61. Ella

61

ELLA

I wake again with my head resting on a solid chest and a strong arm wrapped around me protectively.

Memories of opening my eyes earlier in the day to find Colton staring down at me with concern and pain etched onto every inch of his face come back to me a few seconds before everything that followed that discovery.

I’m pregnant.

My head spins as I try to get my head around it.

How?

I mean, I know how. I have very vivid and steamy memories of how. But I’m on the pill.

A pill that we may have put a little bit too much trust in.

I took it while I was in Seattle, I know I did. But did I take it religiously like I would have if I were at home? No, probably not.I was sick too, and I didn’t take any extra precautions.

The knot in my stomach tightens, making me want to pull my knees up so I can curl into a ball to protect myself, but the man lying beside me makes that impossible.

I think about all the ways I’ve abused my body in the last few weeks.

If I knew, then…

“Baby?” Colton whispers, sensing that I’m awake.

“I’m okay,” I whisper.

His lips press against the top of my head, and tears instantly burn the backs of my eyes.

He came.

He came for me.

And not only that, he’s still here.

I sniffle as my emotions begin to get the better of me. “I didn’t know, Colt. If I did, then?—”

“I know you didn’t. It’s okay, baby. You don’t need to worry about any of that. Just focus on getting better, yeah? I’ve got everything else under control.”

He kisses me again, forcing the tears balancing on my lashes to finally fall.

“You really meant everything you said, didn’t you?” I whisper.

“Every single word,” he says, his voice cracked with emotion that makes the lump in my throat grow. “I love you, Ella. Always have, always will.”

“What made you change your mind?” I ask nervously. Honestly, I’m not sure I really want to know the answer, but…I need to know.

“Benny,” he says with a deep chuckle.

“Benny?” I echo. “What did he do?”

“Came to me after you were brought in here. He scared the shit out of me, Bombshell. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong but that you were in the hospital and…fuck.” He shifts beneath me, and a second later, the familiar scratch of him rubbing his rough jaw hits my ears. “I thought I was really going to lose you. It fucking terrified me.”

“I know how that feels,” I mutter, my tears picking up pace once again as I remember the moment he didn’t get back up on the football field. Those were hands down the worst minutes of my life.

Fuck everything else I’ve been through. The fear I felt watching that scene play out was something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

“I need you, Bombshell. And I know I should have figured it out before, but everything that scared me paled in comparison to losing you.

“I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect. Hell, I know I won’t be. I’m going to get scared. I’m going to want to push you away and hide, but I promise—” He swallows nervously. “I fucking promise you that I’m not going to do it. There is nothing scarier in this world than living in it without you.’

“Colt,” I sob, clinging to him tighter, both loving and hating the way his big body trembles beneath mine. “I love you.”

“Shit. I don’t deserve you,” he curses. “But you’re going to have to put up with me now, because this is it.”

I’m still sobbing on his chest when the nurse pokes her head into the room.

“How are you feeling?” she asks when she realizes that I’m awake.

“Okay. Tired.” I think for a moment before confessing, “Hungry.”

“I can grab you some food if you’re feeling up to it,” she explains, but before I can agree, she adds, “Would you like to get your ultrasound first?”

I still.

Seeing whatever is happening in my stomach right now on a screen in black and white is going to make all of this feel very real.

Finally, I pull my head from Colt’s chest and look up at him for the first time since I woke from my nap.

He looks wrecked. The shadows under his eyes are so dark they look like bruises, and the frown lines in his forehead are so deep I can’t help but wonder if they’ll ever soften again. But despite that, he has this incredible little smile playing on his lips. Others probably wouldn’t notice it. But I do, and it hits me right in the chest.

“Do you want to?—”

“Yes,” he blurts before I get a chance to finish.

“Okay,” I say, shifting on the bed so I can stop resting on him.

“Fantastic,” the nurse says with a smile before opening the door wider and allowing another woman to enter, pulling a cart behind her. “I was hoping you were going to say that.”

Colt slips from my bed, although I never lose his touch, and the two of us watch in silence as the woman who introduces herself as Jessica sets up her machine.

Before I know what’s happening, I’m being asked to pull my hospital gown up over my stomach.

“Okay, this gel has already been warmed,” Jessica says softly before squirting it on me. “Let’s see what’s going on here, then.”

She presses the wand to my abdomen, her eyes locked on the screen before her.

My heart pounds, and the only thing I can hear is my erratic breathing as I wait to discover what she can see. She hasn’t turned the screen around—I can only assume it’s in case what it shows isn’t good news—so I’m left with nothing but her facial expressions to read in an attempt to understand what’s happening.

It feels like hours pass as she moves the wand around, before she finally speaks.

“Okay, so…” She pauses as she turns the screen around, and the second my eyes land on it, I can see exactly what is going on.

“That’s a baby,” I blurt in disbelief. “I can see it.”

Colt’s grip on my hand tightens, his own breathing labored as he stares at the screen, his eyes wide with fascination.

“Oh my god,” he breathes. “I can see it too. That’s…fuck. That’s crazy.”

“Is everything okay?” I ask, terrified that I’ve messed everything up already.

“Everything looks great. Baby is measuring exactly eight weeks.”

I shake my head, unable to rip my eyes from the screen.

A baby.

Our baby.

I startle when the chair that Colt’s sitting in screeches against the floor. I look over at the same time he leans over me and steals my lips.

I have no idea when I last brushed my teeth. My mouth is gross, but that doesn’t stop him.

“I love you,” he murmurs as he kisses me.

The sonographer waits until he rests his brow against mine before she asks, “I assume you’d like a printout?”

“Yes, please,” Colt answers before I do.

The sound of her tapping keys fills the air before she hands over a strip of images.

Images of our baby.

Fuck. This is going to take some getting used to.

“Congratulations, both of you,” Jessica says before she slips from the room, quickly followed by the nurse, who promises to return with food.

“I’m pregnant,” I say, still unable to believe that any of this is happening.

Colt lowers himself to the chair again before grabbing the printout and staring down at the grainy black and white image.

“Yeah. You are.” He scrubs his hand down his face.

“Are you okay?”

He shakes his head, and my heart sinks.

“I just…I didn’t see this coming…but…”

“But?”

“But…I didn’t realize it was possible to love a little black and white blob on a page.”

“Colton,” I sob, forcing him back onto the bed with me.

“We’re going to do this, Ella. We’re going to have this little baby. I’m going to make you my wife, and we’re going to have it all.”

His promise only makes me cry harder. Everything I ever wanted is unfolding in front of me. It feels too good to be true. But also…it feels real.

Am I still mad at Colt for that stunt he pulled when he discharged himself from the hospital and cut ties with me? Yes. I’m furious, and I’m pretty sure I will be for some time.

I might have accepted everything he’s said here today, but that doesn’t mean that everything is fixed, that I’ve forgotten what he did and how much it hurt.

And while I believe that what he’s said today is true, he still has a way to go for me to fully trust that he can follow through on his words, his promises.

It’s going to take time. But, it sounds like we might just have some of that.

“ K nock, knock,” Mom says, pushing the door open and poking her head inside. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” I say with a smile that I’m pretty sure is the first real one that’s appeared on my face in weeks.

“You look better, sweetie,” Mom says, looking happier than I’ve seen her in a while as she takes the free seat on the opposite side of the bed to Colt.

He’s yet to leave my side. He sat there and talked to me while I ate. I’m not sure if he was trying to take my mind off what I was doing, but honestly, he didn’t need to be talking to make that happen. Just having him sitting next to me was enough.

“I feel better,” I confess.

Sure, I still feel weak, and a little queasy, and exhausted. But I also feel hope, and that’s huge after the darkness of the last month.

“So, what did the doctor say?”

Colt squeezes my hand in encouragement.

While we’ve agreed not to tell everyone yet, we don’t stand a chance of not explaining everything to Mom.

Not only do I have every intention of returning to her house when I’m discharged from here, but after everything she’s done for me, she deserves to be able to celebrate this with us. Support us. Because hell knows we’re going to need it.

“Things aren’t as bad as they could be,” I explain. “My exhaustion and the reason for passing out wasn’t just because of my eating.”

Mom frowns. “Okay?”

“Mom,” I say, unable to keep the smile off my face. “I’m pregnant.”

Her chin drops and she blinks hard a few times as those two words rattle around her brain.

“You’re…p-pregnant?”

“Yeah. Eight weeks. Look,” I say, pulling the scan pictures from where they were hiding beneath the sheets.

“Oh my gosh,” she gasps, her eyes instantly flooding with tears. “You’re…you’re…that’s a baby, Ella.”

Laughter erupts from me, and it feels so fucking good.

“It’s a baby,” Colt agrees.

“And…” She looks between us. “You’re both okay with this? Happy? You’re?—”

“We’re both very happy,” Colt says for both of us before lifting our joined hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to my knuckles.

“Oh my gosh,” Mom repeats before jumping to her feet and pulling me in for a tight hug.

A sob bursts out of her the second we connect, and I can’t help but do the same thing.

We hold each other for long minutes as this new development settles around us.

“I’m going to be a grandmother,” she says with her hand pressed against her chest like her heart is threatening to explode as she lowers herself back down. “Oh, Ella,” she sighs, shaking her head. “So, what happens next?”

“They want me to stay in here for a day or two, just to make sure everything stays stable and to help me regain my strength. I’ve got to see a therapist because while this may have been the reason for everything, I need to get back on track with my nutrition and?—”

“Because I’ve told her it’s non-negotiable,” Colt interrupts. “We’re both going to figure our shit out before this baby comes, aren’t we, Bombshell?”

Mom’s eyes go all sappy as Colt seals his promise with a kiss on my cheek.She doesn’t even attempt to chastise him for his language.

“We are. But we’re going to take our time, figure everything out, and get stronger together.”

“Are you going back to Seattle?” Mom asks, unable to keep the sadness out of her eyes at the prospect of losing me again so soon.

“Not yet,” I tell her. “If it’s okay with you, I want to come home and bring Colt with me. He’s going to need to go back and forth to Seattle, but I’m not ready to return yet.”

“But,” Colt adds quickly, “when Ella is ready, you are more than welcome to come with her. I know your home is here, but you have a second one in Seattle as well.”

“Thank you,” she mouths, unable to say the words out loud.

“Anything for my girls,” Colt says, pressing another kiss on my cheek and resting his hand on my stomach.

“Girls?” Mom questions.

I shrug. “Colt is already convinced that we’re have a little girl.”