45. Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Four

I don't know what risotto is, but this shit is good.

"These mushrooms aren't even rubbery." I scoop a huge bite into my mouth.

Sev stares at me like I'm crazy. "They aren't supposed to be."

"Yeah, well, tell that to the chef's at the diner."

"They shouldn't be allowed to carry the title, but I'll have a chat with Dan."

"Dan is…" I caution.

"The guy who cooks the greasy ass food you eat at that diner all the time."

There's nothing to say to that. Of course he knows the people who cook my food. Sev knows fucking everything. All the time. No matter what. I'm probably losing my mind, but it's starting to be more endearing than it is annoying. It feels almost… comforting. Like a warm blanket on a chilly day.

"You do that," I mutter.

When I see the bottom of my bowl, I look up at Sev, pointing to it with my spoon. "Is there more?"

"What are you a cat now? Need more food because you can see the bottom?"

"Ha ha," I deadpan.

"There's plenty," he says, getting up and taking my bowl. He returns a moment later with it full, a few plump scallops right on top.

"Had you cooked for me sooner, I wouldn't have fought you for so long," I say as I dig in.

"How nice of you," he comments as he fills our wine glasses.

I'm full halfway through this bowl of food, but I eat it all because holy shit, this is the best thing I've ever put into my mouth.

Sev is good at a lot of things. Maybe giving into the asshole wasn't the worst thing I'd ever done. Though, I'm not quite ready to admit I'm giving in to him just yet. I'm… sampling. Testing the waters.

After not speaking to him for a week, I realized how much I missed him. There is no way I could ignore how worried I was. My days were consumed by him. That has to mean something.

I accepted that I feel something for him, and it wasn't the end of the world. Which was insane, honestly. Still kind of is. I'm not sure what made me change my mind, but something did. And whatever it was only solidified when I saw him today and wanted to jump in his arms. Be next to him. After I got over my initial anger, that is.

This lunatic has wormed his way under my skin and into my heart. And though he'll always be annoying, at least now he's tolerable too. How that makes sense, I don't know. But Ezra and Reese bickering somehow makes more sense.

I'm not saying I'm going to marry the guy, but if he wants to cook for me, I'll eat the food. He wants to suck my dick, I'll let him. And when I'm in the mood to suck his, I will. Nothing wrong with having a guy on the side temporarily.

Because it can't be forever, since I'm moving.

Maybe that's what it was all along. Maybe I really am a commitment-phobe, and I'll only ever give in to people I can't have a permanent attachment to. I give in to Sev now that everything is said and done and I'm leaving.

Jackson.

Fuck, my brother is dead. I haven't even called Reese yet.

After the table is cleared, I grab my cell and tell Sev I need to make a call, so I step outside.

"I was just going to call you," Reese says.

"About what?"

"I saw a few houses I think you may like. Wasn't sure what you wanted me to do."

"You could start by showing them to me to see if I actually like them. Isn't that what we agreed on?"

Reese chuckles. "Good idea. Guess I just got excited. I'll text you the links."

"Thanks."

I'm about to tell him goodbye when he adds, "Why did you call?"

Shit. Forgot about that.

I run a hand through my hair, pacing the front yard. It's still so weird that someone like Sev lives in such a calm and quiet neighborhood. "Yeah. I, uh… I have some bad news."

"What kind of bad news? Is it that guy I almost killed? Fuck, please tell me it's—"

"No, Reese. Relax. It has nothing to do with that. I took care of it, and I swear it's not something you ever have to worry about."

The week without Sev being up my ass had me realizing a lot of things. Not just about him, but about me. About Reese. About the fact I have no one in my life that I consider close. Which is fucking sad. I need to stop fighting myself and allow my feelings free. I fight every little thing that makes me feel anything at all. It sucks. I'm tired of it. I don't want Reese to worry about anything, especially not now that he's starting his life. He's happy as fuck, and if I can do something to make sure he stays that way, I will.

I sigh, and add, "It's Jackson."

"Jackson? What about him?"

I chew on my lip, looking upward at the darkening sky. "He's dead."

"Dead as in…"

This fucking guy.

"Dead as in dead, Reese. No longer breathing. Deceased."

"Fuck," he mutters harshly. "When? How?"

I tell him as much as I can without giving too many details. I'm still not ready to be open with him about Sev yet. Not even close. When he asks questions, I straight out tell him I can't get into it right now. The more I give him that excuse, the more annoyed he gets with me. It won't last forever, but I need a little more time. Once Sev is gone and I move to California, I'll come clean. It'll be a fresh start. Like ripping a Band-Aid off. Every little bit of Sev will stay behind here, and that means the secrets too.

When I end the call, I stay outside, just staring up at the sky for a while. I need just a few minutes to breathe and figure shit out. The relief of knowing Sev is okay is jarring. I'd spent the week panicking. I've never felt so out of control in my life. Having that pass… it's like a weight was lifted from my chest.

The front door creaks open, and out walks Sev.

"You okay?" he asks, staying on the porch.

I appreciate him understanding I need space. Obviously not entirely since he's here, but he isn't in my face. Guess he respects boundaries a little more than he lets on.

"Just had to share the news about Jackson with Reese," I say as I walk toward him.

"How's he?" Sev asks, meeting me at the bottom of the steps.

"He's Reese. Nothing breaks that guy's spirit." I huff out a laugh. "Well, nothing but his wife apparently."

"Love will do that to you," he mutters, rocking back on his heel. He nudges me with his elbow. "Come on. Dessert is waiting."

"Dessert?" I ask enthusiastically. "I get dessert too?"

"Baby, you can get anything you want."

Why do I believe that?

We walk inside and the table is already set with a slice of cheesecake on either side, freshly cut strawberries, and whipped cream on top.

I drop into the seat and take a bite, moaning loudly. "You did not make this."

"I did," he says with a bright smile.

I shake my head. "There's no way you make food this good."

I finish the slice in a few bites. It's smooth, creamy, and perfectly sweet.

"Do you want more?" he asks with a chuckle.

"I want a hundred pounds of this, but there is no way I could eat anything else without exploding."

"I'm not in the mood to clean up blood today."

Now I laugh. "But you are other days?"

He grins, grabbing my plate as he walks to the sink. "Yes, actually."

"I guess you have to be with the messes you make." I get up and walk over to the counter, leaning against it and watch as he washes the few dishes.

"Imagine if I really went crazy?" he asks, giving me a quick glance.

"Yeah," I agree with a knowing smile. "Imagine that."

Sev washes the dishes, dries them, and puts them away. He wipes down the counters and puts all the leftovers in the fridge. My mouth waters when I see a whole cheesecake on the shelf before the door swings shut. When he's done, we go to the living room and find something to watch on TV. We're halfway through a movie when a heavy weight settles on me.

Outside of my freak out earlier today, I've had a good day with Sev. We've gotten along great. It's wild to think I could picture this happening more often. I've avoided getting close to people my whole life for a million reasons, but what would actually happen if I let someone in?

Someone like Sev? He'd flip my world upside down. Turn it into chaos. Kind of like he already has. But maybe if I let him in, and he didn't have to fight his way in, it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he wouldn't be so chaotic if I allowed him in. Like meeting in the middle? He's been pretty calm today—calm for him. I give in to him, and he doesn't have to fight back so hard. We aren't butting heads. We're just… us. And really, he's not so bad. I mean, he made me dinner. We're watching a movie now. He's made sure I was okay. He gave a shit when he had to give me the news about Jackson.

He gave a shit.

Sev cares.

Today has been calm. It's been good. Normal. I don't hate it. Don't hate him as much as I thought I did. Maybe I don't hate him at all.

All this? It's something I could get used to.

My phone dings and I frown as I pull it from my pocket. The preview shows a link from Reese, and I remember he was sending me houses. I remember that I'm moving, so it doesn't matter if I could get used to this thing with Sev. I won't be here much longer.

I open the text and click the first link. I'm shocked when it's nice and in my price range. Three bedrooms, a pool, great neighborhood, modern. I close it and click on the next. The house is relatively the same. I'm impressed with all the houses he sent me until I get one last link from Reese and open it to see a 14-bedroom, 27-bathroom, 155-million-dollar house with in-home theater and bowling alley. I roll my eyes as another text comes through.

Reese: Wanna split it three ways with me and Ezra? XD

Me: Even that huge house won't keep me far enough away from you.

Reese: You're so mean to me!!!

Reese: I won't tell you which of those houses is next door to me.

Me: None of them.

Reese: How do you know that?

Me: Because none of them are on your street, dumbass. Did you forget I have your address?

Reese: Actually yes…

Me: Thanks for the links. I'll talk to you later.

Reese: Later, oaf.

"Is he okay with the news of your brother?" Sev asks.

"Huh?" I look up. "Oh, yeah. He's fine. Jackson wasn't a family-favorite. Sucks he's dead, but I mean… the guy was a piece of shit." I hold my phone up. "Reese sent me links of houses for sale in California."

"Ah, yeah. When's the big move?" My chest tightens when I hear not an ounce of emotion in those words. Nothing that says he's going to care I'm gone.

I shake my head slowly, staring at my phone. "As soon as I can. First thing I need to do is find a place. Thankfully Reese is helping. Once I decide on one, he'll go check it out for me. As soon as I get the go ahead that everything is final, I can go."

Sev nods, turning his attention back to the TV.

"You going to come visit me?" I say, not liking that he won't look at me.

Still, it was a stupid thing to say. I've been wanting the guy to leave me alone. Now he will. At least, I hope he will. Last time I went to California he followed me, so he could do it again. But that wasn't permanent. This time it is. Which has my stomach in knots.

What if I don't want him to leave me alone?

Sev's lips turn up in a smile. "Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Let's see how long it takes you to figure it out."

"Oh please. You can hardly keep your hands off me."

"I'm not touching you right now," he says teasingly, glancing at me from the corner of his eye.

I glance down at the space between us. There's a good foot or so.

"Yeah, why is that?"

He turns to face me, running his tongue along his bottom lip. "Are you saying you want me to touch you, Justin?" His words are husky. Needy. Excited.

I shrug, shifting my body sideways and leaning against the couch arm. "Maybe I do."

A low rumble sounds in his chest as his eyes dip from mine to my lips then back.

"That's just too fucking bad," he says, pulling his gaze away from me and back on the TV.

I sit there, dumbfounded and slack jawed, for far too long.

"I'm sorry, did you just turn me down?" I finally ask.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Can't give you everything you want."

"You literally just said you would. When we were outside." I gesture toward the front yard.

He faces me again, brows furrowed. "I did, didn't I? Hm. Guess I lied."

"You don't lie," I snap. He flinches, and I realize I said that harsher than I should have. I'm not sure why I'm pushing this or upset that he doesn't want to touch me. He's probably just doing it to be annoying. To get on my nerves. That's exactly what Sev would do. Or maybe now that I'm giving in he's no longer interested. Which fucking hurts. When he says nothing, I relent. "Fine."

I sit back against the couch, sorting through the thoughts in my head, wondering why I'm so annoyed with him over this. Every time he goes to touch me, I don't let him. I fight him. Maybe he likes the fight. Needs it to get off or something. Well, I'm not in the mood to fight tonight. I just wanted… It doesn't matter. I sit back and watch the movie.