Chapter Fourteen

Sébastien didn't come to lunch or dinner below deck. Neither did Lord Dubois. A healer had taken care of him so he wouldn't have a bruised throat. His pride likely needed a lot of nursing, and a healer couldn't fix that. Sébastien was likely too ashamed to show his face to Remus since his typical facade had collapsed.

Remus almost didn't want to face him either. It was jarring to see another man finally reveal a desire, be unable to cope, and start to crumble. It wasn't like when Remus had been with men or women who were a little shy or perhaps slightly embarrassed to admit something they wanted in bed because it was new to them.

That little flash fire of lust and want from Sébastien had turned into pure humiliation and fear. He'd probably never had any sexual touch that wasn't forced and didn't know what to do after he'd finally let the mask crack.

Or it had shattered by itself since keeping everything packed down and resorting to anger for the most part meant the confines had to break at some point, right?

If he did have some hidden desire for Remus, maybe he wasn't quite as angry and hateful of Remus as he'd thought. He'd been an easy target to yell and snap at since the Prince couldn't get back at anyone else.

Remus was the last option. Perhaps some part of the Prince realized it wouldn't fix anything, and he was tired of always seeking it. If he killed Remus or made his life into utter misery, Sébastien still wouldn't feel better. For a few minutes, he'd think he felt better, but in the long run, it wouldn't change anything.

While he ate dinner, he noticed various friend groups seemed to have shifted. Two hundred men in close quarters who generally get along will often mingle during downtime even if they have different lords. Remus hadn't noticed anything, but he wouldn't be surprised if some were fucking in private to blow off steam or perhaps even forming something a bit closer for the duration of the journey.

Lord Dubois's men seemed to have clustered back together for the most part, and it was the Prince and Lord Rochefort's men who were more mixed at the crowded tables and benches along the wall.

There had definitely been a crack. That was bad because if they needed to fight and work together to get through something later, they had to be like the parts of a single animal, not a two-headed beast that snarled and turned on itself.

***

"Can you let me in?" he asked at the door. "Unless you're going to make me sleep outside."

Sébastien didn't answer, and the door was locked. Remus might as well go find a blanket and settle in front of the door in case someone got any nasty ideas. Just because Sébastien hated his guts again didn't mean Remus was going to leave him alone on a ship full of men and one who'd certainly betray him at some point.

The lock clicked. When he entered, Sébastien was already back in his bed and pointedly focused on the book in his hands. The blankets were drawn up, hiding his body. Great. Remus was being ignored now, and the Prince would keep packing everything down despite it threatening to explode.

"I'll be back after I change."

They never changed in front of each other, and in such tight quarters, it'd make Sébastien uncomfortable. The Prince said nothing when Remus took his sleep clothes and headed down to a spot below deck where the men could have a quick wash or change in privacy, although half barely cared anymore if someone saw their ass.

When he returned, the light was out. Remus managed not to stub his toe in the dark before he got into his bed and stared at the ceiling. A little light came from the portholes on either side of the cabin. Once his eyes adjusted, he could make out the paleness of Sébastien's hair as he faced the wall with the blanket drawn up.

"Sébastien…" started Remus. The shame was so thick, he could practically touch it. He'd rather bridge the space between their beds and touch the Prince's shoulder. A lot can be said when a man clasps another, but the touch wouldn't be appreciated if the unspoken words were misconstrued. "There's nothing wrong if you're curious or want to try something."

"I don't need you lecturing me too."

"I'm not trying to lecture you. I'm just...If you're not experienced with something, you might not know it, and things can seem wrong even though they're not."

That sounded dumb.

"I thought you'd like it so…I wasn't trying to scare you or anything either."

Still dumb. It was time to shut up because he couldn't fix the past with meaningless words, and it didn't matter what he intended. The past was there in the Prince's mind, and it affected him in the present.

Maybe they could go back to some semblance of normal in the morning. Remus wouldn't touch him again, and the Prince wouldn't bite him. No more lusty thoughts that burned out of control like a flash fire. All gone.

Sébastien's bed creaked slightly, and Remus assumed he was simply repositioning himself. He didn't expect to feel his dip a little, and something soft brushed his arm.

Remus squinted. "What are you doing?"

"Laying down," Sébastien said in a low voice.

Remus had to scootch over and turn on his side so the Prince had enough space and wouldn't be hanging off the edge. He tried to keep them from touching, and it was pretty much impossible even with Remus's back against the wall. "Why?"

The Prince moved, and Remus realized he'd brought his pillow and was lying on his stomach. He didn't say anything. With the barely-there light, Sébastien's hair and the sun-bleached linen covering of his pillow nearly merged into each other. He'd hugged it.

"Show me," he finally said.

"Er…show you what?"

"Do what you did earlier," Sébastien muttered against his pillow.

Remus was pretty sure he meant the spanking part. Why else lay on his stomach and leave himself vulnerable? "I'm not doing anything unless you tell me that way there's no confusion. And don't say it only because you think I want it."

The Prince paused. "Spank me. Don't try to pull down my pants." The last few words came out with a slight edge.

Remus stared at him in the dark. "That's really what you want?"

"Yes."

"But…you didn't want it earlier."

"You said I could stop."

"Yeah, and you did. I thought that was it."

"I'm curious."

Perhaps he'd tensed earlier because he thought there wasn't any actual way out, and Remus would be like others who did what they wanted even after being rejected. Remus had shown that there was a way out, and he wanted to try it again. With the dark, it had to be easier and sort of like hiding too.

A little trust had to have formed in the Prince's mind since his earlier "no" had been immediately honored.

"All right," said Remus.

Usually, there was other foreplay, and clothes came off, although this wasn't a typical situation. Remus didn't want to go straight into it with someone so inexperienced, so he stroked the Prince's hair back. Even though Remus liked doing the spanking, there were other nice ways to touch, and the Prince should have that in some way.

Ever so slightly, Sébastien eased into the bed with his cheek resting on his pillow.

"If you want me to stop, say stop or no. It doesn't matter why. I'll stop. I'm not going to do it hard or leave you bruised. The purpose isn't to truly hurt you."

"Okay."

Some enjoyed hard spankings or wanted an ass whipping which Remus had happily given with his belt. Those new to it needed it to be easier. Remus propped himself on his right elbow and massaged the Prince's back with his free hand. Some of his past partners had been tense at first when they weren't experienced. One had said that even though it was to be an enjoyable thing for them both, and the action wasn't abusive, it was still rather odd to ask someone to technically hit them.

The Prince's back was tight, and Remus decided that if he couldn't relax at all, it'd be best if he said no. If he couldn't ease, he likely wasn't ready even though he'd asked. The amount of trust it took to lay beside him in the first place was a lot, and Remus couldn't break it.

One of his shoulders finally loosened, and Remus focused on massaging the other and working out the stiffness. More melted as Remus slowly worked lower and kneaded the muscles in his back. How much stress did he carry around all day?

Bit by bit, Sébastien grew pliant under his ministrations. None of the tension returned when Remus finally laid his hand on his rear. Despite his limpness, Sébastien was surely still leery in case a finger hooked the edge of his sleep pants and tugged.

Sébastien's ass was firm and just right. He was probably utterly gorgeous when he was naked, and the idea was enough to make Remus's cock start thickening, not that he'd go farther. The bits he'd seen, like an incomplete puzzle, were beautiful.

He started with light smacks to see how the Prince reacted. Between them, he rubbed each cheek, and the Prince remained calm, so he gave a couple of harder strikes.

He'd always liked the solid thwack sound as his hand struck someone's behind. The way the firm flesh yielded just enough without any real damage, the reaction of the other person…He'd tied up a few before, and he'd always enjoyed taking control like that, but there was something about a person simply allowing it, and the ready surrender to his will without any restraints.

His cock was harder than a rock as he alternated cheeks and kept a steady pace so he didn't make any spot too sore. The cracks weren't as sharp with cloth covering the area, but they seemed a bit loud in the silent space. Nobody would be close enough to hear it. Sébastien eased more into bed with the constantness.

Some found spanking to be relaxing as if the stress was being smacked away bit by bit. It was a way of giving up control, growing aroused, letting the other person do what they wanted, and knowing they were still safe.

Remus added a little extra force and interspersed rubs between them to soothe the sting. When he kneaded a cheek after a couple of minutes, Sébastien made a slight rolling movement with his hips.

"Are you still all right?"

"Yes," came the low response.

He was likely hard. Remus gave him another firm smack, and Sébastien squirmed against the bed like he was trying to rub his erection on it. Remus simply continued and ignored his own stiff cock. He kept his hips angled away so it didn't brush the Prince and send any wrong signals. This wasn't for Remus even though he was enjoying it.

Sébastien squirmed again. "Stop."

Remus took away his hand. The Prince's ass probably had a nice pink tint to it by then, and if one touched the skin, it'd be pleasantly warm, and a little sore. That would soon fade. "Are you done?"

"Yeah." Sébastien shifted like he was trying to give himself a secret rub on the bed before he stilled.

"Do you want something…else?" asked Remus. If he wanted to be relieved in the dark instead of trying to will himself down, Remus would be gentle with that too and not ask for the same in return that way the experience would be all Sébastien's with no expectations pushed onto him.

"I'm not doing it back."

"I'm not asking you to. If you want a blowjob or a handjob to blow off steam, I could do that. If not, it's fine. It doesn't have to be some kind of fair exchange either. If you simply want to experience it, that's normal."

In Remus's experience, it led to a good sleep afterward for most people.

The Prince didn't move or speak. "No" probably never mattered before, and here was someone offering it in all sorts of ways. After a few seconds, Remus's chest squeezed because Sébastien still wouldn't speak, and maybe the further offer of a way out seemed impossible. If nobody gave a damn before, why now? What if it was a lie to drag him into something he wouldn't be able to escape?

Remus placed a palm on the Prince's shoulder blade where some of the rigidness had started to creep back in. The war he imagined was taking place in the Prince's brain wasn't pleasant. No would mean yes, and fearful silence would also turn into yes because no true way could suddenly exist. How could anybody care at this point?

Remus brushed at the Prince's hair as he hugged his pillow. He leaned his forehead against Sébastien's temple and breathed in his jasmine and rose scent. "You don't ever have to be ashamed of anything you want. You also don't ever have to be afraid or ashamed to say no. I'll never ignore it. And when you're quiet like this, I can tell you don't want to go further, and that's a no, so we're not doing anything else. You're safe even if you can't speak. However you tell me, your no will never mean yes."

Sébastien made a faint noise like he was holding back a sob as Remus stroked his hair. When was the last time he'd felt safe? Too long ago. Remus took his forehead away and tried to focus on the way strands of soft hair felt against his rough fingers. A little of the tension left again, and he knew that was it for the night.

Maybe they'd do it again if he wanted to. And only if he wanted to and approached the topic himself. Remus wouldn't ask and make him feel cornered or like things had to evolve and lead to other activities. He wasn't sure if this night had peeled away some of the layers and shown Sébastien that it was fine to explore what he wanted for a change with no repercussions or strings attached.

"I'm done," Sébastien whispered.

"Okay."

Sébastien slowly moved off the bed with his pillow, got back into his own, and faced the wall once more with the blanket hiding most of his hair. Remus watched the small whitish patch he could make out in the dark, unable to sleep. Eventually, Sébastien's breathing grew deep and even.

Part of Remus wanted to get in bed with Sébastien, hug him close, and stroke his hair until not an ounce of fear remained.

***

The cabin was empty in the morning, fresh water had been added to the basin, and Sébastien's bed was made. Nothing unusual. For a moment, his sleep-addled brain almost didn't believe the Prince had trusted him enough to get in bed and allow himself to be spanked.

When he came out, Sébastien was laced up in his usual black with his hair tied back, and he stood at the railing on the port side with Lord Rochefort. The sailors went about their usual tasks, and guards peppered the decks. A few were in a cluster on one side as they played cards. Breakfast wouldn't be ready just yet.

Remus approached the Prince as Lord Rochefort walked away with a quick good morning that he returned. "Are you all right?"

"Mhm." The Prince looked out over the ocean.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

If he wouldn't even look at Remus, he must have been ashamed about last night. The carefully crafted bland expression was a way to patch all of the cracks once more. With the light of day back, he slammed the shutters and retreated into his usual controlled self.

What if he expected something to be forcibly taken or coerced as payment later despite last night? Or what if he simply saw himself as weak for succumbing to a small desire?

"Could I talk to you in private?"

"About what?"

Remus took a deep breath and spoke in a low voice. "I'd like it if we could talk about things man-to-man. If you're thinking I expect something in return, I don't, and it's not transactional. Even if you simply have questions about anything, you can ask. It doesn't mean we have to do stuff you're not comfortable with."

"I don't want to talk in private."

"It might be easier if we clear the air instead of just dancing around things and pretending like it didn't happen. If you just want to tell me straight that you never want that again or-"

"I'm fine. Also, I already know I'm not returning anything to you."

Fair enough. It wasn't like Remus expected him to immediately jump in bed, discard years of trauma, and suck or ride his dick.

"My head is on straight regardless of what some might think," said Sébastien.

Was he also ashamed they'd done something after that prick's comments? The Prince certainly hadn't been putting his head between Remus's legs, but the nasty remark about being "worthless" after someone was done with his ass had surely hit all sorts of nerves. Remus wanted to find Lord Dubois and throttle him.

"If you're about to complain, I guess my no means nothing after all," said Sébastien.

If Sébastien truly wanted to carefully put everything away, close the lid, lock it, and never bring it out again, that had to be his choice. Remus couldn't make it for him. Maybe he'd bring out his wants later but with someone else. It didn't have to be Remus if Sébastien didn't want that.

He wondered if Sébastien now suspected that Remus knew something had taken place in the past. His words about not going further if the Prince was too afraid to say no could have clued him in. Most people might not be that gentle or understanding if they didn't get that there was something hidden in the background.

"Your no is always important to me," Remus finally said. "Can we talk about something else?" He figured he should ask in case the Prince needed time alone to think.

"What?" Sébastien's tone grew guarded like he thought Remus was sneakily attempting to veer the conversation right back into territory he didn't want to enter.

"I think Lord Dubois's men are-it's not dissent or anything like that right now. If you gave one an order, I'm sure he'd carry it out. I think there's been a little crack among our three factions, and it could be a problem later. We all need to work together no matter what." Remus whispered even though nobody was close. "Unless someone decides to do open mutiny against you."

Sébastien's eyes flicked to him with a hint of disbelief. He'd definitely expected Remus to press, poke, and prod about the previous night instead of changing the subject. He cast a look over his shoulder. "If anyone in Midland decides to start a rebellion against us, they'll fight at first with me because their lives will be on the line too. If the citizens decide to stick me in a grave, they won't stop at me and leave the others alive to tell and retaliate. We'll play things by ear."

"I don't think you play everything by ear."

"I can't always control everything either as much as I'd like. I'm going to see Whisper."