17. Jackson

17

Jackson

The rage pulses once more as I throw my best friend across the large ballroom and slide Charlie’s small body behind me.My father’s words, still ringing in my ears, “Options.”

I don’t have a fucking option. She’s mine. The words burn through me.

‘No one touches what’s mine.’

‘No one touches our mate,’ my wolf growls, sitting on the edge of my skin. The prickles of a shift rip through me at the anger of everything.

The words are repeated as I try to rationalize with my beast. The impulse that has me ready to kill. “What the fuck Killian, touching my mate?” My fist clenches, attempting to hold in every pounding flare that burns through my body. The anger has me ready to throttle my best friend—the man who has had my back for years.

I just attacked my Dad for being a dick for dropping me in the middle of his mess, for making me feel like I’m always less than, never good enough. Now, my eyes shift to Killian. A growl fills the space between us, and I come out to find him touching a distraught Charlie.

His hands pull up in innocence, and he starts to kneel, showing submission, and I sneer.

“Jax, I found her freaking out, she was about to bolt. I didn’t do anything.”

Maybe it’s his submission that has my body releasing the anger or the fact that I don’t sense Charlie behind me anymore. I turn to see her shifting and running.

“Fuck.” I grunt as I run down the stairs and follow her. The shift is easy with my wolf so close. We shred our clothes and chase her.

‘We didn’t want to chase her like this,’ my wolf says as we race to catch her.

‘No, we didn’t, but we fucked up. I don’t know what she heard at the door, but we need to fix this.’

My wolf whimpers.

‘Now, she might not want us at all. ’

We break out of the dense forest into the clearing that holds the falls. Thunder claps, and a dark storm cloud threatens to break loose above us. The lighting causes Charlie’s small form to jump.

‘She’s so scared, ’ my wolf says.

I can’t feel her anymore, as if she’s cut us out, cut us off. The idea that she’s turned off our bond is another layer of pain that tears at my already frayed edges.

My heart breaks watching her slink into the wet, cold cave. The lighting flashes off the walls and hits a tree in the distance. The deafening sound of the power behind the lightning ripping through the wood is overshadowed asCharlie leaps from the side, snarling.

Her claws and fangs go straight for my throat. I roll and pull her small body off of mine. My wolf quickly lays down on top of her to get her to stop; the growls and teeth continue to be bared to us. Each attempt to rip us apart.

‘Mate? ’ My wolf tries through our link.

The resounding growl rivals the crack of another lightning strike just outside.

I shift.

The action has her wolf pausing, but I don’t want her to see me as a threat, and if I’m human, I’m weaker.

“Charlie, talk to me,” I say softly. The light rain begins to fall outside of the cave.

Her wolf shakes her head and backs up.

“Charlie, what you heard…fuck, I don’t know what you heard, but talk to me.” My hand drags through my hair as I kneel on the damp stone floor.

Then she shifts and comes at me again with tiny, angry fists. “You don’t get to come in here., this is my spot. This is my safe. Now get the fuck out.” Her angry pleas are laced with hurt as she pushes my body back. “I’m not Pack. Why are you even here?” She paces back to the back of the cave.

“Charlie, my dad.”

“No. Don’t make excuses. I heard what you said,” she pauses, and I can hear the tears threatening to fall. “I’m a lone wolf. I’ll always be alone. I should’ve never tried to love you. I knew you would destroy me.” Her body breaks at the last words. Her strength comes crumbling down as she falls to the rough ground. “Just leave me alone. It’s better for you and the Pack if I stay away. I can’t hurt anyone this way.”Her voice breaks off so quiet I barely make out the last words.

My breathing is hitched because the pain of her reality is like a knife to the chest. She really believes she was meant to be alone, and I don’t know a thing, about her family or how she came here. But she wears strength and darkness equally well. The woman is half goddess, half hell; she is beautifully broken.

“Charlie, I’ll always protect you, even from yourself. Now, please let me take you back to the Lodge. Let’s talk about this. It’s not safe out here,” I try.

She doesn’t know about the men trying to steal our pups or poisoning our Pack. The instinct to have her safe pulses through me, I’m unable to contain my growl as I ask again, “Come home with me, little mate, or…”

Her words cut me off. “No. You don’t get to call me that,” her voice is flames, her eyes are fire as she points at me her small snarl is stuttered with emotion.

“I’m not afraid to dance in your inferno, little Phoenix. Now, I will ask again, or I’ll carry you back. Come home with me.”

“Fuck you.” She snaps, and my wolf has had enough.

“Nope.” I sweep her up, throwing her tiny body over my shoulder. Her bare ass rests right next to my head. I feel her body vibrate with the shift; my patience is at its limit as I use my alpha bark on her, “Do not shift.”

Her whimper is the last sound she makes. The silence is deafening, and only the white noise of the storm raging around us fills my ears as I carry her back to the Lodge.

When I reach the back parking lot, I stop by my truck and grab an extra shirt out of it, throwing it over her head and sliding a pair of pants on. She doesn’t even look at me when I try to talk to her. Her arms are wrapped tight around her body, and tears silently fall down her face. She’s soaking wet and a small shiver rolls through her body, like an earthquake tearing us apart.

The thought that she’s rejecting us begins to fan the flame that blazed earlier. I want to roar at her. Make her see how much she means to me; I would burn the fucking Pack down if she wanted me to.

I’m selfish and would destroy everything to choose her.

Only her. Always her.

We step through the back doors. My Dad, Mom, and Holly all sit at the table eating. Holly presses up at the sight of Charlie and rushes to her. Charlie doesn’t even notice Holly as she wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“Oh, Charlie? Come on,” my sister then pins me with a look of pure disgust. “Do not follow us,” she utters.

I hear my Dad across the table, “One problem solved.” My lips pull up in disgust as I look at him. The need to kill him is warring with the need to feel her, feel anything.

I watch Charlie, wrapped in my oversized shirt, leave the room and try one last time, ‘Mate? ’ There is no sound or acknowledgment from her or her wolf.

Unable to contain the emotion inside, I roar. The sound is angry and thunderous, matching the storm’s energy. I see Charlie flinch at the sound. The sight of her fear breaking the rest of my heart.

Killian pushes me back outside. The hail is now pelting off the cement ground, bouncing with abandon. The icy cold water burns my heated skin.

“What happened, man?” Killian steps up to me, getting in my face, putting his body between me and the house.

I shake my head. Fuck if I know. “She heard my dad say something about how she’s not Pack.”

“And…”

My eyes pin him and I push an angry finger in his chest. “And I don’t fucking know,” I bellow, “She is my Pack, but she hasn’t tried to connect with the Pack here. I mean, I’ve only been home for a week. She’s been a lone wolf since she arrived.” The words are like a thousand paper cuts, knowing she has lived alone for the last four years, maybe longer. I wish she would tell me about her past and her family so I could help.

My wolf says, ‘She is dangerous when she’s hurt. She can easily destroy everything around her, like the storm raging through the forest, but she doesn’t. Instead, she destroys herself.’

For the first time, I feel his words. ‘How do we save her? Hold her. Claim her. Save her.’ I pull at my hair, letting the welts from the hail bring me back to reality.

Killian’s dark green eyes are laced with concern as he says, “I offered to teach her self-defense today and show her how to harness those emotions, especially the pain. It’s my favorite therapy.”

My arms are still raised, resting on my head; I turn to face him, “And…”

“And we didn’t get to do that because she ran into the forest.” He steps back under the porch, and I don’t blame him. The hail is painful. He says, “You want to get her back, help her heal, and give her back the power she so desperately wants. Stop thinking that a mate bond will fix her past, fix her hurts. Because that is what she is. She is the embodiment of pain. Her pain is like flames licking at the hot coals. She needs one spark to rip through the sky like a lightning bolt. She may feel safer letting you in when she can harness that power and control.”

The fact that I may be on the outs finally breaks through my anger, filling me with regrets. My voice cracks: “I can’t lose her, man; she’s the first thing that feels like mine. She feels like home.” I walk back to the safety of the patio to my friend.

“Does she know that?”

“I thought she did.”

He shakes his head and walks inside. I watch as the storm continues to rage around me like the one tearing apart my heart. I try again to connect through our bond, ‘Little Mate?’

Silence, not even a flicker of emotion, touches me. I shift and run to the forest, needing to release the restless energy before I do something I can’t take back.