Chapter 32

32

ROAN

I lay on top of her, gasping for breath, my body still trembling from the aftershocks. I could feel her heart beat against my chest, as frantic and wild as my own. Her body was warm and soft beneath me, a stark contrast to the rigidity that had gripped me only moments before.

As the tremors subsided, I found myself lingering in the afterglow. The room was silent save for our labored breathing and the sound of her dog snoring in the corner. I glanced down at her. Her eyes were closed with a smile playing on her lips that made me grin in return.

Rolling onto my side, I pulled off the condom and pulled her close to me. Her skin felt warm against mine, grounding me back to reality. We lay there in silence, each catching our breath. The smell of sex filled the room, a heady combination of sweat and desire.

Turning my head toward her, I kissed her forehead lightly. As though that were a signal she had been waiting for, she opened her eyes slowly to meet mine.

"That was…" she started but left the sentence hanging there.

"Incredible," I finished for her.

She nodded in agreement.

I stroked her hair away from her face, tracing my fingers over the delicate features. Her lips were swollen and parted slightly. She looked thoroughly kissed, thoroughly loved, and it made me feel a sense of satisfaction that I had rarely known.

"Yeah," she breathed, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Incredible."

I dropped a kiss onto her forehead before rolling over onto my back and pulling her against my side so that her head rested on my chest. I draped an arm over her shoulders as she snuggled into me, one leg thrown over my own in a comfortable tangle of limbs.

"I have to go," I murmured.

"Okay." She nodded.

Neither of us moved. I closed my eyes, just for a minute. It felt too good being in her arms.

"Oh shit," I heard Alaina say.

"What's wrong?" I murmured, still half asleep.

"It's almost four," she replied.

My eyes popped open. I sat up, accidentally knocking her off of me. "Shit? Seriously?"

"Yes, we fell asleep."

"I'd say so," I said with a shake of my head. "I have to get home."

"Where's Rafe?" she asked.

"The new nanny stayed over last night," I said as I jumped out of the bed.

I searched for my scattered clothing, hastily dressing. She pulled the blanket over herself, shielding herself from view. Everything was flooding back. What the hell was I doing?

"Alaina—"

"Just friends for real this time?" she said quietly. "We scratched the itch and now we're going to be friends."

I nodded. "Friends."

I extended my hand. She grinned and reached out to shake it.

But something in her eyes told me she was thinking the exact same thing I was right then. We were not going to stay friends.

I finished dressing and walked to the edge of the bed to kiss her goodbye but stopped myself. That wasn't a friendly thing to do.

"Goodnight," I said. "Or good morning. I'll see you later."

"Bye." She smiled.

I quickly left her apartment, making my way to my car in the cool night. My heart pounded, still caught up in the whirlwind of what just happened. The fleeting thought of not wanting to leave her side tugged at me, but I shook it off. Friends. That was all we could be.

I rested my forehead on the steering wheel, letting out a sigh as I replayed our encounter. It had been intense, passionate, and painfully real. It had been better than I thought it would be. Sex with her was intense and so fucking good. I was tempted to go right back in there and go another round with her. It had been over too fast. She felt too good and it had been too long since I had sex.

I started the engine and drove off into the quiet streets, my mind a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions. What the hell was I doing? The drive home was a blur. My body was still buzzing from the hours spent entwined with Alaina. The feel of her body beneath mine haunted me, igniting a desire that I found difficult to quench.

Once inside my house, I quickly stripped off my clothes and climbed into bed—the sheets cool against my heated skin. As I lay there in the darkness, trying to clear my head, I tried to remember why we had to be just friends. We both wanted each other and we were obviously very good together. I managed to fall asleep, with thoughts of her on my mind.

A few days later, I was sitting in my office, reliving what I was equating to be one of the top ten moments in my life, when I heard the door open. I rolled my eyes, knowing it was Jake.

"What is it now?" I asked.

"I'm hungry," he whined.

I slowly turned around and looked at him. Sometimes, I felt like Jake was an older version of Rafe. He was a very capable CFO, but he was a little high maintenance. He seemed to be very needy. He needed guidance in his personal life. He needed a wife.

"Then you should go eat," I told him, using the voice I spoke to Rafe.

" We are going to eat," he said. "Let's go."

"I've got things to do."

"Yes, I see that," he said dryly. "You're waiting for the Willis Tower to wave at you?"

"I was taking a break from staring at the computer screen."

"Yeah, sure, let's go get lunch."

I had been neglecting him. Jake needed attention. "Fine," I said. "I've got an hour."

"You're the boss. You've got all the time you want."

Jake and I sat down for lunch at our usual spot, a small diner on the corner. The smell of grilled cheeseburgers and fries filled the air. The place was filled with the usual business types that worked in the area. I ordered my usual lean burger and a salad instead of fries. I wasn't going to have time to do much working out and was suddenly very interested in keeping in shape. I loved the way Alaina admired me. I wanted her to want me. Even if we said it wasn't going to happen, I wanted to be ready just in case.

"So, spill it," Jake said casually, taking a sip of his soda. "You've been moping around like a lost puppy lately. What's going on?"

I hesitated, swirling the straw in my glass. "It's Alaina," I finally admitted. "Things continue to be complicated."

Jake raised an eyebrow, a small grin spreading across his face. "Ah, I knew it. You've got it bad for her, don't you?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess I do."

Jake leaned back in his chair, studying me for a moment. "Well, that's good news, Roan. I wasn't sure you'd ever get back out there after your divorce."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, well I didn't think I would either. I didn't want to. I like my life the way it is."

"No you don't." He laughed. "You're lonely. You need a woman."

"No, I don't." I shook my head. "I've been doing just fine this whole time."

He winced. "Just fine and really living are two very different things."

"It's complicated."

"Yeah, you've said that like a million times."

We placed our orders and sipped our waters.

Jake looked at me. "So, what's the deal with you and Alaina?"

I sighed heavily. "We decided to just be friends."

Jake choked on his water, laughing incredulously. "Just friends? Are you serious, Roan?"

I frowned, feeling defensive. "Yeah, I am. It's less complicated that way. No feelings, no mess."

Jake shook his head, still chuckling. "Man, you've got it bad. I can see it in your eyes."

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling a mix of frustration and longing. "I like her, Jake. I could see myself being with her. Having a home with her, a life."

Jake grinned knowingly. "And yet, you're trying to play the monk. Why?"

I looked down at my hands. "I don't know, Jake. I'm not good at relationships. My marriage was a disaster, and I haven't had a real relationship since. The one time I tried it blew up in my face."

Jake frowned. "You can't count your ex-wife as a relationship, Roan. That was doomed from the start."

"Yeah, well it certainly feels like it counts," I responded, bitterness creeping into my voice. "And what about the other one? That came crashing down spectacularly."

Jake sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. "That doesn't count either. You haven't picked the right women. You went for the easy lay."

I had been played like a fiddle too many times. "It wasn't just an easy lay," I muttered.

"Have you slept with her yet?" he asked casually.

I wasn't going to kiss and tell, but it had to be somewhat obvious. "Yeah."

"Ah, that explains why you're sulking."

"I'm not sulking. I just think it might have been a mistake."

"Why? Because you like her too much? Because she's too good of a woman? What's the hangup?"

"Alaina and I decided to stay friends," I said. "I'm not planning on screwing that up."

"You're screwing things up by not giving her a real chance," he said. "She made you happy."

I shook my head. "I don't know how to just date. I'm the kind of guy who jumps in with both feet. I don't want to fall in love with Alaina, have her around Rafe, get him used to having a woman in his life, only to have her leave."

Jake sighed, leaning forward. "Roan, that's the natural order of things. Single parents date. You can't shut yourself off from happiness just because you're scared."

I hesitated, feeling torn. "I'm tempted, Jake. I really am. But I'm just not sure how to navigate this."

"Alaina seems like a good woman. She's worth the risk. Maybe don't have her around Rafe as your girlfriend until you feel like that's where things are going."

I looked at him, feeling a rush of gratitude. "Thanks, Jake. I appreciate it. You're a pain in my ass, but sometimes talking things through with you helps."

He had made a good point. I'd been so fixated on the potential hurt that I hadn't considered the joy Alaina could bring to our lives. A woman of her caliber didn't come by often. I knew that. And there was no denying our connection. But putting Rafe at risk?

Our conversation was interrupted when the waitress came sliding our burgers onto the table, her smile lingering a moment at Jake.

"Do you boys need anything else?" she asked, her eyes flicking back and forth between us.

"No thank you, we're good," Jake answered, flashing her a charming smile before turning his attention back to me.

"Okay then, enjoy your meal!" she said cheerfully before walking off, leaving us to our lunch and heavy conversations.

I took a bite of my burger, my mind racing. "You really think this could work?"

Jake shrugged as he took a mouthful of his fries. "There's only one way to find out."

Maybe Jake was right. Maybe it was time to stop overthinking things and just take a chance. I took a bite of my burger and tried to imagine what that would look like. Halfway through my burger, I got a phone call. I glanced at the screen and saw it was from Rafe's school.

That couldn't be good.