Chapter Twenty-Eight

I wiped over my eyes and nodded resolutely. I got ready and drove to the hospital with Mom and Leonas. I didn’t dare consider Santino not making it. He was strong. Nothing could stop him.

Mom took my hand and squeezed. “He did what he was meant to do. I’ll forever be grateful for that.”

She almost made it sound as if she wouldn’t be able to tell him that herself. The closer we got to the hospital, the stronger my fear became. I swallowed, tears springing into my eyes.

Leonas sent me a worried look. “He’s going to be fine.”

When we arrived in the hospital, we were ushered toward a waiting area where people sat while their loved ones were in surgery. Enzo sat in one of the uncomfortable, baby blue plastic chairs, his arms propped up on his thighs and his head hanging low. Beside him sat a girl I assumed was Santino’s younger sister Frederica. She had her arms wrapped around herself and was staring at the door that led toward the operating rooms. I hovered uncertainly in the entry. Mom headed straight for Enzo and sat down beside him, putting her hand on his shoulder. He peered up through bleary eyes. I took a resolute breath and walked toward them, then sank down in the vacant chair beside Frederica. She was dressed in the outfit all Novices had to wear, a white veil and black frock. She must have been in the final stages before taking her final vow. I’d never met her, but from the stories Santino had shared on occasion she seemed familiar.

She only briefly glanced my way but her eyes were vacant, staring through me. I acted on impulse and took her hand, squeezing it. It felt strange giving a nun comfort, but I reminded myself that she was human like me. A piece of a cross peeked out from her other hand.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

She finally looked at me. “For what?”

“Santino is in there because of me, because he wanted to protect me.”

“Santino lives for his job, for you.” She said the last part almost inaudibly and my heart clenched tightly. What was I doing?

The door swung open and a doctor stepped out. Enzo got up at once and headed for the man. The rest of us followed a few steps behind.

“He’s stable. We had to remove his spleen and he suffered internal bleeding. We’re monitoring him closely.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. Mom gave me a relieved smile.

Enzo and Frederica disappeared in the corridor leading to the waking room. I wanted to go with them, wanted to be there when Santino woke, but nobody knew of our bond, except for Frederica perhaps if I hadn’t misjudged her cryptic words. Maybe her status as a nun had made Santino comfortable to share our bond with her, though he’d never spoken kindly of her goal to become a nun.

I wasn’t sure what to do now. Mom talked with the doctor quietly, probably making sure that Santino got the very best treatment possible. The Outfit took care of theirs.

I wanted to see Santino so badly. I didn’t want to leave without seeing him. I couldn’t. When Mom was done talking to the doctor, she returned to my side. She squeezed my shoulder. “He’ll be fine.”

I nodded numbly. I couldn’t explain the bad feeling I had.

“Come on, let’s go home.”

I hesitated. Mom’s brows drew together. “There’s nothing we can do for him or his family right now. They are at his side. He needs his loved ones, that’s the most important thing right now.”

I felt sick and guilty. Santino loved me. I knew it with every fiber of my being. And I loved him, but sometimes love wasn’t enough. Sometimes we had to make the hard choice for the good of someone else.

Mom and I turned.

“Anna!” Frederica called.

I turned to her.

“Maybe you should be there too. I know how important guarding you was for Santino. He’s known you so so long.”

Surprise crossed Mom’s face then switched to a touched expression. Mom nodded, squeezed my hand once more, and I hurried toward Frederica.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“I’m doing this for Santino, Anna. I know you and him are on a very destructive path.”

I didn’t say anything, because what was there to say? She’d spoken the truth. And it didn’t matter why she allowed me to see Santino, only that she did.

When I entered Santino’s room, beeping machines and an antiseptic smell hit me. Enzo sat by Santino’s side.

I froze when I saw Santino. He looked terribly pale. Two transfusions flowed down into his arms, and machines monitored his bodily functions. His tall form dwarfed the bed but at the same time, he seemed to disappear into the mattress. It was a paradox I couldn’t explain myself.

I approached the bed slowly and touched his hand. I didn’t know what to say, what to do.

Enzo looked at me and shame washed over me. He knew too. Silent accusation lingered in his eyes, and I knew it wasn’t because Santino had taken a bullet for me.

“I’m sorry for what happened.”

“But not sorry for the thing you should be sorry for,” Enzo said coolly.

I stiffened. Enzo had always been kind to me, had made jokes and even played with me when I was younger. However, his loyalties lay with Santino as they should.

“Dad, Santino is as much at fault as Anna. He could have ended things. He’s an adult who has to take responsibility for his actions.”

Enzo shook his head, looking tiredly down at his son. “No. His heart wouldn’t let him.”

I stepped back from the bed, away from Santino. He was right.

“We shouldn’t discuss this now. We don’t know how much Santino can hear,” Frederica admonished.

“Your fiancé is in this hospital as well. Maybe you should see how he’s doing,” Enzo said.

I nodded, swallowing hard. “I hope Santino wakes soon. I won’t bother you or him again.”

I turned on my heel and left. Enzo was right. Leonas was right. I had to be strong and let him go. Santino wouldn’t end things between us, not even once I was married despite what he’d said. He’d be my lover and slowly wither under the bitterness sharing me with Clifford would cause him. Our bond would become more and more toxic until all the beauty that it had held in the beginning would have died.

Mom waited for me in the waiting area and her expression became worried when she saw me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Santino will hopefully wake soon, and I should probably go to Clifford. I hear he’s here too.”

Mom definitely knew something was the matter but she didn’t prod. Mom had always honored my boundaries and knew I’d eventually come to her if I wanted to talk. It had always been like that—except for my bond with Santino. I wondered if I’d ever be able to talk to her about it, maybe in a few years when I was married and years would soften the blow of this shocking truth.

Together we asked around until a helpful nurse led us toward the room where Clifford was treated. Our two bodyguards stayed in front of the door with Mom and Clifford’s two bodyguards as I slipped into the room.

Clifford was alone in the room. He perched on the edge of the bed, staring down at his bare feet. His upper body was bare but a bandage covered his left chest, shoulder, and arm, which was fastened in front of his chest. He looked up through his unruly blond hair. I hadn’t even noticed that he wore it longer again. Then he smiled strangely. “Another person in my life whose second choice I am.”

I sank down beside him. Because we were alone, I didn’t bother kissing him, and I wondered when having to kiss him would eventually turn to wanting to kiss him. “What are you talking about?”

“Dad’s outside in front of the hospital with his first love, publicity, giving a press conference, talking how shocked and shaken he is about the attack, Mom is with her therapist because she couldn’t handle the trauma.” He let out a derisive laugh. “And you were with your bodyguard, the man you’d rather marry.”

“That’s not true,” I said faintly.

“You don’t have to lie to me. I hate liars. I’m surrounded by them.”

“How are you feeling?” I motioned at his arm.

“The pain meds are decent. The two bullets only did moderate damage.” He met my gaze and again smiled strangely. “Now I got shot. I wonder if this will give me the street credit to make you see me as a man.”

“I see you as a man,” I protested.

“We only have two and a half weeks until the wedding.”

He was right. Two and a half weeks. I’d always rounded up it up to three weeks in my head because it seemed less daunting.

“I know. Everything’s prepared. Dad is probably already upping protection. Are you worried you won’t fit into your suit because of the bandages?”

“Do you want to marry me?”

“We agreed on it. Our parents set everything up. Hundreds of guests were invited.”

“I know. But do you want to marry me?”

“What about you? Am I the woman of your dreams?”

Clifford shook his head without hesitation. “You are gorgeous and intelligent, but I have a feeling you have a manipulative streak and you are a very good liar which is never a good base for a marriage.”

Ouch. Of course, he was right. If I wanted something I could be manipulative, and that I was a good liar was out of the question. Both were helpful talents in a world as harsh as the mafia, especially if you were a Capo’s daughter, but they weren’t very helpful in a marriage.

He continued unfazed, “But I enter our marriage without baggage.”

“Don’t worry about my baggage.” I hopped off the bed. “Do you need anything?”

Clifford seemed to find my question strange. “You’re the first person who asked. My father only told me how we had to handle the situation. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” I hesitated. “I’ll try to be a good wife, Clifford.”

“And I’ll try to be a good husband. Maybe next time I’ll take a bullet for you.”

I gave him a tight smile, my thoughts drifting back to the man who had taken not just one but three bullets for me.

I left. I didn’t allow my thought to linger on Santino. We all would do what was best for the future of our families and the Outfit.

When Mom woke me the next morning, I knew something bad had happened.

“What is it?” I asked, stumbling out of bed, sleepy and disoriented. I’d dreamed I was back in Paris, lying in Santino’s arms.

Mom touched my shoulder, her eyes softening. “Santino suffered a sepsis and they had to put him in an artificial coma.”

My whole world shattered. “Will he be all right?”

“The doctors can’t say right now. They’re doing their best.”

I felt hollow, especially because my body could still feel his ghost touch from my dream. “I should go see him.”

Mom touched my arm. “Enzo called to inform us about Santino’s state and he asked to give him and his family space. He wanted me to tell you that you should focus on wedding preparations as that’s what Santino would have wanted.”

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “He’s probably right.”

Santino’s family wanted me to give Santino free, to move on. I had to honor their wish. They knew Santino, and if my visit would only cause him turmoil and endanger him waking up then I had to be selfless. Santino deserved happiness.

I was disoriented as shit when I opened my eyes. My vision was murky and my surroundings unfamiliar, but I recognized the sound of a hospital, the familiar beeping I’d heard when I’d visited fellow Made Men after they’d gotten injured on the job.

“Sonny,” Dad said. I turned my head slowly. He sat beside me, looking as shit as I felt. His gray-brown beard had crossed the border to scruffy. Behind him Frederica rose from a chair, her nun frock wrinkled and she wasn’t wearing her veil for once.

“Hey Dad, hey Freddy, you look as shitty as I feel.” Hearing my own voice made me wince. It was rough and scratchy, as if I hadn’t used it in a long time.

Frederica approached my bed and kissed my forehead as if I were a small kid. When she didn’t correct me for not using her official new nun name, I knew things were bad.

I searched the rest of the room. “Where’s Anna? Is she safe?”

Dad looked down at his hands. His fingernails could use a trimming too. “Not here. She’s perfectly safe, don’t worry about her.”

I tried to sit up but my body punished the attempt with a wave of nausea and dizziness.

“I have to see her,” I got out. “Now.”

I’d tell her every fucking thing I felt for her, how when my life had flashed before my eyes, every moment had been one I’d spent with her, and when I’d dreamed about my future when I’d been drugged it had been at her side. I wouldn’t let her marry Clifford. I didn’t care if I had to kill him but she wouldn’t marry him. She wouldn’t marry anyone but me. I didn’t care how long I’d have to talk to her to get it into her stubborn head but eventually she’d agree.

Dad and Frederica exchanged a look, one I hated and rarely was on the receiving end of, pity.

“What’s going on?” I asked. My throat was impossibly scratchy and dry. Even after a bad night of partying, I’d never felt like this. I reached for my throat and felt a bandage around my throat. I froze. “Was I in a coma?”

Dad nodded. “You suffered sepsis shortly after your surgery. You had several bullet wounds. They had to remove your spleen.”

I forced my body into a sitting position even though I almost passed out. Dad stood and quickly adjusted the bed so I could lean against the cushions. “How long was I gone?”

Dad sighed. Judging from his beard and nails, it was definitely more than a week, maybe even close to two. Fuck.

“Dad?”

“Two weeks and two days.”

I blinked. “What day is it?”

Dad wasn’t stupid. He knew what I was asking. Frederica stepped up to the bed and put her hand on mine. “Today’s Anna’s wedding day.”

I tried to swing my legs out of bed, almost ripping the IV out of my hand and fell forward when another wave of dizziness crashed down on me. Dad caught me, or I would have faceplanted.

“What are you doing? You only just woke. You need to stay in bed!”

“I have to stop the wedding. I don’t care if I have to rush down the aisle and pull Anna away before she can say I do, but I have to stop her from marrying him.”

“It’s three in the afternoon, Santino,” Frederica said gently.

It took my befuddled brain a moment to process her words. I’d memorized the wedding schedule because of the safety details. The ceremony had been scheduled for two p.m. Anna was already married.

I shook my head slowly and sank back against the pillows. “Fuck.” I closed my eyes. “Fuck.”

“You’ll find someone else,” Frederica said.

“I want her. You wouldn’t understand. God can’t really leave you so you don’t really have to worry about getting your heart ripped out.”

Frederica nodded but she still touched my hand.

“Sorry,” I gritted out. I tried to stand once more. “Maybe it’s not too late for an annulation.”

“Son, Anna chose Clifford. She’s not worth fighting for.”

I didn’t want to believe it. Maybe Dad was right. Anna had chosen Clifford over me, or rather she thought she needed to do the virtuous thing and do her duty to the Outfit and her family. But one thing was sure, she hadn’t chosen me.

“We’ll find you a good wife,” Dad assured me.

“I don’t need a wife.”

“Don’t covet someone else’s wife,” Frederica reminded me.

I had no trouble being the second man, the occasional lover. With other women, it hadn’t been a problem in the past. With Anna? The mere idea that Clifford would touch her made me raving mad.

I stood. Dad had to grip my arm to steady me. “I’ll kill him. That’ll solve the problem. Not a sin if I’m coveting a widow.”

“Not if you made her a widow in the first place,” Frederica said.

“Anything you do against this marriage now will lead to severe punishment, Sonny. Dante won’t take it kindly if you do something stupid.”

“I don’t fucking care.”

“She doesn’t deserve you. You deserve someone who chooses you!” Dad shouted.