11. Ella

11

ELLA

I stare at Colt in complete disbelief as he heads toward the parking lot.

There is no one else here at this time, and I can’t help thinking about how perfect that is.

As I study the familiar sharp line of his jaw, the scruff covering it, the perfect straightness of his nose and then the dark gray of his eyes as he focuses on where he’s going, I’m hit with the realization that maybe I’m not the only one who’s changed in the past few years.

Colt might look the same. He’s still mouth-wateringly hot, with muscles for days and eyes that make my stomach summersault with just one look.But there are differences.

The old Colt from college would never have said those things he just did. He never would have confessed to missing me, or even thinking about me. It makes my head spin.

I’ve been so focused on the differences in me that I’ve forgotten that everyone else is growing, maturing and changing as well.

Letty and Kane are parents, and Peyton and Luc are married. Brax and West are in Chicago with Macie and Leon, living the lives they’ve always dreamed of. And while Violet and Micah might still be in Maddison, that doesn’t mean they haven’t created lives full of happiness and laughter.

Maybe I’m just the only one who’s changed for the worse.

“Stop that,” Colt demands after he’s killed the engine and turned his all-seeing eyes on me.

“What? I’m not doing anything.”

“You are, and it’s making you frown and look sad.”

My mouth opens, although I’m not sure what I can say to that, but thankfully, he throws his door open and barks for me to wait.

In only seconds, he’s pulling my own open and stepping into the space in front of me.

“Need a hand down, Miss Myers?” he asks, holding his giant paw out like a gentleman.

“Who are you and what have you done with Colton Playboy Rogers?”

His smirk makes my insides get all fluttery. Sliding my hand into his, sparks shoot up my arm that feel so foreign after so long that I almost don’t recognize them.

Tugging me to the edge of the seat, he wraps his other arm around my waist and lifts me out effortlessly, pinning me against the planes of his hard body.

He holds me there as if I weigh nothing more than a feather, and for the first time in a really long time, I forget about all my hang-ups with my body and just embrace his strength.

“Colt,” I gasp as he slides me down his body, allowing me to feel everything. And I mean everything .

My core clenches with the realization that it’s my body that’s causing him to react that way.

“You’re just as beautiful as ever,” he whispers, holding my eyes captive with his as my feet finally hit the ground.

I swallow, my body yearning to reach up and take his lips.

Stay strong, Ella. Don’t fall headfirst into hold habits because he said a few words to make you melt.

“Where are you taking me, then?” I ask, forcing myself to move in the opposite direction to what my body craves.

“Just wait. I think you’ll love it.”

The second he catches up with me, his fingers twist through mine, sending that bolt of electricity up my arm again.

Risking a glance up at him, I can’t help but smile at the smirk on his face.

“Why do you keep looking at me like you don’t recognize me?” he asks, sensing my attention.

“I’m just wondering if maybe I don’t.”

“I’m just me. Like you’re just you.”

I want to argue, but I keep the words locked down as the lights of the city appear before us.

I’ve already allowed him to see enough of my insecurities tonight. I’m meant to be here remembering the old me, not drowning in the new, muted version of myself.

The old you would have claimed that kiss , a little voice says unhelpfully.

We walk for a few more minutes before Colt takes us off the main track and up into the trees.

“You could have warned me you were going to bring me out here to murder me in the woods.”

He chuckles.

“I think we both know that I’m more of a lover than a fighter,” he growls.

“Oh, I don’t know, you’ve had your moments,” I say, thinking of a few times he used his fists to get his message across when we were in college.

“Well, sometimes it’s necessary. Especially when some douchebag is treating my friends like shit.”

His words take me straight back to a football party one night where a junior I’d never met before decided that I was going to be spending the night in his bed and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I had no idea Colt was watching, but the guy sure found out fast when Colt’s massive fist collided with his nose.

“I was your friend?” I ask. “I think fuck buddies might be more of a?—”

“You were never just that and you know it,” he snaps.

“Do I?” I ask weakly, hating how pathetic I sound.

Where’s confident Ella, huh?

He brings us to a stop before dropping a bag I didn’t see over his shoulder to the ground.

After pulling out a blanket, he takes my hand again and pulls me down with him.

“Someone learned how to be romantic,” I tease. “Are there candles and champagne in that bag too?”

As much as I might want to divert from his previous comment, it seems that Colt is determined to address it.

“I know how I treated you. But I need you to know that you were never just a fuck buddy.”

Getting comfortable beside me, we both stare out at the city lights in front of us.

“You were always my friend first. One of my best friends.”

A huge, messy ball of emotion crawls up my throat at his confession.

“And if things were different, if I were different, then maybe we could have been more.”

My mouth opens and closes, but no words find their way out.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe nothing has changed at all.

“This place is incredible,” I say after long, painful seconds of silence.

There are so many things that have gone unsaid between us since the first night we spent together. Why change the habit of a lifetime?

“It’s my favorite place in the city,” he confesses quietly. “My mom…she used to bring me here when she needed…” His deep rumble of a voice trails off as unease washes over me.

I know who his dad is. Everyone knows who his dad is.

Dalton Rogers's reputation, stats, and skill on the field preceded him. It’s hardly a surprise that both Colt and West ended up following in his footsteps. And once he finished playing, he embarked on an equally successful coaching career.

But Colt’s mom? She’s very much a mystery. Neither Colt nor West ever talk about her.

Sensing he needs something, I reach over and cover his hand with mine.

“When she what?”

“When she was having a bad day. The peace up here…it helped calm her.”

“It’s a pretty calming place.”

He falls silent once more.

“I don’t know why I brought you here. It just…it’s my favorite place, and I guess…I guess I wanted to share it with you.”

“So you don’t bring all your conquests up here to sweet talk, then?” I ask.

I regret the words the second they tumble from my lips. And even more so when he tenses.

He turns to me, and I swallow nervously, wishing the ground would just swallow me up for that stupid comment.

“No one has been up here with me before. Only…only her.”

His eyes search mine as he silently begs me to understand just how big this moment is between us. Him sharing something about his past, about who he really is. Or at least, that’s what I want to hope.

“There hasn’t been anyone else in a while,” he confesses as he lies back, pulling his hand from beneath mine and breaking our connection.

Following his lead, I lie beside him and stare up at the dark night sky. A handful of stars twinkle back at us.

“Things have been weird recently,” he murmurs. “I’m not sure why. I don’t even think there is a why.”

He twists to look at me. His attention makes the left side of my face burn, but I stay firmly gazing up at the stars.

“Is it everything you thought it would be?” I ask, diverting from that comment a little.

It takes him a few seconds, but he finally responds. “Yeah. Well, no. It’s better, actually. Being here with the guys, doing the thing we always dreamed about. It’s everything.”

“I’m glad. You deserve it after how hard you’ve worked.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Ex-fiancé aside, is life everything you thought it would be?”

I can’t help but laugh.

He turns onto his side, his stare becoming even more intense.

But I still don’t cave. I keep my eyes locked on one star above me and let some honesty slip past my lips.