21. Colton

21

COLTON

K ane doesn’t say much during the drive to the facility. The fact he insisted on jumping in with me meant I was expecting a hundred and one questions, but he was suspiciously quiet.

It’s not until we march into the locker room that I discover why. He was just biding his time. A few sets of eyes turn our way as we enter, but there’s only one who pays us any real attention. And that is my smug-looking best friend.

“Well, well, well, look who it is. The one and only Colton Rogers has managed to detangle himself from Ella Myers and grace us with his presence.”

“Fuck off, you prick,” I scoff, dumping my bag on the bench and pulling open my locker.

“He hasn’t stopped smiling the whole fucking way here,” Kane explains, the smugness in his voice matching Luca’s expression.

“Was she everything you’ve been dreaming of? Answered all your questions about what life is like wifed up?”

“We didn’t go and elope overnight, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Not yet,” Kane sings like an asshole.

“It was a good night,” I say, keeping my cards close to my chest. “We had fun.”

“The hickeys on your neck already told us that, man.” Kane laughs. “As good as you remember?”

There’s a loaded silence that follows his question as I attempt to form an answer that explains last night but doesn’t give too much away.

But I quickly learn that there isn’t one.

“Look at that smile,” Luca points out happily as my lips twitch up at the corners.

“You’re cunts. You both know that, right.”

“And we’d have thought you’d be in a better mood, seeing as you spent the night banging the girl of your dreams,” Kane muses.

The girl of my dreams…

Yeah, she is. It’s just a shame I’ll turn it into the thing of nightmares.

Forcing that thought down, I let my smile widen farther. “I’m in a fucking great mood, and it’ll be even better after leaving you both looking like pussies in the gym.”

Dragging my hoodie off, I abandon my cell and wallet in my locker and take off. Although, I don’t lose Dumb and Dumber; they’re right on my heels.

“So, what did you do? Where did you take her?”

“Other than my apartment?” I shoot back.

“Well, yeah.”

“For us to know, man.”

Swinging the door to the gym open, I nod to a couple of the guys who are already in here, sweating through a workout I’m sure none of us really need.

But just like me, they can’t let it go. Although, I’m sure it’s not for the same reasons.

Working out, feeling my muscles burn and my skin sweat is my therapy.

That and sex.

Without it…well, I don’t really want to find out what happens without it.

Working out keeps my head level and clear. It keeps me focused and grounded. Exactly what I need during the season. With my eyes on the prize, I don’t usually look up at anything else. Something tells me that this year is going to be different.

We’ve barely been apart an hour, yet every inch of me is begging for me to end this session and go back to her.

“You’re so fucking gone for her, bro. She’s the one, isn’t she?” Luca asks.

“I don’t believe in that bullshit, and you know it,” I mutter as the three of us step onto side-by-side running machines that face a window, overlooking the view of the mountains and the lake before us.

Best spot in this whole fucking place, hands down.

Well, aside from the end zone, obviously.

“Nah, you believe perfectly well. You’re just a fucking pussy,” Kane scoffs.

“It’s Ella, man. E-L-L-A,” Luca enunciates in case I’m not fully aware of who I spent most of last night, and this morning, inside.

“I know,” I grunt. Fuck, do I know.

“So, what’s the plan here then? Tell me that you’re not going to pull the same asshole moves as college? Fuck her, chuck her, and leave her to return to Texas with her tail between her legs and a broken heart?” Kane asks innocently.

Thank fuck I’m not going too fast because my steps falter at his suggestion.

My heart rate increases and my fists curl.

It’s what I should do. Although, not quite as harshly as he explains it. But for once, I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to.

“Dude, you can’t do that. I know you’re a heartless cunt sometimes, but that’s a bit much,” Luca states as if he’s not already running full tilt.

“I never said I was,” I mutter. “I just…” My words trail off.

I don’t fucking know what I am right now.

Confused.

Confused, deliriously happy, and fucking horny despite the number of times I’ve gotten off in the past eighteen hours.

“Scared?” Kane offers.

“Big, bad Colton Rogers scared of a five-foot, honey-eyed goddess. Who’d have thought it.”

“And you think I’m a cunt,” I mutter, glaring daggers at Luca.

“Dude. You knew it was going to happen eventually.”

“I thought she was in Texas, loving life with her fiancé who treated her like a princess. I didn’t even know she nearly fucking died the last time I saw her.”

At that, he slows down.

“Colt,” he soothes.

“Don’t fucking Colt me. You knew. Both of you knew, and you never told me.”

“She asked our girls to keep it secret. She was worried about how you’d react,” he explains, his eyes holding mine to help hammer his point home.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” I bark.

“Is it? What would you have done if you knew? Would you have been the man she needed? The man she wanted? Or would you have continued to be a pussy and run away?”

My mouth opens and closes a handful of times as I try to discover the answer to that question. But even now, I can’t predict what I would have done. I know what I should have done. But I never have been very good at making the right decisions. Especially when it comes to Ella.

“Exactly. She did what she thought was best at the time,” Luca says.

“None of that really matters anymore. Seems to me that what you do right now is more important. She’s fucking miserable in Texas, just in case she never told you,” Kane points out.

“She told me.” Not that she really needed to. I could see the shadows darkening her eyes from the first moment I looked into them. “Her fiancé was a prick who didn’t treat her right. She’s…she’s not Ella from MKU. I mean, she’s still there. I saw glimpses of her. But the past few years, they’ve really done a number on her.”

“All the more reason she should be convinced to stay here, don’t you think?” Luca says, turning his speed back up.

I fall silent as he focuses on his workout.

“He’s got a point. I know her mom is in Texas, but her family is here. You are here,” Kane says, pinning me with a look.

But before I figure out a response to his suggestion, he’s also upped his speed, leaving me to flounder over decisions I never wanted to be in a position to make.

Keep women at arm’s length and it’ll always be easy to walk away when you’re done with them.

It worked. It always fucking worked.

Apart from Ella.

N one of us talk much as we each do our usual routine around the gym. I try to go as hard as I usually would, but I can’t lie, being up half the night fucking Ella is making everything harder than I expected.

I guess it just goes to prove how shitty the sex I’ve been having recently has been. The only place I’ve been putting in full performances is here, in this very gym or out on the field.

Everything else in my life is half-assed during the season. Hell, it’s not much better in the off-season.

Football is my life. It’s everything.

The only other thing that’s ever really taken up space in my brain has been her.

“So, Ella’s at our place giving Letty the dirty details you seem to be failing to give us. What are you going to do about it?” Kane asks when we walk back into the locker room two hours later.

Lifting my damp shirt that’s draped over my shoulder, I wipe my sweaty face before flopping down on the bench in front of my locker.

“What do you think I should do?”

When I glance up, both Luca and Kane have shit-eating grins on their faces.

“Don’t think it matters what we think. It’s what you think that counts.”

With a sigh, I look down at my feet, trying to get what I want and my deepest fears to stop warring inside me. The problem is, I’m not sure if it’s possible.

“I think…I think she deserves someone who can give her everything. Happiness, laughter, screaming orgasms, a life, a future, stability, a family. Everything.”

“Agreed,” Kane says.

“So?” Luca prompts. Although he knows me well enough to predict what I’m going to say.

He’s the only one, aside from Dad and West, who knows the darkness I keep hidden in an impenetrable lock box inside me.

He knows my fears, and he knows exactly why I’m so scared. It isn’t stopping him from pushing me, though.

“Why don’t you show her that you can be that?”

Rubbing the back of my neck, I stare at him.

“Luc,” I beg, making Kane’s brows pinch in confusion.

“Okay, let’s come at this from a different angle. Now you’ve got her back, can you imagine a future with her gone again?”

“Motherfucker,” I mutter as pain slices through my chest at the thought of her returning to Texas and her old life. Whether that’s with her ex or some other prick who could never understand just how fucking lucky they are to have her in their lives.

“Exactly. So what are you going to do about it?” Kane asks.

“Want me to call in a favor at Matteo’s?” Luca offers. He’s on first-name terms with the Italian bistro Peyton found hidden on a backstreet downtown not long after they moved here. “Don’t answer that; I’m on it,” he says, grabbing his cell from his locker, waking it up, his thumbs immediately tapping out a message.

“I’ll get Letty to get her ready,” Kane says, also grabbing his cell. “You’re going to sweep her off her feet. Show her all the reasons why Seattle is where she should be, and why you’re a man she can rely on,” he adds confidently.

“Am I, though?”

“Colt,” Luca sighs, lowering his cell to focus on me. “Ella doesn’t want you to be perfect. She doesn’t expect you to be. She just wants you to want her. To give her all the things she’s always dreamed of. Put her first. Show her that she means more to you than a quick fuck and a bit of fun. She isn’t a jersey chaser who’s looking for the perfect life you can show off in glossy magazines. She wants real. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Show her who you really are. Let her in. Trust her to be able to deal with everything just like I’m assuming she did with you last night.”

My teeth grind as I think about those scars and her shattered confidence.

He’s right.

She was brave last night. Braver than I gave her credit for.

She opened herself up and showed me her scars—not just the physical ones.

But am I going to be able to dive into why I’ve always kept her at arm’s length? Just thinking about confessing my darkest secrets gives me palpitations. I can’t imagine how I’ll cope with actually explaining them.

But despite that, the fear of losing her is stronger.

“Book the table,” I state. “Tell the girls to take her out shopping. Whatever she wants. It’s on me.”

“You got it, man,” Luca says, clapping me on the shoulder. “You’ve got this.”