9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

A Distinct Lack of Grace

Smoky room, strobe lights, the hammering pulse of loud music all around him, this was exactly the break from everything that Aaron needed. Kazzy was up on stage. As a member of the house band, he'd extended an open invitation for Aaron to join them anytime. After yet another rocky practice session with Kelly's new band, coming and playing with Kazzy had felt like a good idea. Though Aaron preferred to play his own music, he never minded playing covers. Hell, sometimes it was easier, because many of the songs were ones he'd learned to play imitating, and they'd always held a place in his heart. Still, he wanted to get in a game or two of pool beforehand, just for old times' sake.

Damn, but those bottles behind the bar were tempting, especially the way the light twinkled off the glass. Fortunately, the pool table was across the room, and as long as he kept his back to the bar, he could almost pretend it didn't exist. Too bad he couldn't pretend that wasn't Declan with his chair backed against the wall several feet from the table. Was going to be hell trying to ignore him and the booze.

"You up for a game?" Aaron asked as he stepped up to a guy who looked vaguely familiar.

"For fun or money?"

Damn, his low, rumbly voice was familiar too and reminded him a little of Hawk's, though without the irritation the man had expressed when they'd talked last night. Fuckin' Kelly. Wasn't enough that Aaron was showing up and playing, no he wanted to complain about that too, telling Hawk he was wild and out of control on his guitar, like that wasn't what the band had always expected of him. He was playing, dammit, that should have been enough.

"You tell me," Aaron replied, shaking off the memory of that conversation. The last thing he needed was to focus on Hawk's admonishments. It wouldn't make for a good game.

"Let's see how you do for cash," the guy said, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket. "That'll tell me all I need to know about whether your worth having fun or not."

Grinning, Aaron licked his lips, excited at the prospect of a fun night at the table. "Game on."

"I'm Cade," the guy said, though he didn't offer to shake hands.

"Aaron."

"Wait a minute, were you sitting in a teacup the other night at the neon jungle?"

"Whoa," Aaron said, realizing now why he both looked and sounded familiar. "Small world."

"Really small, considering you're in a band with my brother."

When he gestured to Declan, Aaron started to feel like the universe was having a hell of a time had his expense. With no way to back out gracefully, considering he'd been the one to make the challenge, Aaron selected a cue, while Cade chalked his up. Each threw a twenty on the rail, and Cade weighed it down with a piece of chalk.

"Your challenge, my break," Cade said, cocking his head as he studied the table. "So rack ‘em."

Aaron did as he was told, racking them tight then stepping out of the way so the big man could break. The smack of Bakelite colliding always produced a thrill, fueling his competitive nature. Driven by the million and one times he'd been beat by Kelly and Hawk, he went into every game studiously looking at the angles and possibilities before taking a shot. What sucked for him was having to wait until Cade missed before he could take one. Which only happened after he'd sunk four balls.

Okay, he could do this. Wouldn't be the first time he'd started from behind. Not even the first time he'd been this far behind before taking his first shot. It was all about focus, lining things up just right and putting just the proper amount of finesse into it. The first two shots kept him across the table from Declan, while the third brought him close to where the drummer sat. All of a sudden, Aaron found himself double, and even triple checking to be certain he wasn't gonna hit Declan with the pool cue, despite him sitting more than a foot away.

Paranoia made him glance back once more time, just to be certain there was no danger to the other man, but it took the focus off lining things up correctly, and he sent the ball spinning in the wrong direction of the hole he was aiming for. It sank, but since he'd called his shot wrong he lost his turn anyway. Stepping back, Aaron was determined not to fuck up the same way again. Cade sank two effortlessly before jumping another ball didn't play out in his favor, giving Aaron the chance to shoot again. This time he was determined to keep out of his own way, not spare a thought for Declan or anyone else, and take the shots the way he was capable of nailing them.

Driving in one, then another, built his confidence back up. His third shot went in too, and he immediately let his gaze rove over the table, seeking out the next best one. Five in the right corner pocket, clipped just right, would set him up to get the eleven, but if he fucked it up and tapped the eleven in the process, he risked ruining that shot.

Inhale.

Exhale.

All focus narrowed down to the goal. Slick wood slid over skin, chalked tip connecting with the ball exactly the way he'd planned it. The five went in, the cue ball spun, ending millimeters away from the eleven. That was an easy shot, and he sank it quick, Cade giving a rumble of appreciation at Aaron's sudden run. He was scanning the table for the next opportunity, when the phone in his pocket buzzed. A quick check of it showed his grandmother's number, a chill slashing through him as he shoved it back in his pocket. Them reaching out to him was never a good thing and fucked with his head more that he ever admitted.

Nothing on the table was clear now and he quickly determined that any shot was going to be a risky one. The eight was in the path of everything he might try to do to get at his final two balls. Sinking it now would cost him the game.

As carefully as he could, he shot, not for a corner, but simply to move one of his balls further away from the the eight.

"Playin' it safe, huh," Cade remarked as he stepped around Aaron to get in position for his next shot. "And here I took you for a guy who enjoyed taking risks."

"With the right things yeah, but with pool, it's all about geometry."

"Funny, I'd have sworn it was all about the English."

Aaron chuckled and flashed a flirty grin. "Pretty sure they're the same thing."

Cade winked at him, even as he took his shot, driving his ball in the left side pocket and leaving the cue spinning on the spot where it stopped. He took his next shot super-fast, tapped the spot where he wanted the eight to go, triple banked it, turned his back, and walked away from the table before the damn thing even sank. But it sank cleanly, leaving Aaron to stare from the table to the other man's retreating back.

"Well, I wouldn't call it fun, but it was entertaining," Cade said as he plucked the cash off the railing and tucked it in his wallet. "Thanks for that, at least."

"Entertaining enough to give me a rematch?" Aaron asked, hopeful. His hopes were dashed the moment Cade shook his head.

"Naa man, not even for double the anti," Cade said. "I'd much rather play my brother. You could always challenge him though, and I'll get winner."

Cade gestured in Declan's direction, but it took a moment for the implication to register.

Damn. There was no way in hell he could manage that and keep his focus. Being around the man made him too tense and jumpy for his pool game to get any better than it had in the game he'd just lost.

Shaking his head, Aaron backed away, determining this to be as good a time as any for him to join Kazzy on the stage.

"Too bad. Now that might have been fun," Cade replied, grinning. "Would have gotten a laugh out of watching him kick your ass all over the table."

It was right on the tip of his tongue to take that challenge, only the overwhelming urge to get as far away from the pair as he could was much too strong.

"Naaa," he drawled, taking another step back. "I think I'll just bow out gracefully and call it a night."

Of course, the moment the words left his mouth, he stepped on something slippery and stumbled, crashing backward into a table that wobbled and tipped, spilling him and a bunch of drinks on the floor. Colliding with the wood and metal sent a searing pain shooting up his arm and he grasped it, groaning and failing to stagger to his feet on the first attempt. He landed on a couple cups instead, liquid soaking though his t-shirt as several people gasped and a few snickered. When he'd finally righted himself, he saw a thin smile on Cade's face and Declan shaking his head.

"So much for gracefully," Declan remarked, but it was his brother that Aaron kept staring at, even as his own face heated up. At least in the gloom and dim of the room, it would be difficult to notice, or so he hoped. Humiliation had him feeling the urge to scurry, but his last attempt at a hasty exit was too fresh in his mind for him to make that mistake again, so he cautiously turned away from them both to weave through the crowd, intent on putting distance between them.

Talk about a disaster…on every front. The game, his exit, even the clumsy attempt he'd made at holding Cade's attention. And to make matters worse, he'd have to look at Declan tomorrow when he showed up to play at Kelly's place. His face felt hot as he made his way towards the bar, half tempted to order a shot just to take the sting out his humiliation. With his luck, someone had probably caught his little crash and burn on video, which meant it would be all over the internet by morning, fodder for the gossips and the haters who'd love to get a laugh at his epic fail.

At least there was a lull in the music. He found Kazzy easily enough, bellied up to the bar with a highball glass in his hand and a mug of something dark in front of him.

"Hey man, I was wondering if you'd make it over here," Kazzy said, glancing up with red rimmed eyes, the glassiness of them a surefire sign that he'd been into more than the alcohol.

"Yeah, well, I just finished totally humiliating myself at the pool tables and thought I'd do something useful," Aaron remarked as he dropped onto the stool beside him. "Pretty sure I need a little guitar therapy to make things right again."

"Well, Tommy brought a spare, just in case you showed up," Kazzy remarked, throwing an arm over Aaron's shoulder and giving him a little squeeze.

"Hell yeah," Aaron murmured, pressing the side of his head against Kazzy's. His dark hair smelled of weed and sweat, the way Aaron was certain his would before the end of the night.

"Good. Then drink your root beer. We're only on a ten-minute break."

Aaron eyed the drink Kazzy slid his way, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

"Relax. It's just soda. I swear."

"I'm almost disappointed," Aaron murmured, as he raised the glass to his lips.

Trust, that was something else he and Kazzy had between them that he and Declan didn't. If Kazzy said the drink was non-alcoholic then that's all Aaron needed to know. He took a healthy swig, savoring the taste on his tongue.

"So, what's the plan for the set?" Aaron asked after he'd drained half the glass. The jukebox had taken over for now, but it wasn't too loud to make conversation difficult.

Kazzy slid him a list of classic metal favorites, every song one Aaron could play in his sleep. A couple read throughs, and he'd committed the list to memory. Of course, it helped that the intro's to each were so uniquely different that there was no way in hell he could fuck shit up.

"Who the fuck did you run into at the tables that left you tuckin' tail?" Kazzy asked when Aaron slid the list back his way.

Groaning, Aaron lightly banged his head against the bar. "Declan's brother."

"Oh shit, Cade? That'll do it."

"Gee. Thanks. Pretty sure I already figured that out myself."

The loss stung, but at least now he had a good god damned reason to spend his free time back here polishing his game.

"Earth to Aaron, hello, did you hear a word I said?"

Aaron blinked and forced himself to focus on Kazzy. "Yeah, you said that'll do it, which tells me you've had some experience losing to him yourself."

Snickering, Kazzy shook his head. "Pretty much. If I were you, I'd forget whatever little plot you're hatching over there. Don't try denying it either, I know you and I know you don't take losing gracefully. Eat this one and call it a day. All challenging him to a rematch is gonna do is aggravate you more."

"Too late, I already went that route and he turned me down. Said he'd face me again only if I faced Declan and beat him."

"Well then, there you have it. Case closed. Time to move on to a more attainable target, like the guy who left those fingertip shaped bruises on your shoulder last week."

"Yeah, about that…."

"Awe damn, bored already?"

Aaron shook his head, still stinging from that rejection too. "Never. Was Hawk and I'm pretty sure that was all he was interested in."

"His loss."

"If you say so."

"I do," Kazzy remarked, downing the last of his drink. "You should let me remind you of that sometime."

Licking his lips, Aaron glanced over to see his friend smirking at him. Considering the way Hawk had refused to flirt back with him over the phone last night and the night before, Kazzy might be on to something. It was becoming clearer with every conversation that Hawk was getting nearer and nearer to the point of washing his hands of him, which was the last thing Aaron had ever wanted, but something he knew he needed to come to terms with and accept. "Maybe."

"That's better than a no," Kazzy replied. "At this point I'll take what I can get."

He stood, so Aaron quickly finished his root beer and followed him backstage where the rest of the band had already gathered.

"Hey man, it's good to see ya," Tommy said, pulling him into a one-armed hug.

"Thanks for letting me join you guys tonight."

"Fuck. We're the ones who should be thanking you," Shawn said as he clasped Aaron on the shoulder.

Kazzy sparked a blunt that they passed around before the set, the smoke and camaraderie easing the sting of Aaron's recent disasters. This was something familiar, something he could comfortably sink into and just have fun with. Truth was, he was more grateful than he could ever say for them giving him the chance to play with them tonight. By the time he stepped out on the stage in front of the packed bar, the only thing running through his head was the set list and the order of the songs.

Didn't matter that there were less than a hundred and fifty people in the room, Aaron played like it was fifteen thousand. For the first time in months, there was no holding back, no dulling down his enthusiasm, he let every frayed edge hang out, from dueling guitars with Tommy, to literally playing on his knees in front of Shawn while the bassist stood over him. He was still flexible enough to lean all the way back and look at the strobe lights as he shredded through a solo, and just as graceful as he always had been when getting up.

At one point he found himself standing directly in front of Kazzy on the drums, banging his head in tune to Kazzy's rhythm as they played Painkiller by Judas Priest. The drum solo always got his heart hammering, but tonight, there was an unwanted voice in the back of his head, hyper-critical and pointing out every flaw in the way Kazzy played. He almost missed his cue to jump back in, ‘cause the voice was busy yammering on about how Kelly and those tapes had been one hundred percent right. Declan really was the better player, hands down.

They finished the song and broke into Iron Man , Aaron losing himself in the song again. Fingers dancing over the strings, he gave over to the thrill that came with performing. By the time they were done, Aaron was flying high on pure adrenaline.

As they left the backstage area, Kazzy threw an arm over his shoulder and leaned in close. "Wanna go have a private after party, just the two of us?"

"Hell yeah!" Aaron yelled, still riding the high of the music.

"Whoooooooooooooo!" Kazzy howled, the sound ringing in Aaron's ears.

Several patrons offered an echoing whooooooo, everyone caught up in the exuberance of the moment. Morning would bring a crash worse than any hangover, but for now, they had indescribable levels of energy pouring through them.

Aaron tangled his fingers in Kazzy's hair and yanked him into a kiss, felt their tongues slide together and groaned at the taste of rum lingering on Kazzy's lips. Kazzy gave as good as he got, pinning Aaron against a pillar and kissing him until the flash of camera phones reminded them where they were.

"Well, that's gonna be all over the dirt rags by morning," Kazzy murmured as they drew away from one another.

"Oh well," Aaron replied, in complete DILLIGAF mode.

Time to take this somewhere private. Kazzy must have had the same thought because he grabbed Aaron's sleeve and started tugging him towards the door, only for their progress to be halted abruptly when Declan barred the way with his chair. It didn't help any that Cade stepped up beside him, impeding their attempt to step around him and nearly sending Aaron sprawling into Declan's lap. As it was, Kazzy was forced to steady him, no easy feat, when he'd already been staggering a little himself after all he'd drank.

"Ya know, I've been wondering why you were so hell bent on having Kazzy play for you instead of me," Declan said. "Now I have my answer."

Kazzy shot him a confused look, while Aaron just shook his head and tried to go around Declan the other way. The guy could maneuver that chair faster than Aaron expected, though, and he found himself cut off again.

"Aaron, what's he talkin' about?" Kazzy asked, shooting Aaron a confused glance.

"Look, it's no big deal," Aaron insisted.

"Says you," Declan shot back.

Aaron chose to ignore him and keep all his attention on Kazzy.

"I'll explain when we get back to your place," Aaron insisted, searching for a clear path to the door.

"Maybe you should explain it now," Cade suggested. "That way both parties hear what you've got to say."

"Fine, but for fuck's sake, can we take it outside?" Aaron grumbled, feeling his whole mood crash as the desperate need for another joint crept back in.

"After you," Declan said, finally maneuvering his chair out of Aaron's way.

He trudged to the door, hands shoved in his pocket with Kazzy walking right beside him. What had felt like a one-way trip to paradise just moments before, now felt like a trip to the gallows. People were milling around beside the entrance, so Aaron headed a little way down the sidewalk to lean against the barber shop wall.

"Alright man, what's this all about?" Kazzy asked, as Aaron got busy lighting up.

Narrowing his eyes on the flame, Aaron waited until the whole thing blurred before snapping the Zippo shut again. "Just something he's making way too big of a deal over."

"Why not let me be the judge of that," Kazzy insisted.

"I told Kelly I'd prefer if you played drums for us, is all."

"Then why aren't I playing?"

"'Cause I might have said it only after the results of the blind auditions revealed some potential issues with the choices we'd made," Aaron admitted reluctantly.

Kazzy's eyes narrowed a fraction as understanding hit. "So, you didn't choose my audition tape, but when you found out you hadn't, you tried to choose me?"

"Something like that."

"Pretty sure the biggest influence was him finding out about my chair," Declan remarked.

Aaron said nothing, hoping the questions would stop now and they could go on their merry way, without a total and complete derailing of their plans for the evening.

Kazzy plucked the joint from between his fingers, much as Declan had a few nights before, drawing a growl from Aaron. "What the fuck is with you people constantly stealing my weed?"

"Wouldn't have to steal it if you'd remember the universal law of puff, puff, pass, you bogarting fuck."

Aaron threw his hands up, but said little else, considering Kazzy had a point.

"Is it true?" Kazzy asked, after Cade had liberated the joint from him.

"Sorta."

"I don't think this is the sort of question covered by sorta," Kazzy said. "It's either truth, or it's not."

"It's true that I'd rather have you playing with us."

"Why is that, if you thought Declan was better?"

Aaron flipped his hands in the air and sighed. "'cause I know you, alright. I know what I can say and do around you without coming off like a fuckin' bastard. On the stage there's a chemistry between us that makes playing feel good. Like tonight. I haven't played like that since my band broke up. Off it, we can talk and bullshit and I don't have to over analyze everything I might say to be certain it doesn't come off as insensitive. I wanna be comfortable in my band, not walking on eggshells."

Kazzy fell silent, while Declan stared at him with the strangest look on his face. Cade said nothing, just smoked Aaron's joint and kept watch to ensure no one ambled up to interrupt their conversation.

Finally, with a painstakingly slow and hollow tone, Kazzy directed a question his way. "But you do think he's better?"

"I…" Aaron stammered, not wanting to hurt his friend.

"Nevermind," Kazzy muttered, jerking away from the wall, hurt and fury at war in his eyes. "I won't make you say it. The answer is written all over your face."

Aaron hurried to catch up to him when he started walking away. "Kazzy, wait. Man, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you are," Kazzy said, spinning around and shoving Aaron away from him. He landed on his ass on the sidewalk, shocked, as Kazzy growled down at him. "Only, if you want my opinion, you're sorry for the wrong damned thing."

Kazzy didn't give him a chance to say anything more. With long strides, he stalked away from him, leaving Aaron beneath a streetlight to ponder just how much worse things were going to get before he just couldn't take any more.

"I wouldn't count on another invitation to play with them anytime soon," Cade remarked as Aaron picked himself up and fished around in his pocket for another joint. "It's too bad too, you didn't sound half bad tonight."

Whirling, Aaron glared at him, stung by the implication that he wasn't every damn bit as good as he'd worked his ass off to be.

"Thanks for fuckin' up my night," Aaron growled as the adrenaline crash began to hit.

"Pretty sure you managed that all on your own," Declan said, wheels moving in Aaron's direction. He did the only thing he could do at that point, which was turn tail and scurry off down the block. Wasn't fast enough to avoid the echo of Declan's parting words when he called Aaron a Fuckin' asshole .

Maybe he was, but he sure as hell hadn't gone out of his way to be one tonight. Hell, he hadn't gone out of his way to do anything but come down here and play.

And just look where that got you , his inner voice laughed. Yeah. Just look, indeed.