13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Snacks and Promises

Head pillowed on Hawk's shoulder, Aaron listened to the silence of the night and the hush that had fallen over the house once the kids were sleeping. It hadn't mattered to him that he could only stay for two days, that was still 48 extra hours he got to spend with Hawk and the kids and he was grateful to Kelly for suggesting that a few days break after family day would be good for everyone. Something had shifted between him and Hawk after Hawk had come downstairs from chatting with the others to find Aaron in the living room with the television on low and the kids sleeping in the gorgeously designed rooms he'd made for them. Sparkling purple, blue and pink for the girls, and shimmering lime green with a dragon on the ceiling for Liam. He'd had a blast putting it there, interspacing day glow paint with shimmering metallic chrome, so that when the lights were turned out it glowed like a silent sentinel watching over the little boy, who'd fallen asleep holding the matching dragon pillow pet Aaron had found for him.

Humming, he caressed Hawk's side, soft, not wanting to wake him, just wanting to map Hawk's skin with his fingertips, like muscle memory on his guitar. He'd have to hold on to these moments when he was back in the city, and hope they carried him through until the next time he could fly out and join them.

The squeak of a door Hawk kept forgetting to oil, drew Aaron's undivided attention, and as quickly and quietly as he could, he slipped from the bedroom, pulling a t-shirt on as he went. While it would have been nice to sleep naked pressed against Hawk, they'd settled on sleep pants, in case one of the kids should need something in the middle of the night.

Turned out they'd been smart to do that, considering.

It was Ella that Aaron found in the kitchen, a glow in the dark fairy toy in her hands to light her way. There was a night light glowing from one of the kitchen outlets too, which helped Aaron locate the light switch, accidentally startling her.

"What's the matter, princess, couldn't sleep?" Aaron asked as she tugged at the fridge door to get it open.

"I woke up to go potty and my tummy was all empty and rumbly," she explained. "I tried to go back to sleep but it wouldn't stop growling at me."

Chuckling, he peered over her and into the fridge, searching for proper midnight snacking ideas, especially knowing Hawk would say absolutely not to sweets at this hour.

"How about some grapes and strawberries?" he offered, figuring fruit might be the easiest thing and light enough to settle without sitting in her belly like a lump while she was trying to go back to sleep.

"Will you cut my berries up for me?" she asked.

"Of course."

"Thank you," she said and went to take her seat at the table.

She had the placemat from the movie Frozen, while Dani's had Tinkerbell on it. He'd learned the importance of not mixing them up after Dani had sternly reminded him that she was the fairy princess and Ella was the snowman's friend. Of course, Hawk had watched the whole thing with a big smile on his face and teased Aaron about it later, when they'd been sprawled on the couch, watching the original Ghostbusters movie.

Aaron got her bowl out and made quick work of slicing her strawberries and plucking a handful of grapes off the bunch, making sure there were no mushy bits on them. She hated those and tended to avoid anything with a similar texture, so much so that it spoiled her appetite to encounter one. Making sure she went to bed with a full belly was important, so he was diligent in his selection, and poured her a small glass of milk to go along with it before taking a seat across from her. None of the kids liked to sit at the table alone, so he'd poured himself milk too and grabbed a small spring of grapes to nibble on while she ate.

"Thank you, Uncle Aaron," she said, smiling a little gap-toothed grin up at him. She'd lost her front tooth just a few days before and been so proud to show him the hole on video chat, as well as the five dollar bill the tooth fairy had left her.

That's some serious inflation right there , Aaron had joked to Hawk, who'd shrugged when Aaron had reminded him that growing up, they'd been lucky to be left a quarter.

"You're welcome, sweetie," Aaron told her as she dug into her snack.

"Can teddy bears be sad?" she asked after only a couple slices of berries.

He shook his head and flashed her a small smile. "No, they're meant to make you smile."

"But what if I do something to hurt their feelings?" she asked.

"Is there something you think you've done?"

She chewed her bottom lip and looked up at him with liquid eyes, like tears were ready to fall at the slightest provocation.

"We're having a teddy bear tea party at Daisy's, but we're only allowed to choose one bear to come," she said, lower lip trembling now. "I'm scared I'll make the other ones sad by leaving them behind."

"Do you have a favorite bear?" he asked gently. "Maybe one that is special to you?"

Shaking her head, she looked even sadder, if that was even possible. "It isn't nice to have favorites," she explained. "I love all my bears the same."

Stroking his chin, he gave serious thought to what to say to that and wondered if worrying about her bears was keeping Ella up just as much as her empty tummy. She didn't need him to try and explain that bears didn't think about things like favorites the way people did, she needed a solution that would settle her thoughts and leave her confident that everything was right in her world.

And he might have just the solution. "What if we make a big spinner and put all of the bears around it in a circle. Whichever bear the spinner points to is the bear you take to the party."

She thought about that while she ate a couple berry pieces and grapes. "That's fair," she said at last. "But won't the others be sad that they missed the party?"

Okay, he could see where she'd feel that way.

"Hmmmmm. What if we had a tea party here for all the bears," he offered. "And we'll let the bear who gets to go to the Daisy tea party host the party for the other bears, so no one misses out?"

"Ohh, can we? Can we? Can we?" she asked, eyes wide and no longer tear filled. She had the brightest smile on her little face, and Aaron felt a surge of pleasure at having said the right thing to put it there.

"Absolutely. We'll even decorate and have little treats to go with our tea."

"Can we pick wildflowers too?" She asked. "We can make crowns for the bears and put some in a vase in the middle of the table. They'll match my flower tea set and be so pretty."

"We sure can," he assured her, already thinking about the big cardboard box he and Hawk had unpacked earlier that they hadn't had the opportunity to cut up yet. If he did it carefully, he could make the spinner they needed.

"You'll be here, right?" she asked.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world," he told her. "I have to go home on Monday, but before I go, we'll pick up the decorations and all the supplies we need and when I come back, we will have a teddy bear tea party of our own."

"Yey!" she said, a little loud, but hopefully not loud enough to wake either of the other kids. He held his breath for a moment, expecting to hear little feet coming up the hall, but the house mercifully remained silent.

"Can we make a guest list and invitations for each of my bears?" she asked.

"We sure can, and afterwards, we can frame them with some of the pictures we take and hang it on your wall so you'll always remember."

"I'd really like that."

"I'm looking forward to it to," he admitted.

"Does that mean you'll color invitations with me?"

"Of course I will, but you might have to teach me how to draw a teddy bear, I haven't done any coloring in years."

"It's okay, we'll practice," she said before polishing off the remainder of her bowl. He rinsed it and her cup when she was done, then walked her back to the room and got her tucked in again. Several bears lined the edge of her bed, while several others were positioned on the top of her dresser. He made a mental note of the ones he saw, so he could get a head start on the spinner. He could make the arrow out of cardboard and find a screw and bolt to attach it to the center, but he'd need to divide it up into equal parts and figure out where Hawk kept the finger paints so he could decorate it for her.

He was just about to head for the box when he noticed a shadow where there hadn't been one before, and spotted Hawk leaning against the kitchen doorway, the look on his face one Aaron had never seen before. For a moment, he wondered if he'd fucked up. The tea party had seemed like the best solution to Ella's dilemma, but it would mean a lot of work, and maybe he should have asked Hawk before promising her something like that.

"You didn't really think you could sneak out of bed and I wouldn't notice," Hawk said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Wanted you to get some sleep, since you're always up when one of the kids needs something."

"Uh-huh."

"Ella was hungry."

"I know. Thanks for getting her something nutritious rather than handing her the easiest snack and sending her back to bed."

"You wouldn't approve of a snack cake at this time of night."

"You're right, I wouldn't," Hawk said, catching Aaron's hand and tugging him flush against his chest. Hawk's arms locked around him and held him there while Hawk stroked his hair. "Thank you."

"It was nothing."

"It was everything to that little girl," Hawk said as he shoved Aaron back from him and even shook him a little. "Stop undervaluing everything you do."

"All I did was get her some fruit and milk and sit with her until she'd finished it."

"That's not all and you know it," Hawk said. "There are a lot of ways that you could have answered her question. Hell, you could have brushed it off or told her to ask me, at which point I'd have probably fucked it all up by telling her that teddy bears don't have feelings. Instead, you handled it, and in a way that let her keep the whimsy of being a kid, the same way you did with Dani and SpongeBob. I'm looking forward to wearing my flower crown and getting my picture taken with the bears, too."

Exhaling, Aaron leaned in until he could press his head against Hawk's shoulder. "I was afraid I'd screwed up," he admitted. "I wasn't sure if I should ask permission first or if you'd be upset because there's a lot to do to get ready for it."

Hawk shook his head and tugged Aaron in for a gentle kiss. "I will never be upset at anything that you do to help one of the kids feel safe and confident and happy. You came up with a creative solution that was perfect in the moment, and I'm proud of you for that."

"I…that box that we unpacked earlier, that should be big enough, if I cut it apart right and tape sections back together to make a spinner."

"And we will, right after breakfast," Hawk insisted as he led Aaron back to the bedroom. "Right now, you need sleep as much as I do."

"I just want to make sure I can deliver on everything I promised without having to leave pieces for you."

"If there are things you don't get around to, then I'll help her do them, that's not a problem, but are you sure you're good with flying back and forth so often?"

"I'd rather be here than anywhere else in the world," Aaron replied, allowing Hawk to nudge him across the bed and onto his side so Hawk could spoon up behind him.

"What about your life in the city?" Hawk asked.

"What life?" Aaron asked, sliding his hand over Hawk's. "I go up two flights to play music and down two flights to go to bed. I've got no interest in hanging around at Shenanigans now that Kazzy isn't speaking to me, and there's not much else I was doing with my spare time, so what's there to miss? Kelly and I don't even go exploring the way we used to."

"Why'd you stop?"

Was hard to shrug, positioned the way he was, and knowing Hawk, he'd expect a verbal response and wait, silently, until he got one.

"I guess, after rehab, we got so focused on putting shit back together so we could make music again that all that extra stuff that we used to do, like going to the go-cart track and fucking around at the amusement park, took a back burner to pulling together a band."

"Only, you keep saying that music isn't where your heart is at, not fully, so why not go out and do some of the other things you used to love?"

"Because it sucks doing stuff alone, so I don't bother. When I'm here I get to do plenty with you and the kids and that's all I need."

"Have you told Kelly that?"

"No."

"Why not?" Hawk asked, running his hand down Aaron's abs and stroking lightly.

"We're not close that way, not anymore."

"Bullshit."

"Dude, he's always pissed at me."

"Because you've been an asshole lately, and you know it," Hawk declared, gripping him a little tighter. "I can't believe you actually stood in your hallway, on family dat, and told me that you weren't comfortable singing in front of strangers. A band is family, always has been. You need to find a way to make it that way again."

" Our band was family, this band is…I don't know, the vibe isn't there."

"Well no shit when you can't even interact with them when you're performing," Hawk said. "And don't forget that I've been on video chat for some of your practices, so I know how disjointed and tense they've been, especially during breaks."

"Maybe because I can't exactly head out to the balcony the way I'd like to, since that seems to be the go to spot for everyone and I…"

"You what?"

"I've been going back to my apartment to get a little space and to make food that doesn't come out of a carton," Aaron said. "Down there I can breathe easier and just relax and not have to worry about fucking up."

"Sounds like that's part of the problem right there," Hawk said. "You're thinking too hard instead of just being yourself."

"Myself tends to piss people off."

"Sometimes. But at least then you're being genuine."

"The only one whose ever wanted the genuine me is you and even that's been iffy over the years," Aaron said softly.

"Make no mistake," Hawk began. "I've always wanted the genuine you, even when that person was buried under mounds of snark and an insufferably cocky attitude. It just took realizing that all the bullshit was covering up a boatload of insecurities for me to get off my ass and act on it."

"Wish I could go back to managing that now."

"Why?"

"So no one would see how scared I am at the thought of trying to be you."

Grumbling, Hawk bit his shoulder, and he wasn't gentle about it either.

"Owe! What was that for!" Aaron muttered, trying to squirm away and finding that he couldn't go anywhere.

"Thinking you had to be me in the first place!" Hawk snapped. "That's not what being the front man is supposed to mean. It's supposed to be you up there figuring out how to make that spot your own. It's no wonder you're all spun up and in your head if that's what you're thinking about every time someone asks you to sing. Just be you for fuck's sake and the rest of it will fall into place!"

"It's not just the singing, it's everything. You forget, I've spent years on a stage with you, I've seen the way you own the crowd, the way you keep the energy level high until just the perfect moment comes along to take it down a notch. I've seen how you are with the people, the way their eyes are drawn to you, the way they reach up hoping you'll touch them, it's magic, Hawk, and that ain't me. I've never had that kind of charisma, and I never will. I'm okay with that. I always preferred backing you up and watching you own the crowd night after night."

"If you think the only one the people were looking at was me, you're crazy. We all have our fans or are you forgetting that the Slayers Inc. blog voted you guitarist of the year three times now?"

"Twice, technically," Aaron reminded him. "You know that last time was a tossup and they gave the award to me and Dez. To be honest, it should have just gone to him, especially after last year's Rocktoberfest. The guy can seriously slay in a way that I'll never be able to."

"Oh, bullshit. Stop selling yourself short, stop putting yourself down and stop looking for reasons to quit and don't tell me that's not what you're doing, I know you and I can see when you're in a spiral, so I need you to focus on pulling out of it before you get into something that will derail all the progress you've made. You know exactly what I'm talking about too. Ray told me you ordered a shot the last time you went in there. He also told me that you didn't drink it. I'm glad for that, but it worries me that you ordered in the first place."

"I just wanted to smell it."

"Why?"

"I just did, okay. I…I thought about drinking it. I wanted to but then I remembered the accountability pact I'd made with Kelly and didn't want to have to go to him and tell him that I'd slipped up, especially after that bottle of Jack, so I passed it back across the bar and walked away."

"Next time you get it in your head to do something like that, call me. I'll give you four very good reasons not to."

Sucking in a breath, Aaron sighed and pressed back against Hawk, savoring the feel of his arms holding him tight. "Okay."

"Thank you."

Hawk nuzzled the back of his neck, nipping lightly and running his tongue over the spot as if to chase the sting away. "I love you, Aaron, and the thought of you doing anything that would cause me to lose you is scary as hell. Don't put me through that."

Snuggling back against him, Aaron gave something he was always reluctant to give. "I won't. I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that, even if it means I have to storm the gates of hell to drag you back here just so I can kick your ass.

"There are some far more pleasurable things I'd prefer you do with my ass."

Chuckling, Hawk nipped him again, caressing his abs before sliding lower, past the waistband of his sleep pants to rub over his cock.

"Why don't you tell me about some of those things you'd like me to do to that luscious ass of yours," Hawk urged, his voice having gone low and husky in the way that it sometimes did when he was singing.

"A-aren't we supposed to be sleeping," Aaron whispered, even as the feel of Hawk's nimble fingers started bringing his cock to attention.

"We'll get there, but I'd hate to waste the opportunity to pin you to my bed and fuck you stupid, especially when those chances are few and far between."

"Wouldn't be, if you'd just let me move up here."

"You're not ready for that yet," Hawk insisted, rubbing him more.

Aaron tried to conjure up a proper protest, to ask if Hawk really thought that or if it was Hawk who wasn't ready for Aaron to be there all the time, but all he could manage was to choke out a barely stifled groan.

"Now…I asked you to do something for me. Are you going to do it, or are you gonna make me beg?" Hawk murmured, the feel of his lips, vibrating against the back of his neck, made Aaron shiver.

"I…I'd like it if you'd fuck me," Aaron said, grinding against him a little.

"Oh, we'll get there, I promise, but I'm sure there's more you'd like before the grand finale," Hawk urged, still gently stroking Aaron's cock.

"I…" Aaron stammered, feeling his face heat up. At least it was dark in the room and Hawk couldn't see it. He loved dirty talk, but when it came to outright asking for something, he struggled to choke out the words. Hawk knew it too, the bastard, and pressed his hand more firmly against Aaron's cock, drawing a moan of desire from him.

"Tell me…what you'd…like," Hawk demanded, the tone of his voice changing to one of command and authority.

"You're fingers in me, stretching me, getting me ready for you," Aaron blurted, writhing as Hawk's caresses grew in intensity. He let out a low whine when Hawk moved his hand away, but it didn't stay gone for long, as Hawk pushed at his sleep pants until Aaron shoved them down, allowing Hawk the access he needed to do exactly as Aaron had requested. First one, then two finger brushed over his hole, teasing, rubbing, but ignoring his efforts to push back and get them to penetrate him. Instead, they retreated again, returning with more lube. Hawk's free hand slid to the back of his neck, rubbing, nails raking lightly down the sides as he pinned Aaron in place.

He had to bite back a cry when the first finger slid inside of him, Hawk keeping his movements shallow, circling, teasing, and withdrawing until Aaron was shaking. The second finger brought a delicious sense of fullness, as Hawk thrust them in deep, scissored and crooked them, hunting for the spot that would make Aaron fall to pieces for him. It was the third finger that left Aaron bucking against Hawk's hand and gasping. He wanted to cry out, to beg and moan and curse and scream out his pleasure, especially when Hawk rubbed over that bundle of nerves inside of him and left him seeing stars. The only thing that kept him from doing so was the knowledge that waking one of the kids would mean an end to their fun and he wasn't willing to be the cause of that happening.

This time, when Hawk took his fingers away, Aaron cursed, rambling out a sting of French words he knew he'd owe the swear jaw for. Feeling Hawk straddle his legs and tug on his hips to get him to raise them a little got him to focus on pressing his face into the pillow and stifling his groans, but when Hawk entered him in one long, smooth thrust, Aaron's eyes rolled back.

Hawk used his weight to press him flat against the mattress as he thrust into him, the angle one that produce a great deal of sensation, and very little friction where he wanted it most, on his cock, which was trapped between him and the mattress.

"You're gonna cum for me just like this," Hawk growled in his ear. Some thrusts were shallow, others deep and Hawk would swivel his hips, nudge at the nerves inside of him, and send another slash of pleasure streaking through him. It wasn't long before Aaron's world narrowed to just the sound of Hawk's voice and the sensations he was experiencing.

So close. If only Hawk would slide a hand beneath him, touch him, something. Then Hawk bit the back of his neck and Aaron's word erupted in a flash of light. Hawk fucked him through his orgasm, growing rougher and more aggressive until he came too, spilling inside of Aaron. In the aftermath, with Hawk crushing him, his sweaty forehead resting against the back of Aaron's shoulder, all he could think about was how perfect of a moment it was, and how he wished they could stay like this always.