Chapter 27

27

ALAINA

I watched in shock as Roan stormed out of the auditorium after handing out a fortune like it was a stick of gum. I was speechless. Trudy was still holding the check with her mouth open. The reality of what just happened sank in slowly, warming me from the inside out.

Trudy had wanted me to ask him about donating, but I had never been able to do it. Things between us were too complicated, and I didn't want to take advantage of his kindness.

"Is it the full amount?" I whispered.

She nodded. "Every last penny. I didn't expect him to actually do it."

The room buzzed with whispers and murmurs. Everyone was blown away. No one knew what to do next. We had just been talking strategies. Parents were already worried about how they were going to pay and what they could donate to the auction.

And then Roan with his magic checkbook swept in and no one knew what to say or think.

My mind was a whirlwind of emotions as I tried to process what had just transpired. Roan's actions came from a place of genuine care, but I couldn't shake off the shock of witnessing such a significant sum being donated in an instant. And he seemed angry about it. That was the part that confused me.

Why was he mad? No one asked him for the money.

"Are you okay?" Trudy asked softly.

"Are you ?"

She shook her head. "I'm pretty sure I'm dreaming right now."

I blew out a long breath. "That was wild."

Trudy nodded. "It really was. I've never seen anything like that before. You must have given him some sales pitch."

"No," I said. "I never asked him. I'd love to take credit for that, but I had nothing to do with it."

She shrugged. "Well, he was looking right at you when he passed me that check. I'm no mind reader, but I have a feeling it had something to do with you. I'm saying that as a friend, not your boss."

"Thank you," I said, nodding. "I need to talk to him."

I excused myself and hurried out of the auditorium. Roan was outside, heading to the parking lot with Rafe. I couldn't let him just walk away. My footsteps quickened and I caught up to him before he reached his car.

"Roan, wait!" I called out, desperate.

He paused and turned slowly to face me. A storm of emotions raged in his eyes, and it made my heart clench.

"Rafe, go play for a minute, okay?" Roan said.

He looked up at his father, confused. "You just told me we had to go," he groaned.

"You've got a few minutes," Roan said. "Or you can wait in the car."

"Nope!" Rafe said and ran off to join the other kids.

Roan and I moved away from the crowd to the side of the building, where we had relative privacy but he could still see Rafe. As soon as we were out of earshot, he whirled on me, his expression hard.

"Why haven't you texted me back?" he demanded, his voice low and intense.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. "I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't know what you wanted from me. I assumed you were busy and didn't want to bother you."

His eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, what I want from you? Alaina, I've been trying to get closer to you, but you're the one who keeps pulling away. I'm all twisted up."

"Roan, I don't know what to think. One minute, it feels like you're genuinely interested, and the next, you're pushing me away. Every time I think we're moving forward, you run away."

"That's not what I'm trying to do," he said.

Once things got started, I couldn't stop. I had been suppressing my feelings for too long. They were eating me up. "I feel like I'm just some fun distraction for you. I mean, you could have anyone. Why even bother with someone like me?"

He took a step toward me, his expression softening slightly. "What are you talking about?"

I struggled to find the right words. "I like you, Roan. I really do. But we're so different. You're rich. You have this whole other life. I'm just me. Simple."

His eyes narrowed. "Are you accusing me of something?"

Before I could answer, Rafe came over, looking worried. "Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?"

Roan immediately composed himself, his expression softening as he turned to his son. "We're fine, buddy. You haven't done anything. We're just sorting out something we see differently. Go play, okay? We'll go in a few minutes."

Rafe looked between us, then nodded and ran back to his buddies. I appreciated the way Roan handled the situation. Whatever happened between Roan and me, Rafe was still one of my students.

I looked back at Roan, a lump forming in my throat. "Cate mentioned the kind of guys you hang out with, the places you go. You are this man with the world at your fingertips. Yes, your wealth is a factor. We can't pretend it isn't. You're exposed to a different world than I am. You're used to certain things. Certain people."

Roan's brow furrowed. Pained frustration was written all over his face. "Yes, I have money, Alaina. Yes, my lifestyle is different. But that's not what matters to me. That's never been what I want. Don't you get it? I don't want ‘certain people.' Whatever that means. I want you."

A shiver ran down my spine at his admission. His intensity was piercing. And he sounded genuine.

"But why me?" My question hung in the air between us like a fragile thread, about to snap.

His expression shifted slightly, from frustration to something softer, contemplative. "Because you're real, Alaina," he said quietly. "And hot."

I almost fell for it. I almost let myself get lost in that gaze and believe there was really a chance for us. "I've been guarded because I don't want to get my heart broken. I didn't want to seem too eager, so I didn't text you back. I know it sounds ridiculous, but if I can avoid it, I will."

Roan's expression was unreadable. I waited, holding my breath to see what he would say and how he reacted. He took a deep breath. "Do you believe what your sister thinks about me?"

I hesitated, feeling torn. "I'm trying not to."

He nodded slowly, a bitter smile tugging at his lips. "I thought you were different."

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there with my heart threatening to shatter. I watched him go, feeling like I had just lost my chance with a great guy. Tears stung my eyes. He called Rafe and together they walked to the car.

I stood rooted in the spot, regret washing over me. I should have explained myself better. I didn't mean to hurt him. But how could I explain myself when my feelings were a jumbled mess?

I wanted nothing more than to leave and retreat to my little apartment, but I had an auditorium full of parents that were going to have questions. And, as a teacher, I had to face them. With a heavy sigh, I turned back toward the school building, pulling myself together as best I could.

I spent the next hour fielding questions about upcoming projects and what their students would be doing for the robotics convention. They wanted to know if there were going to be supplies needed and so on. Everyone wanted their little prince or princess to have a starring role.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur. My conversations with parents and other teachers were punctuated by my thoughts of Roan. Every single parent wanted to discuss what had happened. I didn't feel it was my place to talk about him. I played off the questions and simply referred to him as a generous donor.

No matter how hard I tried to focus on the parents in front of me, my mind kept wandering back to him. It didn't help that everyone wanted to talk about the man.

Finally, after schmoozing and talking about STEM projects and getting plenty of volunteers for chaperones, because who wouldn't want to leave a Chicago winter for the sunny shores of Florida, I was able to go home. I had to admit, it was so nice having a reliable car. I was not in the mood to deal with a temperamental car that may or may not start. I couldn't handle getting stranded again.

When I got home, a sense of emptiness settled over me. I needed to clear my head and try to get all my feelings sorted out. The look on Roan's face had upset me. I had hurt him and it had ricocheted back at me.

Would it be the same if the shoe was on the other foot? Would he feel bad if he was the one rejecting me? The past few times that he had done exactly that, I didn't see my pain reflected on his face.

I grabbed Beau's leash and took him for a walk. As we wandered through the streets, my mind replayed the conversation with Roan over and over again. I had been so afraid of getting hurt that I might have just pushed away someone who truly cared about me.

Cate's warnings echoed in my mind, but so did the moments of kindness and connection I had shared with Roan. How was I ever going to forget how good it felt to be in his arms? How sweet he could be when he talked with Rafe.

"Let's get your dinner and meds," I said to Beau.

I put his bowl in front of him and rummaged in the tiny kitchen for something to eat for myself. Nothing appealed to me. I grabbed a bag of trail mix and turned on the TV to distract myself from the thoughts that were flooding me. I felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

Beau finished his dinner and came to sit beside me. I stroked his fur, trying to sort through my feelings.

Beau, satisfied with the attention, took himself to bed. With my apartment seriously lacking in space, Beau had gotten used to sleeping with me. I didn't mind. I liked him snuggling up with me. I knew it was unlikely I'd be getting Beau snuggles a year from now. I wanted to take full advantage of the nights I did have with him.

The TV was on a nature documentary. I stared at it without actually seeing it. I liked Roan. I really did. But I was out of my depth. He lived in a world of luxury and privilege that I could barely comprehend. And yet, he had shown me glimpses of a genuine, caring man beneath the polished exterior.

I closed my eyes, feeling the sting of tears again. I didn't want to lose him, but I also didn't want to be just another conquest for him. I needed to know that what we had was real, that it meant something to him. It was self-preservation, but I couldn't help but remember something my dad always used to say. I never really understood the phrase until now. He always said someone was cutting off their nose to spite one's face. Essentially, self-sabotage.

Was I doing that now with Roan?