Chapter 28

Twenty-Eight

Will

Will woke up the next morning and slowly opened his eyes, the bright Arizona sunlight shining through his window. He immediately wanted to go back to sleep. His house was empty, both his parents had gone to work early in the morning. Everyone's gainfully employed except me , Will thought, rolling over in bed.

He picked up his cell phone, but there were no new messages. He sighed, not knowing at all what he should do with his day. Well, I can't just lay in bed all day , he thought, willing himself to get up.

He dragged himself to the shower and got in. As always, the shower helped improve his mood, and even the slightest bit helped. He got out, drying off and went back to his room, putting on clothes. He turned on his laptop and began looking again at job postings.

He was about an hour into applying to jobs when he heard a knock at the door. He ignored it, knowing that his mom often got packages delivered and the mailman would just leave them at the front door. Another few seconds passed, and another knock came. Will looked up from his laptop, trying to decide if he should answer. There certainly wasn't anyone in Arizona that would be coming to see him.

He continued ignoring it, but a whole minute passed, and the knock still came.

"Shit," Will said under his breath, hoping it wasn't an angry neighbor or someone trying to sell something. Just then, he heard his phone buzz from next to his laptop. He saw the name on the screen: Jacob.

"Oh my god," Will said out loud, genuinely shocked to see Jacob's name. He had honestly thought that he'd never hear from Jacob again. He slowly picked up his phone and opened the text message.

" Are you home? " was all it said. Jesus , Will thought, is Jacob outside?! Will quickly stood up, put on some shoes and made his way to the door. He stopped and looked in the mirror on the way, making sure that he didn't still have swollen eyes from crying the night before, but surprisingly he looked pretty good, certainly better than he felt. Will felt a sinking realization in his chest. Oh. I probably just left something in Jacob's car and he's coming to drop it off .

He took a deep breath and made his way to the front door. He opened it up to see Jacob.

"Hi," Jacob said, a worried look on his face softening as he saw Will.

"Hey. Did I leave something in the car?" Will said, his voice cautious.

"What? Oh, no, no. I… Will, do you have a few minutes? To talk? Maybe we can go for a walk," Jacob said, staring into Will's eyes. His face looked concerned, and Will was worried that something awful must have happened.

"Oh, um… okay. Are you sure you want to go for a walk, though? It's like, already 90 degrees out there…" Will said, looking outside at the sun.

"Yeah. I'm sure. I gotta clear my head," Jacob said.

"Okay. Let me go grab my keys then, I guess," Will said.

He went back to his room, finding his keys and wallet and stuffing them into his pants. He had no idea what was going on with Jacob, but whatever it was, it didn't seem good.

He went back outside and met with Jacob.

"There's a small mountain just up that way," Will said, pointing north. "We could head that direction."

"Okay," Jacob said, and they started to walk.

Will expected Jacob to start spilling, telling him what was so wrong that he actually had come back to Will's house before driving to San Diego. But for the first few minutes of the walk, Jacob was silent. They walked side by side, and with every passing minute, Will could feel the heat of the sun growing hotter. They made their way to the bottom of the mountain and slowly started to climb.

"Well, this definitely isn't how I expected my day to turn out," Will said, deciding to break the silence.

Jacob let out a small laugh but quickly returned to silence again. They walked up the mountain, passing large rocks, bushes, and occasionally a saguaro cactus. They made it almost to the top of the mountain, Jacob not saying a word. Will found the small walk peaceful but was still concerned about Jacob.

"Okay, Jacob, I know something's up. Why'd you come back to my house? What do you want to talk about? Should I be worried?" Will said, his voice concerned.

They reached a point on the mountain where the terrain leveled off, and they were able to stand on a stretch of flat land that overlooked the city. They weren't very far up, but the view was still beautiful.

Jacob finally stopped walking. He turned to face Will, his brown eyes full of emotion. Will couldn't tell if Jacob looked sad, happy, or a mixture of both. Will wanted to still be mad at him, to still resent him for turning him away, but he couldn't – not when Jacob was standing right here in front of him, looking into his eyes.

"So, I was talking to Carrie last night. She called, wanting to know my opinions of what furniture she should buy, for her apartment," Jacob said, shaking his head a little and looking out over the city.

"…You did not seriously come here to talk over girlfriend problems with me, right, Jacob?" Will said, raising his eyebrows at Jacob.

"Hear me out, hear me out. She was going on and on about furniture, so I got bored. I hadn't signed into Facebook in a while, so I opened it up," Jacob said, looking back at Will.

Shit , Will thought, remembering that he had uploaded those photos days ago that had Jacob in them.

"Oh. Is that all? Sorry, Jacob, if you don't even want photos without me in them online, I can take them down," Will said.

"No, no, it's not that. I was looking through the photos, one by one. And it wasn't the photos, really, that did it. But… they helped to make me see that for the past two weeks, I've actually been living the life I wanted to live. I wasn't doing things just because all my friends were doing it. I wasn't doing anything because I thought I should . I was just living, being myself… and I realized how fucking wild that is. That up until this point, I've been afraid to even make my own choices, my own decisions. To take a fucking chance," Jacob said, his voice raw.

Will swallowed, feeling his heartbeat quicken slightly.

"And I don't think I could have done it without you, Will," Jacob said.

Will took a deep breath. "Well, thank you Jacob, but I don't know why you had to come all the way back to my house to tell me that. I know I forced you to face your fear of heights and… I don't know, taught you a little bit about art, but I hardly think that warrants coming to tell me all this in person," Will said, confused, not knowing what Jacob had to say next.

"It's not just that, Will. You know it's not," Jacob said, taking a step closer to him. "You've shown me that there are things about myself that I… I can't ignore, anymore, Will."

"Jacob… it's okay that you and I did things together. It doesn't have to ruin your relationship with Carrie, or something. Straight guys can experiment too," Will said, trying to diffuse Jacob's worry.

"Relationship with Carrie?" Jacob smiled slightly, looking down at the ground and shaking his head. "There is no relationship with Carrie. I told her pretty quick last night that it wasn't gonna work out between me and her, Will," Jacob said, looking back into Will's eyes.

"Oh. You did?" Will said, stunned.

"Yeah. And… not just because I'm not putting enough effort in with her, not just because I'm too busy. I'm done making those excuses. I told her I couldn't be with her because… I wanted somebody else," Jacob said, biting his bottom lip nervously.

Will couldn't believe what he was hearing. He felt like the world was turning upside down. He felt behind him for a large rock that he could sit on, and sat down as Jacob kept talking.

"I'm tired of running. I'm tired of being scared. Since I met you, there hasn't been a day where you weren't the most important thing, the only thing, on my mind. I can't get you out of my head, Will. I've realized I don't care who knows who I'm with. I want them to know, goddamn it. I'd be proud to tell anyone you're with me. And if you'd still let me, after I've been so fucking awful to you, and so confused… I'd love if you let me give it another try. You and me, for real, this time."

Will blinked, looking over the city, and then looking back up at Jacob.

"I understand if you say no. I've been horrible to you, and you don't deserve it. But… I'm not gonna give up the best thing that's ever happened to me without a fight," Jacob said, sitting down on the rock next to Will.

Will was stunned. He looked at Jacob, his mouth open slightly, completely unable to think of words to say. He saw Jacob reaching his hand into his pocket.

"It's okay, Will. I knew it was probably too late, and you deserve better than me anyway. But I at least wanted to give you this," Jacob said, holding out a tiny key to Will. "It's the key to my favorite lock. It's a tiny lock, so it's really hard to pick. But I want you to have the key… so you at least have something good from this whole crazy trip."

Jacob dropped the small golden key into Will's left hand. Will turned it over in his fingers, admiring it, and then wrapped his fingers around it, holding it tight inside his wrist.

"I'm sorry, Will. For everything. I'll leave you alone this time, for real," Jacob said, swallowing and standing up, starting to walk away.

Before Jacob could get away, Will gripped his hand around Jacob's wrist, pulling him back towards him.

"If you think I'm gonna let you walk away, you are crazier than I thought," Will said, putting his key into his pocket and standing up. Jacob turned back, and his eyes met Will's. He felt his lower lip tremble slightly, and just a second later, Jacob's lips were on his, and Will felt his heart leap inside him. Jacob's warm lips melted into his and their tongues met again. He tasted a single salty tear, not knowing if it had come from his own tear or Jacob's. He wrapped himself around Jacob, tighter than ever, afraid that if he let go Jacob would vanish and he'd wake up from what must be a dream.

But when he pulled away, Jacob was still there, and Will saw all of the tension gone from Jacob's eyes.

"Are you sure, Jacob? I don't want you just to say all this because it's what you think I want to hear," Will said. He couldn't stop a wild smile from spreading across his face.

"For once in my life, I am. There's nothing I've ever been so sure of," Jacob said.

Will wanted to be mad for what Jacob had said before. He knew he should be cold and logical. But somewhere inside he knew that Jacob was the right choice. The only choice. He wrapped his arms around Jacob, bringing him in for a close hug, and held on tight.

"I'm sure too, Jacob," Will whispered in his ear.