Rookie Lap （24）

"So."

"So."

Amara and Ryan sat across from each other in a booth at Rocco's, their favorite pizza place, which was about a 10-minute walk from their apartment. It was Sunday, the deadline Hayes had given Ryan before he would spill the beans to Amara. He'd approached her and asked if they could talk, which caught her off-guard, seeing as he'd been all but missing for the past few days.

She agreed but suggested that it be in public so that A, the conversation didn't get too heated, and B, they didn't end up horizontal.

"What'd you wanna talk about?" she asked quietly, playing with the straw in her Diet Coke.

"A few things. This first one, I really don't wanna tell you. Honestly, I don't really wanna tell you either, but Hayes threatened that if I don't tell you, he will."

"Ry? You're freaking me out right now. Can you just get on with it?"

"Fine. So, I know I've been holed up in my room, as you called it. But there's a reason. I'm…I started seeing a therapist, online, twice a week."

"Ryan, that's amazing!" she exclaimed, genuinely excited for him.

"Yeah. We're weeding through a lot of my issues, like the anxiety and my panic attacks. But she's working with me on my sex addiction as well, helping me get to the root causes and whatnot. I'm…kinda meeting myself for the first time ever. It's weird, but it turns out, I don't really know me."

"You have no idea how proud of you I am for confronting this. Honestly. I don't have words. You've grown a lot in the few months I've known you."

"Thank you." He picked up his straw paper and twisted it into a ball. "So, one of the things she has me doing is writing. I've been writing a lot, about my feelings, my thoughts, anxiety triggers, etcetera. Just so you know, I'm not sitting in my room crying over you the entire time. I just needed you to know that."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. Writing can be so cathartic."

"Cathartic! That's the word!" he yelled, startling her, then lowered his voice. "I was trying to remember it the other day." The waitress brought over the two slices they ordered and set them down. "Thank you, sweetie," Ryan said.

"Of course," she replied with a wink.

"So that's one thing. The other thing," he said, picking at some cheese that had slid off his slice, "is that I'm in a pretty good amount of pain, Amara. I have this giant pit in my stomach and no matter what I do, how much I try to ignore it, it won't go away. The only thing that gives me any relief at all is seeing you, but even that's temporary because as quickly as I feel better, I instantly remember that it's over and it starts to hurt all over again."

She picked at the crust on her slice; neither of them had eaten a thing. "I understand that. I've wanted to talk to you, Ry, but I don't exactly know what to say."

"Let's start with this. Do you miss me?" he asked, staring down at his plate.

"I do."

"I miss you, too. So much. But Mar, being around you is breaking me down. I'm total shit on the ice, I'm shit off the ice, and I don't know how to fix it. The only thing I can think of is that maybe…I might need to find somewhere else to live."

She snickered, pushing her plate away from her. "So much for being friends and getting to know each other better, huh?"

He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "Then please, tell me what to do, Amara," he begged in a low voice. "Tell me how I'm supposed to get up, see you every day, knowing that we can never be more than friends, knowing that'll never be enough for me, and keep my shit together. I'm all ears."

She stared at her hand in his. "I don't know, Ryan."

His eyes filled with tears, and he let go of her hand. "God, why can't this just fucking work?"

"I don't want you to leave, Ryan. I want you to stay."

"Amara, I don't want to leave either. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to stay."

"Remember that game we used to play, where we'd tell each other random, embarrassing shit about ourselves?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss that. It's stuff like that, Ryan. Before our feelings got in the way, we really did have a connection. And I wish…I wish we could have that again."

"I do, too."

"Then stay. Please? I don't want you to leave. Let's hang out tonight, do something fun. As friends."

"What'd you have in mind?"

At that moment, they both got notifications on their phones at the same time. She reached for hers first. "Oh my God!" she gasped, as Ryan checked his phone and read the same message:

T: Just got the call. I'm going to the fucking Isles, baby!!! Come to the game tonight. 6:05 start.

"Oh my God. He's going. Holy shit. Well, guess I know what we're doing tonight."

"This is amazing," she said, looking at Ryan. She knew he was happy for Tyler in his heart, but the look on his face told a different story. She reached over and touched his hand. "Hey? Your time is coming."

"Yeah," he said blankly. "Guess we should go get ready if we're gonna get to the game on time."

???

"So how's it work?" Amara asked Ryan, as the two headed into UBS Arena after taking the Bridgeport Ferry to the LIRR, which let them right off at the venue.

"There's a whole section they designate for players' families and friends. Each player on the roster gets two tickets per game to give to family or whoever. Ty wanted us to have his."

"Aww. So do we have to pick them up at will call?"

He just looked at her. "No, Grandma. They're on my phone."

"Shut it. So, is Osi coming? I would've thought for sure he'd be here."

"Nah. Apparently, he's been barfing with a fever for two days. Couple of the other guys were sick last week, too. Hope it's not gonna run through the locker room. He said to text him updates."

They went through security, scanned the tickets, and entered the arena just in time for the warm-up.

"Come on." He grabbed her hand and hurried her to the stairs that led down to the glass. "Our seats are second level, but I wanna get down to watch the warm-up. He's gonna take his rookie lap."

"What's that?"

"When a player makes his NHL debut, he skates a lap or two by himself during the warm-up, before all the other players join him. It's tradition. I don't wanna miss it."

"Aww," she put her hand on his shoulder. "That's literally the cutest thing I've ever heard."

"I'm just really proud of him, you know? Kid works his ass off. No one…no one deserves this more than Hayes."

She didn't tell him, but she could see that the therapy was working already. The Ryan Baylor of a month ago wouldn't even be here, and now here he was, rushing to the glass, excited to support his friend.

They made their way down to the boards, which were packed, but they managed to squeeze into a primo spot when some fans recognized Ryan, he signed some autographs, and Amara took some pics of him with them.

The pucks dumped out onto the ice, a cleaned-up version of "Stay Fly" by Three 6 Marfia began blaring through the sound system, and then Hayes took to the ice alone. The crowd went absolutely crazy for him, amid the sounds of the other players banging their sticks against the bench and in the tunnel.

He'd never looked more alive, more at home, than he did at that very moment. It was quick, as the other guys joined him on the ice shortly after, but he owned every second of it like the absolute fucking boss he was.

Amara looked up at Ryan after she'd heard him sniffing. "Ryan Baylor, are you crying?"

"No!" he scoffed, attempting to cover it up. "But you are."

"Duh," she laughed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. On about his fourth lap around, Hayes spotted them and skated over to where they stood. The smile he flashed them was the biggest she'd ever seen. "Thank you," he mouthed. Amara made a heart with her fingers, holding it up to the glass, and Ryan gave him a nod.

Someone tapped Ryan on the shoulder, and he turned around. "Yo, Baylor. When are we gonna see you out there?"

"I don't know, man. I'm working on it. Hopefully soon."

Ryan continued to make small talk with some of the fans, and even though she'd seen it before, it was always surreal to her that people knew him and wanted his picture and autograph. She just saw him as her pain-in-the-ass roommate and ex-boyfriend, but to many others, he was so many other things: a hero, a role model, a fantasy.

To her, he was just Ryan.

When he'd finished chatting, after drawing a small crowd that included a few pre-teen girls who had literally cried as they took a picture with him, they grabbed a few beers and headed up to their seats in the second level.

"Twenty-eight dollars for two beers should be a fucking crime," Amara complained, as they shimmied down the row across laps and sat down.

"Well, they gotta fund these overpaid assholes' salaries somehow," Ryan joked, winking at her.

"This is a really nice place," Amara observed, looking around. "Much nicer than Total Mortgage Arena." She took a sip, and as she viewed about three rows in front of them and about 10 seats to the left, she damn near choked on her beer. She coughed, trying not to spit everywhere, as she grabbed Ryan's arm and squeezed it hard. "Holy…shit!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"That's fucking Jenna!"

Ryan looked, and sure enough, there she was, posing as another girl took pictures of her, complete with a portable ring light.

"That fucking skank!" Amara growled.

"Why the hell would she be here?"

"Good question. I would love to get up and beat that bitch's ass right now."

"Calm down, Conor McGregor. I'm being heavily scrutinized at the moment, so you better fucking behave yourself. I can see the headlines now: ‘Ryan Baylor tossed from Islanders game, as girlfriend arrested for assault.'" He paused, sipped his beer, and corrected himself. "Ex-girlfriend, I meant."

"Let's see, shall we?" Amara pulled out her phone and opened Instagram. "Help my fuck, no she did not!" Jenna had posted a perfectly posed and lighted picture of herself at the game with the caption, "Ty finally making his NHL debut. So proud of you, Hay Hay! Always your number one fan."

"Hay Hay?" Amara put her finger in her mouth and pretended to vomit.

Ryan looked at the picture, taking Amara's phone and zooming in on her face. "So, I think I…yeah, I may have smashed her. I didn't think so at first, but I think I did."

Amara just looked at him. "I'm actually surprised your dick hasn't fallen off yet."

"So am I, to be perfectly honest."

"While she was dating Ty?"

"No! God no, I would never! Party at my college, like sophomore year. Think me and a few of the boys may have…never mind. It's not important."

"Baylor? You're an absolute hoe." She chugged the rest of her beer, reached a hand over to his lap, and ran her fingers slowly up the inside of his thigh, stopping just shy of his crotch. "And I kinda love it."

"Yeah?" he asked, his voice laced with surprise and a bit of excitement.

"Yeah."

"Did you maybe wanna, um, go get another beer with me or something?" he asked, staring at her hand in his lap.

"Yup."

"OK then." He got up, and she followed, shimmying down the aisle again. They walked down to the second-level concourse, which wasn't as crowded as the one on the first level. He began playing mental chess, trying to figure out the best, most inconspicuous place for them to go. Grabbing her by the hand, he pulled her behind him as he spotted and headed towards a family restroom. "Knock and make sure it's empty," he told her, looking around to make sure no one was staring.

"Empty," she said, holding it open. He gave one final once-over and quickly pushed her inside, locking the door behind them.

He turned to her and reached a hand up to her throat, squeezing gently, and leaned into her ear. "You want me to fuck you in this bathroom right now?"

"Yes! God yes!" she moaned, running her hands up the front of his shirt. His hand still around her throat, he pushed her back against the wall, kissing her, as her hands moved to his belt. She finally got it undone after fumbling with the buckle for a bit.

He reached down to the waistband of her jeans, unbuttoning them, unzipping them, and ripping them and her thong down to her ankles. He took a brief inventory of his options: sink, toilet, changing table, or wall. "Bend your ass over and grab onto that sink," he instructed, as he positioned himself behind her. "And try to be quiet." She let out a loud moan as she felt him push his fat cock inside her. "That's not being quiet!"

"I'm sorry. It's impossible to be quiet with you and that fucking thing."

He grabbed her hips and thrust inside her, able to go deeper because of the angle. She bent over even further and arched her back into his thrusts.

"You love gettin' fucked by me, don't you?"

"Yes. God, yes. Yes!" she whimpered, as quietly as she could while he railed her from behind.

"See? You can break up with me, but we both know you're not going anywhere. You'd miss this cock too much."

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm in love with your cock." She felt him speed up and knew he was about to go. "Cum for me, baby. Cum nice and hard."

He groaned loudly, pulled out, panicked for a moment, and moved her out of the way. "Oh shit…fuck," he laughed, as he jacked his load into the sink of the family bathroom at UBS Arena.

Amara pulled her pants up and giggled at the absurdity of what had just happened. "I'm willing to bet that's a first." She rinsed the sink, making sure to wash away all the evidence, then looked over at Ryan, who was fastening his belt. "You OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said quietly. "Come on, let's get back."

She cracked the door, and of course, there was a mom with two little kids waiting outside. She opened it all the way and walked out. The woman started towards the door but backed up quickly as she saw Ryan follow. "Sorry. I had…emergency," he said, trying to cover his face as he passed her.

Amara had taken off, so he ran to catch up with her. "Oh, no you don't!" he yelled, wrapping both of his arms around her from behind and pulling her towards him. "Leaving me to deal with that shit."

He pressed the side of his face against the side of hers, and she grabbed onto his hands that were around her chest. "Sorry, I panicked."

"I miss this," he whispered, turning his head to kiss her cheek.

"I miss this, too," she said softly. "Now get me another beer so I can pretend I know what's going on with this game."