Chapter Eleven

I could tell Maddox wasn’t feeling comfortable in our home, and I couldn’t really blame him. But I was so glad to have him near. I was feeling terrifyingly frail today, as if a touch of air could break me apart. Dad’s expression was warning but Maddox only briefly glanced his way before he turned to me. Seeing his worried face, I felt better. His concern for me was like balm on my worries. “Let’s go into the living room.”

Maddox followed me and Gianna trailed after us and closed the door to Dad’s tense face. He probably wouldn’t leave the foyer in case he needed to burst into the living room to save me.

Gianna let out a sigh, her eyes meeting mine. She rolled her eyes toward her purse. I mouthed ‘later’.

She nodded then she stalked toward Maddox and held out her hand. “I’m Gianna, Marcella’s aunt.”

Surprise crossed Maddox’s face before he shook Gianna’s hand. I couldn’t help but smile. This was a tiny step but I hoped Maddox could see that not everyone in my family was unwilling to give him a chance.

“I’m Maddox, pleasure to meet you,” he drawled, the hint of his Texas accent coming through.

“You got yourself a biker cowboy,” Gianna said with a laugh. Then she narrowed her eyes at him. “I hope you know what kind of catch you made.”

Maddox looked straight at me and a small smile spread on his face, revealing his scar that looked like a dimple. “I sure do.”

“Good, now I’ll sneak out into the garden so you can have a few moments to yourself,” Gianna said and gave me a wink before she slipped out through the door and sat down on a chair on the patio with her back to us.

“I like her,” Maddox said. “She seems less stuck-up than the rest of your clan.”

“Gianna is cool.” My voice sounded off. My longing for Maddox’s touch was almost physically painful, but I didn’t want to be the one to rush into his arms like a damsel in distress.

His brows pulled together in obvious concern, and he immediately went over to me. He cupped my cheek, his calloused palm rough and yet perfect against my skin. “You okay?” he asked quietly.

I stared at him, wanting to nod yes but unable to do it. Maddox stepped closer until his warmth seeped into me like a comforting blanket. “Fuck, Snow White. Say something.”

“I just…” I trailed off, my eyes aching in a familiar way.

“You just?”

He waited patiently for me to find the words, but for the first time in my life I felt at a loss about what to say, how to describe the sensations overwhelming me.

Eventually, I settled for the most apparent thing. “I feel ashamed.”

Maddox bridged the remaining inches between us, his chest touching mine, and I sagged against him, burying my nose in the crook of his neck and released a shuddering breath. God, how I had missed him. How was it possible to feel the loss of someone’s touch this strongly after knowing them only such a short amount of time?

“Why the fuck would you feel ashamed?” He lowered his voice. “Not because you slept with me, right?”

That was definitely what many people would want me to feel ashamed about. My eyes darted up, seeing the trepidation in his face. “No,” I whispered. “For the tattoo and the ear…”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it. That’s nothing you have to be ashamed for. If anyone should be ashamed, then it’s me because I was unable to protect you. I’ll forever hate myself for that.”

He kissed the top of my head. Such a small gesture, but it radiated through my entire body, making me feel loved and validated.

“I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I just can’t shake it. I feel like people finally have something they can use against me, something that’ll hurt me.”

“Only if you let them. Nobody can hurt you with thoughts or words if you don’t let them. Channel your inner queen, Marcella, and make them bow.”

I couldn’t help but laugh against his skin. Maddox’s familiar scent flooded my nose. That and his words lifted the weight off my heart. I pressed a soft kiss against his skin.

His hold on my neck tightened briefly. “Don’t give me ideas. You don’t know what your lips are doing to me,” Maddox rumbled. Hearing his deep, sexy voice, my own body reacted with a wave of heat.

I tilted my head up to catch his mouth for a kiss, needing to feel him closer. My tongue teased his lips and Maddox immediately took me up on the invitation and deepened the kiss. We kissed like that for a long time, Maddox’s warm hands stroking up and down my back, and soon the pulsing between my thighs became almost unbearable. I wanted to be with him, find comfort in his body. I didn’t want to take it slow, even if that was what my brain told me to do. My heart and body had a mind of their own.

Our eyes met and Maddox pulled back with a groan. “You’re giving me ideas, Snow White.” I glanced at the growing bulge in his pants and smiled.

My eyes darted to the French doors where I could still see the back of Gianna’s head. With a sigh, I took a step back from Maddox. “We can’t.”

“I definitely can,” Maddox said, shifting his erection in his pants.

I laughed. “I don’t doubt it.”

Maddox leaned down, his voice dripping with desire. “What about you, Snow White? Are you as excited about our reunion as I am?”

I was. Embarrassingly so. I gave him a teasing smile instead of an answer. But Gianna caught my eyes in that moment, pointing at her watch and then at her purse.

The test.

I swallowed. “There’s something else I have to discuss with you.”

“Okay,” Maddox said slowly. “Nothing good, I assume. Does your family want to kill me again?”

“Not today,” I said with a shrug. I worried my lower lip. “I asked Gianna to buy a pregnancy test for me.”

Maddox took a step back, his eyes growing huge. “Holy shit.” He glanced outside. “Holy shit.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“You’re dropping this on me as if this was nothing when it’s a huge ass deal,” he murmured.

“It’s probably nothing. I’m just being extra cautious because I didn’t get my period yesterday and we never used protection.”

“Fuck, I was such a stupid asshole.”

“We both should have known better.”

He shook his head. “I always used protection until you.” He groaned, running a hand through his hair, tousling it completely. “Fuck. You realize your old man is going to cut off my balls and stuff them in my mouth so I’ll choke on them.”

I couldn’t deny it. Dad would completely lose it if I was pregnant with Maddox’s child.

Maddox tilted his head, looking aghast. “How can this not be the thing that worries you most right now?”

I pursed my lips. “I want kids. Of course not now. But even if I got pregnant unplanned, I’d be fine. I’d love the baby and my family would support me.” I searched his eyes. “You wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

Maddox slid his arm around my waist. “Let me be clear. I sure as fuck would worry about it and take care of it and you. I never thought about having kids and definitely not now, but if I put a baby inside of you, then I’m going to be a father to it, and I’ll help you raise it.” He shook his head in shock again. “Holy shit. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I hope you’re not pregnant. I want us to figure us out first.”

“You’re right. I feel the same way.” I was glad that Maddox wanted to take care of the baby. If he had refused to even consider the possibility of taking care of it, he wouldn’t have been the right man for me. “I want my family to accept you before we grow our own family.”

I blushed. We were still too early in our relationship to consider kids but I wanted kids and I wanted to be with Maddox.

“I think we need to sit down and talk, really talk about how we can make this, make us, work,” I said quietly.

“We love each other. What else do we need?”

I had never said that I loved him. And I still didn’t feel ready to say it aloud.

“I mean, I love you,” Maddox said.

“Love doesn’t exist in a void, it has to withstand outside influences, some of which won’t be in its favor. Love isn’t always enough.”

“It took me twenty-five years to find a woman I love, and I sure as fuck won’t let anyone take this love away from me.”

“Do you think I want that? But we need to make sure we’re on the same page, or at least in the same book.”

“No book references, please. I don’t even remember the last time I was forced to read.”

“That was probably the problem, that people forced you to do something. Anyway, that’s not the point. If I’m pregnant, we’ll have to marry, and even if I’m not, people will expect us to seal the bond if we want to be together.”

“Whoa, Snow White, one step after the other. Marriage is a big ass step for me, not sure I want to discuss it tonight.”

Gianna knocked gently on the door and stepped inside. “Judging from the look of horror on biker boy’s face, I guess you told him.”

“I’m not horrified of a possible baby, only about losing my dick and balls to Luca’s wrath.”

Gianna nodded sagely. “I suppose that will be your fate if he finds out. But I should tell you that my sister Aria will probably assist him. I doubt she’ll be happy if you get Marci pregnant out of wedlock and before she gets a degree.”

Maddox let out a halfhearted laugh.

Gianna handed me the test. “Come on, take it and free biker boy from his panic.”

“Or his balls,” Maddox murmured.

“Okay,” I said. I slipped out of the living room, the test safely hidden in my jeans, but Dad wasn’t in the foyer. I doubted he was very far, so I quickly rushed into the bathroom to do the test.

When I walked back into the living room ten minutes later, Maddox was pacing the room. He froze when he spotted me.

“You get to keep your balls,” I said with a shrug. I felt relieved. So far I hadn’t allowed the idea of a possible pregnancy to take root in my mind, but now that I wasn’t pregnant, I could allow my emotions out. Being pregnant at this point would have made things infinitely more complicated, for me, for Maddox, for my family.

Maddox crossed the room and hugged me. “I’m relieved, but a tiny part of me is disappointed. We’d have made the prettiest babies.”

I shrugged. “One day maybe.”

“I’d never thought I’d say it, but one day maybe I’d like to knock you up and produce the prettiest babies on the planet. And if there’s anyone I’d ever consider marrying, then it’s you.”

“As entertaining as this conversation is, I need to go back home, and you should probably emerge from this room before Luca loses his meager amount of patience.”

I peered up at Maddox, reluctant to let him leave but Gianna was right. Dad would completely lose it if Maddox didn’t leave soon.

Maddox tightened his hold on me. “Maybe I can sneak into your room through your window. Do you have a fire ladder or something like that?”

I laughed. “Even if we had, you’d end up with a bullet in your head before you could reveal yourself.”

“And even if I revealed my identity,” he said, then in a much lower voice. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes,” I said.

“When will I see you again?”

I should probably ask Dad, but I didn’t want to have to ask permission every time I met Maddox. “I have my next tattoo appointment tomorrow?”

The tattooist had advised me to wait between appointments but I wanted to get the tattoo done as quickly as possible. Every day that Earl’s words were still readable was one too many.

“I’ll be there.”

Gianna cleared her throat, her hand on the door handle.

I pulled myself away from Maddox but he tugged me against his chest once more and stole another kiss before I could finally bring distance between us. When Gianna opened the door, Dad was already in the foyer, looking grim.

Maddox was clever enough to keep a distance between us as he followed Gianna and me into the foyer.

“Next time, you better send me a message before you drop by,” Dad said as a way of goodbye as he led Maddox outside.

Maddox gave him a sardonic smile before he sent me a wink. Then he disappeared from view and Dad closed the door. He turned around, searching my eyes. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for.

“I should go,” Gianna said.

“I suppose you kept your eyes on them the entire time,” Dad muttered sarcastically.

Gianna rolled her eyes. “She was alone with him for weeks, Luca. I think she can handle a few minutes with him. Marcella isn’t a little girl anymore. She had to grow up to survive, like we all do eventually.”

Dad’s expression twisted with anger but also with guilt. When Gianna was gone, I approached him and touched his arm. “I’m fine, Dad. You can’t protect me from the fights lying ahead of me, but as your daughter, I’m well equipped to win them, so please don’t worry. Let me handle my problems with my own weapons.”

“I’d never thought watching you grow up would be so hard. I just want to lock you into a tower, far away from all the dangers of this world.”

I pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I can handle danger.”

Dad nodded, and I headed upstairs, back into my room.

Tonight, I wouldn’t seek shelter in Amo’s room. I had to make good on my words and find my figurative lady balls.

The next morning Maddox waited at the tattoo parlor as promised. The appointment took six hours, and he held my hand the entire time despite the disapproving looks from the bodyguards. We didn’t talk much. There were too many curious ears around, but just having him there made things so much easier for me.

Once the tattooist was done, Maddox admired my back. “Snow White, that tattoo will piss off the haters so much.”

I smiled but quickly shook my head when the tattoo artist wanted to hand me a mirror so I could check his work. “I’d rather wait until I’m home.”

Until I’m alone, was what I didn’t say.

Maddox’s lips tightened with worry, but I gave him a firm smile.

“It’s really amazing. Earl will turn in his grave, trust me,” he said.

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being here.”

Maddox shook his head, lowering his voice even further. “I’m responsible for this shit. I’ll always be there for you if you need me.”

I nodded. My bodyguards motioned at the watch. We were supposed to be home by three p.m. and needed to hurry.

“I wish I could see you tonight,” Maddox murmured shortly before I slipped into the limousine that would take me home.

“I know,” I said. I longed for him too, but another visit would probably send Dad over the edge. “I’m going to Growl’s shelter in the morning to visit Santana again.”

“I’ll be there. Then I can check on the two dogs I saved from Cody’s junkyard.”

Maddox looked ready to kiss me goodbye but I gave a small shake of my head.

“Not in public, hmm?” he said. I didn’t miss the bitter note to his voice.

Maybe I was being a coward but I had enough on my plate and couldn’t deal with another public scandal right now.

I didn’t look at my tattoo until I was alone in my room that evening. After changing into my nightgown, I removed the cover and checked the tattoo in the mirror. I’d never considered getting a tattoo. I had seen the occasional piece of body art I’d admired for its artistic value, but I’d never understood the need to decorate my skin in such a permanent way. Earl White hadn’t given me a choice.

Mom always said women weren’t given many choices in our world, even today. Every choice was a duty in disguise with only one right decision, and endless options to fail.

But I had taken my choice back, had ripped it from the cold, dead hands of Earl White. The ugly words he’d forced into my skin were no longer visible. The tattoo artist Dad had paid extra had done a fabulous job. What once read “Vitiello Whore”, now simply stated Vitiello and where the whore had been below my name, I now had a gorgeous crown. It was intricate with gemstones and red satin inlays. The contrast of the red against my pale skin was gorgeous. It really was a masterpiece.

People had called me spoiled princess for so long, I might as well ink a crown into my skin. Maddox was right. Many people would be annoyed by my choice of tattoo. But I’d rather they despise me for being a spoiled princess who crowned herself than that they pitied me for words forced into my skin.

My choice.