57

Ava's eyes grow wide. They're so fucking pretty, gray and silvery like storm clouds. I hold her gaze for a moment too long. I want to remember exactly how they look. That's what I want my last moments to be: remembering her eyes on me.

"You?" she breathes. "What are you talking about?

I glance in the wing mirror as I drive. The road is clear, but Hawkins' team willbe searchingfor this vehicle.I need tomake sureAva gets to safety quickly,before theyget backon our trail.By now, both our homes will be swarming with cops.

"Where did you park your bike?" I ask her.

She looks annoyed at meignoringher question, but answers. "The lot a few blocks from my apartment. The night I was arrested, I wanted to take it for one last drive andthenleft it there. If anyone's stolen it, I swear to—"

"Ava," I mutter.

She nods bashfully. "Right. Bigger priorities right now.Likewhat the hellyoumeant when you said you killed Henrik?"

I swerve around a corner. I don't reply until we've reached the parking lot. The cloudy sky has been replaced by evening darkness, and thesubterraneanlot isevendimmer.

Hitting the brakes, I turn to her.

"I didn't want things to end this way, but I prepared for everything. I have a safe house. It's a cabin in the forest, I'llgive you the location.You need to takeyour bike there right now and lay low. In twenty-four hours, go to the police station and ask to speak to Hawkins."

Ava frowns. "What? No. I'm not leaving you."

I growl a warning. "Do as I say, sweetheart. You know I can be very fucking persuasive."

I don't want her going to the police yet. Not when they'll lock her in a cell, harass her, and make her feel like she's a monstertoo. I only want her in their grasp once her name is cleared. I've made Ava suffer enough, and that ends right now.

"And what will you do while I'm there?"

My jaw ticks. She repeats herself, more frantically. "Jackson, what will you do?"

"Just trust me."

"I don't believe it," she whispers. "It doesn't make sense. You loved Henrik, and you would never hurt me."

A humorless smile tugs at my lips. "Psychopaths are famously unpredictable, Detective."

"Don't give me that bullshit. You're sadistic, you're a killer—fine. But I know you, just like you know me. You wouldn't hurt the ones you love."

I want it to be true. When Ava looks into my soul and sees flecks of goodness in the darkness, I want her to beright.

But I looked into the lifeless eyes of the man I considered my only family in the world.

I shake my head. "I don't remember killing him or writing that note in his pocket. But I must have done it. For the past few months, I'vebeen findingthese notes left to me. I must be having fugue states that I don't even remember."

Her voice is shaking."If you don't remember it,how can you know it's true?"

I close my eyes for a moment. Ava has suffered through so much cruelty from the world, but she doesn't know what it's like to have your trust in your own mind torn from you as a child.

"For years, I couldn't remember all the things I did. Maybe the same is happening to me now. I think there's an even greater darkness hiding somewhere in my brain, and it's set on destroying the ones I love."

Her voice is barely above a whisper. "If it's true, there must be a way to fix this. There must be."

I don't think she realizes she's crying until I reach out to wipe away her tears. My fingers gently glide over her cheeks, and I feel the wetness under my fingertips. I tilt her face upward to look at mine.

"I never had a chance, Ava. The people who hurt me damaged me more than I ever knew. I thought vengeance would be enough to satisfy me. But there's no amount of spilled blood that can fix what's broken in my mind."

She pulls back from me, his voice rising. "You're not broken. You just wanted to make the people who hurt you pay. If I'm not broken, then neither are you."

"I'm less in control than I thought I was. This is like a virus inside me. Look what I did to the only manwho's evertreated me like a son. If I killed Henrik of all people, then… How can I ever trust I won't harm you?"

Her voice falters. "You wouldn't do that. You told me you'd always protect me."

My chest clenches. I'm the man who swore to destroy everything that hurts her. I can't fucking live knowing that I could unknowingly destroy her at any moment.

Images flash into my mind. All thosehourssleeping in my bed beside me.Hersittingopposite meplayingchess,herattention rapt in trying to beat me. Her tied up and screaming in pleasure as I fuck her.

She's so vulnerable with me now. She opened her heart and handed it to me.Butat anymomentI could sink my knife into it and not even remember doing it.

"Idowant to protect you, little dove," I murmur. "More than anything. But if I still can't trust myself,thenthere's only one way to truly protect you."

I'm not the hero.

Never fucking have been.

But I still have to be the one who kills the monster in the story.

"Jackson…" Her eyes widen. "You don't mean you're going to end your own life?"

"I'd do it a thousand times over to protect yours. It's the only way to stop the darkness living inside me."

Tears slip down her cheeks. "Don't do this, Jackson. Please."

"Go to the safe house. Wait twenty-four hours. I'm going to send Hawkins a full confession, admitting to everything. I don't know what evidence they think they have on us, but I'll tell him I blackmailed you and forced you to come with me against your will."

She shakes her head insistently. "I'm done with lying."

"It's true, isn't it?You said yourself that I kidnapped you. Made you my prisoner."

"I wanted you. I wanted JacksonandI wanted Hyde from the very start of this whole damn nightmare. I've never felt more alive than when I'm with you.

"Every step closer to me is a step closer to hell. Is that what you want?"

She doesn't answer. The narrow space between us in the car is tense andfilled with heat. Lust pulses through my veins as I cradle her face, drop my fingers to wrap around her throat, and bring her lips to mine one last time.

I drink in the sensation of her kiss. Soft, full lips. The scent of crushed lavender. Silky hair against my face. When I get to hell, this memory will be all I'll have to sustain me.

"You're not broken, Ava," I mutter against her lips. "You never were. But if you stay with me, you fucking will be."

I gently pull away from the kiss, my hand still tight around her little throat. It's sosmallanddelicate;I could snap it in a second.

"Run," I command. "This time, I'm not going to chase you."

With one last, slow glance, she opens the door andgets out ofthe car. She doesn't turn back as she runs into the darkness toward her bike.

It feels like carving my own heart out of my chest with nothing to dull the pain.

Goodbye, Ava Cain.

I'm going to make sure I can never hurt her again.