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CHAPTER 55

jackson

I couldn’t read West’s mood, and it was killing me.

After lunch, he followed me around as I ran a few errands—stupid shit to fill my time. I picked up things that my mom had been asking for and even took the time to drop them off. I didn’t need to, but I was avoiding going home with him. And honestly, she loved seeing West again. They sat outside talking about Betty for the better part of an hour while I didn’t say a damn word.

On the drive home, West didn’t say a fucking thing. He hadn’t said much at all to me since we left lunch. I replayed every moment at the restaurant in my head, trying to figure out where I’d lost him—where I’d scared him away. Was it the state of the ranch? Was it the fact that I called him out about his time here? Was it telling him all of the shit Harrison had gotten involved in?

Who fucking knew? It could’ve been any of them. Hell, it could’ve been all of them. I would’ve given anything to know .

Either way, by the time we walked into the house, I was restless and grumpy. Tess wasn’t around, which told me that Mickey probably took her home—not an uncommon thing for the two of them. There were no wild messages about the stupid shit going on with my ranch, which was a good thing.

All of it just left me with time to fill.

Kicking off my boots, I left the door open for him and started across the house.

“Good night,” I called over my shoulder. It was too early to go to bed but going upstairs to my office seemed like a better option than sitting around in silence with him.

I was halfway across the house when he grabbed my arm, turning me fast. I didn’t get a chance to say a single fucking word as his mouth crashed into mine in a deep kiss, his tongue driving past my lips. The sudden invasion of him was intoxicating. Every kiss was more intense than the first.

Pulling away slightly, his forehead pressed against mine. My panting mirrored his as we both caught our breath.

“Don’t…” he began quietly, “don’t… don’t give me the power to break your heart. I’m not fucking worth that.”

This man. This fucking man. He just didn’t get it, did he?

“It’s too late for that,” I whispered. Taking his face in my hands, I kissed him once. Twice. Three times. Each kiss lingered longer than the last. “I loved you back then just like I love you now.”

The admission hit me like a fucking truck. I’d never said those words to anyone besides my parents. The truth was I had loved West back when we were kids—even before our first kiss—and I never got over him. I never stopped loving him.

His crashing back into my life only brought all those feelings rushing right back to me. And every little moment we had together solidified them and molded them into something I couldn’t deny.

West’s arm wrapped tight around my waist, and he walked me backward until I hit a wall. His body pressed into mine as he kissed me again. Something moved through him like a desperate need to express things he couldn’t say out loud—things I hoped one day I’d hear from him.

But this? I’d take this weird and confusing thing we had going on over nothing .

His hips rolled against mine, drawing a moan out of both of us with the friction building between our bodies.

Jesus fuck. I was so goddamn wound up by this man. No one had ever made everything so simple like making out and practically dry humping against a wall feel so damn good.

His teeth nipped along my jaw, scraping against my beard, as he worked his way to my neck. The sweep of his tongue had me groaning as he hit the right spot.

“Jackson,” West whispered against my skin. I made a small sound, doing my best to pay attention. “What if I want more?”

That slammed me right back to reality. I grabbed the front of his shirt, pushing him back slightly so I could see his face. His expression was unreadable as I searched his face for more information. Was he saying what I thought he was? Or was I thinking too much?

“I don’t expect anything,” I told him quietly.

“I know.”

“We’re good where we’re at. There’s no need to rush anything, baby. I’m not… I don’t expect more.”

“I know you don’t,” he said. “But what if I want to? I’ve never… but just… what if I want to try?”

Try…

Christ, this man was going to be the death of me. He didn’t deserve any of the shit he’d been through. He didn’t deserve to feel the way he did.

“If that’s what you want,” I replied softly. My lips brushed against his briefly, some small gesture of reassurance.

“I can’t…” His head shook slightly as he struggled to finish the sentence. “There’s just… certain things… I don’t know… I can’t…”

There was no way in hell he could handle being topped, which didn’t surprise me. Not with everything I knew. I was typically very strict about my role when it came to sex, but for West, I’d be whatever the hell he needed. I’d relish in any little bit of himself he was willing to share with me.

“Your stables, your rules, West,” I reiterated because I felt he needed to hear it. “I ain’t rushing you into a damn thing. However you want to do this thing. You take the lead, baby.”

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