Chapter Seventeen

Felix

I didn’t care what Darien said. If he was getting flak for being discovered in bed with me, I wasn’t leaving him to face the music alone. Not when he’d done nothing wrong. By the time I pulled on enough clothes to be classed as relatively decent and made it downstairs, the living room door was firmly closed, opening it and walking in there a level of intrusion I wasn’t sure was warranted. Which left two options. Go back upstairs and leave them to it, or press my ear to the door and listen in on their conversation, ready to intervene if need be?

It turned out that Darien’s living room wasn’t that soundproof, no pressing of my ear to the door required for the conversation to reach me.

“…of course I know who that is. That’s fucking Felix Church. ”

I winced. I’d known as soon as Darien’s brother had looked at me that he’d recognized me, but hearing it in stereo was worse than simply knowing.

“H, keep your voice down, please. I don’t want the neighbors knowing my business.”

“I bet you don’t.”

“We can talk about this like two rational human beings.” There was a level of pleading in Darien’s voice that I hated hearing.

“Please tell me, he’s not your client.”

Either Darien’s response was too quiet to hear, or more likely, he’d chosen to stay silent.

“D, what the hell are you playing at? You could lose your job if they find out.”

“I have it under control. I’m not stupid.”

“No? You could have fooled me. Is he living here?”

A long pause before Darien’s quietly spoken “yes.”

“What the hell!”

“He had nowhere else to go. Nowhere that would have worked, anyway. It was just meant to be for a short time, but then—”

“Then you started screwing each other’s brains out.”

“Actually, that was already happening, if you must know.”

Hayden’s laugh was brimming over with disbelief. “Levi said you had something on your mind, but I don’t think either of us could have dreamed it was something like this.”

“I’m an adult capable of making my own decisions. I don’t need my brother to sweep in and rescue me.”

“No? Are you sure about that? Because it looks to me like you do.”

“I think you’re being a hypocrite.”

“A hypocrite! How do you work that one out? ”

“You and Levi were carrying on in secret. You were his employer. Not to mention that I’d trusted you with him. That didn’t stop the two of you from screwing, did it? And don’t use the fact that it turned out okay as an excuse. It could easily have been different.”

Hayden laughed. I didn’t know him, but it didn’t sound like he was taking Darien that seriously. “You’re comparing Levi to Felix Church. Levi stole a few cars. He didn’t murder anyone.”

I closed my eyes against the mental pain of that same statement being thrown out so flippantly. You’d think over time it would get easier, that I’d be able to guard myself against it, to shrug it off, but it never got easier. It still cut like a knife whenever anyone said it. It wasn’t hard to imagine how the rest of the conversation would go. His brother would shatter whatever Darien and I had been building by holding up a mirror to us. Darien would come to his senses and realize that I wasn’t worth the hassle. He’d ask me to leave, and I’d be back on my own. Homeless. Friendless. And with people ready to lynch me at a moment’s notice.

“He’s innocent.”

“What?” There was a moment where I thought I’d said the word rather than Darien’s brother. It had certainly bounced around in my skull, shock making my knees go weak and forcing me to grab the wall for support. “What are you talking about? He was convicted.”

“The courts are not infallible. They make mistakes.”

“Is this something you’re trying to convince yourself of so you feel better?”

“No.” Darien’s response was emphatic, his voice steady, without a single shred of doubt in it. “I’ve gotten to know him over the past few weeks, and he could never have done what they said he did. He just doesn’t have it in him. ”

Emotion clogged my throat, my fingers gripping onto the wall so tightly that my knuckles turned white. Even in my wildest imaginings, I could never have dreamed of Darien standing up for me like this. Especially not to the point of trying to convince someone else I was innocent.

“And how do you suppose the courts got it so wrong?” There was a thin thread of mockery in Hayden’s voice. I assumed his facial expression would match and was glad I couldn’t see it.

“They got it wrong because the actual murderer was an abusive asshole who treated Felix like shit, and they believed him.”

“Let me guess, he told you that?”

“At the beginning, yes. And I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t believe him either. But living with him, I’ve seen it firsthand.” Something dropped into the pit of my stomach. He’d seen it. How, when I’d been so careful not to let it show? “It’s in the way he’s always so insecure when he cooks something, like no matter how much I praise him for it and tell him how much I enjoy it, he’s just waiting for me to throw it back in his face. And he talks in his sleep sometimes.” Did I? That was news to me.

“What does he say?” Interest had replaced mockery.

“He…” Darien’s voice did crack then. “He placates him, he strokes his ego, he says what he thinks he wants to hear. It’s painful to listen to.”

I rested my head against the door to guard against a rush of dizziness. Why hadn’t Darien said anything to me? I knew the answer to that, though. He hadn’t said anything because he hadn’t wanted me to flip out, to rebuild my barriers and risk the return of the snarling dog. In some ways, he knew me better than I knew myself.

Hayden said something, but it was too quiet for me to hear.

Darien sighed. “Am I or am I not an excellent judge of character? ”

“You are.” The words sounded grudging.

“Then… trust me on this. Felix isn’t what the world believes him to be. I almost fell into that trap myself.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“I know.” There was a warmth in Darien’s voice now. “And I love you for it. I really do. But in this instance, your concern isn’t warranted. I promise you that.”

“And if work finds out about the two of you?”

“Then I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”

“You have feelings for him?” Hayden asked. “Feelings that go beyond sex, I mean?”

I held my breath, straining to hear Darien’s answer. The seconds felt like a lifetime as they ticked by.

“I do.”

A firework went off in my chest, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling like a lunatic.

“Come here.” Hayden’s voice.

From how muffled Darien’s voice became, I assumed the two of them were hugging. “No protective brother act required.”

“Okay. I hear you loud and clear. But… you talk to me from now on, do you hear? Rather than keeping secrets.”

“The phrase pot and kettle comes to mind. I can think of one big secret you didn’t share with me.”

“That was different.”

“How?”

“You were Levi’s probation officer. You were honor bound to tell him that shagging his employer wasn’t a good idea, and I didn’t want you doing that in case he listened.”

Darien laughed. “You really thought Levi would listen?”

“I didn’t know him that well then. ”

Their voices dropped to a lower timbre, and I decided I’d heard enough, retreating up the stairs as quietly as I could. Back in the bedroom, I put more clothes on, pacing as I tried to work out how I was going to play this. He’s innocent. The words played like a broken record in my head, each remembrance setting off a chain reaction that had my heart quickening and something light coalescing in my chest. Admitting that I’d heard what Darien had said meant confessing to having eavesdropped on the conversation with his brother. But to not question him on it would be like having a splinter under my skin and not removing it.

When Darien finally returned to the bedroom, it was with a heavy sigh. “Well, that was intense. He’s gone, by the way, in case you were worried he might come up here and threaten you. Try not to be too upset with him. He’s just doing what every protective brother does. It’s infuriating, and it’s irritating, but…” A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. “Well… I guess it’s also sweet.”

“It must be nice to know you always have someone looking out for you.”

I couldn’t keep a note of bitterness out of my voice. Darien immediately understood the point I was making, that I’d never had that, and grimaced. “Yeah, it is. Most of the time.” His gaze raked over me, taking in my clothed state. “You’re dressed.”

“I didn’t think you’d be in the mood to go back to bed after your showdown with your brother.”

Darien laughed. “Yeah, probably not.” His gaze sharpened. “Are you alright?”

No, I wasn’t. Not even close. “Do you really believe I’m innocent?” So much for keeping it to myself.

He rocked back on his heels. “You heard that? ”

“Yeah… Sorry. I don’t know your brother. I didn’t know how bad he’d get, so I wanted to be close in case you needed me…” My words trailed off. Any excuse I gave for listening outside a door wouldn’t be that convincing, so it was best not to dig the hole too deep and stick to the principal topic of discussion. “You probably just told him that to get him off your back, right? There’s nothing wrong with that. I probably would have done the same in your position. You don’t even need to answer. It was a stupid question to ask.”

“Come here.” Darien’s words were soft, but no less steely for them.

“I should go shopping. Get us something to eat for dinner. What do you fancy? How about chili? How hot do you like your food? Mouth burning, or something milder?”

“Come. Here.” I went this time, Darien pulling me down on the edge of the bed so we sat facing each other. “I don’t give a shit about dinner.”

“I’m glad you told me that before I cooked it and not after.” Talking about dinner reminded me about Julian, or more specifically, what Darien had told his brother about mine and Julian’s relationship. It seemed I wasn’t as good at hiding stuff as I’d thought I was.

Darien cleared his throat. “I think we’ve been letting our bodies do too much of the talking recently and it’s about time we let our brains get a word in edgeways.”

I laughed at the way he’d phrased it. He made us sound like a pair of sexual deviants who’d done nothing but shag for the last couple of weeks. Which… might have been the case if it wasn’t for Darien’s job getting in the way.

Darien belted his robe more tightly, the fabric slipping loose as robes were prone to do. A few seconds passed, Darien seeming to have an argument with himself before he lifted his head, his blue eyes meeting mine without blinking. “Yes, I meant it when I told Hayden you’re innocent.”

A punch to the gut couldn’t have knocked the air out of me more than Darien’s quietly spoken statement did. “I…”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“No one’s ever believed me before, and I mean no one. Not my defense lawyer. None of my cellmates. Not even my mother.”

Darien grimaced. “Yeah, I kind of picked up on that when things were so awkward between you.”

“She didn’t want me there.”

“But… she let you stay.”

“Until I brought trouble to her doorstep. I haven’t heard from her,” I admitted. “Not since the day she told me to leave. I thought she would at least phone to see where I was staying, but nothing. It’s like she’d rather pretend I don’t exist, that she has no children at all.”

“It must hurt.”

It would be easy to call her a bitch and shrug it off. I’d done it before in prison when someone had asked why she only visited once every six months. Hell, sometimes it wasn’t even that often. She’d once gone a year without setting foot in there. But if Darien truly meant it about believing I was innocent, then he deserved the truth. He deserved the unfiltered version of me. “It does. Back when I was first arrested, I thought her attitude was just shock, that she’d think things through and realize the truth.” Darien’s hand crossed the space to settle on my knee. He squeezed it in a show of reassurance and I appreciated the gesture more than I could ever put into words. “I’m still waiting for that day. I should probably face up to the truth and realize it’s never going to happen.”

Perhaps sensing I’d shared enough for the time-being, Darien turned his squeeze into a pat before standing. He gave an exaggerated stretch. “Chili would be great. And in answer to your question, I can take quite a lot of heat.”

“I know you can.” Slipping back into flirtation felt safe, like going for a long swim and then finding yourself back on solid ground. I pulled on a baseball cap and dark glasses, my willingness to hide my identity more for Darien’s sake than my own. I’d go for a walk before going shopping. It would give me a chance to clear my head.