Chapter 20

Quinn

I stareinto the mirror as I run a brush through my hair, then pull it up into a high ponytail, wondering if I"m making the right decision.

Today, I"m meeting my dad.

I don"t know why I"ve decided to go. It could have been the look in his eyes when I told him Momma"s secret, or it could have been because of the night I spent with Alex—a night I didn"t mean to happen. But when he looked at me like I was all he saw, when his fingers glided on my skin….

The man owns my heart, body, and soul, and I have missed him.

I guess this meeting today will determine whether I can overcome my fears, and whether a relationship with Alex will work.

An image of my momma lying on the bathroom floor, crying as blood pours down her hands hits me, and I have to squeeze my eyes tight, her words still haunting me….

"Why did he do this to us, to me? Why am I not good enough anymore?"

"I just want to die…. I have nothing left to live for…."

I shake my head, looking back in the mirror. Alex"s black hoodie, which drowns me, becomes my main focus, and I am grateful he left it.

Momma did have something to live for; she had her kids. I guess we just weren"t good enough.

My eyes tear up. I feel broken, and I"m not too fond of this feeling. I kept my heart locked up during relationships, but Alex broke the lock and dug himself deep.

I"m in love with him, and that scares me.

Speaking to my dad might help me somehow because, without Alex, I feel like I can"t breathe, especially after the other night. Before that night, I could pretend like I was moving on. I"d managed a few months without his touch, but now my skin itches without him, causing fear to run through me.

Alex gently pushes me up against the wall after slamming my door shut. I don"t know how he managed to get us upstairs without falling, considering his lips never left mine.

I moan as he tears my panties, not caring, considering how long it"s been without him. I feel his hardened cock at my entrance. He thrusts forward, making me gasp as he rasps against my lips, "Finally fucking home," then pounds into me, hard and fast.

I blink, catching my sad eyes in the mirror, wishing I could be different.

Shaking my head, I go to my dressing table and grab my purse and phone, not caring that I"m about to meet my dad in Alex"s hoodie.

I need a part of him with me for this.

I walk into my box-filled, half-packed living room before my eyes go to the kitchen nook, and a small smile appears.

Alex thrusts inside me hard, making me gasp at how deep he is. I grip the counter with one hand, and the other holds me up, careful not to hurt my wrist. His fingers tangle in my hair as he pulls my head back, twisting it so our lips meet in a sloppy kiss as his bare chest presses against my bare back, his left hand twisting my nipple as the other one brushes against cold counter.

He groans as I flutter around his dick, causing him to move his hand from my nipple, and in between us to my clit. The hand in my hair tightens, our kiss heating up, as his thrusts become harder, quicker, my stomach tightening….

Sighing, I go over to the window and close it. A part of me wishes I never gave in, knowing how much I need him, while the other wants to call him and beg him to never let me go. His skin against mine is the only feeling I want.

I lay back on my couch, my legs spread wide as Alex climbs over me, not once breaking eye contact as he sucks my nipple into his mouth before biting it. I gasp as he licks up my neck, sucking hard, leaving his mark, before taking my lips with his. As his tongue enters my mouth, he thrusts inside me, making me moan.

I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he starts to thrust in a steady rhythm, tilting his hips to reach my g-spot, not once removing his lips from mine.

After ensuring everything is switched off, I leave my half-packed apartment and lock the door. My heart is in my throat.

My fingers itch to call Alex, get his advice, and hear his voice. He consumes me, which means my worst fear after walking in on my mother trying to kill herself has happened. I"ve fallen for a man who consumes me enough for me to know that if I lost him, I"d lose myself.

I slowly lower myself on his cock, taking him to the hilt as he sits up, gliding his hands up my back. His lips meet mine in a slow, sensual kiss.

My whole body lights up with his touch as I slowly rock myself on him, and then lift as my walls squeeze around him, making him moan against my lips. His mouth ravishes mine as I make love to him.

I rock back and forth, up and down, as he rasps, "Fuck Goldie, that"s it, baby…."

His words encourage me as he rubs his nose against mine. His right-hand tangles in my hair to keep my face near his as he holds my body close, not a gap between us on the bed as I slowly ride him.

"Alex…" I gasp as his pubic bone rubs against my clit, sending a jolt through me, and my walls tighten around him.

He moans, his lips just touching mine as he whispers, "Come for me, Quinn…." and I do. My body tightens as lights flash behind my eyes, before he thrusts up four more times, coming inside me, filling me up, and painting my walls with his seed. He kisses me hard, turning us so I"m beneath him, his cock still deep inside me as our kisses heat up once more.

I blink as I park out front of the café where my father wanted to meet. His car is already here, so he"s inside, and the need to see Alex intensifies, as does my fear of having that feeling. His not being there the next morning after we spent all evening together hurt, but I also understood.

Taking a deep breath, I pull up my big girl panties and climb out of my car, ready for this conversation, a conversation we should have had years ago, but I felt an obligation to keep Momma"s secret…until she decided to try and manipulate me into speaking to my father.

When I walk into the light-filled café, my father"s gaze come my way instantly. His body sags in relief, and I walk over to him.

He stands and wraps his arms around me. I expect myself to tense up, instead I surprise myself when I wrap my arms around his waist, placing my face into his chest as tears spring to my eyes as the feeling of loss hits me.

Years without my father"s bear hugs slowly killed me inside. All that hurt healing in this moment. It"s like when I finally opened that can of worms from the past, I opened to the hurt I felt, the trauma I went through due to his one mistake.

A sob rises in my throat and out of my mouth, and I squeeze his shirt on his back with my left hand, my right in a splint, causing him to hold me tighter, his hand going to my head.

"I missed you, my pumpkin…" he rasps with so much emotion that my grip tightens around him, and guilt hits me. I was so focused on what Momma did because of his actions that I never considered his feelings and his pain in all of this.

"I"m sorry, Daddy," I whisper against his chest, causing his hand to press against my head.

He sighs. "My darling girl, you have nothing to apologize for." He kisses my head. "Come take a seat. I got you a slice of triple chocolate cake, and a lemonade."

I nod before moving out of his hold, taking a seat, and immediately picking up a fork. I take a small bite of the cake before looking at my dad, who smiles wide.

"You could never say no to cake." I shrug, not denying it, making him chuckle as he takes in my hoodie. A small smile hits his face before he asks, "Breakers?"

After another bite, I put my fork down before nodding and admitting, "I"m in love with him."

He nods and states, "And you"re scared."

I wipe away a few fallen tears, and say, "My instincts are telling me to run."

He sighs, sitting forward, becoming serious. "And you need to ignore those instincts, Quinny." My tears fall some more. "What I did was wrong, it was completely wrong. I have no excuses, pumpkin. Things with your momma were hard back then, and I was an idiot. I regretted it instantly, and I never did it again, but the aftermath…." He shakes his head. "Your momma had no right to make you keep those secrets. She should have told me the truth years ago, then maybe, just fucking maybe, our relationship could have been fixed. She"s tried to focus on what I did as a reason why you wanted nothing to do with me, forgetting the trauma you had to go through because of what she did. She got drunk and made a decision that affected you."

I cut in, not wanting to stick up for Momma but needing to, "She was hurt, Daddy…."

He nods, his eyes hardening. "Yeah, she was hurt, Quinny, hurt enough to do that to get my attention." My eyes widen in shock, but he shakes his head. "Your mother told me…. Before you walked into that room and saw what you saw, she was about to call me. She wanted to get my attention; she wanted to hurt me to show me what my actions had caused, but instead, she traumatized our seven-year-old daughter."

My mouth drops open in shock. "But her words…." I trail off as anger takes hold and snap, finally realizing what my mother had done. "Were to make me hate you!"

He nods. "I love your momma, Quinny, and that"s why I haven"t left her. Yes, I hurt her, yes, I made a massive, stupid mistake with a conniving bitch, but those mistakes do not warrant her purposely ensuring you would hate me. It doesn"t warrant her traumatizing you. Because of her actions, you"ve closed off from love. You"re running away. Because of her, I"ve lost years of my daughter"s life, milestones I"ve had to watch from afar."

I furrow my brows. "All the times she"s tried to get me to talk to you…."

He finishes off my sentence, "Was her guilt coming through. A part of her removed the memory of what she did to you. She blocked it out. It took her a moment to understand when I confronted her, before she broke."

I swallow hard. "She was still punishing you."

He nods. "And what better way to punish me than to ensure my daughter, who looked up to me, hates me? Subconsciously, her guilt ate away at her, and in her mind, she couldn"t understand why you hadn"t forgiven me."

I shake my head as a sob leaves my mouth, confused how my momma could do this, could use my fear like this.

"I will be continuing counseling with your momma. She"s scared I will leave her, but I physically can"t. She"s my everything, pumpkin, but right now, I"m not going to convince you to talk to her about what you"ve gone through, because her actions were caused by mine. I am going to convince you not to give up on your relationship with a man who loves you with everything that he is." My tears fall again, causing him to squeeze my hand. "I know you"re scared, darling, I understand the fear, but don"t let it consume you. Hold on to that man."

I sniffle. "But I don"t know how. I'm scared, and he let…." I shake my head, not able to finish the sentence.

My father"s eyes soften. "You hurt him, Quinny. He felt lost without you after you ran at the first hurdle. Start it off slow. Maybe text him, ask him how his day is going, and go on from there. I"ll be in your corner every step of the way to help motivate you and push you toward your happiness. Maybe seek help from a therapist to help you understand your fears better, and overcome them."

I let out a sob. "But-but I"m leaving."

His eyes get teary as he smiles. "Do you really think he"ll let you move that far away?"

He squeezes my hand again, and I know he"s right. Alex won"t let me leave; I know it. A part of me is waiting for that phone call, stating my position has been pulled.

Can I start fresh with him, though?

Can I get over my fear of all-consuming love?

Can I forgive my family?

But the more important question is…can he forgive me for trying to run?