27. Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

Cannon had finished his fourth therapy session and Bear had dropped him off at the house. Flick was showing up with lunch and something else he had planned. Cannon was thankful for the distraction. His therapy today had uncovered a lot, and he had a small assignment from his therapist. Tell Jesse one thing about his childhood. It could be good or bad, whichever he'd rather share. He realized in talking to his therapist that he distanced himself so he could protect himself. Not only would he not have to deal with losing them, but he also wouldn't be disappointed if they let him down.

Let him down. Such an understatement for what his dad had done. Bear had no idea how much Cannon and he had in common with less than good bio parents. His therapist had also told him he needed to write for twenty minutes first thing in the morning. Just get out everything that was in his head. And then ignore it. When he was at his appointment, the therapist would glance through and see if they needed to discuss something.

The therapist had also said a phrase and made Cannon repeat it. Cannon was to say it aloud it himself whenever he started to blame himself for what happened. I am not to blame for my father's behavior. He was in his forties and sometimes he still wondered what he'd done wrong. But the therapist had told Cannon he'd done nothing wrong. His dad bore all the blame because he was an adult who had chosen to abuse his child. I am not to blame for my father's behavior .

Flick walked in the door and set two containers of food on the coffee table and then grabbed a DVD out of the other sack. Once he'd started it, he put Cannon's drink on his side table and opened one of the containers. Flick handed it to him with some plasticware. Cannon saw it was chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy. He wondered how he would cut it with only one usable hand.

"I had Bear pre-cut your steak, so if you don't need anything we can get started."

"Get started with what?" Cannon asked.

"Well, the first DVD is Three Men and a Baby because I thought the live birth video would be too graphic for you at lunch," Flick said, taking a huge bite of steak dipped in the mashed potatoes and gravy.

Cannon stared at Flick. He should be happy they weren't watching the live birth video while they ate, but honestly, he wasn't ready to watch it ever. But Flick was also going to help him put the post-it notes around the house for Jesse. A couple places he wanted them, he couldn't reach on his own.

If the shipment was on time, the comfortable chair for her office should be delivered today. With his limitations, he'd paid extra for the delivery guy to assemble it and put it exactly where she wanted it. He hoped everything went okay. Once he got the notification it had been delivered, he might see if Flick would take him there to see if she liked it. But for now, he'd watch the movie.

Cannon sat there, not really knowing what to say. Three Men and A Baby had been interesting and funny. The live birth video had scarred him for fucking life.

"Any questions?" Flick asked, putting the DVD in his bag.

"Umm, questions? How the fuck do women do that?"

Flick chuckled and grabbed a cookie off the plate he'd put by Cannon before sitting down.

"Because they are ten times stronger than men. I once helped a woman deliver a baby on the side of the road, without any pain meds. She never made a sound. No scream, no grunting. She just bore down every time I told her to and pushed that nine-pound baby out. Women are a miraculous mix of strength and love."

Cannon stared at his friend. Cannon didn't speak unless he had something to say. Needless conversation usually annoyed him. On the other hand, Flick loved to chat with everyone and always could find a friend when he walked in the room. But he'd never heard his friend wax poetic about anything. What he'd watched was still gross, but he could see the strength the woman had. He didn't believe it would be gross when Jesse had the babies. It would be something miraculous he would be a part of. He needed to keep working on himself so he could be the man she could rely on.

"I've got about an hour before I need to get showered and changed for my shift. Where are these notes and where am I putting them?"

Cannon reached and picked up his backpack that he'd gotten when they were at the clubhouse. Normally, he used it to bring work home from the tactical center, but for now, he was hiding stuff from Jesse in there.

"I have about four I want hidden now. I'll wait a couple days after this and have somebody hide some more."

Cannon pulled the first one off the pad and handed it to Flick. "Will you put it on her vitamin bottle in the bathroom cabinet over the sink?"

Flick walked back in with his hand out. "Where to next?"

"Can you put this one maybe in a little plastic bag? I want it hidden inside her strawberry ice cream."

Flick read the note, then went off and took care of it. He wasn't happy about Flick placing the next one, but honestly, he couldn't reach it. Jesse kept her panties in the top drawer of the tall dresser.

"Next," Flick said, holding out his hand.

Cannon handed it to him. "In her top drawer where her panties are. Don't look."

Flick chuckled and walked toward the bedroom.

Cannon hoped she believed the note.

When Flick walked back in, Cannon was ready. Cannon pointed to Jesse's book on the table. "Can you hand me that?"

Flick handed him the book and Cannon slipped the note in there. Flick placed it back on the table. This was the note where Cannon had decided to share one of his hopes.

"So you said you have homework tonight?"

Cannon nodded at Flick's question. He still hadn't decided if he was sharing something good or bad. He hadn't shared with anyone ever besides the therapist. The trust with the other person had to be there. He loved his brothers, but he'd never trusted them enough to truly open up about everything. He knew they all had each other's back, but he didn't want them to think less of him. He hoped Jesse didn't either, but he had to do this. Sometimes the road to happiness was filled with potholes. At least that was what his therapist had told him.

"Yeah. I think I'll wait until the lights are out and we're in bed. I'm not sure I can tell her if I can see her eyes."

Flick patted him on his shoulder. "Sounds like you have a plan. You can do this. Jesse won't judge you, no matter what you say. Now, I'm out of here. We'll have another movie afternoon on my next day off."

Cannon nodded as Flick left. He had some decisions to make before bed. He'd rather do anything rather than open up about that time. He'd never received the notification about her chair being delivered, so he hoped for the best. He'd take a nap and then figure out what he was sharing tonight.