3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The New Normal

There was a time when the first thing Hawk would ask when he woke up was where are we ? Of course, it wouldn't have been morning back then and the person he'd be asking was a sleepy-eyed Aaron blinking at him from across the aisle between their bunks. Now, he blinked at the clock hoping it didn't actually read five-twelve and there wasn't really a little voice calling his name as a tiny fist pounded on his door.

"Unky Hawk! Unky Hawk!" Dani wailed with the kind of desperation that meant she'd been at it for a while.

"I'll be right there!" Hawk bellowed, one hand thrown over his eyes because why? Why! Whatever it was, he knew it wasn't going to be good. His sleep deprived brain grumbled a protest as he reached for a pillow, intent on placing it over his head so he could get some more shut eye.

His fingers bumped into his phone, the screen coming to life and momentarily blinding him. His lock screen was a shot of Aaron onstage, cradling his guitar, head bowed over it as he'd played the only ballad Hawk had ever written.

Dani wailed his name again and for a moment, Hawk's finger hovered over the screen, his loud, selfish inner voice demanding that he text Aaron and beg him to catch the first flight up with everything he'd need for an extended visit…

… or even a forever one.

The problem with that was that it would have been solely for Hawk's benefit while Aaron would be left with very little to show for it besides having his patience tested several times a day. Maybe that wasn't a fair assessment, but what the fuck was he supposed to offer the man when every shred of his time was taken up by the three children entrusted to his care ? They needed him for everything, including the latest crisis on the other side of the door.

Blowing out a breath, Hawk scrambled from the bed in sleep pants, in mourning of the days when he could crash naked. Padding across the carpet in bare feet, he hoped he wasn't about to encounter bodily fluids. The cold, wet squelch was always cringeworthy, yet never enough to serve as a reminder to buy slippers the next time he went to the store.

Okay, not true, he had looked at some in the men's department the last time he'd taken them to the supercenter. The blue and gray checkered design had reminded him of the pair his grandfather used to wear, which was the real reason he hadn't bought any. He felt old enough these days without slipping his feet into yet another reminder of the way his life had changed.

Dani stood on the other side of the door; one fist poised to beat on it again. Her other hand held her rainbow colored lion pinched between two fingers, the nightlight in the hall bright enough that he could see liquid dripping off it onto the floor. Thank the universe for hardwood. If this place was fully carpeted it would already need to be condemned by now.

"Mr. Whiskers fell in!" Dani wailed as she shook him, droplets of water striking Hawk's chest and dripping on his feet.

"Fell in what?" Hawk grumbled as he brushed a hand down his chest and reached for the lion.

"The potty!"

"Ohhh for fuc……" Groaning, Hawk pinched the bridge of his nose, certain he was about to regret asking. "How'd that happen?"

"He fell off the seat!"

"What was he doing on the seat in the first place?"

"He had to go potty!"

"And why didn't you keep ahold of him while he was going?" Hawk asked as the little voice in the back of his head pipped up to sleepily grumble.

Seriously?

"You don't keeps a hold of me when I's goin'," Dani explained. "You says I's gotta sits like big girl and go. So I tell Mr. Whiskers, sit like big boy and go, and he went plop!"

Hawk pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering when he would get used to the logic of children, which on one hand seemed so simple, yet on the other, the most complex thing in the world.

"Unky Hawk can you hug him and make it better? I tried but he's still wet. You said hugging fixed everything but it no fix Mr. Whiskers. I gave him one of my bestest hugs too!"

"I'll just bet you did," Hawk groaned, struggling to formulate a plan. His sleepy brain just screamed tired thoughts at him about how soft his pillow was, until the steady drip, drip, drip of water on wood filtered through just as the puddle reached the tip of his toe and he cringed.

That was it, that was the very last straw, he was getting slippers the next time they set foot in a place that sold them, even if that meant they looked like the pair his grandfather wore.

"Unky Hawk aren't you gonna fix him?" Dani pleaded, lower lip trembling in a way that always preceded a deluge of tears.

"Yes," Hark said as he carefully took the squishy lion by the paw and struggled not to grimace. "But not with hugs."

"Why not!"

"Because he's a bit beyond the ability for hugs to fix."

"But you said…." Dani wailed until Hawk pressed a finger to her lips, desperate for her to shush so she didn't wake the other two.

"I know what I said sweetheart, but…."

"You lied!"

"No, no no, I did not lie, it's just…" Hawk stammered, brain choosing that moment to go completely blank.

"Liar! Liar! Liar!" Dani hollered, stomping her little foot until Hawk scooped her up under one arm and marched her and the soiled lion into the laundry room and sat her on top of the dryer where she kicked her feet against the side of the machine until he pinned them to the metal.

"Dani!" He snapped, instantly regretting it when her eyes got wide, and her mouth fell open in a tiny o. "Mr. Whiskers will be just fine after a magical trip through the washing machine."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"Pinky promise?"

"I don't even know what that is."

"Then it not real promise!"

"It's the best I've got right now, okay," Hark said as he glanced around until he'd spotted the detergent pods he'd put on a high shelf. Reaching for one, he nearly tripped over the little stool that was supposed to be in the kitchen so Ella could reach the cabinet where he kept her after-school snacks and juice boxes. If he put them in a lower one, her siblings devoured everything they could get their grubby little hands on, leading to an impromptu grocery trip on the way to pick her up from school. Three different attempts at childproofing had failed, including a stunningly epic moment when Hawk hadn't been able to get the door open to dispense treats. While Dani had been on the verge of tears, six-year-old Liam had grabbed a butter knife from the drawer, stuck it through the opening, and pushed down on the tab that was keeping the door from opening. He'd had a big smile on his face when it popped open and his sister's hugged him and even let him choose the first snack. Meanwhile, Hawk had stood there scratching his head and staring at the damn thing like it had personally gone out of its way to make him look like an idiot.

An idea bloomed, one he hoped would buy him a few minutes to get his shit together, put a pot of coffee on and get a bath run for her.

"Not okay," Dani pouted as she stared at Mr. Whisker's still dangling from his hand.

Yeah, he should have figured on that.

"Well, how about you sit right here, and you can watch for a little bit?" Hawk suggested. "Then you can see how much fun he's having in there."

Her eyes narrowed, but she parked her butt on the seat, put her elbows on her knees and leaned forward, staring into the hole where he placed Mr. Whiskers.

"It be okay Mr. Whiskers," she said as Hawk added the pod and closed the door.

She even waved at the little critter as he turned the washed on, then promptly wailed like all hell was breaking loose when water began to spray all over him as the drum began to spin.

"No. No. No. Get him out! Mr. Whiskers! Mr. Whiskers!"

"Dani, honey it's okay he's just getting a bath like the one I'm about to go run for you."

Her mouth dropped open, her eyes widened, and she stood, stunned into absolute silence as soap started spraying against the inside of the glass. "You're gonna do that to me! I's not that dirty!"

"No, I'm going to give you a normal bath," Hawk explained.

"Why can't Mr. Whiskers have a normal bath!" She whined, trying to pull the door open to save her toy. "Poor Mr. Whiskers. He can't swim! He's gonna get drownded!"

Fortunately, once the machine was operational, it couldn't be opened.

"He's not going to drown."

"Promise?" She said as she held up her little finger and waved it at him.

Well, at least now he had some idea of what a pinky promise was. Sticking his pinky up, he waved it at her and responded as solemnly as he could manage. "I promise."

When her lips pursed and she stomped her foot, he knew he still hadn't gotten it right, but at least she didn't yell again. Instead, she just looked heartbrokenly through the window as a flash of color spun past, then burst into tears.

Okay, this was an epic fail.

Clearly having her watch was the worst idea ever, but at least the lion would be clean when he gave it back to her, in about two hours, once it had been through a cycle in the dryer.

Dammit.

She never slept without it. It had been a crisis of near biblical proportions the night they'd accidentally left Mr. Whiskers in the SUV and he'd tried to put her to bed without him. He'd destroyed half the house, pulled out several strands of hair, spilled grape juice all over his sneakers, and smacked his knee on the coffee table, trying to get low enough to look under the easy chair. By the time he'd remembered where he'd seen it last, he'd been so exhausted that he'd fallen asleep reading them their bedtime story.

Nearing the end of his rapidly fraying rope he carried her into the bathroom, ran a bath for her with way more bubbles than were necessary in the hopes that would cheer her up, and got her cleaned up with far less trauma than the whole deal with Mr. Whiskers.

"Are you hungry, kiddo?" Hawk asked as he carried her out to the living room in SpongeBob footie pajamas with a towel wrapped around her wet hair.

At least she'd let him comb it out this time, so there wouldn't be a mass of snarls and tangles to deal with. It had taken a YouTube tutorial and a TikTok video before he'd gotten it straightened out the last time.

"Want cartoons pweese."

"Okay, but you can't eat SpongeBob."

"'course not silly, he a sponge!"

"Right," Hawk said and pulled the show up on the streaming service, deciding to take the wait and see approach in regard to breakfast and hope she didn't ask for something the moment he sat down.

SpongeBob's iconic laugh put a smile on Dani's face, so Hawk got comfortable, intent on catching a power nap until the wash cycle was done.

"Unky Hawk?"

Her words came less than three minutes after he'd closed his eyes and all he could think was please, please don't let there be another problem.

"Yes, Dani?" Hawk muttered.

"How they make the grill work underwater?"

"Uhhh, ummm…everything works different in cartoons."

"Why?"

"It just does."

"That no reason."

"It's the only one I got."

"Like promises," she said sadly.

He left that one alone and closed his eyes again, immediately starting to drift as a bored, tired Squidward declined to go jellyfishing with SpongeBob and Patrick. Man, Hawk could relate. If that squid was half as tired as Hawk was, he deserved a day of lounging around playing his clarinet. The image of Squidward kicked back in his chair danced through Hawk's mind, the clarinet replaced by a guitar, the easy chair replaced by a stage….

"Unky Hawk?"

A little face popped over the back of the drum kit and what the hell was Dani doing on the stage?

"Unkyyyyy Hawk!"

Oh yeah, there was no stage, just the couch and a kid who couldn't even let him powernap in peace.

"Yes, Dani?"

"How is Patrick and SpongeBob drownin' when they lives underwater?"

"It's a cartoon, Dani."

"I know Unky Hawk."

"Cartoons don't have rules."

"Ohhhh, I wants to be cartoon!"

Hawk groaned and scrubbed a hand down his face. "Of course you do."

"You help?"

"What do you need me to help you with?" Hawk said as he cracked one eye open and skimmed it over her, not seeing anything amiss that she needed help with.

"Being a cartoon, silly!"

"Dani you can't be a cartoon because cartoons aren't real," Hawk said, instantly cringing when the words registered in his tired brain.

He watched her blink, mouth opening and closing, then opening again as she turned away from the television to look at him, then whipped her head back to stare at the television. "SpongeBob…isn't…real?"

Her tone was both shocked and horrified. He could see from the expression on her face that she didn't know how to react to that or even process it. He was fucking this morning up horribly and waited for her tears to start again, only it seemed that he'd shocked her into silence. Her little shoulders slumped, and she toed at the carpet, the bright smile she'd had when he'd set her on the couch had been replaced by a pout and scowl.

Slipping away, he went to check the washer, wanting to crawl in a hole and cry when he saw that only fifteen minutes had passed since he'd started the cycle. He started to head back to the living room, before he remembered that he'd left his phone beneath his pillow and decided to make a detour and grab it. At least that way he could set an alarm in case he did manage to fall asleep.

Picking it up triggered the lock screen and there was Aaron again, larger than life on the stage. As much as he tried to claim that he wanted to be at the cabin with Hawk and the kids, performing was the life Aaron was meant for. That's what had saved him when the people who'd been raising him had tried to crush his spirit and make him conform to their version of right and wrong. He deserved to have those moments of adulation after all the times they'd cut him down. No way in hell was Hawk going to be the one to take that from him.

Blip.

Blip.

Hawk pressed his thumb over the fingerprint reader and unlocked the phone as he headed up the hall, curious to see who was blowing it up this early. Hopefully not Kelly again. He'd already sent Hawk a stream of frustrated text after another day had passed without Aaron popping in to talk to him or showing up for rehearsal. Short of taking a road trip with a cattle prod and three children in tow, Hawk didn't know what else he could do to get Aaron there faster.

Instead of frustrated words, what he saw was a picture of Aaron sitting on his kitchen counter, green and black glitter makeup around his eyes and a jester's hat on top of his head. Only when Hawk glanced down to see the rest of the outfit, expecting clubbing clothes, he was treated to the sight of Aaron in green and black pajamas, barefoot with matching nail polish on his toes.

Couldn't sleep so I've been watching makeup tutorials. What do you think? Have I found my new look?

In an instant, Hawk went from tired and frustrated to tired and laughing. Then the next picture came, of Aaron kneeling on the counter, back arched like a pissed off kitty, hand outstretched with his fingers extended like claws toward the camera.

Fuckin' Aaron.

And why the fuck had he chosen the kitchen instead of the bedroom?

Blip. Blip. Blip.

Hawk stepped back into the living room to see Dani exactly where he'd left her, so he ducked into the kitchen to get a feel for what he could make once she decided she was in the mood for food…and to see what else Aaron had sent him. When his eyes landed on the waffle maker on the counter, he was reminded of all the potential toppings he'd grabbed at the grocery store. More than enough to satisfy everyone, even if it meant things got a little bit messy. Hell, with this crew, a mess was expected at every meal so what was a little extra, especially now that the second dishwasher had been installed?

Plan made, he thumbed the screen on his phone, bringing up an image of Aaron squirting whipped cream out of a can directly into his mouth.

That better not be your breakfast!

Hawk typed and sent it so fast that he didn't stop to think about how much it sounded like something he'd say to one of the kids. There was no taking it back now that it was out there, so he scrolled up to see the other two pictures, laughing at the one of Aaron with whipped cream splattered on his nose and dripping off his chin.

Underneath it was a message, but not of the sexy variety, unfortunately. It simply said, I miss you. I hope these kick your day off with a smile.

They had, but now they weren't enough. He clicked the video icon, impatiently awaiting Aaron's appearance, a sense of relief washing over him when it only took him two rings to answer. Up close, the eyeshadow sparkled more, or maybe it was the fact that he was standing beneath the black iron monstrosity of a chandelier that Hawk was forever tangling his hair in whenever he walked under it.

Because you're a sasquatch!

Aaron's voice in his head, animated and laughing, didn't match the somber, apologetic one that echoed through the device.

"Shit, Hawk, man, I didn't mean to wake you. I figured you'd have the phone on Do Not Disturb. I just thought I'd leave you something to brighten your morning, ya know, for when you did get up."

"I wish I'd woken up to those, instead of Dani's potty drenched Mr. Whiskers."

"Oh, ouch."

"Tell me about it," Hawk grumbled, being sure to keep his voice low and move to the opposite end of the kitchen, where there was less chance of Dani overhearing him.

"Isn't that her favorite toy, the one she won't go to sleep without?" Aaron asked, shocking Hawk, who wouldn't have thought he'd remember.

That he did left Hawk momentarily stunned and fumbling to catch up when Aaron continued rambling.

"I hope you remembered to set the washer to delicate, or you'll be brushing up on your sewing skills again."

Delicate?

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!

He raced back to the washer, and no it was not on delicate, but fortunately, the setting could be changed while it was running, though there was no telling how much damage had been done until the cycle ended.

Fuckkkkk!

"Hawk, hey, is it in one piece?"

"Hard to tell when I'm trying to look at it through a soaked window."

"Okay, look, maybe it's time to find a backup."

"I already told you I ain't bringing a nanny or a fuckin' maid into my home!" Hawk growled way more harshly then he'd intended.

He watched Aaron flinch, some of the light in his eyes dying, and instantly felt bad.

"I just meant that maybe you could find another Mr. Whiskers," Aaron commented, voice low and yeah, Hawk could tell he'd hurt him.

Just great, something else to feel bad about this morning.

"You can keep the backup on hand and switch them between washes, so the new one starts to look played with," Aaron explained. "When something happens to one, you can just swap it for the other and boom, crisis averted."

"And how the hell am I supposed to do that when she's hollering at me about pinky promises and sobbing her eyes out?"

"By making the promise and pulling off some slight of hand," Aaron explained. "Did she ask you to stamp it?"

"What the hell is that?"

"Dude…you gotta stamp it."

"Aaron, I don't even know what a pinky promise is supposed to look like," Hawk explained. "She waved her pinky at me, so I waved mine back and apparently that is not what a pinky promise is supposed to be."

On the screen Aaron held up both his hands, pinkies extended, then curled them around each other.

"This is a pinky promise," Aaron explained. "It's one of the most solemn promises and it is imperative that you seal it with a stamp."

As Hawk watched, Arron twisted his bottom hand so his thumbs could touch.

"Touching thumbs is called a stamp. That means it can never be broken," Aaron explained.

"Why the fuck didn't I call you earlier?"

"I don't know, why didn't you?"

Hawk left that question unanswered because it was way too difficult, and instead, decided to take advantage of this side of Aaron he'd never noticed before.

"Do you know how Patrick and SpongeBob can be in danger of drowning when they live at the bottom of the ocean?" Hawk blurted.

"Well yeah," Aaron said.

Hawk could hear the duh in his voice but appreciated him not saying it.

"Okay, would you care to share?" Hawk asked as he crept back up the hall, grateful to see Dani still in front of the television with the blanket wrapped around her.

"Dude, it's simple, they live on the bottom of the sea and walk everywhere, why do you think SpongeBob tries so hard to get his driver's license. He's a sponge. Sponges don't swim and I don't think starfish do either. Every time I've ever seen one in a tank, it was creeping across the sand or crawling up the glass. They've got these tiny feet on their undersides with suckers on the tips and they kind of cling and creep. If I remember right the process is called locomotion, but don't quote me on that."

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Hawk grumbled.

"No, I, it's what I remember from checking out exhibits at all those aquariums you gave me shit about visiting."

"Because I still don't understand how the fuck you can sit there and be inspired by fish. Now can you please explain whatever the fuck that was about locomotion to Dani," Hark begged. "'Cause I kinda told her that cartoons can do anything they want because they aren't real."

"Duuuuuude no! You cannot just tell a kid that! What the hell man?"

"I didn't have an answer for her…"

"Then say that," Aaron blurted. "But don't ruin the magic."

"Yeah, I've kinda been fucking up all morning. Even tried to sit her down in front of the washer so she could see Mr. Whiskers through the window and know that he was okay."

"Fuckin' ‘ell Hawk!" Aaron screeched. "Put my niece on the phone."

"Yeah, I guess I'd better," Hawk said as he carried the phone to Dani, who lit up like a firecracker the moment she heard Aaron's voice.

With his phone in her hands, all he could do was head back to the kitchen and start prepping the waffle bar while Aaron undid the mess he'd made until all he could hear from the living room was Dani laughing again, Aaron's voice rumbling through the speaker as he laughed along with her.