35. Cope

35

COPE

I knew Sutton was still worried about me when she didn’t take the sunrise shift at the bakery. Instead, she helped me make breakfast for the three of us but watched me with hawk eyes.

“Mom, are you sure it’s okay for you to help?” Luca asked from his spot on the banquette along the kitchen wall.

Sutton sent him a slightly exasperated look. “I’m not going to ruin breakfast.”

Luca didn’t look convinced. “Your baked stuff is amazing, but your scramble game isn’t the best.”

Sutton turned accusing eyes toward me. “You’re spoiling my kid.”

I chuckled, holding up both hands in surrender. “I solemnly apologize for being the most kickass chef to ever walk the Earth.”

Sutton scowled. “With an ego to match, Hotshot.”

Luca giggled. “He is pretty awesome.”

“Do you have all your gear ready to go?” she asked him, artfully changing the subject.

Luca’s face scrunched in thought. “I’d better double-check. ”

He was off the bench seat and running for the mudroom before we could say another word.

“You gotta give it to the kid,” I said. “He’s dedicated to hockey.”

Sutton sighed, a wistful look in her eyes. “I’d really hoped for golf.”

I laughed, leaning over to press a kiss to her temple. “Sorry, baby. He’s got hockey in his bones. It’s a done deal.”

Sutton’s eyes found mine. There was a warmth in the turquoise that was different than before. Things had changed last night, and even though parts of that transformation scared the hell out of me, I wouldn’t let fear destroy what was brewing between us.

She set the knife down where she’d been chopping green peppers and moved into me. Stretching up onto her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to the underside of my jaw. “How are you feeling today?”

Another artful transition to the topic I knew she’d wanted to broach since we woke up in my bed this morning. I wrapped my arms around her fully. “I feel good.”

It wasn’t a lie. I felt lighter—the gift of telling someone about the ugly stew of memories and emotions that’d always lived inside me. And the gift of Sutton not running for the hills in response. She didn’t realize just how much that meant.

Sutton tipped her head back. “Good.” She worried the corner of her lip.

I lifted a hand to tug it free. “Tell me what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”

“I think you should talk to your mom.” The words came out quickly. “Tell her what happened. What you’ve been carrying. I think it’ll help.”

I released my hold on Sutton, turning back to the egg mixture I was concocting. “I don’t need to. I told you. That’s enough.”

“Cope—”

“I don’t want to open old wounds. She still misses them so damn much. This would be like throwing acid on that wound.”

Sutton leaned a hip against the counter and faced me. “Of course, she misses them. She loves them. But she also loves you . ”

I shook my head roughly. “It’s not worth the pain it would cause.” But some part of me knew that was a lie. What I really feared was that my mom would look at me differently—that my whole family would. And that wasn’t a risk I could take.

Luca had been quiet as he helped Coach Kenner and me clean up the gear from camp. I was used to him going over every event from the day’s camp, but not today. I was about to head to the skate rental station to ask him if he was okay when movement caught my attention.

Evelyn Engel gestured wildly from where she’d clearly stopped Kenner in his tracks. He held a mesh bag full of cones and some balls for a game we’d played at the end of camp and looked at her with a panicked, deer-in-the-headlights expression.

Evelyn just kept right on gesturing, a woman on a mission. Kenner lifted a hand placatingly, but the woman just yelled something I couldn’t make out in his face before storming off. Kenner stared after her before turning slowly and heading back in my direction.

“What was that about?” I asked, pitching my voice low so Luca couldn’t overhear.

Kenner glanced in Luca’s direction. When he saw that he was engrossed in helping Hayden put the rental skates back in their cubbies, he turned back to me. I didn’t miss his wince. “I guess Evelyn saw the news coverage of you getting in an altercation with that teammate of yours, Marcus Warner. She was stating her case that you weren’t a good role model for the kids and should be fired.”

I stiffened but forced my voice to stay light. “Does she know this is a volunteer gig? I’m not sure I can get fired.”

Kenner chuckled. “She might’ve missed that. She also accused you of playing favorites with Luca and not giving Daniel enough attention. ”

“Jesus. She can’t have it both ways. Fired or pay her kid more attention?”

Kenner scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed. “You’ll learn you can’t win with some of these parents. They want you to act like their kid is the second coming. Destined for greatness and never make any mistakes.”

“Poor Daniel,” I muttered.

“You’re not wrong there. That kid has enough pressure on his shoulders to give him an ulcer. He’s seven .”

God, there was so much wrong with that. Even as I started to rise and joined more competitive leagues, my dad never let me forget that, at the end of the day, hockey was supposed to be fun. I’d forgotten that until recently. But coaching these kids had brought it back.

“I’ll make sure I spend some one-on-one time with him tomorrow. Not for her but for Daniel.”

Kenner’s brows lifted, respect filling his gaze. He clapped me on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Colson.”

His words sent an ache deep into my chest cavity, but I didn’t find them quite as unbelievable as I usually would’ve. And that was all thanks to Sutton.

I sent Kenner a grin. “Go get yourself a beer. I’d say you’ve more than earned it.”

Kenner chuckled. “Truth.”

I headed for the skate rental station, grinning at Hayden. “How’s the wrist shot coming?”

She gave me an answering smile, her amber eyes lighting. “I don’t have it 100 percent of the time, but when I do, it’s freaking awesome.”

I chuckled but had to admit that her joy for the game was infectious. And the teen had skills. If she kept at it, she could easily land a college scholarship. I planned to ask Linc if he had any scouts he could get to come in and take a look at Hayden this fall.

“No better feeling than when it’s all working.”

Hayden nodded, but before she could answer, a little girl appeared at the booth. She was a mirror image of Hayden with dark hair and amber eyes. “Hay Hay, I’m hungry. ”

Hayden instantly rounded the counter and hoisted the little girl into her arms. “Then let’s get you a snack.” She tickled her belly, and the little girl giggled. “Gracie, can you say hello to Mr. Colson?”

The little girl’s gaze dropped shyly, but she waved. “Hi, Mr. Colson.”

I remembered what Arnie had said about Hayden taking care of her two younger sisters a lot. That had my gut churning, but I forced a smile. “It’s very nice to meet you, Miss Gracie.”

“I’d better get her something to eat before she gets hangry on us,” Hayden said with a grin.

“Never want to unleash the hangry monster,” I said with a chuckle.

Hayden gave me a wave and carried Gracie toward the snack stand. I didn’t miss how expertly she moved with the little girl as if she’d done it too many times to count. Arnie might not be willing to talk to Fallon about her, but I would.

I turned to Luca, who was sliding the final pair of skates into their cubby. “You ready to go?”

He nodded but didn’t say a word. That tweaked my radar, but I didn’t push. There were too many people milling around the rink.

I grabbed Luca’s and my gear bags and headed toward the exit. Once I’d stashed the bags in the rear of my SUV, I helped Luca into the booster seat and checked the latch after he’d buckled himself in. He still didn’t speak.

My jaw worked back and forth as I closed Luca in and climbed behind the wheel. But I didn’t turn on the engine. Instead, I twisted in my seat so I faced Luca. “Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Luca muttered softly.

“Well, it’s not nothing. You’re too quiet for it to be nothing. You don’t have to tell me, but I hate the idea of you being sad. If we talk it through, maybe I can help.” It was the best approach I could think of, but I couldn’t help but wonder if Sutton would’ve done it better.

Luca was silent, staring down at his shoes. It went on for so long that I almost gave up and started the engine, thinking I’d drive him to the bakery so he could talk to his mom. But then he spoke so softly it was almost inaudible. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid if it makes you sad. Sometimes, little things make me sad, too.”

Luca’s turquoise eyes lifted to mine. “Really?”

I nodded. “Like losing a preseason game or when someone says something not nice about me on the internet.”

Luca’s face scrunched. “People are mean sometimes.”

That had an invisible fist grinding into my gut. “Was someone mean to you?”

Luca shook his head quickly. “No. Daniel got a dog.”

My brows pulled together. “Daniel got a dog…” I repeated Luca’s words as if that would help me understand.

“I want a dog,” Luca whispered.

I remembered him telling me he wasn’t allowed pets in the apartment above the bakery. The only animals he and Sutton had were the bees on the building’s roof, and those weren’t exactly cuddly.

“You’re jealous,” I surmised.

Luca nodded, his gaze dropping again. “I know it’s wrong, but it’s not fair. I’ve wanted a dog forever, and Daniel just decided he wanted one last week. And now, he’s got one.”

“Hey, now,” I said gently. “I know it might not be fair, but let’s not take something away from Daniel just because he hasn’t wanted it for as long as you. I get the sense that he has a lot of pressure on him. Maybe he could use a furry friend.”

Luca’s eyes lifted at that, and he tugged on the corner of his lip with his teeth. “His mom is always yelling at him to practice stuff more. And his room always has to be like perfect .”

“That sounds like it would be pretty hard. Your mom doesn’t do that to you, does she?”

Luca kicked his feet against the seat. “She tells me to clean my room sometimes, but only when it’s really messy.”

I chuckled. “My mom did that, too.”

“I’m pretty lucky. Mom always lets me have treats, and Daniel never gets any. ”

“Sounds pretty lucky to me.”

Luca sighed; the sound was so beyond his years. “Maybe Daniel does need the puppy.”

“Yeah, he might.” But staring at Luca’s disappointed face, I couldn’t take it. “You know, I’ve been thinking about getting a dog.”

Luca’s brows flew up. “Really?”

I nodded. It wasn’t a complete lie. My apartment in Seattle was too damn lonely. “Maybe you could help me pick one out and help me train it. It would be good practice for whenever you get your own.”

Luca jolted upright. “I’d be the best picker! I’ll choose the awesomest dog ever and help you teach it all the things. I’ll even pick up its poop!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I really wasn’t looking forward to the poop.”

Luca grinned. “I’ve got you covered.”

“Come on, let’s go find me a dog.”