52. Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-One

I head downstairs late afternoon the next day and find Reese in the in-home theater singing along to Aladdin. I'm surprised when his voice doesn't make my ears bleed. In fact, he actually sounds good. How did I not know my cousin can sing?

The screen takes up most of the wall ahead. Three couches in one row face the giant screen, the floor slanting slightly down the further you go. There are large speakers hanging in every corner, music bursting through them.

"Hey!" Reese says happily when I come into his view. "Was wondering when you'd show your ugly mug down here."

"What a way to be greeted," I grumble.

He rolls his eyes and pats the open spot beside him on the couch. "Come on, this is my favorite part."

I sit down and look up at the TV just as they're escaping the underground sand thing. It's been years since I watched any cartoon, and this was never one of my favorites so I hardly remember it.

"Why are you watching this?" I ask.

"Why not?" He shoves a handful of popcorn in his mouth. "Hungry?" He shoves the bowl at me. On closer inspection, I see it's mixed with M&Ms.

I push it away. "No thanks."

We don't speak for a little bit, just sit and watch the movie. I find myself smirking, but mostly over Reese's child-like reactions and muttering of the words under his breath. He's such a big kid. Happy all the damn time. Well, except when he wasn't. I know he still has some rough days, but he doesn't allow himself to stay in those holes. He digs himself out. He's a fighter. I need to be a fighter too, or I may die in the hole I'm in right now.

"You had a visitor last night," he says casually.

Oh. He knows about that?

"Sorry if we woke you."

"Oh, you didn't. I let him in."

"You what?" I bark, turning to face him.

He keeps his eyes on the screen and says, "You guys needed to figure your shit out, so I let him in."

"How the fuck—when did you…" I choke on my words. "Did he just knock on the door?"

"No, he was at the gate. We had a few words through the camera, and I let him in. Said he missed you."

"And did you forget about the part where he's an assassin hired to kill me and did kill my brother?"

He finally brings his gaze on me. "Nope."

"Nope? That's all you got? Nope?" Reese watches me carefully. I jump to my feet. "I'm leaving."

He grips my wrist, tugging me with more strength than I expect. I stumble. "No you're not."

"Yes the fuck I am. He could have killed me!" I yank my arm from his grip, but stay where I am.

"Yeah, Justin. He could have. So could I. So could Ezra. If the man wanted you dead, you'd be fucking dead. Don't act like you don't know this."

"I could have stopped you from taking the knife from my pocket but I didn't."

Reese's words remind me of Sev's from last night. They're both right. If he wanted to kill me, I'd be dead. But I'm not. I'm still breathing. Still very much alive.

"He had no problem killing Jackson. He got half the job done and planned on finishing it off."

"Jackson's an asshole," Reese snaps. "The point is he didn't kill you."

"Why the fuck does that matter?" I shout.

"Why doesn't it? He made a choice, Justin. Don't you make choices? Aren't you faced with difficult decisions? You have to weigh both options. Don't act like you've never thought of doing something fucked up before only to realize you don't want to. Or can't. Look how confused you are over him. Don't you think maybe he's feeling the same way? I mean, not for nothing, but I'd much rather be you than him in this situation. Do you understand the severity of his position? Do you know anything about the Bratva?"

"Of fucking course I do!" I shout back, not paying any mind to anything he said because it's all bullshit.

"Then why are you being like this? Why the fuck are you acting like the situation you're in is the worst fucking thing to ever happen to anyone? This is the world we live in, Justin. This is what we do. We trust everyone and no one. Except a select few. You know how this goes."

"Why are you taking his side?" My voice cracks. And holy shit, where did that come from?

Reese frowns, shaking his head. "I'm not," he says softly. "I'm not taking his side. I will always be on your side no matter what. You're my cousin. My family. I love you. And you are one of the few people I trust with my fucking life. But I've seen you with him and without him. Part of you wants to be with him. Likes him. Just let yourself feel it, man. Take a fucking chance. Work through your problems. At least give it a try. Don't push him out over a misunderstanding. Our lives aren't normal, you can't expect shit like this not to happen."

"A misunderstanding? That's what you're calling him murdering my brother?"

I'm fuming now. Shaking. I want to punch Reese. I won't, but I want to.

"Oh come on. Don't act like someone else wouldn't have done it. Jackson was a piece of shit who deserved the worst kind of pain."

He's right. I've said it a million times. But something about someone else saying it has me furious. That's my goddamn brother he's talking about.

"He's my brother."

"Yeah, and? What's your fucking point?" he growls, getting to his feet. We're face to face, and I see how my words are getting to him.

What's my point?

What is my point?

I don't think I have one.

I'm just fucking mad. I'm pissed at Sev for ruining what we had. Or what we could have had because it never even got to be anything. He ruined it before we had a chance to make it something.

"Look," Reese continues. "No matter what, I will be by your side. But I don't want you making stupid decisions because you're letting whatever your problem is get in your way. Whatever issue you have with him isn't because of him. It's your own shit that you need to work through. You've been pushing people away for years, and I have no fucking idea why. And I'm sorry I didn't notice it sooner, but I had my own shit to deal with and maybe I should have tried harder, paid more attention or—"

"No," I say, adamantly shaking my head. "No, that isn't your responsibility. My shit is my shit. I'm an adult. You have your own life."

He puts his hand on my shoulder. "But that's what we do for one another. I should have been there for you when you needed me. The same way you were there for me when I called you."

"Well if it makes you feel better I didn't want to be." I smirk at him.

He huffs out a laugh. "No, but maybe had I kept in touch, tried more, you would have. It's a two-way street. And I'm sorry."

The sadness on his face has my chest tight. I hate seeing him upset. Reese has always been a bright light. It's something I need but hate admitting.

I step to him and pull him into a hug. "I'm sorry, Reese."

He hugs me, patting me on the back. "I just want you to be happy, man. It's kind of amazing."

I chuckle. "Yeah, I know."

I know because I felt it. I allowed myself to feel it with Sev. Even if it was only for a few moments. I got a glimpse of it, and I liked it. It was addicting. Scary as hell too.

When we pull apart, Reese keeps his hands on my arms. "He cares about you, a lot. Despite the crazy shit he's done, he does."

"I know that."

"And you care about him too."

I nod. "Yeah, I do."

"Don't let society or whatever shit is going on in your head fuck that up. Yeah, he may have been hired to kill you, but has he ever actually hurt you?"

I think back to it all, and the answer is no. Nothing outside of his carving his name into my ribs, anyway. But that wasn't about pain. It wasn't about hurting me. It was about claiming me because he's possessive as fuck. Protective. And slightly insane. The man took me on a date on his boat and made me dinner. He cooked me meals. He carried me to bed. His ways are a little fucking nuts when it comes to kidnapping me and shit, but really… he's probably just doing what he knows. What kind of life did he have growing up? He said his father treated him like a machine and he got really pissed when I tried telling him he didn't love me.

Sev has his own scars. He may be big and strong and dominant, but he isn't infallible. He is still human, and he still hurts. I hurt his feelings. And I hate that. I don't like knowing I'm the one who hurt him. Someone who was probably a safe space for him the same way he was for me. I never felt in danger when I was with Sev. In fact, being with him always made me feel better. Maybe I was that for him too?

I never considered looking at things from his point of view and maybe that was my mistake. That makes me a fucking asshole.

And maybe had I tried to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about my boundaries, instead of getting mad at him, he would have respected that. I truly think he would have. Or at least he'd have tried.

"What are you thinking in that giant head of yours?" Reese asks.

"That I'm a dick for treating Sev like shit."

"Yeah, well… shit happens," he says with a shrug. Then he blurts out into song, singing along with "A Whole New World" like he's auditioning for a part. I give him a shove. He trips on his feet and falls to the couch, laughing.

"I need food," I mutter, and head toward the door.

"Oh, me too!" Reese hurries after me, throwing his arm around my shoulder. We head to the kitchen together and pull out a ton of leftovers from the fridge to heat up and eat.

"This right here is enough of a reason to keep me here," I say, pointing at the food.

"Josie is the best fucking cook."

"You haven't had Sev's food."

"Dude, he cooks?" he asks loudly.

"I know, right? It's the best food I've ever had in my life. And he made me a cheesecake. From scratch."

Reese slaps the table, throwing his head back. "Shut the fuck up! From scratch?" He looks at me with wide eyes. "You know how much time that takes? Fuck, you're lucky. He really loves you, man."

Yeah, I think he does. And that thought doesn't even scare me anymore. It just makes me realize how badly I fucked up this time.