Chapter 7

"J ojo have to talk Rek sometimes," Rek grumbled as he followed after me like the world's largest confused, chronically pissy puppy, and I pretended to ignore him.

"Or what, you'll report me missing and hope I claim you? Again? Or accuse me of flirting with every single being I come into contact with? Again?" I quipped nastily, breaking my silent streak with him. "Oh no, wait, you've already been doing that!"

"Where Jo find sleepies?" Rek mumblingly rumbled. "No go Joanie huts. No go hidey. Rek no find. Look everywhere. Where my Jojo go?" he mutteringly demanded to know, knowing there were far too many ears to be coming at me with BS like that, and in public of all places.

"Listen up, bleach-squatch, ‘cause I'm only gonna say this once!" Leaning in, I hiss-whispered, "You screwed up. You have no inclination to fix things, things I simply can't live with! Joanie has standards. Joanie won't be giving in on this. Joanie would like to know where her damn ring has gone! Where has all of my fucking tea been disappearing to?! How the hell are you getting into my hut, you oversized furball? Where is all of my shit disappearing to?!"

Rek was silent for a long moment. Finally, he gave a grunt, following it up with, "Jojo sleeps with cousin Rosie?" His brow pulled down, uncertainty slipping into those pretty green eyes.

"Ohmyfarkin- Youmakemeso- GRRRR! " Settling for jabbing him hard enough in the chest to make him wince, bare his teeth at me in silent indignation, and take several steps back from me, a far cry from the thrashing I wanted to land on the man-boy, I spun around, basket loaded to the brim over one arm, and angrily trudged off towards my current destination.

"No go Rosie's then?" he called after me.

Lifting my hand, I flipped him the bird over my shoulder. The snarl he let loose had my lips quirking, but I was still at a roiling boil on the inside. Fuzz butt done messed up and he wasn't in much of a hurry to fix it. You hurt my heart, you heartless prick! Wake up and fix it already!

God knows I would have bent over backwards to fix things with him if I'd been the screw up. For once I could confidently say, it was all fucking him, not me.

"Booger's?" he asked, following at a safer distance than previously— out of striking distance.

"How's about, none of your business?" I chirped with a patently false, syrupy sweetness that was far too over the top to believe.

"Reddie's? Daidsee's?" he kept on.

Greeting beasties as I passed, I stopped as one of Dorothy's mates called me over to ask how I was doing and Rek kept up. "Do you hear anything? Gosh, sometimes I think I'm hearing this, like, really tiny, tinny, annoying voice, but then it's like, poof, my garden of fecks is fresh out and I just can't seem to…"

Moussau glanced between us and then grinned. "No hear no tindy, tiny thing," he agreed, laughing when Rek growled but didn't otherwise speak.

As I bid him a good rest of his day and left, he said something to Rek that had my grumpy shadow snarling back in answer.

Maybe Moussau was telling him to knock it off and leave me alone. That would be lovely. Some time apart might do us both some good.

When I'd traveled a fair distance and the inquisition didn't pick back up, I glanced over my shoulder to find myself alone. A pang of something I didn't want to define hit then, but I shoved it down, along with all the other crap I'd grown so good at repressing.

Makes this next part easier, I thought, skipping the rest of the way up to my next victim's door. Grabbing one of the smellier herbs from my basket, I smacked it about my person until I was sure I was good and doused with herby goodness. One, this herb was pungent and would easily mask my smell for long enough to hopefully get an answer, and, two, he might think it's food.

Giving up any pretense of being ladylike, I lifted a balled fist to the thick wooden door of the wonky looking dome shaped hut too close to the river's edge and gave it a good pounding. I kept it up, quiet as a mouse but for my fist smacking wood. I knew better by now.

Bum-bum threw his door open, wild gaze darting around, teeth bared, a snarl in his throat. Looking more than a little wildeyed and disheveled, smelling mighty fine if I did say so myself, that strangely enticing, potent Yeti musk, I grinned knowingly up at him when his gaze finally dipped a bit farther south than a Yeti's height would be.

"So… not to bother you or anything, and, gee, thanks heaps for all your help, you know, with the false missing person's alarm, the scary demon beast protection thing, and just how generally awesome you are- Oh, and speaking of awesome, I've a favor to ask. Just a favor, mind you, but I know you're just the Yeti to do it!" Before he could get a word in edgewise at my rambling mouthful, I finished with a flourish. "Pretend to be interested in wooing me? PLEASE! Prettyprettyplease! I'll love you forever and super owe you big time? Best Bum-bum there ever was-was?"

It took him a minute. I could see those wheels turning as he slowly puzzled that hot mess all out. His lips parted, looking like he was about to speak, then he'd scowl, grunt, start to garble something, to stop, then start that fun rollercoaster all over again.

"No," he said finally, looking like I'd just asked him to commit murder with me and dance with dismembered body parts.

"Oh, come on! You're the furred beast for the job! Perfect for it!" I pleaded. "C'mon, Snow Patrol, I'm not asking you to dip anything anywhere near the gumbo pot! I'm just asking you to act like you wanna! Pretend woo me, that's all. Please-please-pretty-pretty-please-please, with rainbow sprinkles, whipped cream, hot fudge, and a cherry on top?!" My boot wedged into the doorway, making it impossible for him to slam the door on me and escape. "I'm desperate, I'll do anything?!"

"NO!" Bum-bum jerked to the left, growled, then sort of fell forward, like he was being pulled by unseen forces. With a snarl, his hands went to his head and he bellowed, "NO!" Lifting a hand absently, it shot out.

A direct hit— I flew backwards with the force of it, skidding along the snow and ice, kissing the bank of the river, basket and goodies within going every which way in the process.

"Ow," I muttered at the door that was just slammed in my face. Wincing, I groaned as I picked myself up off the ground. "Didn't have to do me like that, puff ball…" Loudly, I asked, "Was it the Snow Patrol thing or the pretend you wanna love me thing?" Maybe it was mentioning my gumbo pot that had triggered him…? Who knew. Big bad whatevers, my ass. These furry fools were skittish as fuck.

Groaning as I gathered up my things, I frowned at the butt sized skid mark in the snow I'd made. "Special snow angel," I joked, shaking my head as I made to take off.

My gaze kept going back to Bum-bum's place as I hobbled my way elsewhere.

Booger had said no to a pretend wooing, too. I wasn't about to ask Gopher, who had finally returned from his family visit. A family I was aware of only in passing since Gopher was pretty tightlipped about his kin. That had left Bum-bum, the last of this very unBrady bunch.

Like hell was I going to approach Odix for a wingman. I'd tortured the fella enough. No need to confuse him further.

My expression pinched as I limped my way back towards Rosa's. I wasn't entirely sure I was going to make it.

"What happen you?" a male asked as I limped by.

Nosy newt.

"Nunya. Mind ya business," I mutteringly answered over my shoulder, not bothering to look up as I adjusted the spilled items in my basket into some semblance of order.

He said something else but I'd hobbled past him fast enough I felt comfortable pretending I hadn't heard him. His voice sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. Eh- didn't matter.

"What happen?" Rek barked as he spied me rounding a hut, looking like he was lurking, waiting in the wings, business as usual.

Debating on whether or not to answer him, a wealth of relief hitting me at seeing him being his snoopy assed usual self and not wanting to acknowledge this, I grunted out, "I fell."

"Jojoknee fall?" he repeated.

"Anyone hear an echo?" I snarked, determined to ignore him and walk past him.

"Walks funny," he observed.

"No shit," I muttered, wincing with every step. I needed to get off my feet, rest my sore ass and aching hip, but first I meant to deliver this basket to Rosa in thanks for letting me crash at her place. I hadn't told her why I'd needed to crash and she wasn't of a mind to ask— maybe it was something in my voice, I dunno —I was hoping she'd assume I was a little home sick— Earth sick —or whatever, and leave it at that. Either way, this basket of goodies was my thank you and it was going to make it there. Period.

"Stubborn," Rek grumbled.

Like I'd asked him to or some shit, Rek ignored my squawks to fuck off at his approach, and scooped me up.

"I have to deliver this!" I bellowed, clutching my basket to me tight.

"No," he said simply, like he had some kinda freaking say. Bossy… overbearing…

"I have to!" I insisted, squirming to get out of his arms to the point he nearly dropped me.

A large hand cracked across my ass, causing me to gasp, then growl.

"Soon," I thought I heard him mutter under his breath as he inhaled my scent.

"Like fuck, fock sucket! I mean, pock fucket- I mean- Grrr! Damn it, you know what I mean!" I barked, to Rek's sudden, loud, boisterous laughter.

"It's not that funny," I muttered as I forced my own laughter back. My lips pinched, pursed, to keep my smile pinned into a frown.

"Where take foods?" he finally asked, eyeing me.

"Rosa's," I admitted, glancing anywhere but at him.

"Rosie-lindly's?" His loud gulp was audible, the rumble he let out, pleased with this information, made my stomach churn.

"Don't get all excited, you raggedy sock monkey. She doesn't even like you." My cheeks burned at just how petty and prissy I sounded, the addition of him being able to smell just how jealous I was at the thought of him getting all gaga over Rosa, deepening my humiliation.

"No want my Jojo cudzin," he said seriously, scowling instead of gloating like I'd been expecting.

"Sure do purr a lot for someone who doesn't," I added under my breath, again looking anywhere but at him.

"Jojomine…" he rumbled out softly.

I didn't need this right now. Weeks and weeks and weeks, we've been doing this dance. When would I fucking give up? When would he? "Look, I have shit to do so I can go ice my ass. I don't need-"

My basket was jerked from my hands, shoved over a furry arm, a gruffly commanded, "Shuts up. We go," softly snapped at me, and we were on our way.

"You'd just love that, wouldn't you?" I muttered as I folded my arms over my chest and scowled at the tips of my boots. "Say, what happened when Kirch realized you'd skipped out on your dude's trip and came crawling back to me? How'd that go?"

"No jellies. Rek no want Rose-hop-blindly. Rek wants Jojo-knee," he swore. If he didn't sound so put out I'd have thought it a sweet reassurance. "No more ask males play woo my Jojo. Rek no likes it," he added with a heated look my way. "Jojo no want dems. No play with males. Make grumblies."

My cheeks blushed so hard it hurt. So he'd figured that out, had he? Lovely. I couldn't pretend to be somewhere else or ask some Yeti to pretend to woo me, without his knowledge. It kinda put a big ol' dent in my half-baked scheme to get him jealous enough to cave and accept me as I am, profess his undying love for me, give my ring back so I could give it to him all proper like and shit, and we'd live happily, heckling the shit out of each other as it suited us, make up sex galore, ever after.

Pfft. In my dreams.

Only in my dreams if he thought this shit was all perfectly normal. Wearing me down, hoping I'll cave, that's all I was going to get from him.

Oh, how far I've fallen.

Did that make me any better than him that I was slipping into his pattern of stupid schemes?

Shame hit me like a ton of bricks.

Fuck.

"I don't know why I thought to try, it's not like you care," I haughtily huffed and puffed.

"Rek care," he snapped at me, shooting death glares my way that I would even say such a thing.

"I want my ring back, stalker," I snapped right back.

"Rek ates it. My Jojo wants it? Comes and gets it, boobs," he snarked back, set me down, then turned to wiggle his ass at me.

"Boobs?" I blurted, struggling not to burst out laughing. If he'd actually eaten that ring, I'd eat my lipstick. So full of crap. And, "Boobs?"

"What that? Rek hears tinsy, tinesy voices. What say? Thinks I hear? What that an ecched-o," the idiot went on, pausing in his butt wiggle dance.

My hand lifted, smacking heavily over that thick rump I'd playfully bitten on more than one occasion. I'd plead the fifth, my boot had a mind of its own, I thought as I lifted it and shoved it into that wriggling booty. "You're a boob-boobs. However your deranged ass meant that. You shut up."

With a soft growl as he flew forward, caught himself, then spun around just in time to get a good look at my finger as my hand lifted to wave it at him, he caught the tip of my digit, nipped it, then kissed the spot before I could pull my hand back.

"You can't… do that," I mumbled stupidly as he reclaimed me, sweeping me off my feet, quite literally, yet again.

"Rek do whatever Rek want," he countered. He had that smirky smile on his face I both loved and hated. He knew he was getting to me.

To quote my cousin, shittle sticks.

"Tell me something I don't know," I shot back.

"Rek loves him's Jojo-mine."

While we'd been bickering, my dedicated pain in the ass had taken a bit of a detour to Rosa's place, toting me off towards a wooded area nearby. Bushes and trees, as far as the eye can see.

Did he just- He can't- "Don't say it if you don't mean it. You shouldn't flap crap out of your trap if it's garbage. If you have to force it, it's probably crap. You can't just Band-Aid a boo-boo by saying you love me. It doesn't work that way- Hey, are you even listening to me?" I replied slowly, absently, as I got a good look around. "Where the hell are we, muck mouth? Where did you-"

"My Jojo talks too much. Always talkies. Talk-talk-talk," he mocked in a perfect imitation of my annoyed voice. Giving up trying to get me to comply, he adjusted his hold on me and would have continued on like that but I got loud. He'd put me the hell down or I'd be letting the world know where we'd toddled off to.

"Hey, screw you, butt turd!" I railed, glad of it when he dipped as if to set me on my feet.

It was not to be, and my hobbling, wobbly escape was thwarted.

"Mine," he rumbled out, setting me on my feet to pick me right back up, using my surprise to deftly arrange us so he was between my legs, gripping my knees, hefting me up.

Snarling, in my face, he pressed my back into a tree until the bark bit at me, even through my snow jacket. "Loves you," he bit out, baring his teeth at me, making sure I understood, crystal clear— he said it, he fucking meant it.

When I glared at him, just sat there all trussed up, nowhere to go, and gave him a death glare right back, his chest began to rumble with his discontent.

"S'posed say it back," he rumbled out harshly.

Nipping at his nose, smirking when he jerked back, I snorted as I informed him, "You expect me to just give in, just like that?" My hand lifted and I snapped it in right in his smarmy face. "After all of your bull?! I don't have to do shit!"

Wary of this being yet another attempt on his part to force me into doing what he wanted, some crazy scheme, a trick to get me to comply, I held firm.

"Rek pretties says it," he huffed out finally. "My Jojo say she wants, but Rek knowed. Rek knowed."

"You don't know smack, Jack," I quipped, turning my cheek as I crossed my arms. It was more of a protective gesture, hugging my middle for dear life, resisting the urge to give in. I adored him like this, all Let me fucking love you, bitch . It's what I've wanted, been dying for the turdlet to admit, isn't it?

And yet the self-consciousness bubbling up inside me only seemed to grow, the harder, harsher, he insisted he loved me. Didn't I want him to mean it and hold firm, not toss it at me to get what he wants?

Did he mean it? Truly? I mean, I knew he did, but did he in the all the ways he should? Was I overanalyzing this? Beating that dead-

Warm fingers gripped my jaw, forcing me to meet that glowing green gaze.

"Jojo-mine. Only Rek's," he purred.

"Joanie is Joanie's. Joanie will do as she pleases and Rek can go fu-"

His hand tightened. Leaning in, he nuzzled my face as he effectively muffled my curses. Those nuzzles soon turned to kisses and he began peppering them down the exposed side of my throat as his fingers digging into my throat loosened. A soft gasp escaped me as he hit just the right spot. "Mine," he persisted, as I slowly melted, trembling in place, at his onslaught.

"I'll never be your perfect female," I reminded him, struggling not to fall under his spell. "Perish the thought, you big boob."

A soft rumble found its way up his throat, vibrating his chest. Sharp teeth carefully nipped at my sensitive flesh, making me jump.

My hands had unfolded at some point from their crossed position, I couldn't quite recall when, and were now gripping thick biceps tight.

"My Jojo," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, a cajoling purr.

Fuck me. "This doesn't mean anything!" I insisted. "We're still broken up!"

"My Jojo broken?" His purr was outrageous. "Rek fix. Tell Rek were my Jojomine broken."

"Fuck you," I gasped out, even as I fully gave in.

Slowly, and I wasn't sure when I'd started to join in along with him, his hips had started to rock, and mine had followed along. It happened so gradually and I was being expertly distracted, before I really took stock of what the hell I was doing, but before I knew it my ass was bumping and grinding back against him, outright dry humping him, and I'd lost all sense of reason.

Releasing my jaw, he took my lips, eating at my mouth, a deep, satisfied rumble filling his chest when I finally said fuck all and fully gave over, thick fingers clamping down onto my hips.

"Pants on," I panted out as I came up for air and he returned to tormenting me to death, laving and placing biting kisses along the column of my throat. "This is a hate fuck, simple as that. Let's not make it more complicated than it needs to be."

About to start growling at the obstacle, he stopped just as fast. "Fine. Pants stays," he rumbled out quickly, too quickly, sliding a hand between us to work it up and down the crotch of my pants teasingly.

A small whimper left me as he rubbed me just right, making me want to rescind my hastily made statement.

"Oh- That feels- That's- So good. Right there," I whispered as my hips followed his ministrations, eager to chase that sensation.

When he started pressing harder, his cock soon joining in on the fun, I wondered if I might come from that alone. The sound of the clawed tips of his fingers scraping along the seam grew louder and loud, until I felt it.

So horny at this point I was willing to risk some major irritation hard fucking his fingers through my pants, I didn't say a gods be damned word as the crotch of my pants split, then my panties as a claw quickly hooked onto the fabric to slice through that next, and then he was there, seeking my waiting heat, finding it, to pause until I took the bait and eagerly pressed the head of him to my waiting heat, to slide right home.

"Oh god!"

"MINE."

His snarl was music to my ears. Even better when he slid deep, until I was stuffed full on every devastating inch of him, and he started moving.

"I'll kill you if this is some kind of trick. I swear to god, bumble brain, I'm not going down for y- you- Ah! Ah-god-yes-don't-you-dare-fucking-stop!"

"Mine," he kept muttering as his hips pistoned, legs already trembling, looking like he was two seconds in and already ready to explode.

I knew when he came, groaning my name as he jerked and shuddered in my arms and warmth flooded my channel, yet he kept going. He may live, I decided as I rocketed towards completion and he led the way.

My exultant cry was swallowed up by the snarling man beast threatening to fuck me senseless.

Just when I thought I couldn't come any harder, his rhythm slowed. He didn't stop. He fucked me leisurely, like he had all the time in the world.

"My Jojo," he crooned, purring all the while.

I was addicted. This was proof. Even after all the shit he'd pulled, here we were, yet again.

"I love you, too," I told him, swallowing thickly as my chaotic thoughts conjured that cursed eyeball leakage.

Noting the sniffles in my voice, Rek pulled back. One look at my face and he crooned to me softly, gently wiping the tears threatening to spill out away.

"Why my Jojo-knee has the weepies?" he murmured sweetly.

My heart ached to hear him talking like that.

Feeling like a blubbering mess, I told him through the tears coming on, "Nothing's going to change." My head shook as my chest hitched.

When he frowned in confusion, I elaborated as we, for lack of a better word or phrase, disengaged, "You're just going to keep being your jackass self, pissing me off, demanding I be some paragon of perfectness that doesn't exist and does whatever you say, withholding everything you know I want until I do, and I'm going to slowly go crazy trying not to throttle you!"

"No cry. No cry," he said quickly, when the soft blubbering commenced.

I was close to my period, feeling more than a bit idiotic after two fake woo me, please rejections, still reeling from the realization that Rek and I were never going to make it as is, and about a million other things.

This was it. The end of us. It had to be or I'd just keep getting sucked in.

"We didn't even use protection," I quietly wailed, painfully aware we could be walked in on by some rando at any moment. "And my shit is already cold!"

All that Yeti love juice he'd been pumping into me started to leak down my leg, gathering inside my snow pants.

Looking a little wide-eyed and wild at my admission, he hugged me to him, nearly squeezing my next breath out of me. He cupped his hand over the hole in the crotch of my pants, like that would just make everything all better.

"You're never going to accept me and we're never going to make a baby," I went on, snotting and weeping all over his shoulder as my arms wrapped around him and I held him to me so tight he grunted as my nails dug deep.

"Nevers with the nevers," the idiot I was clinging to muttered into my shoulder as he bent his tall frame to cuddle me to him. "Jojo-knee smells ready make babies…" the moron that just didn't know when to stop talking rambled on.

"I- What?!" I screeched, jerking back to shove him away from me. "What do you mean- Rek?!! What the fuck?!"

"Rek say Jojo-knee smells ready make babies," he said slowly. I could see the moment he realized his admission was the wrong thing to say.

"And you just blew your wad, like that? No, hey, wanna make babies, baby? Nothing? Just stick it in and fill ‘er up?!!" My hand lifted and I snapped my fingers in his face. "Are you insane?! You hid all my fucking tea!"

Gaping at him, I could not believe him.

Clearing his throat, trying not to look sheepish, he offered, "Jojo-knee not say she wants make babies?"

"Not with you being an overbearing dumb ass!" I shouted at him. "My god- You- That's- Irresponsible- I can't- We just- ARRGGGH!" Grabbing up all of my shit, withdrawing my dust of shame, going for full coverage, I pinched off a handful, cupped it in my hand, and blew it at Rek as he scrambled to undo what he'd just done.

"Consider this our official break up. I'm dumping you!" I snarled.

Rek shouted, coughed, slapping one hand over his eyes as the other fanned at his face.

Shaking my head at him, gritting my teeth past my still sore hip and even achier ass thanks to a bit of against the tree fun, I headed straight home, gift delivery be damned.

Rek called after me and ended up with a basket of greens chucked at him for his efforts.

That sorry son of a- Did the subterfuge never end?!

"Don't follow me!" I warned him.

"How Rek follow?! Rek not see!!" he hollered after me.

"I hope you get pink eye!"

"Rek hopes Jojo gets pink in the eyes!" he bellowed back belligerently. "Jojoknee bad- BAD female!"

Taking the back way, nervous all the while about not only bumping into someone of the village but some beastie from the forest just beyond, on my way back to my hut I came across a lone Lo denaii hand fishing in a stream. I wasn't sure but I thought he might be the one I'd bumped into earlier. He got one look at me, blinked, jerked his head in my direction, about to gawk, when I snapped, "Take a picture, it lasts longer!" There. That'd shut him up!

Once inside my hut, I got one look at myself and smacked my hand over my face. Hell, I looked a fright. No wonder nosy newt had been staring! I was Hagatha in the flesh!

When I normally would have washed up, changed, and called it a day, hiding away in bed until I felt reasonably human again, I did in fact wash up, change, and douse myself with a good deal of the dust of shame, but then went around gathering anything and everything that reminded me of Rek.

Reaching under my bed, I felt around for my mangled suitcase, still stuck in the hole, blocking the tunnelway below, and started shoving said items into the hole Rek had punched into it, then down below it when it proved too full.

His pelt remained, the only thing I kept from him. I couldn't part with it.

I still had two other pelts that I just couldn't seem to part with either. Fuck and Run's pelt and Mr. Mysterious.

Damn, I sounded as crazy as I felt.

For not the first time, and certainly not to be the last, I wondered what the hell I was doing. With myself, my life, basically in freaking general. Everything felt so upside down.

I couldn't do this anymore— didn't want to.

Something had to change and that something was gonna have to be me.

My gaze kept darting towards the suitcase under my bed.

It all had to start, or stop, with me.

Motivated by this need for change, I popped my last two pain relievers as I worked out a game plan to get my life on track, lamenting the loss of my last two pain pills so close to Aunt Judy— the less painfully obvious period nickname I'd chosen for the read death, if only to myself, at times to amuse myself, because I was well aware of just how weird that sounded. I have my quirks, okay, but don't we fucking all?

Swearing to myself I was going to say it and mean it this time, stick to my guns with Rek, I'd secured my pelts in the hiding spot Rek had yet to find, was all set to hunt down a few needed, must have items, when I got two steps towards my door to leave and couldn't do so without wanting to cry. God damn hip!

Ouch, damn it.

Ugh, I'm broken.

I'll stick to my guns tomorrow, when everything hurt less and I could hopefully walk.

Hobbling towards my bed to flop down onto it with a groan, I stared at my ceiling, debating the meaning of life, whether I was the thing overcomplicating my life, or my life was just that fucking complicated.

I fell asleep like that, one leg dangling off the edge of my bed, and then woke up sore as fuck there as much as the rest of me come first light.

If Rek had tried to wriggle his arse past that suitcase or dislodge it from where it was jammed in tight, I'd been so exhausted I hadn't heard a peep. There'd been no smacking on my door from him, demanding entry, either.

Daisy stopped by, expecting to do a bit of gardening with me. One look at me, assuming I was sick and not depressed or devastated, I'd gotten off easy and she'd offered to restock Rosa on all the herbs I'd lost in my basket. I'd left out my bum hip and sore ass. Let her assume I've caught the ick— it would buy me a few more days to sit in my thoughts unaccosted.

Deciding hiding out was a much better plan than facing anything right now, I was going on three days all to my lonesome, not a peep from a single soul, not even Rek, before a being came-a-knockin'.

A part of me was a little hurt it had taken so long for anyone to note my absence and come check on me— I'm a needy bitch, I'll admit this right now —but the other half of me was annoyed anyone'd had the gall to come bugging me when I was supposedly down with the ick at all.

I was born into the wrong weirdness. Coulda totally been a troll, rocked it protecting my bridge, just give me access to clean water, food, and plenty to read, I'd have been in heaven.

The sudden pounding of someone rapping, tippity flippin' tapping, bare hand slapping on my chamber door, had me jumping, squawking as I started. Scowling, willing my racing heart to chill, I glanced up from where I was laying on my side reading, icing my hip with snow doubly wrapped in waxed cloth, trying to take my mind off of the pain, at the knock at the door.

"If it's who I think it is, go away! If it's not, what the hell do you want?!" I called out. "I'm sick, haven't you heard?!" Letting out a few fake coughs, I hoped that would be the end of it.

See? Troll. Where's my effing bridge?

The knocking continued, no one answering.

With a growl, I stood. Damn it. Make me get up… Just when I was reading the good part… My tailbone had decided to join in on the not feeling so good fun. There was a huge swath of my thigh covered in black, blue, purple, and the beginnings of yellows, from what I'd dared to peek at. Bum-bum hadn't meant to, I didn't think, but that fool had fucked me up.

I felt like a broken old woman wincing my way over to shout at the blasted asshole interrupting my solitude. I just wanted to sulk and regret my very bad life decisions, okay?!

Throwing the door open, I scowled, then blinked to find Gopher standing there, bent and examining something on the ground.

"What in the world are you doing?" I blink-blinked a bit more stupidly, staring down at his bent form.

Picking up whatever he was looking at, he held it up, gave it a sniff, then scowled. "No smell like anyone's," he noted with a questioning look as he held out a small glass jar with a little yellow flower on it that matched my nails.

"You mean you weren't just knocking on my door?" My eyebrows shot up when he sniffed the jar a few more times and shook his head. Eyeing him frowning at that jar, I asked, "Do you know what that stuff is?"

"For boo-boos, as Jo says," he informed me with a shrug. "Maybes from Rothy and males?"

"Really?" But I didn't tell any of them I was injured… Taking the jar from him, I gave it a sniff, grimacing at the medicinal, herbal smell. "Is it strong?"

"Smell strong." His head bobbed in a nod. I didn't know how to take him acting as if nothing had happened, everything leading up to him leaving. For the moment, I tried not to think too hard on it. He's been evasive ever since he got back, like he's avoiding me or uncomfortable being around me now. Guilt hit me anew, but maybe this was for the best.

Yet again, I felt like this was all my fault, like I was ruining yet another being's life, but what's new?

"Is it safe for human use? I mean, do you think it's safe if I were to use it?" I couldn't contain the hope in my voice as I leaned towards him expectantly.

His brows tugged low, lips dragging down along with. "Yes," he said after a lengthy pause.

"Thank god!" Jerking the jar to my chest, leaving him standing there staring after me, I disappeared inside my hut, slipping behind the bed sheet I'd put for a screen a few months ago with a bit of can do attitude and a little help from Booger.

"What Jo thanks gods for?" The confusion in Gopher's voice was adorable. The pain radiating up my hip and backside, not so much.

"I don't know how to say this any plainer, Gogo boots, but, uh, heh, I basically, erm, broke my butt. I needed me some miracle goop right about now."

Instead of something like a gasp or choked sound, a WHAT?! from across that thin barrier, or perhaps scurrying off and shutting the door behind him, please and thank you, something to that effect, I got a nosy Lo denaii slamming my door shut to whip that curtain back so fast somebody got more than an eyeful of the mess that is my bruised ass and hip.

Hind end hanging out, panties jerked down enough my bum was out on display without jerking them all the way down, yeah, he got the whole show.

This had been meant to be a simple, private thing, two minutes, max, not a freakish peep show!

"Jo!" Gopher burst out, as I screeched, struggling to yank my panties up, but those stretched out comfy cotton grannies had decided to roll up on me, making this shit that much harder.

"What the fuck?! Get out?! What are you doing! Go- Go be weird or acting like I have cooties, whatever you've been up to that doesn't involve me, somewhere else!" I hollered, then slapped at his hand gripping that curtain.

"Jo! Butt's splotchies!" he burst out.

"It's got whats now?" Shit. Was I having an allergic reaction to the cream? All the fight in me left me at his blurted words. I was going to have nightmares about that bug-eyed, horrified stare, I just knew it.

Trying to have myself a peek, I already knew how it felt, I'd seen enough of every other side of it but directly behind. Was my trunk really as bad as it felt? Were there welts now on top of it?

"Damn, I really did break my butt," I mumble-muttered at the huge patches of dark marks and already blue looking skin surrounding it. Broke my butt, indeed. I was glad it wasn't worse but damn. No welts or issues on that front, I was relieved to note, but still.

Before it clicked what he was on about, Gopher had a glop of paste in his hand and was bent, leaning over me, rubbing it into one of my exposed, generous bum cheeks.

A soft eep left me. I jerked forward, grabbing onto his shoulders for support. This just put my panty covered crotch that much damned closer to his face. "Jayzus! Avoid me, jump at me, goop my butt up, what next?! I-" A yelp left me and I froze, unsure how to proceed.

One whiff of the wares I wasn't sellin' and a deep, vibrate into me from stem to sternum rumble that bordered on a growl and had me shivering in all the right places left him.

"Jo," he softly huffed and puffed. Both hands got in on rubbing that numbing ointment quickly taking effect in, long fingers massaging a butt cheek each.

My god, girl, don't fart. Not the most eloquent thing to think at a time like this, but when he's playing wax on, wax off, deep rubbing those globes, the thought does cross my mind.

His face burying in my snatch as a vicious growl left him snapped me right out of that silliness, a garbled noise leaving me as he boldly mouthed my sex through the thin barrier separating him from his prize, claws gently digging into my bruised up flesh holding me in place.

"I wouldn't… do that if I were- Oh- Go-o-oh- You- We- Can't! I- My tea has gone missing! And- And- And- I could get pregnant!" I finally burst out, wriggling in his hold, much as I may or may not really like it.

My hips jerked back, but with his hands full of my ass, he just jerked me right back to him, right where he was mouthing my sensitive clit in a way that made me want to jerk his head closer to me.

Holy fuck.

"We- I- I can't," I stuttered out, yet gripped his head and whimpered when he tongued my clit through my underwear. I was just getting out of one lopsided relationship, no need to jump right into another one. "I'm on the brink of Aunt Judy!" I burst out.

At the weird look he gave me, curious, questioning, I blushed ten shades of red.

"Seriously, we can't-" I tried to tell him, a fissure of fear slithering through me that he might scent Rek on me and then, well, where the hell would we all be?

Like I'd thought it and it must come to fruition, Goph paused, grunted, pulled back with a frown, got one look at my face, however the hell it was looking, and I'd swear he had some sort of ah-hah moment.

Purring sweetly, one of his hands left my ass and he wiped it along the back of my pants. Lovely, he'd left me a prezzie— leftover paste crusties to scrub out. Ugh— men!

"We can't," I repeated, sounding much firmer, even though my sex was pulsing, knees knocking, and I'd love nothing more than to let him pleasure me with his mouth until I came like there was no tomorrow.

"I- Look, everything is complicated and I- I can't do that to you," I admitted. "It- It wouldn't be fair. I'm…" Good god, how did I explain this? "I'm… You don't want me. Not really. And there are, uhm, other things gumming up the works. It's… super complicated. But, seriously, Go', you don't want me, not really. We can't." Clearing my throat, determined to sound firm, I shook my head. "It would never work."

Gopher nodded along, looking like he was absorbing everything, even if his hand kept up with the rubbing of my now tingling, semi numb ass and his free hand was rubbing the side of my thigh in a way that made me all tingly and ticklish and I should probably demand that he stop.

"Jo no like?" he ventured, though the look on his face said he knew for a fact if I claimed that I'd be lying through my teeth.

"No, it's not that- It's- Uhm-" For frick's sake, stop touching me and maybe I could think!

"No like Gofur?" His head tilted as he eyed me. He was trying to look innocent and failing. He knew damn well I fucking liked him.

My thighs clenched and I shook my head. "Don't be ridiculous, you know I love yooooo-all the time we spend together." I tried to save it but the look in those pretty blue peepers told me what fat lot of good that did me. Fuck me. "I'm in a sort of- well, I was- I'm, ah, getting out of a… a secret affair with someone. No one can know about it. It's- It's- A super big secret that you can't tell anyone." I tried not to cringe at that but it sounded so stupid when I said it out loud.

Sitting back on his haunches to get a better look at me, I felt totally naked as the male eyed me. "Jo likes seemcrets?" he asked.

"Erm…" How did I answer that? It was fine when it worked, but now that it wasn't, not so much. "I don't know," I haltingly admitted.

True to form, he was patient, maybe too patient, letting me work this out while he gently rubbed my ass, distractingly so.

"I like good secrets," I settled on finally.

Nodding, he licked his lips, peeks of sharp canines gleaming in the low light. "Good secrets," he repeated, like he was mulling this over.

"You're too sweet," I tried to reason with him. "I'd chew you up and spit you out. How many times did we have this conversation before you realized we were better off friends?"

With a groan that bordered on a snarl, he dipped his head, pressing it into my belly. Mumbling something under his breath in his native tongue, he gently shook his head. Hot air puffing from his nostrils tickled my belly, causing me to suck it in sharply.

The rumble that left him rattled my brains, among other parts of my anatomy.

"We can't," I whispered. "It wouldn't- It wouldn't, uhm, be fair to you… It wouldn't. Y-y-y-you don't want to be sandwiched in the middle of this chaos, burdened with a billion things, secrets, bullshit, all of it. You don't, I- Argh- What are you doing to me?" My voice tapered off onto a choked whisper. Fuck, my ass was weak.

It started off as a gentle nuzzle as I spoke, listing all the reasons why we were a no-no, a deep inhale, another nuzzle followed, this time a little lower, then his teeth skimming the skin near my belly button.

That first lick did me in, wet heat gliding across my lower belly, threatening to dip further. Long fingers with short but sharp claws found the rolled up waistband of my panties and followed them around to the sides of my hips, his thumbs slipping in, hooking on the material as he nuzzled and nipped his way along my flesh and it was slowly, methodically dragged down along with.

My hands fell to his hair, slipping through the silky mass, gripping it one moment, eliciting a snarl from him for my efforts, to pet him as he slid down farther the next.

"I- I've chosen to be single for a while, you know? Work on Joanie for a bit. I- Ack! G-G-Go'!"

As if shouting out my shortened version of his name was just the added push he'd needed as his thumb began to stroke down my upper thigh, so close to my center as his face nuzzled, nipped, and laved its way lower, like it was a race to see who could get their first, he had yanked the front of my panties down, the sound of elastic and cotton giving loud over the excited rumbles vibrating me into next week, one moment I was covered while he nuzzled right over that throbbing pearl of a button, the next his mouth was on my bared skin, no barriers between us, that first lap at my clit enough to send me crying out.

With a snarl that vibrated right against that overly sensitive nub, he dove in, suckling it into his mouth as his tongue dipped to lap up the slick weeping from my slit.

"Oh god. Oh god… Oh- Oh- Oh god! GO'!" I tried to be quiet, bit my tongue until it bled to hold it back, but he was like a male starved.

Before I knew what was what, he'd pulled me to him, jerking one of my legs over his shoulder, holding me open to him, while he growled into my pussy. Tongue buried deep, vibrating away as he snarled to his heart's content at the taste of me, it felt… incredible, even better than my battery operated boyfriend.

Before I could wrap my head around any of this, I was coming so hard it hurt, muffling a wail as my nails bit into his scalp, resisting the urge to suffocate him with my lady bits via grinding them into his face.

Legs like jelly, I started to tumble the second he pulled back and made to stand. "Need a minute," I garbled out as I began to crumple.

Goph was on it, scooping me up with a happy rumble before I could kiss the ground.

Looking like he wanted to say that possessive little four letter word, MINE, he laid me out on the bed gently, divesting me of my panties, socks, slippers, and pants, to stand back, eyeing my sprawled out, noodle limbed form with evident self-satisfaction.

Unease started to slither in when he simply stood there, studying me, like he was debating his next move.

Goph was not a dummy. If anyone was going to get me to the altar, if his sheer determination didn't, the guy was cunning as fuck— I'd seen him dealing with more difficult Lo denaii a time or two, namely Bum-bum. He was the village smooth talker, unless you were a gigantic headache like Rek.

That sharp blue gaze missed nothing, finding a sudden interest in my sparse hut. Rek had all but cleaned me out, just to get my attention, the petty bastard. I'd bit my tongue only because I'd known it would piss the green-eyed idiot off.

I could only guess what Gopher was thinking.

Approaching the bed, he leaned right over me, placing a knee on the bed to support his weight. Speaking in Lo denaii, he reached out, brushing a hand along my face.

No clue what the feck he was saying, I just laid there, staring up at him, and soaked in the bit of sweetness offered. Man, what this might have been like. If he was like he'd been a few minutes ago, all gruff and in charge, demanding, there maybe, mighta been a chance for us. It just goes to show how funny the truth of things can be. Lo denaii only mate one? Pfft. Not from what I've seen.

They'd take what they could get, and keep coming back if you let them. And if they were wily like Rek, they'd use everything they learned about you against you to keep you in line.

Considering what had just gone down with Goph, knowing full well we were a no go, to me, just further proved my point.

At least they weren't cheaters.

"Jo? Where go?" he whispered, leaning in. He was so close, the heat of him washing over me.

Eyeing him, that look in his eyes, I shivered and bit my lip. "Goph…"

Shaking his head, he went for broke, taking what he wanted, capturing my lips with his. I could taste myself on him, his lips eating at mine eagerly as I clung to him.

His length bobbed thickly between us, hard, long, raring to go. He made no move to make use of that monster, reaching around beneath my pillow instead, unearthing an equally girthy friend of mine. "Jo seemcret," he teased between heated kisses, leaving my lips to start working his way down my jaw, that sensitive spot near my ear, settling on tormenting my throat. The loud buzzing of BOB turning on made me jump. I'd nearly forgotten about the damned thing.

BOB? BOB who?

Cold, hard plastic trailed down my side, then lower, coasted over my hip, buzzing like a menace all the while, anticipation building. Goph's asked me about BOB before, and we'd looked at it as educational enlightenment, going into lengthy detail of the whats and whys of it. That all came full circular as he used it to his advantage. Soft groans that mirrored my moans leaving him rent the air as he brought that buzzing monster down between us, teasing it near my opening, gently pressing the butt of it against his testicles.

It was hot watching him wield that thing, not gonna lie, even hotter as he slid it through my juices, growling as he watched and his cock jerked, getting it nice and slicked up, teasing me with it beyond all reason, before tipping it until the tip slipped lower, notched at my entrance, and slowly slid home.

He was gentle at first, exploring, enjoying the intimacy, slowly pumping BOB in and out of me, leading the show.

When my hips started to buck and I urged him to go harder, faster, play with my clit, he pressed hard once, twice, his thumb brushing my clit, and pulled the damned thing free the second my channel started to pulse.

"No-No-No- I-" I'd started to say, my words tapering off as he sucked BOB down his throat, sucking me off of it like a pro. His rumbling growls were so loud they hurt my ears. His pupils were huge, so blown out they were rimmed in a sliver of blue. I should be worried, concerned by the animalistic way he was starting to sound, his growls growing guttural but, honestly? I liked it.

As if aware of just how much his companion was into it, BOB went one way, flying over his shoulder to buzz on the floor, as he pounced.

Not sure what to expect, I flinched but squashed the shocked yelp threatening to pop free as he leapt atop me.

Gripping my sweatshirt, it was removed from me with one loud rip, then my shirt, and the tank top I'd started wearing in lieu of a bra next. In seconds I was naked, bared to him, feeling like a taken woman in an erotic fantasy. I shouldn't be loving this shit as much as I was, should I?

Right now, in this moment, not one single fuck was given as his hungry gaze met mine.

"Goph…" I started to say, but he growled down at me, almost sounding angry or something.

Dropping down atop me, he curled his arms around my shoulders, burying his face in my nape to nuzzle into it and inhale deeply. Shifting atop me, his legs slid between mine, the thickness between his legs unsheathing as he slowly rubbed it against my inner thigh.

"Mine," he grumbled, his voice muffled into my nape as he began lapping at my throat. I felt that shit like he was lapping at my pussy, instantly throbbing in anticipation. I wanted this. I was done trying to pretend otherwise. Give it to me, now.

"Fuck me," I finally huffed out, shoving my fingers into his hair to jerk his head from where his face was pressed against my throat, teasing me beyond all reason, to smack one on him that had him snarling so hard my lips tingled.

As if my wish was his command, taken quite literally, perhaps too literally, he grabbed hold of my hip in one hand, reached between us with the other, and lined us up to press his advance. The second the heat of him kissed the heart of me, he growled, the sound long and low, and slammed right home like it was nobody's business.

We both cried out, his cock already starting to jerk, liquid heat rushing my channel, my sheath spasming in equals parts fuck yes and oh my fucking god what?! from his abrupt entry.

Before I could recover, he'd started moving. Harder, faster, grabbing my shoulders to pin me down into the bed as he screwed me senseless.

He was wild, unhinged. I loved every minute of it.

My hands slid to his biceps, digging in as he pounded into me, my bed creaking noisily with every pummeling thrust. His growls grew louder, and louder, until it drowned out all else, our bodies slapping noisily together.

His eyes were eclipsed in black as he snarled down at me to his heart's content. They grew even louder as he leaned in, as if to lunge at me, dropping over that sweet precipice with me, giving me all he had. My head tipped, offering him my throat as he humped me right through my orgasm and headed for another, dragging it all out.

A sharp noise left me as his fangs sank deep, a loud cry as pain came riding up on the heels of all that pleasure. But he kept going, holding on as he took me to the edge of yet another earth shattering climax.

I loved that while he was well endowed, he wasn't monster peen enormous. He could give my bits a lickin' and we could keep on kickin'.

As everything slowly settled, I found myself petting him, whispering sweet nonsense as he slowly came back to me.

He'd gone feral on me for a minute there, it felt like, but fuck if I hadn't loved every minute of it. Merawr.

Rethinking all of my stupid preconceived notions as to why we couldn't work, I turned my head as he finished lapping at the bite marks on my neck, rumbling happily all the while, and pressed a kiss to his furry shoulder.

My hands started to run up and down his back, urging him to stay just like this, if only for a little while longer.

Just when it felt like he was mellowing out, he jerked back, eyes flying open from where he'd been lapping at my wound, he licked his blood smeared lips and jolted.

"Hey, you okay there, babes, you're looking kinda… out of it?" I asked softly, staring up at him worriedly.

"Hoh." A softly puffed exclamation left him as he glanced from my surprised, concerned expression, to the clearly visible, still softly weeping teeth marks he'd left behind. "Hoh," he burst out, again and again, going from happy, hell yeah I did that, to Oh my fucking god what the fuck fuckity fuck fuck have I done?!!

I had it on the money when he started mumbling unintelligibly and tried to scramble away from me.

"Hey? What's wrong?" I went to reach for him but he waved me off. One hand went to his furry head, gripping his hair, the other slapping to his chest to pat it over and over repeatedly, like he was trying to wake himself from a bad dream.

Instantly feeling rejected, fighting the urge to burst into tears because, and I'd be saying this ‘til I died, HORMONES, I scrambled for my comforter. "Don't look at me like that!" I snapped finally.

Still mumbling and shaking his head, his junk still loose, partially sheathed, stuck half hanging out there and starting to crust with our combined juices in the cool room, he was looking like he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life, while I was just yanked from the best high of feeling like I'd just finally done something right for damned once.

I couldn't just have this one, this once, huh, universal? You devious bitch.

"Well, don't just stare at me like I have cooties, asshole. Say something or fucking leave!" My voice cracked and I was totally shouting, I'm impulsive— I didn't know what else to do.

Like getting a little weepy was the magic cure, his saucer sized widened blue eyes finally fucking blinked. "No. No-no-no-no," he mumbled, rushing me to practically crush me to him. "No-no-no," he kept saying over and over.

"We could have made a baby," I blurted. "I don't want to remember bringing it into being with their daddy having sex regrets two seconds after the fact," I mumbled into his chest as I hugged him to me just as hard, if not harder.

"No-no-no," he said again, relinquishing his squeeze me to death hold to start rubbing my back and petting me comfortingly. "My Jo," he whispered, wavering between sweetly murmuring my name and whispering "no" over and over again.

Nuzzling the top of my head, he placed reassuring kisses to the spot, rumbling softly, a pale imitation of his excitement of before. Buyer's remorse? So damn fucking soon? Give a gal a chance to fuck up first, eh?

Burying my face between too very impressive pecs, my hands wandered over the vast expanse of furry back open for roaming. Lo denaii, even the slimmer ones, were all built big.

As his purr started to come into play, I pulled back, tipping my chin and puckering my lips slightly, smiling against his lips when they found mine and a deep rumble followed.

Now that's more like it.

What on earth was all that the fuck about?

My hands slid lower, settling closer and closer to his lower back, then further down, as his freely began to rove my bare back and he murmured absolute nonsense at me, until my greedy fingers slipped over an adorable tush I had every intention of biting into playfully like it was a ripe apple at a later date, once he was over his oh my god I just got fucking mated panic attacks or whatever the hell that shit was—boys are weird. A spat of post stage fright wasn't going to faze me.

Urging him down with me as I slowly started to lay back, a little bit, then a little more, at a time, until he was finally fully laid out over me, that not so little beast between his legs already cocked, locked, and loaded, I'd just started to move my hips, swiveling them enticingly, his rumbles started to get deeper, more guttural, our kisses deepening, his eyes doing that lovely blown out pupil thing like before, right before he got all wild and wooly on me, when he jerked back with a shout and literally threw himself away from me.

"What in the shimmy shimmy cocoa pop are you doing?" I blustered, flustered. Gathering up the comforter to wrap it around me because despite the fire going it was still nipples turned to cut glass cold in this bish, I stood to hobble my way over to him but he shot up, barking at me in garbled beast speak. Waving his hands wildly as he spoke rapidly in his native tongue, the fact he was doing so lost on him as he lost it a little, like a vomiting panic attack splattering all over the place, sprinkling me with secondhand anxiety. He'd edged towards the door, still babbling, hand lifted, continuing to ward me off.

Taking the hint, I stayed put.

"I don't know what I did- What's wrong?" I burst out.

Pausing mid ramble, he blinked, grunted, then jabbered out quickly in broken English, "Jo stay. Go' no want- No want- No. No." Shaking his head wildly, he snarled when I dared to ignore his orders that I stay back.

He didn't want what? Jerking like he'd just slapped me, I felt like the blood was draining from my face at those horrible words. No want. He doesn't want me?

"Go' go," he said quickly, pausing only right as he was about to rush out, snatching the door open, ready to make his escape, and caught sight of the look on my face.

My throat worked but I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wasn't getting any air. It was like it was all being sucked out of the room.

He hesitated all but for a second.

"Leave then!" I bellowed after him, rushing him to shove him out and slam the door shut.

"Jo?" he called out as I locked the door and pressed my back against it.

I was as pissed as I was crestfallen. Tears threatened but I was sick of them. Screw this emotional bullshit! Angrily forcing them back, I refused to let a single one fall. Not again.

"Fuck you!" I shouted after him, lifting my hand to slam my fist into the door.

I kept this up until my left hand was a throbbing mess and his soft entreaties, cautiously calling out my name, were little more than a memory.

I just couldn't win. It didn't matter what I did.

Swiping the wetness leaking from my eyes that was absolutely not tears, damn it, my gaze kept darting to that stupid blocked hole under my bed.

Was I being too easy for beastdom? Was that it? Was I making it too easy for them to fuck and run? Was I just picking guys as messed up, maybe even more, than me? What the actual fuck?!

Picking myself up off the floor, I kept glancing off towards my bed, thinking of that stupid hole.

I couldn't fix the gaping holes in my heart but… I could plug a known problematic one under my bed…? Remove the temptation of it entirely?

"Fuck it," I muttered, dressing, washing up, dusting my ass because why let everyone know I give the milk away for free?

I knew what I wanted. I just needed to quit thinking, well, it's not exactly as I'd imagined but it's good enough for me , because it so wasn't. None of it was. It wasn't me! I kept insisting, even though that little voice in my head asked, But are you sure?

"Yes, I'm fucking sure," I muttered, donning a fresh hoodie and franken-stitched jacket. Scowling, my gaze kept going to the hiding spot for the numerous pelts I've already collected. Waffling, I bit my lip.

I had to stop holding onto shit like this, allowing myself something to cling to. I needed to let the fuck go, just like they had.

If I wanted the whole shebang, I needed to hold firm, fight for it, not this bullshit oh, this might work . It was time to embrace this new era of Joanie, Glamazon 2.0.

Pulling the pelts out, I laid them out across my bed. My chest felt tight at the thought of getting rid of them. I could do it. I could. But not today, I thought, quickly stowing them away again. I would, though. I had to. None of this was healthy and I felt like a crazy person.

Baby steps.

My gaze darted towards the hole under my bed again. One headache, heartache at a time.

By the time anyone had come across me, the sun was just starting to peek. My body was sore, even more so than it had been previously. I'd worked through the pain, all of it, using that pain and anger to keep me going even when I wanted nothing more than to crawl back inside my hut and forget all about my stupid, impulsive, cockamamie idea.

"Bauheg hear Jojoanie sick…" the Boogster had started to say. However he meant to finish that sentence, I'd never know. A noise across the water, the sound of something rushing away, wet clopping noises, headed off in the woods, behind me, had me turning around just in time to spy a rather large, wraith-like, familiar type of grey beast I'd bumped into quite literally not so long ago.

A strangled noise left me and I dropped the small gardening trowel I'd borrowed from the humans' only community garden. Flopping to my ass, I crabwalked towards Boog, trying to speak but finding myself speechless.

My god, it had been right there, watching me? The people of the village? Was it the same beast? Was it looking for me? Did it mean to hunt me or what?"

"What the fuck was that?!" I burst out.

Horrible timing as usual, Rek came rushing up from who knows where doing shit knows what at the squeaked noise I let out.

"What fucks what thing?" Rektal demanded to know. Those furry caterpillars he calls eyebrows winged upward as his gaze darted from the woods, where I was gaping and Boog was growling something fierce, to Boog, then me.

The beast had to do a double, then triple take as he took in the bag I'd been filling with wet mud not very far from the bank, the dried mud caking my body, the telling muddy prints leading right up to my place— didn't take a genius to figure out what I'd been up to.

"What do?" Rek growled, though he already knew. How could he not know?

"Remodeling," I murmured dryly. "What's it to you?"

"What Jo do?!" he bellowed from inside my hut. His snarl as he realized I had in fact filled most of that tunnelway up, bordered on a roar.

Clearing my throat, glancing at Boog as if nothing was amiss, I grabbed my trowel, asking as I absently put a few more scoops of mud into my bag, "What was that thing?"

Boog's lips quirked. "That thing Reck'd," he quipped, making me laugh despite how freaking scary that demon beast creeping close had been.

"The other thing," I deadpanned, with a soft tsking sound.

"Other thin… Krampus," Boog replied quietly.

"Krampus?" I repeated, dumbfounded.

Rek's angry bellows stopped and he stormed right back out. "What means, Krampus?" he demanded to know.

Boog started to reply in his native tongue, as I lifted my trowel to wave off towards the other side of the river, and told him, "We just saw one. It was like he was watching us." A shudder overtook me. I never wanted to run into that thing again. It gave me the heebie jeebies.

Rek's eyes widened as Boog continued to chatter on without me. No matter. Back to work for me.

Standing, stretching my back, I lifted the handles of my hand-made Yeti bag, a random gift from Gopher that I'd thought fitting to destroy to start off the first leg of this me first journey I'd started off on, and limped a little, dragged a little, as I went.

This went on while Boog and Rek's conversation grew heated. It was Rek. Of course it was. It was always Rek. It was like that was the only way he knew how to talk.

I started when a big hand came down over mine, gently prying my hands free, to lift my bag up like it was nothing and tote it into my hut for me. Boog talked all the while, starting to get growly when Rek thought to put some sassy sauce on whatever kinda fuss he was kickin' up.

"Where?" Boog asked, ignoring Rek as Rek burst out, "No' there! No in there!"

"A sinking hole opened up under my bed. I mean to make it go bye bye," I said simply.

Boog's eyes widened when I motioned towards the mostly filled hole. Only a tiny peek of my sacrificed suitcase wreckage visible now.

Boog lifted the bag higher to dump it, bending to grab the bed and scoot it off to the side more than I'd already pushed it, when Rek jumped into the middle of it.

Several things happened at once, all leading up to the mud bath I'd never asked for.

Rek bumped Boog, shouting, "No!" which sent Boog toppling into me, the bag held in one hand swinging precariously as he bellowed for Rek to stop. My hands shot up and I cursed, boxed in and knowing there was no possible way outta this.

That first slap of dirt clapping over my head, as icy cold as when I'd scooped it into the bag, sent me screaming, cursing, and then screaming some more.

By the time Boog had seemed to catch the bag, I was covered in more than half the contents of that large sack. This was so damned worse than getting a bag of freaking coal.

Loud, unintelligible noises left me as I panted heavily. It was fucking cold! With a muffled shriek, careful to keep my mouth shut as a glob of gooey wetness slid down my face, I lifted my arms, desperate to keep my mud coated head dipped, and gaped down at myself.

I looked like a glob of wet shit! Thank god I just smelled like wet earth.

Someone, and I wasn't sure who as mud rolled down the sides of my head, let loose a startled chuckle.

Sputtering despite the mud coating my lips, I snarled, "That better be the sorry, shocked kinda laughter, bucko, or you're next!"

"What happ… en?" Whoever came in quickly switched into Lo denaii speak.

I was so done with this- ALL of this.

"Everyone, get the hell out," I gritted out quietly, my voice soft but firm. If they knew what was good for them, they'd get out before I lost it and exploded.

"Who scream?" yet another voice called out.

The growl I was holding back started to let loose. "One," I counted.

"One whats?" an unknown to me voice asked.

"She mad," Boog whispered.

"Booger thinks? Dumps mud all over Jojo-knee!" Rek barked. "Booger bad male! Bad like Goober! Stupid!"

"Two," I gritted out.

The sound of the dirt bag dropping was loud in the silence that followed. It was too bad the dirt bag dropped wasn't named Rek.

"Three," I bit off.

"Muddy," someone else murmured.

"Four," I called louder.

Rek growled and the sound of a shuffling scuffle sounded.

A looky-loo beast growled right back softly as if to ask what the big idea was.

"Jojo-knee no counts to tens! Lies! Gets fives and goes BOOM!" Rek warned them all.

At the door, about to get the hell out of my hair, he paused, sniffed, grunted, made that weird sneezing sound, then sniffed again. "What that smells?" the sock monkey grumbled, rumbling as he sniffed some more.

"It's exactly what you think it is!" I snapped, shooting up, flinging mud everywhere in the process.

"No," Rek burst out, like if he said so then it wouldn't be true.

"Yes," I said simply, grinding it out through gritted teeth.

"No," he argued, his voice growing insistent.

Saying that doesn't mean it didn't happen, dummy. "Yes," I shot back with the same fiery tone.

"NO!" he called out louder, until we were shouting back and forth at each other.

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!!"

"NO!!"

"What they argue ‘bout," whoever was plainly that damned stupid asked Boog, I was assuming as Rek got all up in my face.

"FIVE!" I announced, doing a bit of roaring of my own.

"Scatters!" Boog called out, the sound of thundering footsteps stampeding from my mud hut and Rek shouting, "Ah! Eh! Eh! What's big in the ideas! Put Rek down! Down now, Boogers!!" as he was quickly snatched from my distorted field of vision, it was like Christmas morning. Hallelujah.

"Rek stupid. Bauheg save from self! Rek thank Bauheg later!" Boog snapped.

Rek's caterwauling faded into the distance as I trudged over to the door, slammed it shut and locked it, and had a good fishmouthed gape at the mess left in their wake. "I hate men!" I shouted as I flung my arms out, then let them fall wetly to my sides with a resounding slap of a clap. "You ALL suck!! All of you! Every single last damn diddly darn freakin doodly one! You hear me?! You SSSSSUCK!"

With a groan, knowing what I had to do and not looking forward to it one lick, I limped over to my door , unlocked it, and flung it open. Walking back towards my mess, I started the arduous task of finishing off that stupid partially closed up hole.

???

S ometime later, a heavy grunt alerted me to company. Attempting to shimmy my upper half out from underneath my bed, wondering at how I'd thought it a genius idea to push it back into place first, I was working on wiggling my way out without spreading even more mud and muck anywhere, when thick fingers wrapped around my waist and just jerked me right out from underneath my bed.

Popping free with a yelp, I was all set to start lambasting a fool when Bum-bum's concerned mug stole my attention.

"Well, what the hell are you doing here?" I blurted, holding my hands out so I didn't touch him with dirt and muck encrusted hands. I'd lost four nails. Four! Four beautiful, acrylic claws of destruction gone working on this ish, but I'd admit I enjoyed that feeling of a hard task accomplished. Even if it left me sweaty, gross, short a few claws, and coated in ick.

"You came hoping for ick cooties, to ransack my hut on the off chance I'd kicked the bucket, or just checking on a bet whether I've killed Rek or not yet?" I guessed aloud.

Bum-bum let out a soft grunt. "Yells," he said simply.

"That was a while ago, my dude," I pointed out with a shake of my head.

And… cue awkward, super long pause as he fidgets and looks super uncomfortable.

"Krampusnauchtt," he finally rumbled out softly.

"Krampysnatch? What the hell is that?" I muttered, making to stand to find thick hands clasping my elbows, dirt yuck and all, to help me to my feet. Lower, I muttered, "It's me on the rag. Har-har." It sounded like some kind of painful STD.

"No' fun-knees," he grunted out, frowning mightily.

"Oh, now you're going to offer your help?" I snarked, ignoring his slap on my funsies, rolling my eyes as I glanced down my arms and flicked a bit of caked mud from my person. Bossy fucker.

"No. Kampusnauchtt," he repeated, gesturing out the door, like I should know what on earth he was talking about.

Then it hit me. "Oh, you mean that demon thing. He took off when Booger showed up. He just called them ugly murder flurfers a Krampus. Are those the same thing or a different kind of nightmare? An ick from those nightmares? Clue me in, Snow Patrol."

Shaking his head, he grunted a few times before saying yet again, "Krampusnauchtt."

"Right, well, alrighty then. Whatever the fuck that means." I wasn't exactly in the mood to play mime it out with him right now.

"Krampusnauchtt. Hunt ," he rumbled out curtly, persistently.

"Are you saying it's, like, their hunt right now?" I blurted, startled by the idea. "A hunt-hunt or a bridal hunting dealie like the Lo denaii do?"

"Krampus hunt times," he muttered as he took in the chaos that is my hut.

"I don't suppose you want to give a gal a hand? Make my life a wee bit easier?" Posed as a question, it wasn't so much one as a sarcastic retort.

A long sigh left me as I got to work, ignoring his loud snuffling and sniffling around the place.

"What go here?" he grunted out when I was about halfway through with mud clean up duty.

"What goes here? I go here, my bosom boob," I quipped, tossing him a wink that he flinched at. I shouldn't find so much joy in causing him this much discomfort, and yet… "Best get to movin' sass-squatch. Don't want anyone thinkin' you're keen on me or my fun-knees, Snow Patrol."

"Say no' fun-knees. Not funs knees," he grunted out churlishly. Like I hadn't said anything about him fecking off, he'd made himself right at home while I worked, touching every god damned thing in my domicile at least twice. My bed and what lies within it, or more so I should say is hidden beneath my pillow was, thankfully, left undiscovered.

Lifting my pant legs, exposing my Yetiliciously hairy stems since I'd run out of razors and my electric razor went kaputsky a while back, I've been here that damn long, I let out a soft wolf whistle as I made a little show out of my exposed knee caps. "I dunno, these knees have had their fair share of fun."

"Not fun-knees," he grunted out. The way he was eyeball fucking my legs had me subtly shoving my pant legs back down. Woo there, honey. Slow your home-made rolls.

"Of course not. Knees are nothing to have fun over." With a jaunty salute, I limped my way to my door. Opening it, I gestured for him to merrily fuck off. "Well, thanks for stopping by, big guy, but if you don't mind I'd like to gather some snow, watch it slowly melt because I have nothing better to do, then shiver butt assed nekkid over the pot I put it in as I try and give myself a good wash down, sans an honest to god, full sized god damned tub because my place is just too fucking small for a Yeti sized one."

"Lo denaii," he rumblingly correctly.

"Look here, biggun. The day y'all stop calling us females and start addressing me by my actual name correctly said, is the day I stop mangling your bullshit. You got me, boo?"

"Not Boog. Boog no' here," he garbled out softly, carefully. Rumblingly saying his name in his tongue, he tapped his chest.

My hand slapped to my forehead. Instantly regretting the action as mud dust on the back of my palm coated the air, I had to bite down hard to keep the snark just waiting to fly free was forced back. Choosing a more subtle form of sarcasm as my weapon, I threw my hands up. "My god, you're right! How could I forget? So silly of me!" Walking over to him and taking him by the arm, ignoring the startled noise he let out at being so freely man-handled, this allowed me a sec to drag-walk him six steps towards the door. "Grrrr-grumble-grumble-complain, you know what, you are exactly right!"

"No' how say it." It was all over the second he dug his heels in and I knew it. So close. Ugh.

"I need to get naked, my friend, no clothes on, just in the skin God gave me and the overgrown fur needing a lawn mowing encompassing all within, you feel me, fuzzo? So you need to leave." There was no clearer way to paint that picture.

Bum-bum blinked and a rumble that wasn't the least bit unsettled left him.

Jerking my gaze back to him, I blinked at that, lips parting as I stared up at him in astonishment. Was he- Had he just- No, he didn't. He looked as startled as I felt as a garbled noise left him, one thick mitt clapping to his chest, and he forced that shit back, hard.

I supposed it was a good thing he was dead set on suppressing any and all happy thoughts associated with me and possibly nakedness of any kind because I'd already sworn off all males this year. One more pain in the tuchus with love you, hate you issues was not needed.

"Right, well-"

"Krampusnauchtt," he growled out, but then froze, the sound cutting off, as a noise issued from somewhere outside. His dark eyes narrowed and the pale, thick hair along his shoulders and neck rose.

"Uhm…" Not sure what to do about that, I let go of his arm and would have stood back but he flipped my grip, grabbing my arm to drag me bodily from my place and right out into the freezing butt cold.

"Are you mad?!" I squawked, struggling to free myself from his iron grip and keep up with him without intentionally injuring some other part of my person. "What the fuuuu-" I didn't finish that sentence, too busy staring stupidly at three grey furred looking demon beasts roaming along the water's edge across the river restlessly, softly snarling all the while. They didn't cross it but growled at the river. The fact that they seemed to fear the swiftly rushing water was comforting.

"What- Uhm, what do they want?" I whispered as he ushered me off to the side of my hut, angling me so I was behind him, to just whip his willy out of its furry cock-coon, as I jokingly called their furry foreskins, and start to urinate in a clean line around my door and the sidewall of my hut, then, dragging me along behind him, down around my garden.

His snapped words in his native tongue told me he wanted me to follow him— at least, that's how I'd taken it, hightailing it after him as he left his magic mark all over my place.

By the time he was done painting my house in, well, wee, he'd covered the entire perimeter.

Needing some levity, I joked in a singsong akin to a Christmas tune, "Just how much does one snow beast bladder hold?"

"We go," he rumbled out, ignoring my indignant huff as my pretend promising musical comedy career went up in abominable flames.

"Everyone's a critic," I muttered as I did what the big guy said, lest I wished to be dragged elsewhere. "Oi, biggun, where are we going? I- Where are you taking me? I can't exactly run, if you haven't noticed." When he didn't answer, I flung an arm, dry caked mud flicking about me in my wake. "Dried out mud monster here. In need of bathing!"

Growl-grr-ing out his name, he informed me shortly in broken English, "Wash."

"I'm sorry but dude who said he wouldn't even pretend to be my Yetified boy toy to help a gal out says what?!" I spluttered, flustered. My cheeks pinkened and my heels dug in. Not after that weird, I might like to see ya naked rumble he'd let out back at my place. I don't think so, Mr. Super Cold suddenly gone lukewarm. What the feckin' hells was up with that, huh?

Snow started to pile up around my boots as I was dragged along quite literally. I tripped a few times but the beast's momentum remained. "Hey!" I barked, slapping at his hand. "I ain't gettin' nekkid with you! No one will be washin' no booty- I mean BODY! Nobody will be washing anybody! Comprende? You feel me?" On second thought, so there was no confusion, I corrected, "Scratch that! There will be no feeling of anything!"

Bum-bum paused, brow furrowing in confusion, and blink-blinked, staring straight ahead, like his brain had just hit pause. When he finally looked at me I noted his pupils were looking blown the fuck out, not a trace of a peek of color to them. Chest huffing and puffing, nostrils flexing, grip tightening and loosening, I could see him struggling to collect himself. Did they fight some beastly half of themselves? The Neanderthal within come-a-callin'? Slowly, peeks of color filled his irises, deep, dark maroon, that full blown, pupils blown black starting to fade. When he next spoke he was garbling his words out in rushed Lo denaii.

Alright, so maybe he wasn't totally recollected yet. Not entirely.

He sounded full of what the fuck , which was all fine and dandy with me because that made two of us!

His momentary confusion came in handy, allowing me to slip free from his firm grip on my arm as it grew slack. Jerking out of his hold, rushing off to put some space between us, my hands shot up when he would have come storming after me.

Ignoring the way my fingers shook for reasons we weren't going to reason out, that baked in mud clinging to me cracking to crumble and fall away sending dirt dust sprinkling around me a lovely backdrop for this bullshit, I barked, "Hey! Hey, now! What's the big idea?! You're going to start telling me what's what or the Joanster ain't goin' anywhere, see?! I dunno about you but I don't take kindly to someone thinking they can just wake up on the wrong side of the stuffed straw mattress, and suddenly try to tell me what the fuck to do! I am the master of ME. Nobody else, see!"

Wondering absently if that sounded too cartoon, mock gangster or as stern and take no bullshit as I was going for, Bum-bum did not seem to give a fig if I meant business or not. That's right, see! Hear that, see? See! See?! Sí, I see.

I'm off my damn nut. It's finally actually happened. I've switched to full blown conversations with myself in my head.

The growl he let loose, the way his eyes flashed, was he for real right now, getting all offended I got away? Was he freaking serious?!

"I'm- I'm-" Good lord, the way he was looking at me as he came up on me, all I might maybe wanna eat you or hell, girl, maybe I wanna eat you out , had the hormones racing as much as my heart.

You're so broken, Joanie, you fucking freak.

"No. Bad Joanie." Cursing under my breath, I slowly backed up as he hunched, the fur on his shoulders looking like it was standing finger-in-a-light-socket, rubbed all over a balloon straight the fuck up, something in his eyes flashed and then they darkened. Was that what was wrong with Gopher? He got all Yeti Neanderthal? All I knew was that Bum-bum was suddenly acting funny as shit with me and I'd be damned if I was going to stick around and find out what the hell that meant for me.

Realizing quickly that if he got ahold of me again that was it, I was too stupid to live in the make my hoo-ha jump and the cunt screeched, how high! goner kinda deal department— I'd be down to clown with this fool, same like my ass was with Gopher, my shameless hussy ass admitted, thinking of Snow Patrol in my own demented, selfish, greedy way, much as I selfishly had with Gopher, secretly as mine in a weird he's mine but not, and nobody touch him kinda deal— this so was not gonna end well.

It never did for me. Not with Mystery Mate, not with Fuck N Run, not with Rek, and not with Gopher. Fuck me. No, don't fuck me!

"Keep away from me!" I shouted over my shoulder as I gave up trying to cajole him into staying the fuck over there while I slowly backed away all the way over here, and spun around to run like hell.

Was something in the water? Were my hormones that outta whack I was just horndogging it for anything? Were theirs? Did this Krampus' hunting season affect everyone around these here parts? Maybe even including me and my parts?

In favor of concentrating on dodging an angry behemoth, I chose to ignore those intrusive thoughts.

Round and round we went, circling his hut, thick arms swiping towards me as I dipped, dived, dodged as best as I could, pinched in shrieks leaving me as I ignored the pain in my hip and rear and forced myself to move faster, despite it. I'd be lucky if I didn't crack a back tooth at this point, biting back shocked shouts.

One thick hand came swooping down, another following, a snarl to rival all snarls renting the air as I dove out of the way. My downfall was a fat mitt clipping my hip. A sharp cry left me as I flew forward, shooting off into a fat pile of snow, face first.

I blacked out for a second, it hurt that damned bad, coming to on my back with piercing eyes glaring down at me, blurry as they were through the tears filling my eyes.

Thinking for a moment this wasn't Snow Patrol cupping my face, I panicked and started to struggle. "Stop!"

The hand cupping my face lifted.

Those weren't his eyes, I realized. They were- He didn't look-

But then thick fingers began to prod my hip, a loud gasp left me, the world spun, and then the next thing I knew a thick body was crowding over me- No, they were hugging me to them.

"What- What happened?" My hand lifted and I gave the fat head of the beast cuddling me close, rumbling something out unintelligibly to me a there-there pat.

It hurt. It all hurt so damn bad. I felt broken. The cold seeping in, threatening to freeze me to death, wasn't helping things any.

The nuzzling action was nice, giving me that warm and tingly feeling, but then his snuffling sniffs grew louder and louder, and then he quickly stiffened. "Bum, what the fuck are you doing?" I'd started to ask, to find my shirt yanked, tearing in the process, and a big old fat Lo denaii head burying in my nape.

I must have really knocked my head to be imagining this, I thought, but that cold hitting me didn't lie.

The noises he let loose at whatever he smelled that he absolutely didn't like rattled my brain, it vibrated so hard, he was that damn close, my head felt numb with it.

"Not a hairspray fan, eh?" I'd started to joke, to shut it at the look on his blurred-to-me face as he pulled back to scowl down at me.

Worriedly wondering what he might have smelled, my hand came up to cup over the spot self-consciously and I hunched my shoulders. Shit, he'd smelled- "It's none of your business," I snapped at him, to a shocked noise and a nose to nose snarl in my face. "It's not," I replied boldly to whatever he was snarling at me, glaring right back.

"Mine." He startled the stuffing out me, growling it in my face.

"I most certainly am not!" I burst out right back. Believe me, I belonged, briefly, to far too many assholes already, but he had yet to ever be one of them.

"Hey!" a deep voice barked, coming up on us. I heard him before I could spot him, it had started snowing so heavily and I was that blurry eyed. How fucking hard had I hit my damn head? The headache was settling in, making me wonder if I should be worried I still wasn't seeing straight.

Grabbing me up, stifling the snarl starting to ripple its way up his thick chest, Bum-bum shoved a hand over my mouth, an action I was getting fucking tired of, and tore off with me, disappearing from the male that had come upon us' view.

Not about to take the bait and bite down, not fucking again, not with all of this Mine nonsense spewing from him— nonsense I was convinced must be seasonal horndoggedness and nothing more— I licked his palm, relishing the shocked squeak the massive male let out in reaction.

Being too forward, bordering on the outrageous, had always worked before.

What I was not expecting, was the sudden soft, needy rumble that followed, the quick press of his mass up against me as he crowded me up against the wall of his hut and his head dipped, rooting around my shoulder for something.

Whatever he found, he didn't like it. Tough potatoes! You don't own me!

Going to the other shoulder, he licked a spot that shouldn't make me feel like I was going to shoot off if he did it just one more time. He did, of course, causing me to cry out into his palm and try to reach for him. I squirmed, moaned, and whimpered, pressing back against him like the needy little Yeti ho bag I've decided to accept that I am.

My left hand grabbed at his thigh, urging him to press back against me, while my right hand shot up, coming into contact with something fat and thick on his head that hadn't been present and accounted for moments before. What the heck was happening?

As if my sharp cry as I came from him licking my damn shoulder, and or the touching of his person was enough to snap him out of it, he released me immediately, practically tossing me away from him in his haste. Stumbling, I tumbled right into a fat wad of snow as he threw himself off of me and took off with a horrible noise. Cursing a blue streak, I shot up, sputtering, brushing snow from my face, just in time to see a peek of a horn as he shot off across the river and straight into the woods. I sat there and gaped, dumbfounded, as his huge body easily blended in with the snow.

"What. The. Fuck!" I shouted, though I wasn't the least bit surprised by this bullshit, not anymore. It would take a helluva a lot more than that to shake me after the last few weeks here.

When a male that looked like one of Dorothy's older sons or husbands, it was fucking hard to tell with everything Picasso-ed out, came crouch-walking over to me where I sat, flapping my hands wildly in the snow, I asked him as my eyes teared up, "What the hell are you looking at?!"

He sat there for a minute as I tried and failed to collect myself. "Aunt Judy is coming," I told him, like he'd fucking have a single clue what that meant. "I can cry if I want to!" I wasn't so much crying as making weird noises as I struggled in vain to wipe snow from my person.

"‘Kay?" he asked softly.

Lifting a grimy hand, I got out between sniffles, "I look okay to you?"

He said nothing. Smart male.

Forcing it all down, as I well knew how to do by now, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. I could do this. I am a strong, independent woman who doesn't need fucking anybody.

Despite Bum-bum's warnings about Krampus, I tried to stand, ready to limp back to my place and wash up, everything else be damned. I got as far as standing up, putting weight on my aching hip, and then cried out and collapsed.

"Fuck it. I'll crawl," I snarled out, wincing as I tried to do just that.

As if unsure what to do with me, or content to watch me act a fool, my new babysitter waited until I'd dragged my ass a few short feet away before standing and coming to me.

"Come." Dipping into a crouch, he held his hand out. It was getting even harder to see in all the thick stuff coming down around us, but I could make out his pale palm as it was shoved in my face.

Slapping it away, I kept going.

This went on for a while. He'd just walk up, crouch, hold his hand out, then back up when I slapped it away to let me do as I wanted for a bit before trying again.

Admitting defeat, because I really didn't want to die out here, I finally, haltingly, placed my hand in his on his next try. Tightening my fingers, I jerked him towards me. "I know you can smell things. None of you are dumb. Not a word of any of the shit you've witnessed out here, smelled, heard, none of it, or I'm turning your ass into my very first pelt. You got me, snow baby?"

"Gots," the male answered. It was hard as shit to see in the middle of this snow storm, but I'd swear the idiot's lips quirked and there was mirth filling that short response.

"I can't walk. I'm not being a needy bitch or in want of your penis or anything. I'm just fucked up at the moment," I explained, then added, "My eyeballs are on the fritz. I hit my head."

"Jes. Hurt," he said simply, his head bobbing along sending snow collecting on his fur my way.

Wrapping my arms around his wide shoulders, allowing him to pick me up, he started off for the other side of the village. "Whoa. Hey. My hut is that way," I said quickly. A heavy frown tugged at my brow. "I think…"

"Not safe," he garbled out.

Adjusting his hold on me, his thick mitt dug into my hip in the process, I cried out in response, and then it was lights out for Joanie.

When I came to I was jostling, smacking into a thick pec as he sprinted with me in his arms.

"Ow," I mumbled as I smack-smack-smacked into him.

His steps slowed and he let out a sigh of relief as I mumbled like a big ol' grump. When his head dipped and he started to give me a sniff-snuffle, my hand shot up, smacking into his schnoz. "Whoa! I don't care what sniffing me will do, big fella! You are married, sir! Mated! Keep that thing away from me! I'm a floozy in my own right but that- that's where I draw the damned line!"

"Who think holds?" he asked.

"I don't know…" Damn, was he one of her sons? "A married guy that won't be snuffling my anything?" I blurted lamely. My game was totally off.

"Who my mate?" he kept on.

"Wow, y'all can talk without referring to yourselves in the third person! It's a miracle!" I sassed, getting a genuine belly chuckle from the beast for it. After a moment, I ventured, "Do I know your mate?"

"Jes," he purred softly.

My eyes widened at his tone.

"Save that shit for your woman, perv," I snapped, offended for this mate I supposedly knew but I had no clue as to who it was. Poor woman. Her male was a flirt. Ugh. Why should it surprise me there were Yeti cheaters out there too?

His snort had me stiffening in his arms. "I think I can walk now," I muttered primly.

"No," he grunted out simply.

"I want to try," I huffed and puffed.

"No." His next no was even more curt and short than the last. Bossy thing, this one.

"Looky, buddy, I'll crawl if I have to, but I refuse to just sit here like an idiot while you, ya know, rumble at me and stuff," I burst out irrationally.

"Where we go?" he rumbled out softly, sounding more down to business and formal. That's right, bitch, Lo denaii only mate one. Remember that, asshole.

"You mean you don't know?" I quipped sweetly.

With another snort, he was more careful of me this time as he picked up his pace. "Seriously… where are we going?" I asked finally.

When he garbled something out in his native tongue, I knew it was intentional.

"Don't- Don't take me somewhere everyone will be all up in my business. It's no one's but my own." My arms crossed over my chest and I fiddled with the zipper of my jacket nervously.

"Dust," he said simply as he walked us to the side of a very large hut, structure or something of some kind to carefully set me down. Rifling through his belt, he produced a small pouch of that coveted smelly stuff and handed it over.

"They'll know… if I take a bath there, wherever we're going," I pointed out.

With a grunt, he scooped me back up and started off in a different direction.

"Where are we going now?" I muttered incredulously.

"Bathe," he said simply.

With him? "By myself, otherwise fucking forget it," I barked at him.

His laughter did nothing to assuage the jitters riding me.

"Bathe. No fuck," he agreed on a laugh.

"Smartass," I muttered. Maybe this was his way and he meant absolutely nothing by it? Maybe I was reading into things too much? Not everyone wants your honey hole, woman, I chastised myself. My cheeks heated at my ridiculous inner dialogue. "Your mate must be a very tolerant woman," I said finally. I knew I wouldn't be okay with a flirty husband, friendly and harmless with it or not. "You're about as annoying as I am," I huffed and puffed at him, even as my lips twitched. Why did I always admire the assholes? I'm seriously cursed with shit taste.

"Jes," he said succinctly, and left it at that.

Yes, indeed.

"I'm bathing alone, just so it's been said. You're giving me mixed vibes and I don't tangle with mated dudes," I muttered primly.

"‘Lone. Jes."

"Just me. No one else," I stressed. "Not even you."

"‘Lone," he repeated.

Waffling on trusting him, I remained stiff in his arms, biting at my lip as I was forced to see what kooky plan he had in mind for me to bathe alone.

He was helping me, he claimed. If I took him at face value, then he really intended to help a gal out.

Whatever his deal was, hopefully it was on the up and up. It was far better than risking blowing the lid on my extracurricular activities, having it all dumped out there, fodder for flappin' gums amongst the villagers. Lord, if this all got out… I didn't even want to think about it.

Forced matings on either side were so not gonna happen.

Was I sad I was the resident fuck and dump? For reals, so hard, yes, without question, but it was a thousand times better than being stuck in an unhappy mating/marriage.

With those depressing thoughts dogging me, I sat in my feelings, stewing over the shit show that is my life, while I was toted off to bathe, if he was to be taken at face value.