58

What do you do when the thing you want most is something that's bad for you?

If you're a healthy, well-balancedperson, youjustgive it up.

I smoked stolen cigarettes as a teenager but forced myself to quit them.

For yearsIstubbornly ignored the sensation of brutal power I felt when I killed my foster father.

I even cut down on my sugar habit—well, slightly.

But I'm not a healthy or well-balanced person. Sohowcould I ever give up Jackson Keller?

I'm leaving behind the only man I've ever loved and trusted, but I don't look back as I run from his car. I have the same thought as when I stole his keys and debated leaving his house: if I turn back now and see his face, I won't goat all. It reminds me of some Greek myth we had to read in high school. What was it called? Jackson would know. My heart twinges at the thought.

Minutes later, the wind is whipping across my helmet. My bike soars along the roads as they get smaller and smaller until I've reached the location of Jackson's cabin.

I slip off my helmet, glancing around in paranoia. But the forest is silent tonight. It feels eerie after the chaos of sirens and car engines in the city this evening. The wildlife is scared off by the sound of my bikeandthere are no humansaround to make a sound.

The cabin is secluded and small, and the air is thick with the scent of damp earth. I punch in the security code he gave me, and the door opens. The light flickers, illuminating weathered wood panels along the walls.

I drop down onto the bed in the small bedroom. Now that I'm finally pausing, everything hits me.

Jackson's going to die tonight. He's going to end his life to stop him from hurting anyone else. He's going to confess to everything, sparing me.

I'll get to clear my name. I'll get my job back. I can tell everyone I was just a victim of some masked psychopath who stole my secrets in therapy and used it all to force me into things I never wanted.

But I'lljusthave to live my lifeknowing it wasn't the truth.Jackson's name will be in the dirt so mine can be polished clean.

I let my head hit the pillow. I'm just about to turn off my phone to prevent GPS tracking when it vibrates in my hand.

It's Lily calling. My stomach flips. I've been avoiding her calls since Jackson gave me my phone back.I knew ifI spoke to her, I'd have to tell the truth. I couldn't bear to confess I was sleeping in the bed of the killer I was supposed to be sending to jail.

I press the accept call button. "Hi, Lily."

"Ava?" Her voice is a mixture of worried and annoyed. "Are you okay?"

I exhale. What's one more lie? "Yes. I'm fine, don't worry."

"Where have you been?" she hisses. "What is going on? Your picture is on the news. They said police are looking for you and Jackson."

My stomach sinks. Of course it's broken in the media already. "I'm so sorry, Lily. We shouldn't be talking right now, I don't want to get you involved—"

"Answers, Ava. Give them to me right freakin' now."

I chew on my lip. "I've been with him for the last few weeks."

"Ava, he's dangerous—"

"I know, I know. But it's all over."

"What do you mean?"

I try to keep my voice steady as I explain that Jackson sent me away to wait while he confessestoeverything.

My throat feels tight. I can't bring myself to tellherthe last part. The part where Jackson dies for his sins, and I try to forget what he brought out of me.

Lily breathes out in relief. "So… Does this mean you'll be okay? The cops will let you go free?"

"I guess so. But it feels so wrong."

"That's crazy, Ava. You shouldn't be punished. You're not a killer."

I shake my head. "I am. I told you, I've done it before."

"No, you're not," she insists. "Killing a man to protect us when we were kids doesn't make you a bad person. You knew the system wasn't looking out for us."

"I have to go, Lily," I mutter. "I'll call you tomorrow as soon as I've gone to the police and it's all over."

She spends another minute trying to bully me into tellingherwhere I am so she cancomewait with me.But I've done enough damage.

Jackson is handing me a way out. I should take it.

I stare up at the ceiling. The silence feels like it's crushing me under its weight.

Visions of Jackson's dead body taunt my brain. It feels like knives are slicing open my chest.

Here's the plan for tomorrow.

Step one: Go into the station.

Step two: Tell Hawkins the truth. Or atleast,Jackson's version of it.

Step three: Move on with my lifeknowingthat I'm walking the earth while Jackson's soul is trapped someplace between heaven and hell.

Lily's words drift back to me.

You're not a killer.

I am. I told you, I've done it before.

Lily tried to comfort me, telling me it wasn't my fault and I'm not broken like Harvey told me I was.

But I didn't even stop to realize that for the first time, I didn't mind admitting it. I felt no shame. I felt no pain.

Dark, powerful heat surges in my chest. I'm not broken anymore because Jackson fixed me. He helped me fix myself. He took the most painful piece of darkness inside me and made it into something beautiful.

Jackson didn't write me off when he learned of the shadows in my past, and I'm going to do the same for him. Maybe there is something pure evil living in Jackson's mind. But I'll do everything in my power to fix it.

I jump off the bed, grabbing my helmet.

I can't let Jackson Keller die for his sins.