1. Ella

1

ELLA

“ I s he still stuck at work, sweetie?” Mom asks when she catches me checking for messages at the dinner table. Something that is strictly forbidden under this roof.

Especially on someone’s birthday.

I expect to be cast to hell any second.

But Mom just smiles sympathetically at me as I slide my cell into my back pocket.

“I guess so. He told me he’d let me know if he could make it.”

“That’s a shame,” she says, although I’m sure under her southern politeness she doesn’t actually mean it.

She’d never say anything bad about anyone I was dating, it’s just not how she works, but there are signs. And right now, I’m staring at one.

My brother, on the other hand…

“What a douche. I made it back from South Carolina and he couldn’t get here from across town?”

“Bennett,” Mom scolds, but I keep my mouth shut.

While Mom might try to see the best in my fiancé, Benny is a little more vocal about his distaste.

“Why haven’t you left his sorry ass yet, El? You can do so much better than him.”

“Not at the table, please. We’re having a nice family meal.”

“So what about you then, Benny? No girl to bring home to meet us this weekend?” I tease.

My little brother is currently living the life I’m trying desperately not to obsess over. He’s a Titan at Trinity Royal College in South Carolina, and he’s loving every second of the attention, the girls, and the parties. Despite the fact the season has already kicked off, he doesn’t seem to be slowing down. Ah, to be young and stupid again.

“Can’t say I’ve spent time with any girls Mom would approve of.”

“Benny,” Mom growls, placing a bowl of potatoes in the middle of the table. “I brought you up to have more respect for women than that, boy.”

“Don’t worry; I respect the hell out of them.” His smirk grows, the twinkle in his eye bright enough to blind me.

“Oh, so you let them come first. How thoughtful of you,” I deadpan, much to Mom’s horror.

She mutters something under her breath as she shuffles back to the kitchen. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with us both going to hell.

Mom was brought up in a very conservative family, and while Dad might have helped her break through the red tape that she’d been bound up in all her life, that quiet little girl with more morals than desires still sometimes breaks through.

It’s one of the things I miss most about having Dad around. He stopped her from falling back into old habits ingrained in her by her parents and grandparents.

“Always,” Benny states proudly with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Something inside me knots up, witnessing his arrogance. When I look at him, I don’t see my little brother, but a man I should have forgotten about years ago.

Memories of the time I spent with him at Maddison roll through my mind like a movie, each one squeezing my heart tighter than the last.

The big game is this weekend.

The Saints vs the Chiefs in Seattle.

All our guys back together, facing off on the field.

I should?—

“Ella. Ella. Ella?”

I blink at Benny, his concerned face blurred as I fight to get control of myself.

My fingers cramp where I’m holding the seat of the chair so tightly, my nails bending against the hard wood beneath.

“S-sorry, excuse me.” Pushing up, I rush toward the bathroom at the back of my parents’ small house.

“Ella?” he calls again as I kick the door closed behind me.

I stand at the sink with my hands curled around the edges as those memories keep coming.

“Don’t get any ideas about this, Bombshell,” he groans in my ear. “It’s just one night, remember? That’s all I can offer.” Despite him being miles away, living his best life right now, I hear his voice in my ear as if he’s standing right behind me. My blood heats in a way I barely remember is possible, and my skin erupts in goosebumps.

“One night is all I need,” I remember replying. And wasn’t that the damn truth.

One night was all I needed to become obsessed with a man who was totally unavailable.

He’d given me all the warnings, told me repeatedly what to expect from him, but I was powerless to protect my heart.

He offered me the out and gave me the option more than once to run in the opposite direction.

Do I regret not taking it?

Honestly? No.

There may be many things I regret, but experiencing that with him wasn’t one of them. He gave me faith that that kind of burning chemistry and passion does exist outside of the movies and novels. I just wish it could have lasted longer…forever.

It wasn’t meant to be.

This is where you need to be.

I’m hardly surprised when a soft knock fills the room only minutes later.

“Ella, sweetie. Are you okay?” Mom calls softly.

Sucking in a deep breath, I roll my shoulders back and hold my head high.

For years, I’ve managed to put all of this in the past where it belongs. Even watching the odd Saints game when Chad has been out hasn’t sent me back there quite as fiercely as right now.

Plastering on a smile, I pull the door open.

“Yeah, I’m good. Is dinner ready?”

She studies me, really studies me, but she keeps her mouth shut about it. For now, at least.

“It is. Let’s go and eat. Everything feels better with a full belly.”

Together we make our way back to the dining room, where Benny analyzes my every move.

Mom’s home cooking fills the table, the scent of the slow-cooked brisket making my stomach growl loudly.

In the past, our birthdays would have come with a visit to one of our favorite restaurants. But after Dad died and money became an issue, we were forced to change it up.

Benny’s birthday came first and he insisted that he was craving Mom’s home cooking and wanted it to just be family.

He knew what he was doing. My little brother might be an idiot at times, but he’s not stupid.

The three of us dish up and fall into easy conversation, ignoring the two elephants in the room: my absent fiancé, and the activities Benny really partakes in at college.

Being with them, being a family again, makes my heart swell until it’s almost bursting. But it’s impossible to ignore the missing pieces. And not having Dad here with us is only one of them.

We have the best evening with incredible food and amazing company, and just like every time I walk into this house, I relax.

Okay, so my troubles might not be far away, but it’s easy to push them a little further aside when I’m with my family.

“El, kill the lights,” Benny demands before he moves toward us with a cake balancing on one hand, the other trying to protect the flames.

Reaching over, I do as I’m told before we begin our rendition of Happy Birthday to Mom.

She grins at both of us, her cheeks heating with the attention before she blows the candles out.

“I told ya’ll not to go to any effort.”

“Mom.” Benny sighs, producing a knife from the back pocket of his pants. Gross. “It’s a cake. You need to chill.”

“I hate you spending money on me,” she argues.

“You’re going to need to get used to it. When I’m a hotshot first-draft pick, I’m going to buy you everything you’ve ever wished for,” he promises.

Usually, I’d want to tell him to stop being such a big-headed jerk. But also, I’ve seen him play many, many times. He really is that good.

“I don’t want your money, Benny,” she continues to argue.

He glances over at me as he cuts three massive slices of cake.

“Can you cut mine in half?” I ask, horrified by the size.

“Nope. It’s Mom’s birthday; you have to eat all the cake.”

He passes a slice over, and I stare at it as if it’s poisonous.

“Everything okay, sweetie?” Mom asks, leaning around Benny to study me.

My skin prickles as I poke at the cake with my fork.

“Of course. It’s just massive. Look,” I say, holding the plate up. “It’s almost as big as my head.”

Truth is, things have been slipping recently.

With every comment that Chad manages to squeeze into conversation about my weight or how I look, all the carefully constructed walls I spent years building around my unhealthy relationship with food have begun to crack.

I’m trying really hard to let it go, to be the healthiest version of myself I know I can be. But life is taking its toll right now. And next weekend’s game and the anxiety over whether I’m going to go or not is right up there on the stress list. At this point, I don’t know what outcome is causing me more worry. Going, and having to face Colt and all the others I haven’t seen for years—well, aside from Letty and Violet—or chickening out of the whole thing and regretting it.

“We only get to celebrate three birthdays a year,” Mom says, forking the corner of her cake and stuffing it straight into her mouth. “Ohmygosh,” she moans around it.

“Come on, El-bel,” Benny encourages, using the name he used to call me as a kid. “I bet what’s on that plate will give you more pleasure than the man who avoided this little shindig could in a lifetime.”

Mom stills, but I keep my narrowed eyes on my brother. Unable to argue, I fork off a massive piece of cake and push it past my lips.

It’s all Benny needs, and the asshole throws his head back, laughing.

“You are too good for that man, El. You need to open your eyes and start looking for a higher caliber of man.”

“My fiancé,” I mumble, but my argument isn’t as fierce as it should be.

Mom watches me closely, but she doesn’t say anything.

Thankfully, Benny’s cell dings, distracting him from my life.

“One of your many admirers?” I ask.

“Might be.” The smirk on his face as he replies says I hit the nail on the head.

“Come on, hotshot. We’re on clean up duty,” I say, abandoning my half-eaten cake.

A s predicted, Mom argued about us taking over the mess she’d made in the kitchen, but seeing as it was her birthday, it was already too much that she’d cooked, so we insisted, forcing her to put on her favorite cooking show and relax.

I turned Benny on to a conversation about college, and he was more than happy to chat away, allowing me to leave my boring life at the kitchen door and lose myself in stories of the dumbass things he and his teammates have been doing.

We’re almost done when my own cell dings. Although when I pick it up, it isn’t a message from Chad like I was expecting, but a notification from my food delivery app thanking me for my order.

Opening it, I find all my favorite dishes staring back at me. A smile twitches my lips as I’m met with evidence that he hasn’t forgotten about me.

I’m still staring at it when it goes off again.

Chad: Sorry I missed dinner. I’ll make it up to you x

Without replying, I put my cell to sleep feeling lighter.

“You okay to finish up here?” I ask, glancing around the room, noticing we’re almost done.

“I hope you make him grovel,” Benny grunts.

“Ben, it’s no?—”

“None of my business,” he says, lifting his bubbly hands from the sink and holding them up in surrender.

“You’d like him if you got to know him better,” I mutter, walking toward the doorway to say goodbye to Mom.

Benny speaks up again before I disappear from his sight.

“Go to Seattle, El. You won’t regret it.”

I spin around, my eyes locked on him.

“How did you—Mom.” I sigh.

“They’re your friends, Ella. Your family,” he urges.

I let my shoulders drop, my eyes meeting the old worn wooden floor at my feet.

“You’re better than this place. Than him. Get out there and rediscover who you really are.”

With those ominous words of advice from my baby brother, I spin and march away, the crack in my heart deepening with every step I take.

“I love you, El-bel,” he calls.

“You too, Benny-boo.”

Mom studies me with the same concerned eyes she has all afternoon. And after promising her once again that I’m fine, I make my way out of the house.

Chad ordered dinner to his office, and while I might not be hungry, I’ll accept his invite. And maybe see if there’s anything I can do to help so that he can get home at a decent time tonight.

The drive from Mom’s to the dealership is fast. The roads are deserted; almost everyone is at home getting ready for tonight’s game. Probably the exact thing Benny did the second I left.

The lights are out; the main dealership closed, but Chad’s car is still out front.

Pulling up next to it, I grab my purse and head around to the door at the rear of the building.

I find a rock propping it open, either for me or our imminent dinner delivery, and I slip inside.

The building is quiet, and I picture Chad sitting behind his desk, his hair a mess from the number of times he’s run his fingers through it as he’s battled with the computer system that crashed yesterday afternoon and caused such drama.

He tried explaining it to me when he got home at some point after midnight last night, but I was half asleep and he was half dead, so I told him to try again this morning. But by the time I woke up, he was already gone, just a note left behind promising to be at Mom’s for her birthday dinner.

His desk will be a shitshow, even more so than usual. Probably covered in takeout coffee cups and empty energy drinks.

A noise hits my ears, but I don’t think anything of it as I reach for the door handle of his office.

It’s already open, so I only have to push it wider to find Chad.

And holy crap on a cracker, do I find him.

My eyes widen and my chin drops when my gaze lands on his toned ass clenching as he thrusts into…

His boss.