Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Gunner

My arms reach out to capture Cash’s warmth, but my dreams become nightmares, and I clutch at empty sheets. Reluctantly, I open my eyes and take in the crumpled sheets on her side of the bed.

Getting out of bed, I walk into the kitchen to find that empty of Cash as well.

The lawn appears much different today than it did two weeks ago. That was the last time I saw my mother. I cut all communication. A therapist I saw ten years ago told me to cut ties with Loretta Shaw to allow her to cope alone, hoping she’d give up the bottle. But I couldn’t do it. Maybe I was weak. But the day she took out her anger on Cash, something in me snapped.

Picking up my phone from the kitchen counter, I shoot Cash a text.

Hey, beautiful. Where’d you run off to?

Leaving without saying a word isn’t Cash’s style. I sit by my phone for what feels like hours, staring at the screen like a teen girl waiting to be asked to the prom. I realize how pathetic it is to be so consumed by a woman that you need to know where she is at all times. It’s also a little unnerving, but in the time I’ve known Cash, she’s become the air I breathe.

After three hours of waiting at my kitchen island, tapping my foot nonstop, and drinking five cups of coffee, I grab my car keys. I’m about to search for Cash in the town when she and my mother walk through the front door arm in arm.

“Where have you been,” I ask Cash, ignoring my mother.

“You got a text at midnight. I tried to wake you, but you were out cold. Did you take one of my sleeping pills?” The redness in her warm eyes reveals her lack of sleep. She yawns before patting my chest and wandering toward the coffee maker. Taking a mug, she pours a cup and takes a sip. “Instead of calling the cops, I decided to go get her.” She digs in her front pocket and tosses me my keys.

I glance at my mother, noticing her trembling hands as she plays with strands of her wet hair. Mom turns to face me, her eyes filled with emotion as she wipes the salty tracks from her cheek. “I think it’s time.” Her eyes look a little clearer than the last time I saw her. “Well, Cash here has made me realize…” She chokes up, trying to rein the emotions bubbling out of her. “You’re so lucky to have found each other…and I’m so lucky to have you for a son.”

Mom flings herself at me, crushing me in an embrace. This is the hug I’ve missed all these years. One of a mother and her child. One filled with unconditional love and pure devotion.

Her eyes meet mine and hang there. “She reminds me of myself when I was young, but she’s so much smarter than I ever was. Her gifts are spectacular, and it’s not just singing and songwriting. She’s made me see what I’ve been missing. I’m sorry, Gunner. I’m so damn sorry.”

In my entire life, I never thought I’d see the day Loretta Shaw expressed sweet words of regret and love to me. Sure, I’d hoped for it, but I never imagined my childish dreams would come to fruition.

“I was at a bar two hours away. I don’t know how I got there or who drove me because my car wasn’t anywhere on site. There I was, sitting by a sewer with my vomit decorating my shirt, and I had no one to call for help. Even the only person who’d never abandoned me hated me, and it was my fault.

“I’ve never hated you, Mom. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to get the help you need.”

“I’m going to get help so I can finally be a better mother to you. I know it’s late since you’re grown and all, but if you’ll let me, I’ll try to make it up to you, Gunner.” She pats my shoulder, her voice resolute. “Do you still have the phone number for that treatment facility in Nashville?”

I swallow the lump lodged in my throat. “Yeah, I got it.” I crush her into a hug. No more words left to say. I’ve been begging and praying for this day year after year. “We can get you packed up and on the road by noon, Mama, but… why now? Why today, after everything?”

Her weary eyes soften, and a broad smile turns up her lips. “When I was talkin’ to your sweet songbird, I saw my future grandchildren in her eyes. I knew I had to be there to shower them with hugs and kisses and love. To mend all the damage I’ve done to you, my sweet boy.”

“You know what, Mama?” I encircled her in a hug and pulled my sparrow in under my other arm. “I’ve been thinking about those babies, too.”

Mom’s eyes twinkled with mischief.

“Wait a minute, Gunner Shaw. When were you going to tell me about all these babies?” Laughter laces Cash’s words.

My heart fucking sings. “Welcome to your future, Sparrow. Classic muscle cars, Gibson and Fender guitars, and a shit ton of babies. But we can talk about that once Mom is out of rehab.” I turn to my mother. “Do you need me to pack you up?”

“Shouldn’t you call to see if they have a spot for me first?” Mom asks.

“I’ve been paying for a spot for ten years, hoping you’d agree to go. They have a spot and a private room.”

Mom nods. “My suitcase is in your car. I’m ready. Make the call.”