Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Cash

The drive isn’t long, and we’re in front of the rehab center three hours later. I feel a sense of relief. This is a step to getting Loretta sober and giving Gunner his mother back.

“You take care of my Gunner now, you hear?” Loretta says as she encases me in a fierce hug.

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into trouble,” I reply, hugging her back.

Loretta isn’t a bad person. She lost her way. Between the drinking and the depression, she went down a hard road. Now, she wants to live her life instead of letting it pass her by. I’m happy for her and for Gunner. She’s finally ready to get the drinking under control so she can heal the wounds she’s suffered from for years.

Stepping back, I watch Gunner hug his mother, witnessing their unwavering and unconditional love. It’s bittersweet watching them together. I’m beyond happy for Gunner. Loretta taking this massive step shows her desire to finally make it right. Unlike my mother, Loretta has a sickness that keeps her from being a wonderful mother to Gunner. Mine was just greedy. Even with my mom’s attitude, I couldn’t leave her to her vises when she got sick. There was still an invisible pull that ensured I was there for her in the end.

Thinking about my mother hurts my heart. She never cared about my siblings or me. It was always more about what we could do for her. My grandmother was the woman who taught me about Loretta Shaw and Johnny Loveless. She was the woman who nurtured me, taught me how to play two instruments, and wiped away my tears when I hurt.

“Hey, beautiful. You okay?” Gunner sneaks up on me, puts his arms around my waist, and pulls me to him.

I quickly wipe away my tears, hoping to hide it from him.

“Hey, Cash, baby. Why are you crying?”

“I’m thrilled for you. You’re finally getting your mother back,” I say, turning to hug him, desperate to hide my pain in his strong chest.

Gunner pulls away, holding my face in his hands as he searches for the truth. “Don’t give me that shit. Something is wrong. What is it?”

“I was thinking about my fucked-up relationship with my mother. It hurts sometimes, you know?” A tear betrays me, escaping from my eye.

“Oh, baby…” Gunner pulls me to him, his touch wiping away all the pain. In his arms, I can finally breathe.

With Gunner, I’m finally free to be who I am. He asks nothing of me. He has no expectations or judgments. He only wants to love me as I am, not what I could be for him.

“I love you, Gunner,” I whisper, letting the tears tumble down my face, soaking his shirt.

He doesn’t push away. He continues to hold me, letting me know it will be okay and I’m safe. I appreciate that more than he can ever know.

“I love you too, Cash. More than I ever thought possible. I knew you were a firecracker when you walked into my bar, but now you’re my firecracker. I wasn’t joking about those babies. With you, I see a family, a home filled with love and laughter. I want to grow old with you, to sit on our porch with little grandkids running around, asking us to play guitars and have singalongs. Now that I have you, I’m never letting you go.”

“Are you asking me to marry you, Gunner Shaw?”

“No. When I do that, it will be special. My girl deserves the perfect proposal. I’m telling you I’m going to, soon. It’s up to me to keep you on your toes, pop star.”

Gunner’s words make a rumble of laughter escape my lips. With him, even in the sadness, I feel so much joy.

“This was pretty perfect,” I whisper, gazing into his eyes.

“No, baby, you are perfect. I’m going to make sure you always have my best. Forever.”