Chapter 54

54

ROAN

T he next day, it was a crisp morning, and the park was blanketed in a fresh layer of snow. It was beautiful and clean. The city was quiet, leaving the place relatively empty. Locals weren't thrilled about the idea of leaving their comfy homes.

My son didn't share those thoughts. He had insisted we come out here. I walked alongside Rafe, our breath forming misty clouds in the chilly air. Alaina wasn't coming over today. She had things to do, which I understood. She also wanted to give me time to talk with Rafe.

I was losing my mind trying to figure out how to talk to my nine-year-old son about my relationship with his teacher. What did one say in these situations? It felt strange to just come right out and say it. But it wasn't like any conversation I had with him would just casually lead to the fact I was involved with his teacher.

We trudged along the path, the snow crunching under our boots. Rafe kicked at a small snowdrift, sending powdery flurries into the air. I looked down at him, my heart pounding.

"Hey, buddy," I started, trying to keep my tone casual. "How do you feel about Alaina hanging around more often?"

Rafe glanced up at me, his eyes bright and curious. "Is Alaina my mom now?"

I would have been shocked, but I knew my son. He was way too smart for his own good. That was good and bad. I didn't want him to grow up too soon.

I blew out a long breath, watching it dissipate into the cold air. This was it—the question I'd been dreading. "Well, she and I haven't really talked about marriage yet, but that's where my mind is headed," I said, choosing my words carefully. "It's really up to Alaina too, you know?"

Rafe nodded thoughtfully, kicking another pile of snow. "Are you going to have a baby so I can be a big brother?"

I blinked, taken aback by his directness. He didn't miss a beat. He was about ten steps ahead of me.

"Maybe." I shrugged, not sure how else to respond. "That's something Alaina and I would have to talk about."

Rafe seemed to consider this. Then his face lit up with another question. "Does this mean Beau is coming to live with us?"

I smiled, relieved to have a question I could answer without wanting to crawl out of my skin. "Yes, Beau will be living with us one day."

We continued walking, the tension in my shoulders easing a bit. Rafe seemed satisfied with my answers, for now at least.

"Is that what you want?" I asked.

"Yes." He nodded. "I think Alaina would be a good mom."

"You like her?"

"Yes!"

"Do you understand what it would mean if Alaina becomes your stepmom?" I asked, wanting to make sure he understood what it was he was wishing for.

"Yes," Rafe said, "It means I'll have someone to help me with homework when you're at work." He looked up at me. "And someone who makes pancakes."

I laughed, feeling a knot in my chest loosen. "Yes, buddy, that's part of it," I said, pulling him into a side hug as we walked. "But I make you pancakes."

"I know, but it would be different if I had a mom that made pancakes."

"But it also means that sometimes you might have to share me with her. And there might be times when you feel left out or upset. It's okay to talk about those feelings, okay?"

He nodded again. "I understand, Dad," he said solemnly. "My friends have moms. Some don't have dads, but all of them have moms."

My heart ached a little at his words. "I know, buddy. And I'm sorry it's just been the two of us for so long."

"But it's not just the two of us anymore," Rafe piped up. "We have Beau and soon we'll have Ms. C. It's going to be okay, Dad."

He was too young to understand the complexities of what was to come, yet his faith in our growing family was unshakeable. I wanted to have that same faith. I wanted to trust like a kid that had no life experience and wasn't jaded.

"You're right," I said, my voice rough with emotion.

We walked in silence for a while longer, Rafe occasionally stopping to point out a snow-covered tree or the way the ice crystals glittered on the ground. It was pure innocence. The world was still a mystery to him. I loved that I got to be with him as he explored everything and got to see things for the first time. It made me feel younger. The world hardened me, but when I was with him, it was easy to see the good in everything.

"Can we build a snowman?" he asked.

"Sure." I shrugged.

We stopped at a clear spot in the park and decided to build the snowman close to the sidewalk to greet people, as Rafe put it. His excitement was contagious. I felt nine again. I found myself laughing as we rolled large snowballs and stacked them to form the body and head.

"Let's give him a hat," Rafe suggested, pulling off his own and placing it on the snowman's head.

"Looks good," I said, stepping back to admire our work.

Just then, a snowball whizzed past my head, narrowly missing me. I turned to see Rafe grinning mischievously, another snowball already in his hand.

"Oh, it's on now," I said, scooping up some snow and packing it into a ball.

We launched into a full-blown snowball fight, laughing and dodging each other's throws. It felt good to let go, even for just a little while, and enjoy the moment with my son.

In the midst of our playful battle, Rafe paused to look at our snowman, his eyes wide with childlike wonder. "What should we name him?"

I shrugged, brushing off a bit of snow clinging to my jacket. "How about Frosty? After the snowman from your favorite Christmas movie?"

"No, everyone names their snowman Frosty," he said, shaking his head. "Let's name him Winston."

"Winston?" I chuckled at his choice. "Alright then. Welcome to the world, Winston."

We stood side by side, saluting our newly named companion amidst the falling snowflakes.

But it was a ruse. Before I knew it, I was under attack once again. I tackled him to the ground, hugging him close as we rolled away. He was laughing wildly, clearly enjoying himself. I let him go and scrambled to my feet. I had barely stood when he attacked me from behind. Obviously, he couldn't take me down on his own, but I pretended he was powerful enough to tackle me. We wrestled in the snow.

After a while, we were both out of breath and covered in snow. I called a truce. "Let's go home," I said. "We're frozen.

I snatched his hat from the snowman as we headed back to the house, our fingers and toes tingling from the cold.

"That was fun, Dad," Rafe said as we walked through the front door, kicking off his boots.

"It was," I agreed, ruffling his hair. "Go on and change out of your wet clothes. I'm going to change and then I'll make us some hot chocolate."

Rafe didn't need to be told twice. He dashed up the stairs, his laughter echoing through the house. I followed behind him, moving a little slower. I quickly changed and headed to the kitchen, my mind still buzzing with thoughts of Alaina and our future. I wanted this to work, more than anything. And it seemed like Rafe was on board, which was a huge relief. I wasn't going to burden a nine-year-old with a lot of details about the relationship, but it seemed like he was going to be okay with things. We would have Alaina over more and get him used to the idea of there being three of us instead of just me and him. Maybe one day Alaina would move in. I hoped that was the trajectory of this thing we had. I wasn't going to push it, but I hoped that was where we ended up.

I prepared the hot chocolate, adding a generous amount of marshmallows to Rafe's mug. As I stirred, I couldn't help but smile. Alaina had brought so much joy into our lives, and the thought of her being a permanent part of our family filled me with hope. I couldn't believe how free I felt. It was as if I was ten years younger and free of some of the burdens I had been carrying around. I didn't feel the weight of my failed marriage or single parent status.

Rafe came bounding back downstairs just as I finished. He grabbed his mug and plopped down at the kitchen table, his cheeks still rosy from the cold.

"Thanks, Dad," he said before taking a sip.

"You're welcome, buddy," I replied, sitting down across from him.

"We had a lot of fun, huh?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes, we did." I nodded. "Hopefully, we didn't get too cold. I don't want either of us getting sick."

We sat in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying our hot chocolate. I watched Rafe, his eyes filled with youthful joy as he slurped the marshmallows. He seemed happy, content. And that made me feel like maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.

"Do you think Alaina will come over tomorrow?" Rafe asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

"I think she might," I said, smiling. "We'll see."

Rafe nodded, satisfied with that answer. "Good. I like it when she's here."

"Me too, Rafe," I agreed. "Me too."

We spent the rest of the afternoon inside, playing board games and reading books. The house felt warm and cozy, a stark contrast to the cold, snowy world outside. It was the perfect way to spend a Saturday.

Later that evening, after dinner and a bit more playtime, I tucked Rafe into bed. He looked up at me, his eyes heavy with sleep.

"Night, Dad," he murmured, his voice drowsy.

"Goodnight, Rafe," I replied, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. "Sleep tight."

I turned off the light and closed the door quietly, leaving it slightly ajar. As I walked back to the living room. I couldn't wait to see her again, to talk about everything that was on my mind.

The phone buzzed on the coffee table, snapping me out of my thoughts. It was a text from Alaina.

"How did the talk with Rafe go?" she asked.

"Better than I expected," I replied, typing quickly. "He had a lot of questions, but I think he's okay with everything."

"I'm glad to hear that," she responded. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," I typed back. "Can't wait to see you."

We exchanged a few more messages, our conversation light and easy. It felt good to connect with her, even through the phone. I could almost hear her voice, imagine her smile.

As I settled onto the couch, my thoughts drifted to the future. There was still a lot to figure out, a lot of uncertainty. But I was confident that we could handle it. For now, I was content to take things one day at a time, enjoying the moments of happiness and connection.