Chapter 18

"W hat's that you've got there, bubby?" Picking up the very lifelike picture of scenes from the forest, I felt like I was reliving that day.

Walking down the hall on my way out the back door, relegated to staying within the village as Kooky left on another Krampus hunting mission, I felt much more prepared for an extended stay this time.

Makeup done up, feeling like a million bucks, yeah, I'd needed those couple days of R & R back at Celuk's with nothing but me, Kooky, and a sweet lil greedy potato-corn-baby.

It was a bit disconcerting that no one in the village said anything about my extended absences. If they've noticed, no one's called me out on it.

Daisy and Red had all those littles to contend with, those breast feeding new additions at the top of the pile, as well as their mates, my friendships with the other mate-brides were either of the acquaintance sort of closeness or sporadic at best. Many family groupings tended to spread out, along the border of the village. As their families grew, so did the need for more space.

The majority of the main/middle village were singletons.

Anyone who knew what was truly up didn't hold it against me. There was that.

I suppose I should be grateful I was like a village sprite, popping in and out at will as needed. No babies clinging to me, or mates for that matter. I did as I pleased.

Why did this not please me at all?

A grimace stole over my face, exposing my feelings on the matter, as I lifted the first picture to find a terrifyingly realistic depiction of a Krampus ready to attack on the next.

Dropping the first picture, my jerking movements knocked a thin, leather bound folder on Doogie's desk.

Scrambling to pick it up, I paused, spying a familiar face, a recurring theme in his portfolio.

Daisy. Daisy. Another one of Daisy. And another.

They were all of Cottontail.

I managed to stuff them all back inside and shove the thin volume back onto his desk before he was any the wiser.

So many things were starting to make sense now with Doog-meister.

Like thinking about him had conjured his ass, he paused as he walked into his room, scowling at me and then his desk.

"You drew these? They're really good." My compliment was lost as he cut in with a grunted, "Ugh. You here."

Hurt but feeling stupid about it because why should I let his stupid butt get to me, I rolled my eyes at him and flounced from the room with a snickered, "Had to come check out the funk. It stunk like something died in here. Whoops! It was just YOU."

Doogie's splutters serenaded me on my way as I collected my rolling suitcase. With a quick good-bye to Dorothy and her mates, I rolled the fuck on up out of there.

There'd been a major debate as to where I should stay this time around, my old hut or Bia's.

I had a lot of mixed feelings about staying at Bia's place now, especially after my run-in with a Krampus at my window.

As this was my life we were talking about here, I decided that no matter what anyone thought best, it was honestly probably best if I tried it back at my place. My hut had yet to be breached by Krampus and was covered in Bum-bum's pee to boot. If they were smart enough to cross the river bordering my place and stupid enough to tempt pissing Snow Patrol off, they deserved a kiss from ol' McClintock I was packing. After a very long conversation with Kooky, in which I'd admitted I still had my gun, if put in a very special place for safe keeping, the fool had made it his mission to sneak out late one night, hunt it down, and bring it back to me in the little wooden box I'd buried it beneath my garden in.

He had to have had help. That crazy Celuk, I guessed, because that was one hell of a treasure hunt. Or… I'm just that stupidly transparent to him at this point.

How he found it in the end, I had no fucking clue and wasn't going to ask, but that was his stipulation to leaving me alone for another hunt of any kind. Despite my promises I was shit with a gun, I think it became a weird, if unrealistic, kind of reassurance he needed, to know I stood some sort of chance against a future Krampus run in. One too many knife lessons with him, realizing how squeamish and weak wristed I was, no matter how hard I tried, had somehow convinced him this was the way to go.

Whatever. I kept it unloaded with a box of bullets clinking around in there in my purse with it and he got to go run around with the hunting parties repeatedly seeking him out at all hours for every kind of hunt under the sun. Krampus. Food hunts. Critters too close to the village making a nuisance. There was always something.

I'd never had a taste of what it was like to have a worried male following me around like he had the first few weeks. He never followed me directly into Rosa's when I visited but preferred to hang around outside, parting ways with me before anyone noticed, to rejoin me and escort me back to our place as I started off towards Dorothy's to meet back up with him. It wasn't the silliness of Rek, he wasn't trying to wear me down, but something had to give. The poor guy wasn't doing much else. Following me around could not be all the fool ever did. Ever. The Krampus incident had made him feel guilty about leaving me alone, and dare I even say it, fearful?

He'd needed time to work through his demons on that whole sitch and I was accommodating, guiltily giddy as I basked in his care. Maybe Kooky-wooky didn't love me love me, but he definitely loved me. It soothed my ravaged being in ways I couldn't begin to explain. With all my eccentricities, my faults, flaws, don't give a shits, give shit too much, he loved me.

If holding onto McClintock got me back to my hut while he was out of town playing wild hunt guy and knowing this made him feel like I was safer, praised be the silly fool and his false sense of security in that shit.

A small smile tipped my lips thinking about him and this other half of him he shared with me I wasn't sure anyone else got to really see. If only there was more to it.

That smile dipped into a frown. Fuck me, I'd take what I could get. Maybe he was one of those peeps that didn't feel romantically inclined towards anyone and I was girding my loins to bark up an uninterested tree.

Maybe he just didn't like me like that and I was delulu in the usional to the umpteenth degree.

Stopping just outside my hut, I couldn't pinpoint why exactly I was hesitating like I needed to be invited in. I guess I hadn't really thought of this place as mine, for real, for so long now it was odd.

Shoving past any odd misgivings, I opened my door and walked inside like I owned the place. Except… What the hell was this?

New floors, some sort of brick with a square pattern with alternating bricks, like Tetris gone mad. The walls, they were now a pretty, sandy, plastered white but… was this room larger? Was I imagining that it was smaller before? The bed looked bigger, fuller. I wasn't imaging that.

Setting my things down, I got started on a fire in the hearth, and I even had to stop myself there. It looked scrubbed clean, no black marks or soot smudges. The place looked spic and span, like new.

A small blue and white swirling vase with fresh pink flowers in it had me walking towards it to pick it up and give it a sniff.

Bum-bum. Had he done all this?

Popping back outside, I spied my flowers looking well-watered and hearty. Someone's been watering them.

In search of answers, I'd set out, going on a few hours ago now, thinking to find Bum and Gopher to ask what the heck was going on with my hut, but, man, was that its own whole-assed side quest. Dismayed to learn they were both MIA, I was prepared to head to maybe pop in to Rosa's for a chat, when a commotion on the far side of the village drew my attention. Nosy bitch that I can tend to be when the mood is right, I had myself a little peekaroo.

It was that whole other dimensional bridal hunt thing going on right now, if I had to guess. I must have missed the memo. This gave me a brief moment of pause, wondering if Kooky had said he was Krampus hunting but really he was just sparing my feelings as he went in search of his own bride to hunt.

No. No. Not my Kooky. He's never lied to me. He wouldn't. He'd never. We were cool like that. We told each other everything. It was one of the things I loved about him— he didn't BS me.

The whole bride kidnapping thing left an awful taste in my mouth but I bit my tongue.

One day some bridey poo was gonna learn their groomy poo and learn them good.

Color me surprised when I spied Booger with a woman trussed up like an offering to a god, giving him what for.

My heart about stopped when my gaze caught on my own personal pain in the ass right there along with him. "Just what the hello Dolly is goin' on around here?" I demanded to know, stomping forward, sass on high. My bitch-o-meter was starting to shoot up as my temper rose.

Rek's gaze met mine and I'd swear, despite the fact he looked to be muttering under his breath, there was a hint of panic, maybe fear in those swirling chips of peridot.

Damned right there better be! What the fuck?!

That pain in the ass was MINE!

"Jo-jo-knee." Rek tried to say it under his breath but it came out a snarl.

You done got caught, bitch, what now? Like his body was put on alert, the hair on his neck stood on end. He looked like a static clung shaggy sock come to life.

Their "guest" wasn't keen on the way they were tied up.

As if I didn't damn well know, my hands slapped to my hips and I demanded to know, "And just where have you two overstuffed marmots snuck off to?"

Booger shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, clearing his throat repeatedly. He couldn't make eye contact, which screamed I know what I did was wrong . He better! He kidnapped a human! Have we not had many a conversation about this very thing?!

I'd say this wasn't my circus and those weren't my fucking monkeys, but, my god, weren't they?!

One look at the shock on that poor ginger they had trussed up's face and I cursed. "What the fuzzy nuglets, guys? We're taking prisoners now?" My scowl was instant.

"No," Rek barked sharply. "Bauheg took Mall-butt. Female no see. Took sleepy drink. Make the noises Jo-jo-knee does. LOUD." Mimicking a god awful snore I most certainly have never made in my whole damned life, swear to BOB, I glowered at him and rolled my eyes.

"I do not do that," I informed him tartly. "But whatever." My hand lifted and I rolled it on my wrist, flicking my fingers at Rek, waving off his stupid comment.

"That's not my name," their victim huffed out quietly, right before she decided better of kicking up a fuss right now and clamped her lips shut.

What the hell had they done to her?

Putting a pin in all that for a sec, my focus lasered in on the green-eyed devil looking mighty guilty.

"Really?" My bitch meter broke, flying off the charts as my anger, and I'd admit a bit of that green jelly filling me, had its way. "Care to tell me why you've got her all trussed up like a carcass you're cartin' home and tied down then? Get yourself a little treat with you while you were out tricking?" I was just getting warmed up. The fool looked like he knew this and was bracing for impact. "And you, what, were just okay with Booger pickin' up a little snackerel of a ginger witchypoo, hmm?" My finger jerked at Booger. "Booger land on her and squish something? Y'all get a bad case of guilt? Full of sorries?" Psycho bitch mode activated, I let it fly, my voice devolving into sugary sweetness, condescension dripping from my lips.

Thick frame stiffening, Bauheg ended up garbling out some stop and go nonsense about how I was butchering his name, a fact he only harped on when he was feeling fussy, finally managing to get out, "Jo-joansie not funny." A soft grunt left him. "Baw-heg."

Spewing some classic Joanie snark, I got down to the root of my ire, besides the whole kidnapped lady thing. "What was in it for him, huh? What does Anal Rektus get outta grabbing her?"

"Not for Rek," Booger said after a long pause.

Rek blink-blinked a few times as my face puckered up mulishly, until I looked like I'd just tossed back liquified Lemonheads.

"Rek no want wish! Not Rektal or mane-dale rektus! Bad female. Me Rek. Rek. Rek is Rek! Wish curse! No want!" Disgust laced his tone. I detected a hint of offense but I was distracted, what with the kidnapped human and all.

I shouldn't feel as relieved as I do but there it was.

With that out of the way, I thought it fitting to sharpen my claws on the bride nab aiding dick. Besides, half of that nonsense he was spewing sounded like cow flop. Time to have some fun, Joanie style. "I'm not following the weirdness comin' from them lips, honey. You're going to have to come again. Joanie is not computing, you feel me?"

Not realizing what I was doing, I saw the moment his eyes lit up in annoyance. Happy birthday to me.

Just like old times, he threw his hands up and bared his teeth. "Rek no hands on Jo-jo-knee. No say feel Joansie! Female say Rek weirdness. Jo-jo-knee weirdness."

"Good god, we're getting nowhere and you sound like an idiot." Houston, we appear to have a really big pain in our ass runnin' his mouth here. With a groan, I squeezed my eyes shut briefly.

When I dropped my hand and took a deep breath, I came face to face with a glowering green-eyed monster scientifically known as Rektalus Anikus.

When I opened my mouth to speak, eyes narrowing at the dirty look aimed my way, he cut me to the punch.

"Female wish. Curses. Bad. Bad female. Curses Rek. Curses Bauheg. Rothy fix Babayagi. She take back." Rek shuddered and grimaced.

Babayagi?

"Too cold wish. Wish cold sick. Bauheg bring. Rothy fix. Wish happy, wish fix. No more curses. No more tricksy feetsies." Furry arms lifting, Rek made an all-encompassing gesture. "Happy wieners."

"Happy what-er's?" their ginger wish barked, glancing to Booger's crotch sharply.

"Sorry, babes." Pointing to myself, I told her, "Aside from me, no one else has been dumb enough to wanna come on down and volunteer."

Booger, noting his kidnapped lady's interest in his junk, clasped his huge mitts over his happy wiener, har-har.

I had to suck my lips into my mouth, praying it didn't ruin my lipstick, to keep myself from cackling out loud as I watched Booger pop one at all the attention his pretty ginger wish was paying his genitalia. Ginger quickly glanced away, looking elsewhere, when she noted that telling bulge.

Alright, I know I shouldn't be condoning any of this shit but go, boogster!

Rek attempted to prattle-tattle on to me more but I'd heard enough. "Yea-yea, bad female, blah-blah- Wait." I blinked. "Curses? Babayagi?" My eyes slowly widened as I took a long look at the lady they'd nabbed. "Oh, fellas, you did not," I burst out wildly under my breath. My red lips parted, faboo lash extensions fluttering as I batted them in my rapid blinking shock.

When I remembered to shut my trap before I caught flies in it, a splutter of a laugh escaped me. "You can't me- You guys didn't-" My hand lifted and I waggled a bright yellow claw. "Oh, you two! You buffoons!" A cackle followed. Shaking my head, I snorted, garbling out between loud guffaws, "She's not a witch. That's not Baba Yaga, you bumble brained fluff muffins. That's just a human woman in a Halloween costume!"

"Bauheg not cursed?" Booger mumbled. Thrusting a hand towards his puffy eye, he demanded to know, "What this, Joansie?"

"Poked you, did she?" A grin stole over my face. The woman's gaze met mine and I smirked, then tossed her a wink. "Good for her," I told him. "I like her already. Rosie and I could use a thirdy. The more crazy bitches, the merrier."

Pretending Rek wasn't here, I focused on the booger at hand. "Got a little something there, honey booger. A lil schmutz on ya. Smear… right about… there."

"No honey booger Bauheg," Rek grumbled, slapping my hand down as I gestured at my best bud, teasing him relentlessly. "No honeys. No honey anyone." Pointing at me wildly, he told Bauheg, "No want her. Joanie crazies in head. Joanie screams, loud, smacks." Well, if anything this should be entertaining. "Beats Rek with… with… with Bob!" he exclaimed.

OH, he did not! Turning to him, my mouth dropped open in a big ol' gape. The nerve of him! "You did not just bring my Battery Operated Boyfriend into this! And if your gnarly ass hadn't acted like they were going to sniff it and taste it, snoopy pants, going through my shit to find it, maybe I wouldn't have tried to bludgeon you with him!"

"Oh, my god," their not-a-witch whispered, sounding horrified.

Well, that made two of us.

"Shmudz?" Bauheg blurted, rounding out this trifecta of weirdness we were passing around.

Hard as I tried to convince him he was not in fact cursed, Rek wasn't buying it.

We went back and forth, a battle of snarky one-liners and hits just at the belt line ensuing.

Rosa must have been close by and found herself drawn to all the ruckus as well.

In for a penny or whatever bullshit, I called out to Rosa as if I totally meant to include her in this shit show.

In no time Rosa was dragged into this mess, my poor Keke girl too for all of two seconds until I got them all squared away.

That left Pumpkin, Booger, and Rek.

Rek and Booger started getting into it, offering their human a chance to get free.

Not about to squash her moment, I hung back, serving as an added distraction when needed, loudly answering Rosa as she pecked me to death on my part in this whole witch business.

Rek must have caught it when I did as I watched Gingy lift yet another limb free through the corner of my eye.

Go, girl, go, give these fuzzballs a run for their money, I silently encouraged.

Rek did a double take, shouted, then dove for her. Pumpkin buns wasn't having it and Rek took one to the face.

Karma, baby!

And then the poor thing slammed right into one of Dorothy's sons, Khri, I believed from my brief glimpses of him, who literally happened to be at the wrong place at the right time.

Standing idly by, wishing for popcorn, ignoring Rek as he huffed and howled, caught up in the contraption they'd carried her in on, I watched as Booger caught up to his woman and she let him know what she thought about being manhandled.

Sinking her teeth into him, he let go of her with a howl. One look at that green paint tainting his arm and I took a healthy step back.

Snorting, rolling my eyes as Boog waved the proof of his own cursing around at us wildly, I just rolled my eyes and got right back to the bicker-squabbling this had snowballed into as Rek continuously thought to put in his two cents in an attempt, I felt, to try and throw me under the bus.

More curious beings joined the madness. It quickly turned into a packed crowd. Rosa grinned as Zhuii, spying her in the group gathered, approached.

They were so damn cute together it made me sick. The pair had goo-goo eyes going and everything.

Where were my goo-goo eyes? One glance at Rek scowling as he cradled his face, I wasn't going to be getting any goo-goo eyeing anytime soon if he was my only hope. My goo-goo eyes were stuck in the back of Rek's head, where his brain should be.

As if to add credit to my snarky observation, Rek slapped away the candy that Mallory, she called herself, attempted to give Kehko.

"Rektal smooshded the candy, mama. He smooshded the wish's treats with no tricks or feets." My Keke-girl wilted and fully shifted.

"Not Rektal," Rek made the mistake of getting snarly about. "Not nice," he gritted out, glaring at Mal like it was somehow her fault.

"Oi! Hey," I cut in sharply, "don't you be talking to my niece cousin baby god child like that!" I was fit to be tied. "What the hell's wrong with a piece of candy from the kidnapped lady, hmm? What business is it of yours, huh? You her mama? And she can call you whatever she likes!"

I was barely making sense and I couldn't say I stood by the latter there but still! Don't be yelling at that baby!

"Where Jojo Keke get Rek Rektal from?" Rek growled out softly, right into my face.

Putting myself between him and Rosa and the kids, I stood on tip toes so we were literally toe to toe.

Before I could blink, I found us in a never ending circle of stupidity, all going back to Rek. He was so bent out of shape about this whole witch thing, and quickly realized he thought he was protecting Kehko from the witch's cursed candy, or so he'd thought. I felt partially responsible… until he started arguing with Kehko again instead of just letting it fucking drop.

The candy was no more. It was a moot point.

Mallory won me over as she turned Valkyrie on his ass, chewing him up and spitting him out better than I could have said it.

"Wow, Rektal. You're kind of a douche," I agreed with Mal at that ominous crunch of candy beneath Rek's foot. Totally inedible now.

I got a glare for that, but it was worth it as his eyes narrowed at the mirth sparkling in mine. Eat your crow, you grumpy bastard. Eat it all right up! Suck on that, punk!

I kept it up, getting my pound of flesh for hurting my Kehko's feelings and just as much for pinching my heart, traipsing off into the human realm to do god knows what, the jerk.

It was the douche canoe that had Rek looking ready to explode.

Why did I poke the bear? I knew better.

"Not doody-doo-ed canoe!" Rek roared.

The fool got right up in my face, thinking that shit would cower me. If this was some kind of power play, I hoped he planned on bowing down like a little bitch. Ooo, that male knew exactly how to get under my skin.

"Say it, don't spray it, baby," I tutted, then turned and sauntered off, knowing he'd stomp after.

"Not baby! Not doody-canooed! No walk from Rek! Joansie comes back! Rek-talking!"

I just kept on walking, leading him farther away from the scene he'd just caused.

With a little hum in my throat, I lifted my hand and moved my finger to the beat in my head.

That mouthy sock monkey followed me all the way up to my place and straight into my hut, snarling and snapping at me all the while. Waiting until he was inside and I could close the door on him, I smiled in satisfaction as I flounced off back to Rosa and he snarled his little heart out from inside.

This madness unfolding before me required some much needed interference— nudging Booger in the right direction, the Mally direction, to Boog's do I , don't I wishy-washiness. Can't have that. Cue Khri, who would totally make a good brother husband to the more docile Boogster. Oh, how Mal had looked at Khri! It was a love story already in the making. I felt I'd done my duty, serving as a proper distraction so Khri could slip away with Mally.

Fresh off a giddy high of matchmaking nudging, I returned to my place to find a very agitated fuzz nugget glaring at the door, seated stiffly at the table, waiting for me.

Honey, I'm home!

"Drives Rek crazy!" he railed at me.

"At least I drive you somewhere," I shot back sweetly, like he wasn't looking ready to tear my throat out.

Rek paused for a moment, chest heaving, fangs bared. "That makes no sense."

"Neither do your delulus about a witch cursing you, you nutty bastard. For the millionth time, I made it all up!"

"You delulus! That not even word!"

"No? Then what is it, big boy, huh? Do you even know?"

"Deflusionals," he said on a grunt, frowning as his mouth worked. "Del-doo-shone-als," he garbled out carefully.

"Well, at least you can describe yourself if anyone asks," I quipped.

Was I being reckless? I was feeling pretty Reck-less and that crazy side of me was itching to be let out to play.

"Jojo bad, bad female," he garbled out gutturally as he grabbed at the table and tossed it out of his way in his rush to get at me.

"You are so picking that up." My eyes narrowed. I didn't even so much as blink as he backed me into the wall, snarling in my face, until our foreheads pressed and our noses bumped.

"What Jojo say, Rek say no?" he challenged.

"I say shut the fuck up and clean up that god damn mess, you stupid bastard," I shot back.

With a snarl that bordered on a groan, a hand slid up my nape, burying in my hair, and he jerked my head to the side to bury his face in the delicate flesh of my throat.

My body tingled with awareness and much more as he groaned against my sensitive flesh. Nuzzling the spot, he let go of my hair and wrapped his arms around me in a long, lingering hug.

"Mine," I thought I heard him mumble into my throat before playfully nipping the spot.

My claws dug into his back as soft gasps escaped me.

Right, wrong be damned. I'd missed him, missed this. He was a total asshole sometimes but he was MY fucking asshole.

I turned my head just in time for his lips to meet mine. His hands slid to my hips, one cupping the underside of my knee to urge me to hook it over his hip, while the other started yanking at the enclosure to my freshly mended snow pants.

"Missed my Jojomine," he rumbled out between searching, heated kisses, deepening our liplock as my hips shifted and he pressed his thickness into my pants covered crotch.

"Missed you, too, you stupid jerkwad." Grabbing at a hank of his hair, forcing his head back, I warned him, "You better find a way to make things right with my Keke girl or I'll-"

"Rek be good. Rek make right," he swore, dropping me to my feet, bending me with him to help me get my boots off and jerk my pants down my legs.

"Mine," he growled as he pressed his face into my panty covered crotch and breathed deeply.

"You better! I- Ah!"

Rek jerked the crotch of my underwear to the side, unwilling to waste another moment. He didn't want anything in his way to worship his prize. A sharp cry left me as he lapped at me once, twice, before burying his tongue deep.

My hands clapped to his head, digging into all that wild fluff he calls a mane. My hips canted, moving along with him, pressing harder, urging him to take me harder, deeper. It wasn't enough.

Realizing I wasn't going to come this way, he pulled away, licking his lips as he slid my panties down my hips, over my legs, urging me to step out of them.

"We shouldn't be doing this, we don't have-" My words tapered off on a soft moan as he lifted my leg and buried his face in my throbbing cleft with a deep growl.

"We're too loud," I gasped out, right before he dragged another moan from me. Placing my leg over his shoulder, he grabbed an ass cheek in each hand, kneading the generous globes in his big mitts, jerking my hips towards him, pressing my sex harder into his face as he growled at the taste of my pleasure.

I was right on the edge, about to blow my damn top, when some busybody asshole with nothing better to do came knocking at my door.

Grabbing Rek's hair, jerking him out of the fun zone, I gaped down at him. ‘Did you do this?!' I mouthed, to a teeth-baring glare from the bastard.

‘I swear to god, if this was your doing,' I threatened, mouthing the words at him.

Rek lifted his muzzle, turned his head, and sniffed at the air. Looking my way sharply, he motioned for me to respond when another knock sounded.

"Uhm- I'm busy! Come back later!" I called out, hoping that settled that. Shooting another threatening look his way, I frowned as hurt crossed his features. That genuine, Why the fuck are you accusing me of shit, woman , look, had me believing he hadn't orchestrated the interruption.

"Jo… Jo ‘kay?" Odix called out.

"I'm- I'm perfectly fine! Thanks for asking!" I replied quickly.

Rek glared at the door for a moment, before he grew thoughtful. Thoughtful Rek wasn't as nice as it sounded. My eyes narrowed once more and I glared at him warningly.

‘Whatever it is, don't even think about it,' I silently snapped at him.

As if I wasn't standing there half naked, leg over his shoulder, legs spread open for his viewing pleasure, he slid my leg off his shoulder, stood, walked over to the bed, grabbed BOB from his honorary position beneath my pillow, and he didn't just walk back towards me, no, the mother fluffer effin' strutted.

Not understanding why he'd be so cocky waving my dildo about, he smiled to himself as he turned the fucking thing on full blast.

"No- What the fuck?!" I whispered fiercely as the thing loudly began to buzz away. It's taken too many hits since joining Yetidom. Quiet, BOB was not.

"What noise?" Odix rumbled from the other side of the door. A door that was fucking unlocked, for any fucking body to just walkin right in.

"Uh- Uh- It's my, uh- Back massager!" My voice came out funny as Rek moved closer.

Kneeling before me once more, he easily pried my legs back open, pressing the buzzing tip to my aching clit.

Muffling the noise I wanted to let loose as he manipulated my quivering quim with ease, he had me gripping his hair, arching my hips, aching for him to put me out of my misery and fuck me with the damn thing instead of teasing it along my slit already.

The smug bastard smiled with satisfaction when a gasping moan escaped me as he sunk that fucker deep and closed his mouth around the aching bud he'd been eyeing for quite some time.

Right as I started to tip over, he pulled back, shot up, and called out in a high falsetto as he hauled ass towards the door, "Helps! Comes in!"

"What the fuck?! Rek?! I'm going to kill you!" I whispered desperately as I fought the pleasure pulsing through my body, but the damage had already been done.

Odix came rushing in, the linebacker of all Lo denaii, charging in like an angry bull. "Where?! Where?!" he shouted, as Rek easily slid out from behind the door and swiftly slipped past him.

"Nowhere! There's nothing!" I bellowed, "So get out and close the fucking door!"

Grabbing at my jacket, tugging at it to yank it down in some stupid attempt to preserve any sense of modesty I might still be clinging to, I struggled to keep my dignity. It was really hard to look unbothered with a fat vibrator sticking out your hoo-ha as the mother of all orgasms rocketed through you.

Hurrying to close the door, he slammed it and locked it, yet forgot to fucking leave.

"What happens? Where?!" Spying the handle of my vibrator, that sweet, misguided idiot dropped to his knees in front of me and, ignoring my stuttering attempts to tell him to leave it the fuck alone because I was struggling to form words at the shock of whatever the fuck he thought he was doing and the orgasm melting my brain, and yanked my legs apart, touching the handle and starting to pull it free, to pause, stilling completely, as my pussy spasmed around the god damned thing and a fresh gush of wetness slicked BOB.

A small, soft noise left the male. As if to fix his mistake, he pressed BOB right back home.

"Ah- fuck." My body shuddered with renewed pleasure.

"Herd?" he asked, then dragged the god damn thing nearly all the way out.

"No!" I squeaked, as that slow drag out drew another very obvious reaction from me.

With a grunt from the frowning beast, he leaned in, watching as it happened, nostrils flaring, and in back in BOB experimentally went yet again. This time, he pressed it in all the way to the hilt, his thumb brushing my overly sensitized clit, and there we went all over again.

"Ah- shit!" My hips jerked, Odix's firm grip on the end of BOB holding it in place, hit just the right spot.

At my exclamation, Odix jumped and yanked BOB free. His eyes darkened, nostrils flaring as he stumbled back, flopping to his ass. He stilled as he spied the evidence of just how hurt I was not, buzzing away in his hand, BOB's thickness soaked in pussy juice.

With one long, hard, sniff, he tossed BOB away from him, rolled to all fours, and charged me with a look not unsimilar to the one he'd had on his brutish mug when he'd charged the Krampus.

Yanking me down to him, he had me flat on my back, air rushing from my lungs, lunging atop me, grabbing me up to him to press me into him as his hips began to pump helplessly. The underside of that girthy something of his pressed to my slicked lips. A moan tore from him as he gruntingly slipped along that slippery slope.

My body spasmed, empty, grasping at nothing. Fuck, this was hot.

As he humped and pumped, and nothing more than a whole lot of slipping and sliding along my slit happened, a frustrated noise left the impatient beast laboring atop me.

"You're too high," I stammered as he huffed and puffed above me.

It was a wonder he heard me over all the noise he was making. I felt like I was being crotch massaged by a locomotive.

A grunt louder than all the rest left my struggling friend, and then his arms and legs started to shake. Not two seconds later, hot, wet warmth splashed my belly. His fat head dropped down atop me, cradled in my jacket covered breasts.

Not sure what to do with him at this point, I gave his head a gentle pat that had him purring.

Chest heaving like a bellows, he muttered something in Lo denaii into my breasts, and then grabbed my hips, lifting me up, tilting my lower half, and that once tamed beast pressed lower. Too low, In fact, sending his fully erect homeboy sliding between my butt cheeks.

The wetness covering his cock made for an easy glide.

A giggle of a noise left me as he grabbed my cheeks, squeezing them, his face still mashed in my breasts, and went to town.

Couldn't say I'd ever been screwed with my butt cheeks, but here we were.

"Too low," I blurted, but it was too late.

That trainwreck shot off and I found my front and backside looking like a freshly glazed donut.

Slumping down against me for a moment, chest heaving even harder, Odix was gentlemanly enough to roll off of me, flopping down beside me, when I made a distressed noise at his full weight pressing on me.

Rumbling something I didn't understand, Odix lifted up to stare down at me. He got a good look at me and the soft look on his face turned into a scowl.

"Good first try?" I looked like a pancake, laid flat out, covered in sticky syrup. All I needed was a pat of butter.

Scowling down at my person so hard I'd think he was mad at my body, he leaned over and boldly yanked one of my legs open to shove his face right into my cunt.

As if he didn't like what he found there, a deep snarl that rattled my nethers left him.

My body stiffened when it occurred to my mashed potatoes for brains just what or whom he was smelling. Rek.

Grabbing my hips, ignoring the cum covering just about every part of me but my pussy, he started off with soft, experimental laps at first, that quickly turned to deep stabs of his thick tongue that soon had me squirming and wriggling closer.

At the first clench of my channel around his tongue, he jerked back and grabbed his cock. He was still soft, which just caused even more frustration for him as he tired to put it inside of me and his floppy member refused to cooperate.

Reaching out, I softly murmured, "He just needs a minute. It's okay. Give it a second and-"

My attempt at comforting him was met with his teeth clacking angrily in my direction and a snarl that had me jerking back and curling my arms into my chest protectively.

As if my reaction was enough to drag him from his sudden fit of pique, he lifted up and flopped back to his ass.

Sitting up, I scooted until my butt hit the wall, curling up and closing my legs.

A pained noise that struck me as apologetic left him.

Not sure what to do next, I waited.

A knock sounded on the door.

When neither of us made a move to answer it, the knocking grew louder.

"Ey! Ey! Open door! What Joansie do in there, eh? Huh?" Rek shouted.

Spying BOB buzzing away on the floor, Odix picked it up and handed it to me.

Realizing he wanted me to turn it off and hand it back to him as he stood there waiting, I did. Lifting it up, he had a good look at it, ignoring Rek and his caterwauling. A garbled scream left me as Odix lifted up BOB to his nose, inhaling the scent of satisfied pussy, and then slapped BOB as hard as he could over his knee.

"What the fuck?!" I screeched, hopping up to wrestle what remained of BOB from him.

Managing to grab one half, while he held onto the other like a drowning man to a life preserver, I smacked at him with my loose half as best as I could, demanding he hand the rest over.

Odix blocked and backed away as I came at him. Bumping into a chair, he knocked it over, then tripped on it.

"No," he stubbornly grumbled as he landed flat on his back. Winded and fighting me as I jumped atop him, wrestling him for it, cursing his hide from here to eternity, he shoved the other half of BOB underneath him.

Straddling him, I wiggled atop him, struggling to dig my arms under his back and retrieve my damaged property. "No respect for my things," I bit out as I tried to wriggle my way farther up his wide, barrel-shaped chest, finding something thick as hell and hard as steel, throbbing beneath me, pressing up against my sex.

Sitting up, eyeing him and that girthy monster weeping at the slit, I glared at him. "You broke my dick."

Odix's breathing had grown labored, flashing, darkening.

"Hold that thought," I muttered, hopping up to grab a condom from my purse. Coming back to him, I reached for him. Odix lifted up onto his forearms, eyeing me as I grabbed his dick, pulled that fat wad of furry foreskin back, and had a condom squeezing his wildly thick dick in no time.

Break my vibrator… how does he like being my personal dildo, hmm?

Stupid question. The look in his widening eyes and that insane purr rattling him said he fucking loved it.

"It almost didn't fit. Honey, that's a compliment." Restraddling him, I held myself over him, lined up, the tip nudging the entrance to heaven, and waited. "Your call. What'll it be?"

Half laying there, looking unnaturally still, he suddenly sucked in a huge gulp of air. The action sent me lifting up with his wide chest, then slowly easing back down as he let that beath he looked to be holding out, sliding a little deeper onto the thickness threatening to strain my pussy lips to accommodate it.

A groan that bordered on a moan left him and he fell back, his thick head thunking the floor loudly.

"Hey? What do? Kill Odix? Ey! Jojo-knee! Eh?!" Rek continued to fuss from the other side of the door.

Lifting his head, Odix snarled at the door.

"No snarl at Rek!" Rek snapped, making me laugh.

Who was it that had gotten me into this mess in the first place?

"Eh! What you doing? No funnies!" He was banging on the door now. "No touch Joanie, stupid head!"

Glancing from me to the door, Odix's eyebrows shot up. I knew what he meant. Why did I put up with this? Why did my pussy smell like Rek's mouth has been there? WHY?

With a shrug, I let out a gusty sigh. Making swirling patterns in his chest hair, my gaze darted away and I mumbled, almost shyly, "Can't explain it. Stopped trying to a long time ago."

Peeking at him, I wondered if he was stalling because he didn't want to go through with this.

"We don't have to." My gaze slid to the window. "I'm not a kiss and tell kind of gal but I get it." Biting at the inside of my cheek as he sat there and silently stared at me, eyeing me like he was seeing something in me he hadn't before, I lifted a hand and gestured towards the window. "I can distract him while you make your great escape."

Making the decision for him when he parted his lips, as if about to speak, but paused, I slid off of him, helped him remove the condom, and had just turned away to dispose of said condom and slough out of my cum sticky jacket when thick hands fell to my hips and I found myself lifted up, then dropped down and bent over, pressed down into my bedding.

Odix entered me without ceremony, no warm up, no warning.

I jolted and cried out softly as my body took all of him at once. Odix barked as his hips snapped forward, warm, welcoming heat enveloped him, the sound drowning out my cry.

The sound Odix made as he ground into me, a moan and a growl with a hint of a garbled purr, I found myself shuddering along with him as he pressed his advance.

Rek, perfect timing as always, battle rammed and broke down the god damned thing. Lifting the door up and slamming it into the door frame, he spun around, got one peek of Odix cramming me with his magic stick, and tackled him.

Odix came as Rek yanked him loose, marking me, Rek, the entirety of my room, with an epic stream of splooge.

Odix recovered quickly, grabbing Rek up by his throat, snarling at him as he squeezed.

"NO! Don't kill him!" Wrapping Bum-bum's blanket around me, I screeched, grabbing onto Odix's arm, tugging at it, shouting at him to let Rek go.

This, of course, drew more attention. We were just too fucking loud.

Gurgling noises left Rek.

"Let him go! Odix! He can't breathe!" I shrieked, losing my shit.

My door was slammed yet again, Kirch flying in, nearly ending up with his face in a splooge puddle, one of many decorating my hut.

"Make him let him go!" I shouted, giving up trying to get Odix to let him go, my grip on the blanket around my waist slipping in the madness that ensued. Latched onto Odix's forearm, I sank my teeth into the first bit of his flesh I came into contact with.

Odix roared as I tasted blood, an awful, bear on the loose sound, and finally loosened his grip.

Rek slammed to the floor, grabbing at his throat, gasping for air.

Kirch blinked at my half naked state, the stickiness coating me that so was not snow cone syrup glazing me, my teeth sunk deep into Odix's arm, the look on my frazzled ass.

Releasing Odix, I dropped and snatched up Bum-bum's blanket.

"Assed-hole," Rek choked out.

I thought that might be aimed at Odix, but you never know.

Kirch took one short sniff of the room and let out an I can't believe you guys groan.

"Oh, shut up. I've heard stories about your epic ridiculousness. Don't think folks don't talk," I muttered, meeting his gaze levelly as I dared him to say one fucking word.

With a few mumbled words I had no clue as to what he was saying, Odix cupped his arm, curled it to his chest, and quit the room. Just left. Just like that.

Walking over to Rek, trying to see if he was okay, the sound of his hand slapping mine away was a resounding clap. "Rek not baby!" he snapped at me. Finding his feet, he glared at me like this was all my fight, and quit the room.

Picking my chair up, I flopped into it. "Fuck me," I muttered.

"That not what happened?" Kirch just had to chime in with a snort.

How he found this all so amusing was lost on me.

"Good luck explaining why you smell like me, a couple guys, and sex when you get home," I quipped sweetly.

Kirch's eyes widened and he smartly backed out of the room. Taking the door with him, he slammed it back into place, assuring me someone would be by to fix it.

"I hate things with penises," I mumbled, slapping my head into my bent forearms with a groan.