. You don't strike me as a prude."

I tinker with the hems of my sleeves and fold my arms, looking back down at the grass. "No. We haven't."

"How come?"

"I haven't felt ready yet. Romance was never a part of my plan, so I'm taking it slow." I feel him staring at me, waiting for more. "Sex complicates things. It makes it harder to let go, and I wasn't sure what direction we were going in after graduation."

He makes a humming sound. "Well, congratulations, he's whipped." McKay flicks the bottle aside, then kicks it over the ledge of the bluff with his shoe. It makes a tinkling sound as it plummets down below, reminding us of how high up we are. "Tell me, Sunbury…what makes him better than me?"

My arms cross tighter across my chest. "Nothing. You're just different."

"We're nearly identical."

"Your personalities are different. You're not the same person."

"So, what makes him better than me?" McKay takes out a second bottle of liquor and downs it, tossing the empty glass beside him.

Then he slowly cants his head in my direction, his eyes looking cloudy and glazed against the moonlight. I'm not sure how to respond to the question without upsetting him further. I can't put a definition on a feeling. Max speaks to my soul. He complements me in all the best ways.

Inhaling a breath, I look over at him and our eyes meet. "He saw me when no one else did," I murmur. "He heard my truth when everybody around me whispered gossip and lies. He wanted to know me …not the rumors. Not my past. Just…Ella." I watch his brows dip with a thoughtful expression. "Max found me when I was lost," I tell him gently. "And I think that's the only way to recognize your real home. You need to be lost first. You need to be wandering, forgotten, misplaced. Only then will you truly know where you belong."

My heart twists with epiphany. With realization. My pulse speeds up and my breaths falter as the weight of my words trickle through me like a warm waterfall.

McKay seems to sense the gravity of my admission and his eyes soften. Nodding, he stretches out his legs and stares out at the dark water bleeding with darker sky. "I envy you both. Must feel nice to finally belong somewhere."

A small smile lifts and I extend my hand, placing it atop his knuckles in the patch of grass between us. "You'll find your place. I know you will. My brother used to tell me…" Emotion causes my voice to hitch, so I pause to regroup. "My brother would tell me that when things don't work out, it's because something better is waiting for you."

"Sounds cliché. Bullshit to help us cope when we can't do it ourselves." McKay's words start to slur as he sways side to side. He glances down at my hand on his, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "Not to mention, he's a murderer."

I ignore that last part. "There's nothing wrong with needing help."

"You offering to help me, Sunbury?" His dark eyes lift, half-lidded. "Maybe you're not so bad."

Part of me wants to say: The notion that you thought I was "bad" in the first place is one big difference between you and Max.

But I don't want to make things worse.

I pull my hand away and offer him a shrug. "Sure. I can try."

"Yeah?" He scoots closer to me on the grass until our hips bump together. The alcohol has him nearly toppling into me as his face tilts and his nose skims my hair.

I stiffen.

"Mmm," he says. "You smell nice."

My stomach pitches, his proximity causing me to inch away. "Um, thanks," I mutter. "We should probably get out of here. It's almost midnight and the fireworks are going to start soon."

When I move to stand, his hand whips out and curls around my wrist, pulling me back. Frowning, I glance at the contact.

"Don't leave," he mumbles.

"McKay," I state, slithering free from his grip. "We should go."

"Don't want to. I jus' need a friend. You said you'd try to help me."

"I don't know how to help you right now. You're drunk. We can grab coffee tomorrow if you want."

"No." He snags my wrist again. "Stay."

Stay.

Somehow, the word sounds far less reassuring coming from him.

I shake my head and try to move away. "I don't want to. I'm cold."

"I can keep you warm." His eyes dip to my mouth.

A tense beat passes between us and I freeze in place. I can't move, can't form a cohesive thought. His eyes hood as he stares at my parted lips, still swaying, drunk on booze and bitterness.

And then he leans in.

He leans in to kiss me.

Oh my God.

All my senses whoosh back like a sharp wind and I pull back quickly, horrified, shoving at his chest. "What the hell are you doing?"

My heart pounds.

Anxiety prickles the back of my neck and dances down my spine.

He's still leaning in, far too close, a smirk lifting half his mouth. "Think I was gonna kiss you."

"That's not okay. I want to leave now." Glancing around the empty bluffs, I become fully aware of the fact that we're all alone up here. I can barely make out the lights from the house across the lake. The cold breeze picks up, sprinkling more goose bumps up and down my arms and legs. "I'm going back to the party."

As I move to pull myself up, McKay snaps his hand out and latches onto my cardigan. "Why would I wanna go back there? My ex-girlfriend is there, probably getting naked with that Kai kid. Fuck that. I like it better here." He yanks me down with surprising force and I tumble into his lap. "I like you more. I want to know what my brother sees in you."

Fear grips me like a barbed noose. I scramble to get free as both of his arms wrap around my middle to keep me in his lap. He moans when my ass grinds against his groin in my attempt to escape. "McKay…let me go," I say, my voice shaky, tone pitching. "I'm serious."

Logic tells me this is McKay. This is Max's twin brother and he would never hurt me. He's drunk and not thinking clearly, and any minute now, he'll apologize and let me go.

This is a misunderstanding.

An awkward, uncomfortable misstep.

But my instincts are flaring, telling me otherwise. They sense danger, regardless of who he is.

"That feels good," he whispers in my ear, grazing the tip of his nose through my hair. "Feels good when you wiggle like that."

Then his hand crawls up my torso to cup my breast and he buries his face in my neck, inhaling deeply.

No, no, no.

This is wrong.

This is so wrong.

"McKay, stop it. Don't touch me." I peel his hand off my chest and rocket forward, my heart in my throat.

He pulls me back.

I scream.

"What the hell," he growls, his head popping up while one hand slaps across my mouth to keep me quiet. "Jesus. Someone'll hear you."

I keep screaming, the sound muffled by his palm.

"Knock it off, Ella. Fuck…just hold still!" He grips me tighter, squeezing me, until I can hardly catch my breath.

Kicking my legs, I try to find stability to haul myself up. I scratch at his arms, writhing, desperate to flee. Terror sinks into me as my adrenaline spikes and my survival instincts fire tenfold. When one of his hands trails down my body and slips between my legs, prying them apart, I swing my head backward until my skull connects with his forehead.

He gasps out a pained groan and releases me. A bone-rattling scream lets loose as I struggle to find my footing, and then I jump to my feet and run.

I hardly make it a few steps when a hand flies out and grips my ankle.

I shoot forward, landing facedown in the grass, my chin connecting with hard earth. My teeth slam into my tongue and blood fills my mouth.

Tears blur my vision as pain renders me paralyzed long enough for McKay to flip me over and snatch both of my wrists, pinning them above my head.

He straddles me.

I stare up at him, blood coating my mouth and jaw, my chest heaving with panic. Dark, shaggy hair drapes over his face and his eyes glint with black ice. "Please, please, get off me," I beg, squirming beneath his heavy weight, trying to rip my hands free. "Get off me!"

"I don't wanna hurt you," he slurs. "Jus' hold fucking still."

"McKay, stop! You are hurting me!" I shout. Tears slide down my cheeks, mingling with blood. " Somebody help me! "

He clocks me across the face.

"Shut. Up ," he hisses, eyes wild.

More pain zips through me, head to toe. I watch as something takes him over like a sinister possession. He looks crazed, out of his head.

I fight.

I'm screaming and pleading, kicking my legs and struggling to free my arms. The moment he uses one hand to tug my dress up my thighs and yanks down his zipper, I pull free, lifting enough so I'm able to draw my knees up and fling my legs forward, kicking him in the chest.

I jump to my feet, my tongue swollen, blood spilling down my chin and neck. My cheekbone is bruised, my body racked with tremors and mind-numbing shock.

McKay is on me before I can gain any speed. He flings me around, grabbing me by the upper arms and yanking me against him.

We stumble.

"Christ, hold still!" he says through his teeth, spit misting my face. "Stop running!"

Sobs tear through my chest. I've never been more petrified. He grapples with me, his panicked hands in my hair, around my neck, trying to contain me. "Stop it, stop it! Help me!" I shriek, fighting back, slamming my knee between his legs and connecting with his crotch.

He howls with pain and lets me go. I cry out as loud as my lungs will allow and spin around to escape, but he grabs my elbow and swings me back toward him. He yanks me hard, with more force than my body can process.

I slip.

My shoes have no traction as they struggle for support.

My arms wave desperately, trying to latch onto the cold wind to keep me upright.

The moment moves in slow-motion. McKay lunges forward to grab me, to reach for me, to keep me from falling.

But then he hesitates.

He stops dead in his tracks, his eyes widening as I tumble backward, rocks and rubble kicking up beneath me.

He doesn't reach. He doesn't move.

He just…watches.

And I realize in that split second what's behind me.

I know exactly what's there to catch me.

Nothing.

A scream explodes from my throat as the nothingness snatches me up, jerks me in reverse, and I tip backward over the drop-off.

The last thing I see is McKay fisting his hair with both hands, his eyes rounding with horror as orange fireworks flash across the sky.

The last thing I feel is my stomach lurching into my throat and icy wind and tree branches slicing my skin as I fall, fall, fall.

The last thing I think about before my body hits the ground…is him.

Max.

And I wonder if he'll ever find out that his brother killed me.