3. Violet

Violet

3

I've spent the past thirty minutes trying to decide what to do with my hair. Usually, I wear it up in a ponytail, but that feels too boring for tonight. It shouldn't be such a hard decision to make. It's just hair.

I'm just feeling so anxious about tonight, well more about everything going on in my life at the moment.

They never came.

After I asked my stepbrothers to let me back in and at least be friends again, they left me completely alone.

It's only a few more days until Max and I are leaving for our separate colleges. We'll all be miles away from each other.

Maddox is staying behind, but I'm not sure how he's going to cope without Max.

He has his job at the garage to keep him busy enough. Other than that, I haven't got a clue what he's been up to.

If he took just a minute out of one of his suddenly busy days to talk to me, then I'd know what's going on with him.

I wish I could stay with him here, but I don't want to miss my own chance at college, even if it is away from the two people I love most in the world.

I never imagined myself getting the chance to attend one of the most expensive colleges in the country, let alone the one with the best literature course I could ask for. It's only thanks to my stepdad's generosity that I'm able to go and I'm not about to turn this shot at really making something of my life down.

My stomach turns at the thought of not seeing them everyday.

Not like I've seen them recently anyway, but at least here we still live under the same roof.

They're my stepbrothers, but I can't imagine going through life with anyone that's not them by my side.

We used to spend so much time together, practically every second of the day we were glued to each other.

It's such a messed up thing to want and that's exactly why I'm dressing myself up to go to a party tonight.

Finally, I settle on leaving my hair down. I give it a quick brush, smoothing the static out as I position the long ends over my chest.

Then I finish my makeup off between drinks of wine. I managed to sneak a bottle up from the kitchen and it's already almost empty. I'm definitely in need of the liquid courage tonight. I take a final big swig, as I slip my heels on.

I had to dig deep into my closet for this outfit. A tight black skirt, a shimmery silver top that covers my breasts and most of my stomach, but only ties with a few pieces of string at the back and heels that make my ankles wobble dangerously.

Now that it's all on, I feel a bit more sure of myself. Usually, I spend my free time at the library or in bookstores, not at house parties so my closet reflects that, but maybe I should add in a few more pieces like this?

My phone buzzes with a text from my friend, Chloe, saying she's waiting in her boyfriend's car down the street for me. We've never been very close outside of school, but she's always been friendly and she was nice enough to invite me along with her tonight.

To be honest, I regret not making more effort with her. If I put the time in to hang out with her then maybe we could have been close friends by now. Instead, I invested all that energy into Maddox and Max.

Part of me wonders how much of my isolation was my fault. They're the ones that made it almost impossible for anyone else to come near me. I always assumed it was them being overprotective brothers, but now I'm not sure what to think.

Tonight is the night that everything changes. I'm going to make sure of it.

I poke my head outside my bedroom door to find the hallway dark and empty.

As I pass Maddox's room, I listen for the tell-tale sounds of music or his video games telling me he's still up.

There's only silence.

It's not like him to be asleep this early.

If he is in there, I wonder what he could be doing all by himself in the quiet.

Maybe he's touching himself. I've caught him before, his back to the door as he stroked himself. I shouldn't have stood there and watched. I really shouldn't have wanted to go in and help him finish.

God, Violet, you have got to stop thinking about that.

It's deranged.

Max's room is also silent as I pass. When he's not with his baseball team he's either at the gym or sleeping.

My mom and Reginald are both out tonight so I don't have to worry about being caught by them as I sneak downstairs.

I'm sure Reginald's staying late at the office again. My mom on the other hand is most likely out with someone else behind his back.

Just like always, she's messing this relationship up. She lasted almost a year this time until she started cheating, that's more restraint than she's ever had before.

I told Max and Maddox as soon as I realized what she was doing and they didn't blame me for it like I thought they might do.

We decided to keep it a secret and not tell their dad incase that meant they'd divorce and we'd be torn apart.

Reginald deserves someone better than my mom though and I feel guilty about that every time I look at him.

What I've heard about Maddox and Max's mom is that she was the sweetest person. She died of cancer when they were only four and this is the first time Reginald's settled down since then. He met my mom online and I don't know how she reeled him in so quickly, but barely a year later we'd moved in.

When I step out the front door, I softly close it behind me and as I step down onto the driveway I hear the sound of tools tinkering in the garage.

There's only one person that works in there.

As quietly as I can on the gravel courtyard, I tiptoe towards the open garage door and peer inside.

Maddox is hunched over the hood of his car as he works on it, shirtless. I stare at the shadows dancing on his back as his muscles move under the soft yellow light of the bulb hanging above him.

I'm tempted to corner him like this. I could sneak up and make sure he can't avoid me this time. Force him to tell me what's really going on with him and Max. Find out why they suddenly don't want me.

But what's the point?

Our relationship was destined to be pulled apart. I just didn't know it would hurt quite this much.

Once I'm on the street, part of me wants to go straight back inside, see if Maddox will hang out with me if I bribe him with wine or if Max will let me sleep in his room again. But that makes me feel desperate and I don't want to make a fool of myself any more.

An uneasy feeling settles in my chest, the further I get away from the house.

It's like there's a pull, telling me to go back to them, to stay with them forever.

How can I, when they don't even want me?

I'm the one with the unhealthy obsession with them, it's for the best that I go cold turkey, cut myself off from them before it's too late and someone gets hurt.

"Don't look so glum." Chloe gets up from her boyfriend's lap on the armchair opposite me and I can barely hear her over the thumping drum and bass playing throughout the house.

If it wasn't for the alcohol clouding my judgment and the need to be anywhere but at home, I would have left hours ago.

She passes me an almost overflowing cup of something that smells like it's got more alcohol in than I've consumed in my whole life and I take it.

Ignoring the way my stomach churns at the smell, I drink half of it in one go. Chloe cheers me on then a hand holds the cup to my mouth, forcing me to finish the whole thing and making me almost choke. I gasp for breath as it empties, and the hand comes to rest on my back.

"Didn't know you could drink like that," a guy says quietly in my ear.

I blink a few times, trying to get my vision to focus as I struggle to remember who he is.

He's got a kind face and bright blue eyes that don't stray from mine.

It takes a long minute to place him, but I eventually remember him from Chloe's boyfriend's car. "Oh! James?" My words are so slurred, I'm surprised he understands me at all. He sits down next to me, his knee touching mine.

"Glad you finally came to one of these by yourself! I can never get a look in with you when your brothers are around." He runs a hand over his short brown hair as he settles in even closer to me.

"Oh, don't get me started on them!" I say, rolling my eyes. My blood heats just at the thought of Max and Maddox. I want to go find them and scream at them until they stop ignoring me, but I think I've forgotten how to work my legs.

"Yeah, seriously don't. Not unless you want your buzz ruined for the whole evening," Chloe's boyfriend scoffs.

The alcohol's already made me forget his name.

Actually, it's made me forget a lot of things tonight.

Where are Max and Maddox? They're always here.

"Don't be mean." Chloe swats his chest and he pulls her back down onto his lap making her squeal, then he grabs the back of her head and starts shoving his tongue down her throat.

"Where are they?" James asks, looking around.

"Who?" I ask, confused as I follow his gaze across the crowd of people around us.

"Your brothers."

"Oh, home. I think. I don't remember." I look around like I'll be able to spot them lurking in the shadows, watching me.

James' eyes light up and he presses himself a little closer to me.

One of his arms drapes over my shoulders as the other rests on my knee. I try to shift myself forward, but the room spins and I end up sinking back into the soft cushions of the couch.

"I've been trying to talk to you for a while now, actually. You know we're going to the same college?"

"We are?"

He nods eagerly, a bright smile on his face matching the light in his eyes. "Yeah, I thought it would be good to exchange numbers, hang out once we're there. What classes are you taking?"

Oh, this question I know the answer to. "A lot. Classics and creative writing are the only ones I'm excited for though." I made sure to pack my schedule as full as possible, partly because I actually enjoy studying and partly so I wouldn't have time to think about the twins.

"No way! I'm doing classics as well, we can partner up."

My eyes widen as he says partner up and he laughs.

He squeezes my knee, as he leans into my ear. "Come on, let's go somewhere quiet to talk more."

James takes my hand and I'm pulled from the chair, my feet following him before my mind's even decided if that's what I want to do.

Looking back over my shoulder, I try to see if Chloe's paying any attention, but she's still got her face glued to her boyfriend's.

Maybe this is exactly what I need. A random hookup to get them out of my system.

I stare at James' shoulders as he moves, imagining what he would look like shirtless, but my mind comes up empty.

His muscles don't dance like Max's or Maddox's. I'm not left with the urge to keep staring or to touch him, like I am with them.

He leads me upstairs, past countless faces I don't recognise, all lost in their own conversations and drinks.

"Where are we going?" I ask, but it must be too loud for him to hear me because he doesn't say anything.

It gets quieter the deeper into the house we go and I feel like I should be nervous, but all I feel is warm and lightheaded.

We stop outside a door and as James opens it he smiles down at me. "You're so cute." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and I swear he's about to kiss me.

My stomach tells me that's a bad idea and I look away before I throw up on him.

Why did I drink so much?

I should quit while I'm somewhat ahead. I start to turn away, but I'm pulled inside the room with him.

"Is this your place?" I look around the space confused. If this is his house, surely he would have mentioned that?

"Nah, it's Owen's place, his parents are out of town for the weekend. He lets me use the guest rooms whenever he's throwing a party."

Oh, that's right. This is Chloe's boyfriend's place.

Wait.

How many girls has James done this with?

As soon as I take another step, my vision goes blurry. I swear the room just flipped and the carpet is now on the ceiling. Oh God, please don't throw up, please don't throw up.

"Shit, are you okay? You really can't handle your drink. I'll have to remember that."

I'm moved to something soft. A bed, I think. Everything feels wrong. Even my skin doesn't feel right.

"I want to go home." My tongue feels thick and dry in my mouth.

"I'll take you home, after."

After what?

"No, I need to—" I try to get up, but there's a firm hand on my leg keeping me pinned down. Another hand travels to my waist, squeezing me firmly. Then I feel something unpleasant on my neck, something warm and wet.

Blindly, I push my arms out, but I can't move the weight of James off me. My head spins again and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

I close my eyes and when I open them, James is sat at the foot of the bed.

His phone is in his hand and my skirt is rolled up over my hips. I quickly yank it down, thankfully feeling that my underwear is still on and dry.

"Did we?"

James raises an eyebrow and smiles smugly at me, making my stomach drop.

Sliding his phone into his pocket, he starts to crawl back up to me. "Not yet. I was hoping you'd wake up, sleepy girls aren't half as fun as the feisty ones and I know you're going to give me a good time, aren't you?"

I shake my head. "I really don't feel good. I need to leave."

Slipping away from him, I fumble around in my purse for my phone and repeatedly tap the screen, trying to unlock it.

"I can take you home," James quickly says, coming up behind me and spinning me around.

His hands are on me again, holding my hips tight as he presses me to the door. "Just don't say anything to your brothers about this, okay? Look, I'll text my dad right now, he'll come pick us up and I'll get you home. We can still enjoy ourselves while we wait." His eyes are wide like he's frightened about something, but it's not enough to make the erection in his pants go away. The one that is currently rubbing on my thigh.

"Violet?!" A thunderous voice shouts from nearby. I look around not sure where it came from and James looks down at my phone as he steps away from me.

"Maddox?" I ask, then I move the phone to my ear and ask again. "Maddox? Where are you?"

"Where the hell are you?" He roars down the phone and I hold it away from my ear.

"We're good right?" James asks, so quietly I can barely hear him and I nod slowly.

Good about what?

"Violet, if you don't answer me—"

"I'm here."

I hear Maddox take a sharp breath then he slowly says, "Where is here?"

"I don't know." Why is he so annoyed with me?

"Jesus Christ, Violet. Are you drunk? What the hell do you think you're doing going off like that?"

"I'm not a kid. You can't tell me off for having fun without you. I wouldn't even be here, if you weren't ignoring me all the time!" I start to sob and James leads me back to the bed.

I want him to leave me alone so I can cry in peace, but Maddox shouting at me through the phone and the alcohol in my system makes it hard to think straight.

"Stop crying and just tell me where you are!"

It feels like my life's spiraling out of control and I don't know what I'm supposed to do about any of it.

I can't handle facing Maddox tonight. I don't want to feel the full force of his fury in person. I've seen it before as he's stood up for me or fought for Max, but it's never been directed at me.

Tonight was such a stupid mistake.

I clearly can't handle doing the whole college experience by myself. At least not like this. I'm not ever going to be a social butterfly. It'll be best if I just keep to myself from now on.

James' presence lingers beside me, telling me I don't have to do any of it alone. He's offered to be a friend, to be there for me.

Why does that make me feel lonelier than ever?