Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Rose

I can not do this. The deadline to email my designs to Phillip has come around all too quickly and my foolish confidence from earlier in the week is nowhere to be found. What if he hates them?

"Morning, you want your usual?" Violet's question enforces a momentary pause to my spiralling as I step up to the counter at Snug. I've come to my happy place, hoping it will help me gather enough courage to email Phillip. As always, Violet looks fantastic. Today's ensemble consists of dark jeans, a sapphire-blue wrap top with burgundy flowers, all tied together with a lipstick shade the perfect colour-match to the petals on her top.

"Please." I return her smile, grateful for the way her warm presence smooths away the jagged edges of my nerves. I also dressed up a little today. Not that I'm expecting to run into anyone I know, except for Violet, but I always find making an effort with my clothes helps me feel more confident and today I need all the help I can get in that department. It's another chilly day, so I opted for my favourite sage green and baby pink high waisted tartan trousers paired with my pink boots and a cropped cream roll neck jumper. I may be a nervous wreck on the inside, but at least I look good.

Coffee order placed, I meander around the tables, the tightness in my chest easing a little when I relax into my usual amethyst-purple armchair. Anxiety over showing Phillip my designs had me awake way too early this morning. Seeing as I was already up, I thought I'd just email him first thing, but when the time came I found myself frozen, finger hovering above the ‘send' button but unable to bring myself to complete that final step. I knew I was being ridiculous but couldn't help it. Unable to stand stewing over it at home any longer, I decided to come to Snug.

The atmosphere here always brings me comfort and what better reward for sending off my designs than one of Violet's delicious vanilla lattes? Of course, now my order's placed, that means I actually have to send the email. After a couple of slow breaths to calm my racing heart, I open my pink rucksack and pull out my tablet. I'm unable to resist looking over the email one last time. A few more minutes obsessing over the two designs I've chosen and how I've pitched them will obviously make me feel better.

In my peripheral I notice Violet approaching with my latte. It's now or never. If my reward arrives and I've not sent the email yet I'll have to hype myself up all over again. Hey, I don't make the rules. My hands shake, probably a sign I don't need any more caffeine this morning but I'll be damned if I'm going to deprive myself of heaven in a mug after this ordeal.

I press send. In my mind a choir of angels burst into song. In reality, nothing around me changes except for Violet placing my coffee on the low table before me (the woman has impeccable timing). But on the inside, I do feel different. Braver. It's only a small step forward, I will absolutely be incessantly refreshing my inbox until I hear back from Phillip, but it's a step forward all the same. I take a sip of coffee then smile.

Bel:

Rosebud! Are we still on for tonight?

The corners of my lips twitch upwards at the familiar nickname from my uni days lighting up my phone screen. Bel, (short for Belmont but God help anyone other than his mum and dad who tries to use his full name), has been visiting his family for his parents' wedding anniversary celebration. He gets back this afternoon, and Aria and I are meeting up with him at his flat tonight to catch up. I couldn't be more grateful for the timing—hanging out with my closest friends is just what I need to take my mind off waiting for Phillip's reaction to my designs.

Me:

Absolutely! See you at 7. *smiley face emoji*

"Rosie, is that you?"

Frozen halfway through putting my now-empty mug back on the table, dread fills me. Just when I thought the only thing capable of ruining my good mood was Phillip hating my designs this happens. I'd know that shrill voice anywhere, plus, she's the only person who insists on calling me Rosie even though I hate it.

"Mrs Attwater, what a surprise." I force myself to smile at her for the sake of politeness but if the look she gives me is any indication, I've fallen short. Much like I failed to meet her impossible standards when I was dating her son.

Marie (not that I was ever invited to call her that) glides towards me, looking out of place in her smart pastel-blue dress and heels.

"It's lovely to see you, dear." Is it though?

"It's nice to see you too," I reply, even though I'd hoped to never run into her again. Given that we move in completely different circles, I hadn't thought that was a big ask.

"You look…" She gives me a once-over. Suddenly the love I had for my outfit moments ago is replaced by feeling like a child playing dress-up in an adult's clothes. I hate that she still has this effect on me. Her opinion shouldn't matter and yet, it does. Her disapproval is a reminder of all the times Malcolm never stood up for me or, even worse, when he belittled me all on his own. "… well," she finishes her assessment of me after a self-esteem destroying pause.

"What brings you to Snug?" A valid question since this is lightyears from her usual scene.

"I was at a fundraising meeting and mentioned needing to pick up a few sweet treats afterwards. One of the ladies recommended this place. It's… charming."

"The coffee's great here."

"Hmm." Her non-committal sound in response to my praise makes it clear she has very little faith in my opinion. "The cakes do look delightful. I'll take a selection over to Malcolm's. We're having brunch with his new girlfriend, she's a dental hygienist. Are you seeing anyone, Rosie?"

Oh, so we're doing this? Now I understand why she bothered to come over here. I can't believe Malcolm's serious enough about another woman to call her his girlfriend already. It's only been a few months. I've not even considered going on a date since the break-up.

"Not at the moment."

She smiles with false sympathy, like I'm some pathetic creature unable to get over her son. I broke up with him for crying out loud, although I'm sure that's not the story he told. His ego would never allow it.

"Well, that's alright, I'm sure you'll find someone you're better suited to eventually. At least you'll have plenty of time to focus on your little hobby until then." My jaw clenches. The little hobby she's referring to is my career as an artist. What used to be a pretty successful one until she and her son shredded my self-esteem.

"My art isn't a hobby, it's my job."

"Have you sold a painting this week? This month?" Silently fuming, I shake my head. I could tell her about the set project but she'd assume I only got the gig because Aria took pity on me. "Then it's a hobby, dear." Parting shot fired, she swans off to order at the counter, not giving me a second look.

Screw this. I'm not sitting around here all day, desperately refreshing my email waiting to hear what some guy I just met thinks of my work. I might not be ready to dive right back into painting in my usual style but I can at least go through my supplies and see if there's anything I need to pick up before the set project gets going. Shooting a final glare at Marie's back, I pack my stuff, toss money for my coffee on the table, and leave.