Chapter 4

Chapter

Four

February 14th

8:09 P.M.

Her desolate sobs filled with a pain so deep there were no words to adequately describe it, tore at Panther's heart.

Shredded it.

Left it in tatters on his kitchen floor.

All he could see inside his head was himself in Elle's position, his sweet little boy snatched away from him, helpless, unable to get his child back, the fear and terror that would be coursing through his body.

Honestly, he was surprised that Elle had held it together as well as she had.

Wrapping his arms around her and holding her didn"t seem like he was doing nearly enough to help. His desire to find Ruthie had grown into a need. He had to find this child, there was no other option. There was no way he could send this woman away empty-handed and still be able to function as a member of Bravo Team.

Panther had no idea why he cared so much, nor did he intend to worry about it. His whole focus was on the woman sobbing her heart out in his arms.

"Daddy?" Andy appeared in the doorway, his worried eyes on Elle. "What's wrong?"

In his hold, Elle went completely still, somehow managing to stifle her sobs from one heartbeat to the next. "I'm sorry," she whispered quietly enough for only him to hear. "I never meant to upset your son."

Tightening his hold on her for a moment, Panther then took a step back, letting his arms fall to his side, suddenly missing the feel of Elle's slim body pressed against him. "Sorry we disturbed you, bud, but everything's okay."

"Are you sure?" Andy's gaze was on Elle, not him, as though he needed to hear her reassurance before he could believe it.

"I'm sure," Elle told him. "I just got upset about Ruthie but didn"t mean to disturb you. Do you want your daddy to go and tuck you in?" There she went again, worrying more about his son being taken care of than she did herself. She had to be desperate to give him every piece of information she could so he could start looking for her child, but she was still taking the time to make sure his child was okay.

Looking between the two of them with an expression so much older than his years, Andy shook his head. "No. You need Daddy more than I do right now."

With one more sombre look, Andy disappeared back upstairs. Panther couldn't be more proud of his boy. Growing up without the benefit of being surrounded by other kids made Panther worry that his son was missing out on learning the skills he needed to grow up into a well-adjusted young man. But that obviously wasn't the case. Andy was intelligent, empathetic, creative, and already had a well-developed intuition.

"He's a great kid," Elle said softly as she sank into a chair at the table with a weariness that told him she was getting dangerously close to reaching the end of her rope.

"The best," he agreed. Heading to the fridge, he began pulling out ingredients and setting them on the counter.

"What are you doing?" Elle asked warily.

"Cooking you some dinner."

"I"m not hungry, and I didn"t come here looking for the services of a chef, I came looking for someone who can find my daughter."

"You're getting both," he said simply as he filled a pot with water, turned it on to boil, and then began chopping vegetables.

"I"m really not hungry." Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Elle rubbing at her stomach as though the thought of food made her sick. Panther was sure that it did. She had been living on adrenalin and not much else this past month, but one thing you learned fast if you wanted to survive Delta Force, and that was you took care of your body whether you felt like it or not. It could be your greatest asset or your greatest enemy, it was up to you to decide.

Only this time, he was going to make the decision for Elle.

"When was the last time you took care of yourself? Ate a proper meal? Took a long hot shower? Got a full night's sleep?" They were all rhetorical questions, but he posed them all to her anyway because Elle had to understand that even though she was scared out of her mind, taking care of herself was non-negotiable. Her daughter was counting on her, so Elle couldn't afford to run herself into the ground and collapse.

"Ruthie is missing," she said as an explanation.

The water in the pot was boiling, so Panther poured in some pasta and then turned to face her. "Exactly. And your daughter is counting on you. That means you take care of yourself whether you feel like it or not. That starts with a nutritionally balanced meal and then a shower."

Her brow furrowed into the most adorable frown. "I can"t take a shower here. I don't have my shampoo, or conditioner, or body wash, and …" Her cheeks turned the sweetest shade of pink. "I don't have any clean clothes."

"I'll lend you something to wear." If she was going to keep throwing up roadblocks, he would keep plowing through them. It was obvious no one in Elle's life had stepped up to make sure she was okay while she was living through a hell none of them could understand. If she didn"t have anyone else to take care of her, he'd do it himself.

"But don't we … have to talk about Ruthie? I don't know how much you know, and I've been keeping notes. I couldn't help myself. I started when I got the first letter. The cops have the originals, but I have pictures, and detailed notes on everything I know about?—"

"Elle," he said, cutting her off. "We'll talk about everything. I promise. I know enough about the case to get started. Sparrow made sure I was given access to the file the police have. I want to hear everything you have to tell me as well, but for now, I need you to take the next hour to focus only on yourself. Can you do that for me?" Panther was aware it was like asking her to cut off her own arm. A parent couldn't just turn off their fears for their child, especially when that child was in danger, but right now, Elle was letting herself get too close to hitting a brick wall, she needed this, he knew she did.

"Well …" she hedged, obviously still undecided.

"While you shower it will give me time to read through the files, make a list of questions to ask you," he added. This was all happening at the last minute. Sparrow had called only a few hours ago to ask for this favor. Normally, she would have asked her older sister, but Raven's three-year-old son had decided that trying to use the trampoline to catch a balloon stuck in a tree was a good idea and wound up breaking his leg, and now Raven and her husband Max were preoccupied trying to keep an active toddler still and quiet. While he had read through the file, he really did need to take a closer read, and it would be easier without Elle hovering.

"Okay," she finally agreed.

"Perfect. Take as long as you want in the shower, then make yourself comfortable in the living room and I'll be through with dinner and we can talk. Use my bathroom upstairs, the other one is filled with all of Andy's stuff." The thought of her in his bathroom, naked and soapy in the shower, made him have to turn his back quickly, pretend he was busy with the stove, so she didn"t see the bulge in his pants and leave immediately thinking he was completely unprofessional and sleazy on top of that. "Door at the end of the hall is my bedroom. Grab a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and stick your clothes in the machine when you come back down."

With a look that said she still wasn't completely certain about this, Elle gave a slow nod, lifted herself out of the chair like her limbs weighed too much, and disappeared through the door.

Alone, Panther finished up the vegetables, drained the pasta, and added it along with some sliced chicken breasts and plenty of cheese, into a casserole dish. This was Andy's favorite meal, and since it contained carbs, vegetables, meat, and dairy he considered it a parenting win.

Dinner attended to, Panther grabbed his laptop and sat down at the kitchen table, bringing up the file Sparrow had sent him. Time faded away as he read through everything the cops had on Ruthie's case. As he did, he made a list of questions to ask Elle, just like he'd told her he would.

When the timer went off to tell him that dinner was ready, he took it out of the oven and served two plates even though he'd eaten earlier with Andy since he suspected he would get Elle to eat more if they both ate together. Tucking the laptop and notepad under his arm, he balanced both plates and carried them through to the living room, stopping abruptly at the sight that met his eyes.

Curled up on his couch was Elle, the tortured lined in her face finally smoothed away by sleep. Dressed in a pair of his sweatpants and one of his hoodies, she looked tiny and delicate in the too-big clothes. Seeing her dressed in his clothes filled him with a surge of possessiveness.

Carrying everything back into the kitchen, he covered the plates and set them on the counter to cool before going in the fridge. Guess feeding Elle would have to wait till morning because no way was he waking her when she was actually getting some sleep. He had intended for her to go home after they'd talked through her daughter's case, but now he returned to the living room and very carefully scooped her into his arms. She'd be spending the night there.

Upstairs, he headed straight for his room. While he couldn't put her in Andy's room, he was sure Mrs. Pfeffer would be fine with Elle sleeping in her bed. Not that he did that. He bypassed both bedrooms and headed straight for his own. Lying her in the middle of his king-size bed again emphasized how small and vulnerable she was, and Panther couldn't help but smooth a hand over her silky brown locks as he tucked her in.

This woman might be a job, but he liked seeing her in his bed as much as he liked seeing her dressed in his clothes.

Yep, he was in big trouble.

February 15th

2:32 A.M.

"Mama."

The sweet little voice called out to her from the darkness.

"Ruthie?"

"Mama."

Spinning in a circle, Elle couldn't see her daughter.

Darkness was everywhere.

It was like a fog, only instead of being floaty and white, it was thicker, blacker, and it covered everything.

"Ruthie? Baby? Where are you?" she called out, the circles she was turning in became faster and more frantic. Where had Ruthie gone? She was right there, right beside her, holding her hand.

She hadn"t looked away. Had she?

The small fingers curled around her own had been enough to reassure her that her daughter was okay, safe, close … maybe she had looked away, just for a second.

A second was all it took.

One moment in time and you lost everything that mattered.

But she didn"t look away, she wouldn't. Turning her back on her precious daughter wasn't something she would do.

Not ever.

Not even in the safety of their own backyard.

She was careful.

She was always careful.

No.

Elle wouldn't leave Ruthie alone, not for anything, so where was her little girl? How had she been swallowed up by the black fog? Where was her daughter? Where was her little unicorn girl? The one who brought magic and whimsy into her life?

"Where are you, baby girl? Answer, Mommy, please, sweetie. Tell Mommy where you are!"

Her cries went unanswered.

Silence swirled around her. Taunting her.

"Mama."

The voice was everywhere and yet nowhere. It sounded close and yet far away. It was the faintest hint of a sound, yet it was also deafening.

"Where are you, Ruthie?" Elle demanded, fear made her voice come out sharper than she intended, and she could hear her baby crying. "I"m sorry, Ruthie. I"m sorry, baby. Mommy is so sorry. Where are you, baby? Where are you, little unicorn girl?"

Nothing.

No answer.

Just the sound of her daughter sobbing.

"No," she screamed in pained frustration. Ruthie was gone, and it was all her fault. Now she would be forced to live her life to the sound of her daughter's cries.

It was too much.

She couldn't go on like this.

Didn"t want to go on like this.

All she wanted was to hold her baby in her arms again.

"I'm sorry, Ruthie. I"m sorry. I"m so sorry," she wept over and over again.

"Elle."

"I'm sorry, my sweet unicorn girl. I failed you. It was my job to protect you, to keep you safe, to never let anything hurt you, and I failed. I failed."

"Wake up, Elle. Now. Damn it, wake up."

"I love you, baby girl. Do you know that Mommy loves you? Do you know that Mommy would do anything for you?"

A sharp, stinging pain in her cheek had her bolting upright.

Elle's eyes snapped open, and instead of the black, swirling fog she expected to see the room was bathed in light.

Disoriented at the sight of the unfamiliar room, the walls were a light gray instead of the soft pink of her bedroom, and the quilt beneath her shaking hands was dark grey instead of frilly and white. The bed felt wrong, and there was no soft breeze floating over her now icy cold skin from the window behind her bed that she always kept open.

Where was she?

Panic flooded her system, and she began to scramble backward when her gaze fell on the man leaning on the side of the mattress. One knee was by her hip, his other foot planted on the floor. He was wearing only a pair of pajama pants that hung low on his hips, and his torso may as well have been chiseled from marble by Michelangelo himself.

Her mouth dropped open as fear and confusion turned to embarrassment. There she was ogling him, and she didn"t even know where she was or why Panther was standing beside her … no not her … the bed.

"I umm … what … I"m sorry … I don't … where am I?" Elle stammered, averting her gaze before she did something completely stupid and inappropriate like reach out and trace the lines of his six-pack.

"You fell asleep on my couch," Panther told her.

The last thing she remembered was feeling rejuvenated by the long, steamy, hot shower. It had been weird being naked in a stranger's bathroom, but Panther was right, the shower had helped, it washed away the fog and relaxed her tense muscles. By the time she'd gone searching through his dresser her eyes had felt heavy, but she'd ignored it, dressing and heading down, marveling at the fact that the smells coming from the kitchen had her stomach rumbling.

It had been a long time since she'd felt hungry. Elle ate because it was necessary, snatching a slice of bread here or a piece of fruit there, but mostly living off coffee. Same with showering. When she realized she was smelly, she hopped in the shower, rushing through it in case there was a call saying her daughter had been found.

But last night, she'd made herself stay under the spray, letting the water work its magic and allowing herself a moment to just … be.

Obviously, it had helped more than she realized because she must have fallen asleep the second she curled up on the soft leather couch. She didn"t remember a single thing after that. Panther must have found her and carried her to one of the bedrooms.

As she looked around, noted the pictures of Andy, and recalled rifling through the dresser opposite the end of the bed earlier, she realized that Panther had brought her to his room. She'd been sleeping in his bed.

And from the sight of his messy, dark locks, she'd woken him in the middle of the night.

Andy.

Had she woken the boy as well?

"I"m sorry, did I wake you? I didn"t mean to fall asleep, I didn"t intend to spend the night here, I was going to go home after we talked, the shower, it must have relaxed me too much, and I was dreaming, and I must have been calling out, apparently I do that, and?—"

"And do you intend to put any full stops in that sentence or just keep babbling indefinitely?" Panther asked, amusement dancing in his golden-brown eyes, and Elle couldn't look away, mesmerized by them.

He was so handsome, and even though she was supposed to be there for him to help her find her daughter, he'd gone above and beyond. Taken care of her. When was the last time anyone had bothered to take care of her? Her parents had been too busy with all their strict rules and expectations to actually spend a second of their time coddling her in any way. Her ex-husband wasn't a bad man per se, but he was more interested in relaxing after work—if he even had a job—and playing his video games than to help around the house or take care of her or her needs.

But Panther …

A man who didn"t even know her had gone out of his way to look after her even though it was absolutely going above and beyond.

"I babble when I"m nervous," she admitted, offering him a shy smile. "Was I screaming in my sleep?"

"Crying more than screaming."

Elle winced. "Did I wake Andy, too?"

"Nah, the kid could sleep through an air raid, I don't know where he gets it from."

"I woke you, though. I"m sorry. I was always a vivid dreamer, but since Ruthie … disappeared … I seem to talk in my sleep. Scream usually, although I"ve been told I cried a few times as well."

"It's okay, Elle," Panther said gently.

For some reason, she didn"t like the idea of him being just Panther. They weren"t friends, but he was searching for her daughter, and she prayed he was going to do what no one else had been able to do. She should know his real name, after all, if he brought her baby home, if she ever had other children, she was going to name them after him, and she could hardly call them Panther.

"What's your name?" she asked before she could stop herself. Sparrow had only ever called him Panther and hadn"t told her anything else about him other than that if anyone could help her find Ruthie, it was him.

A strange look came over his face, almost making her regret asking, but she didn"t back down. If he didn"t want to tell her he didn"t have to, but she honestly didn"t see what the big deal was. It was just a name.

Just when she thought he wasn't going to answer, his voice spoke softly. "Rafe. It's Rafe."

"Rafe," she echoed, it suited him. "I"m sorry for falling asleep last night. You made dinner and everything, and I"m sorry for waking you in the middle of the night."

"It's okay, Elle. I don't mind. I"m glad you rested, and nightmares under these circumstances are perfectly normal. Do you think you can go back to sleep?"

There was no way she would sleep again right now, not while her body, her mind, and her heart were still buzzing from her dreams. "I don't think so."

"Then how about we get up and I get you something to eat."

When he went to move away from the bed, she reached out and touched a hand to the top of his. "You don't have to. You can go back to bed, I can look after myself."

Something dark passed through his eyes, but it was gone so quickly she wondered if she imagined it. "I don't have to, Elle, but I want to."

With that, he was gone, leaving her staring after him, trying to figure out a man who was only supposed to search for her daughter but seemed to be doing so much more.