22. Maddox

Waking up with my body wrapped around Ryan was an experience I wanted to have every fucking day until the day I died. I didn't want to open my eyes because that meant facing reality, and I didn't know what Ryan was going to do today or what last night meant for the two of us. All I knew was that if she went through with this wedding, I'd never recover.

It would wreck me.

I had no idea what time it was. All I knew was that the sun was shining brightly overhead, so when I finally cracked my eyes open, I had to immediately slam them closed. Ryan shifted in my arms, her hair tickling my face. She stretched, pressing her very naked body against mine and waking my dick right the fuck up.

My hand drifted down the curves of her body before I rested it on her hip, lightly digging my fingers in and pulling her ass back against me. "Fuck," I groaned, wanting nothing more than to bury myself inside of her and keep her here in my arms all day, forgetting about everything else.

Her sharp gasp had a grin breaking out across my face as she felt the effect she had on me. But the spell was broken when she abruptly sat up, the thin blanket we managed to pull over ourselves last night falling down and exposing her very naked tits. My eyes immediately dropped to them. I couldn't fucking help myself when it came to Ryan. Her body was worthy of worship, and I planned to throw myself at her altar again and again.

"What time is it?" she squeaked, frantically searching through all the bedding and discarded clothes for her phone.

I grabbed her hand and turned it over, placing a kiss on the inside of her wrist. "I think we both left our phones up front, Freckles."

"That's right." As much as I didn't want her to ever get dressed, I knew she'd never relax now. I handed her her clothes and watched as she quickly pulled them on, hopping down off the tailgate and throwing open the passenger door.

I laid back and stared at the clear blue sky while I waited, the events of last night replaying in my mind. Blood rushed to my cock when I thought about how, after the first time, Ryan climbed on top of me and rode me until she came so hard that we both passed out.

Finally, she came back around and climbed up into the back of the truck, a forlorn expression on her face. "It's already eleven. I was supposed to meet my sisters for hair and makeup an hour ago," she sighed.

Sitting up, I pulled her against me and ran my fingers through her tangled hair. "Please don't do this, Ryan. Don't marry Yates. I can tell you don't love him. I can tell you don't want to marry him. So why are you going through with it? Stay here with me. Whatever he's got on you, I can help. I'll never let anyone hurt you. I…" My mouth went dry. "I love you so fucking much. Please don't make me watch you marry another man. I don't know if I can survive it," I pleaded with her, my tone desperate.

She leaned back and looked at me, sliding her palm up my cheek and rubbing her thumb along the stubble of my jawline. Her dark eyes locked on mine, the depth of feeling I saw reflected my own back at me perfectly. "I love you, too. I always have, and I always will. But I gave my word. I have to go," she said gently, but the words might as well have been knives stabbed into my chest. Every single one hurt. How could she still go through with marrying that tool after what we'd shared last night?

My heart was shredding in my chest, ripping apart into a million tiny pieces that were then set on fire. But I didn't say anything, because after I left all those years ago, I deserved this. I hurt her, and she moved on. Swallowing down my anguish, I got dressed. I didn't say anything. I couldn't. If I opened my mouth, I didn't know what might come out.

I might yell or say things I didn't mean, lashing out at the fucking torture I was going through right now. Or I might beg, but she didn't need that from me right now.

Helping her down, I slammed the tailgate shut and walked around to the passenger door, pulling it open and waiting until she climbed in. She watched my face, but I refused to make eye contact. This was all my fucking fault, and I didn't want to lose my shit, even as she ripped my heart out. I loved her, more than I'd ever loved anyone, and even if it killed me if she was happy with Yates, I'd somehow learn to deal with it. Or I'd drink myself to death trying. Time would tell.

"Would you mind dropping me off at Charlie's?" she asked quietly as she played with a lock of her hair and stared out the window.

I tossed her my phone across the bench. She was sitting against the door so fucking far away it felt like a physical blow, a loss of something I'd barely had just yesterday. "Put her address in the GPS," I grunted, barely keeping control over my emotions. I needed to hit something, scream, drink, something before I completely fell apart. But I was trapped in this truck with Ryan, and I couldn't do any of it. Instead, I gripped the wheel even tighter, my knuckles already white and aching, and gritted my teeth.

Thank fuck we were only about ten minutes away from Charlie's, and as I pulled up, Ryan finally turned to me. "Are you still coming to the ceremony?" she whispered, and I wanted to be so goddamn angry at her for having the balls to ask that of me, but I couldn't. Lifting my gaze, I searched her eyes, and I saw the desperation and fear in them. She was afraid and needed me. No matter how I felt, I'd never abandon her again.

I slumped against the seat, the anger in me momentarily fading as Ryan's despair filled me up instead. "Yeah, I'll be there," I confirmed.

She slid across the bench toward me and leaned forward slowly as if she were afraid I'd snap at her for touching me. In reality, her touch was the only thing I wanted. Leaning up, she pressed her lips to my cheek, and I closed my eyes, breathing her in one last time. I had no idea what would happen to us after today. I had a life in LA. I'd make sure I was always available to her, but I wouldn't physically be here. And she was about to start a new life with someone else.

"Thank you," she murmured before turning and quickly hopping out of the car. She didn't look back as she hurried into the building where her sister lived. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath before fumbling for my phone.

Maddox: What hotel are you at?

Connor: Quinn drove me to your house this morning.

Maddox: Meet you there in 45.

Tossing my phone onto the seat, I shifted into drive and started the long drive home, blasting angry music and hoping that if I got it loud enough, it'd block out my thoughts. It didn't work.

Turning onto the short, dusty drive that led to Everleigh Ranch, the anger I'd been trying to contain for the past hour or so bubbled to the surface with a vengeance. I stopped in front of the house and slammed my door, my heart banging against my ribs and my chest heaving as I tried to breathe. How the fuck could she marry someone else? Someone I knew she didn't love?

Connor stepped onto the porch, his eyes narrowing as he looked me over. He turned and went back inside, the screen door slamming behind his retreating form. Letting some of the rage I was feeling out, I roared like a goddamn animal, but it wasn't even close to enough. I watched as Connor opened the came back outside, jogging down the steps and tossing me a set of boxing gloves. He shoved his own hands into some padded gloves and held them out in front of me.

"Put on the goddamn gloves and hit me," he demanded.

I crammed my shaking hands into the gloves, tightening and securing the velcro before curling my fingers into fists. I unleashed jab after jab into Connor's gloved hands, letting out all the rage, frustration, hurt, regret, and self-loathing bottled up until reality started to seep in. I was breathing hard, and sweat dripped down my forehead and stung my eyes. The fight in me subsided as agony took its place.

Fuck, my heart hurt.

Ripping the gloves off my hands, I stalked into the house and straight for the shower, not bothering to say anything to Connor. Deep down, I appreciated that he knew what I needed, and right now, he'd leave me alone to work through my shit.

After I took the shortest possible shower, not wanting to spend time with my thoughts, I got out and dried off, throwing on some joggers and stomping out to the kitchen. I tore through the cabinets looking for the bottle of whiskey I bought last week. There was still plenty left. I hadn't been drinking much since I was spending more time with Ryan.

Reaching for a glass, I poured a couple of fingers and tossed them back, relishing in the burn. I heard Connor step into the room behind me. I lifted the glass in his direction and raised my eyebrow, and he nodded, so I pulled him down a glass and refilled my glass and his. Handing his drink over, we both sipped our liquor in silence.

"Are we going to the wedding?" he finally asked.

"Fuck. I would give literally anything to not have to go to this today, but yeah, we are."

"Why?" He lifted his glass and took another sip, eyeing me over the rim.

"Because she asked me to," I answered simply, the words tearing their way up my throat.

"Okay," he agreed. "I'll bring an extra flask and have the plane ready as soon as it's over."

I nodded, finishing my drink and walking back to my room to get dressed. The wedding was in a couple of hours, and we had a long drive into Dallas.

The suit I asked Connor to bring me was hanging in my closet, and it was so fucking fitting for this day. I wanted to be prepared in case Ryan decided to go through with this clusterfuck. Getting dressed to watch the woman who possessed me on a level I wasn't even prepared to examine marry another man felt like a funeral. So, I decided to dress like it. Head to toe black.

A slim-cut black Italian wool suit with a black button-down and a skinny black tie underneath was what I had him bring, and staring at my reflection in the mirror, I hardly recognized myself. My eyes were clouded with grief, and I'd let my stubble grow out a little longer than normal, but I didn't give a shit. I wanted to look good for Ryan today, show her what she could have if she'd just change her mind, but I didn't have it in me to try.

I already asked, and she turned me down. I wasn't holding any hope as the wedding got closer that she'd have a change of heart.

With one final deep breath, I stepped out of the room and into the kitchen, pocketing all my essentials. I didn't plan on coming back here after the wedding. I needed to put some distance between Ryan and me for a little while so I could try and deal with the misery of what today meant for me, for us, for the future we could've had.

Connor stood in the kitchen, his suit more neutral in navy blue. He passed me a flask and tucked another into his inner jacket pocket. "Your spare," he explained.

"Thanks," I mumbled, knowing the alcohol wouldn't really help, but what the fuck else could I do to numb the torment?

Connor watched me closely as if he weren't sure if I was going to explode and tear the house apart or break down, but I could hold my shit in until we got on the plane at least. He grabbed the keys off the counter. "We don't have to do this," he reminded me.

"I promised her, Connor. I let her down once, and this is the goddamn price I have to pay for my fuck up. I won't disappoint her again." Clenching my jaw, I walked to the car and slid in, slamming the door closed.

A few minutes later, Connor joined me, and we started the long drive into Dallas. Neither one of us said much, I lost in my misery and Connor giving me space. I didn't know if more space was a good thing right now, but I couldn't think of anything to say.

He pulled up to the gates of the Rutherford Estate and gave our names, waiting for them to swing open. Driving onto these grounds, my stomach rolled, and I pulled the flask out of my pocket. I never thought this was a possibility, that Ryan would actually go through with the wedding. Over the past two weeks, we'd gotten so close it was like no time at all had gone by. I saw the way she looked at me. It was the same way I looked at her. With adoration and devotion and a fuck ton of love and desire mixed in, too.

The way she looked at Yates? It was thinly masked annoyance on her best day, straight up contempt on her worst. So why the fuck was she marrying him? I didn't understand it, and maybe I never would. Maybe the way I abandoned her all those years ago was too much for her to forgive and overcome.

I ran a hand through my messy hair as I climbed out of the car. There were guests parking and walking to the back of the grounds, following a path lined with red roses. I rolled my eyes, knowing Ryan had no part in picking those. They were too cliche for her, and if she saw them, I had a feeling she'd hate them. The thought brought a small smile to my lips that disappeared as quickly as it came.

Connor walked around the car and stood next to me, our shoulders almost touching. With the looks he'd given me all day, I knew he'd have my back no matter what went down. He'd be there to clean up whatever mess I made of myself. It struck me how good a friend he became over the past year and how much I depended on him.

He glanced down at the watch on his wrist. "Wedding starts in half an hour," he pointed out. My stomach rolled again as I forced my feet forward, following that fucking path of red roses across the soft grass. As we rounded the house, a couple of huge white tents came into view. Off to the side was an aisle with two giant pedestals at the front overflowing with arrangements of red roses. I'd gone to a couple of weddings in the past year or so, and even I knew this style was severely outdated.

Connor and I finished trudging across the grass, and I found us two seats at the very back. I sunk into mine, but they were filling up fast. The only two open together were toward the middle of the row, so I had no choice but to be sandwiched between a stranger and Connor.

I kept my sunglasses on and tried to avoid making eye contact with anyone. I saw Yates out of the corner of my eye at the front of the room, and when he spotted me in the back row, a smug smile stretched across his shitbag face. Clenching my jaw, I reached for the flask in my pocket, taking a healthy swig while watching him walk out of the room. It'd be fun to follow him and break both of his legs so he couldn't stand up there and marry my girl today, but I wouldn't do that to Ryan.

Sliding even further down in my seat, the effects of all the whiskey I had today started to numb the sharp edges of my pain. It probably wouldn't do shit when I had to watch Ryan walk down the aisle, but for now, I was floating along with a mostly pleasant buzz.

My hand shook slightly as I looked at the digital display on my wrist. Fuck. Five minutes. A cold sweat broke out across my forehead, and despite the Texas heat, a chill ran down my spine. Connor looked relaxed next to me with his ankle crossed over his knee, but I knew better. He kept checking on me out of the corner of his eye, probably making sure I wasn't going to do anything too stupid.

His patience for my antics would only go so far in public. Like mine, his instinct was to protect, so I didn't mind losing my shit in front of him.

Four minutes.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I was so fucking glad to have the distraction. I pulled up the message and shot up out of my chair, almost knocking it over as I read the screen.

Ryan: I need you.

Ryan: Please.

I didn't give a fuck about the strangers around me who were now staring at me distastefully for causing a scene. Fuck them all. "I've gotta find her," I blurted, kicking the chair out of my way so I could get out of this aisle without passing twenty-five people along the way. My girl needed me. Hope bloomed in my chest. Had something happened? Had she changed her mind?

Sprinting out of the tent, I was suddenly completely sober, but I realized I had no idea where to find her. I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick message.

Maddox: I'm coming. Where are you?

It took the longest fucking ten seconds of my life for her to respond.

Ryan: Just inside the back door of the estate. Go left, first door on the left. Hurry.

I sprinted across the grass with Connor right behind me. Bursting through the back door, I frantically scanned the huge room I found myself in. There were so many goddamn doors, but I would spend all day opening every single one if it meant getting to my girl when she needed me. Nothing would stop me.

There was a hallway off to the left, so I decided to start there, flinging the first door open. The anger melted out of me when I saw Ryan standing near the window with tears streaking down her face. She was alone in the room, and Connor discretely stepped out behind me, closing the door behind him. I knew he'd stand guard and not let anyone in here to figure out whatever the fuck was happening right now.

My breath caught when my gaze raked down her body and took in how the white lace dress she wore hugged every curve, falling and pooling around her feet. "You look beautiful," I breathed, moving up beside her. I let my fingers trace down her arm, the feel of her skin igniting electric sparks under my fingertips.

"Thank you," she sniffled, wiping at her eyes before throwing herself into my arms, sobbing against my chest. I held her tight against me, breathing her in and never wanting to let go. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I didn't care if we stood here like this forever. At this moment, she didn't belong to anyone but me. There was no one else in the world, but Ryan and I.

Her body trembled against mine while she quietly cried, and I hated that she was sad and hurting. If I could take her pain on myself, I'd do it in a goddamn second.

"Shh," I cooed. "Everything's going to be okay, Freckles. I promise." And I meant it. I'd do anything to make Ryan happy.

She leaned back a little, but still clung to me as if she were afraid I'd disappear and leave her alone to face reality, her fist bunched at the back of my jacket. Her red-rimmed eyes and mascara-streaked cheeks made me want to kill someone for making her cry. She looked as miserable as I felt.

"What's going on?" I finally asked after staring into her eyes for an eternity trying to figure out what was going through her head but being no closer to an answer.

She took a deep breath, exhaling shakily and gripping me even tighter. "I have something to tell you."