Chapter 19

Breaker

I gently runmy fingers through my girl"s hair as she sleeps on my chest. It"s nearing midnight, and she passed out about half an hour ago after we made love several times—against the wall near her door, over the kitchen table, on her couch, in her bed….

I"ve fucking missed her.

I missed her touch, smell, and the feel of her body against mine. I missed everything about her, and after getting that text about her being in the ER.…

It"s time she realized what she means to me.

I continue petting her hair and kiss her head, inhaling her scent, before I slowly, reluctantly move out from beneath her.

She needs to wake with me gone to have that feeling of loss. Then, hopefully, she"ll start to understand what it feels like to miss a part of you.

Her brows furrow as she grips the pillow I was laying on, making me smile. I kiss her head again, and then go to her living room, where my clothes are.

I grab my jeans off the floor near the couch and put them on, then grab my boots. I look around the space, noticing my shirt and hoodie near the kitchen. I grab the shirt and put it on, then grab my hoodie and take it over to her couch, leaving it draped over the back, knowing how much she used to love wearing it.

As soon as I"m dressed, I grab my cut from her coat rack and my phone, dialing a number as I walk out.

Tats answers as soon as I locked Quinn"s door, sounding frustrated, "Please fucking tell me you"ve got someone for me to beat up…"

I laugh. "Let me guess, someone was a no-show."

He grunts. "I could be cuddled up in bed with my pregnant wife right now, feeling our boy move. Instead, I"m at the fucking parlor, waiting out the allotted time before I can leave. Otherwise, the bitch gets her deposit back."

I snort as I get to my truck and climb in. Looking at my girl"s apartment window, a plan comes to mind, and I say, "Fancy a new customer?"

He hums and replies, "Come on down, brother, I"ll set the chair up."

I thank him before hanging up, keeping my eyes on my girl"s apartment. I start my truck up and mumble, "Get ready, Goldie, because your time spent running is over."

Fifteen minutes later, I walk into Tats" parlor, the black walls suiting the place. I ignore Alana, his new hire, as Cannon, a patched brother, shakes his head at the woman trying to give me "fuck me" eyes. I pat his back and head to Tats" room with my heart in my throat, ready for this part of my plan.

I stop in the doorway at the scene before me and raise a brow at the tatted badass biker and ask, "Brother, what the fuck are you doing?"

Tats stops spinning in circles in his chair while looking at the ceiling and grins. "Just waiting out my time." He stands and pats his black tattoo chair with his tatted hand. "I"m fucking bored, brother, and Vi fell asleep while talking to me on the phone. Sit your ass down."

I snort but nod, doing as he asks and taking a seat. Violet"s doing well, and so is the baby, but she struggles to be away from Tats and has panic attacks, and needs him to keep calm. Fuck, Noah is like a mother hen toward her. He loves her to pieces and spends a few weekend dinners with them a month.

Tats raises a brow, and I grin, admitting, "I want Quinn"s name on my ring finger."

He nods with a grin, knowing how serious this is for a brother. He should know, considering he had Vi"s name on his chest before they became exclusive.

He gets his shit ready, stating, "Snake called. The bald fucker was worried. Is everything alright?"

I hum as he wipes my finger, and I admit, "She decided letting the kids use slime was a good way to go." He winces, and I nod. "My girl slipped and bashed her wrist on her desk. Thankfully, it"s just bruised."

He nods. "Is that where you"ve been, with Quinn?"

I sigh. "Yeah, brother. I finally told her she was done running from us, whether she liked it or not. Tech's already made the moves yesterday."

He fills his gun up as he speaks. "He declined her job for her?"

I hum in agreement, making him grin wide, him knowing what it"s like to fall madly in love with someone. He states, "She"s going to be pissed."

I nod as he places the needle against my skin and smirk. I mutter, "I"m fucking counting on it," making him chuckle.

I have to admit, an angry Quinn is a really hot Quinn, and the angry sex…yes, please.

The next day, I"m trying to concentrate on the pay slips in my office, but my mind is fully on Quinn. She has yet to message me like I"d hoped, but I knew she wouldn"t.

I wish I understood exactly what her problem is. I know her dad cheated on her momma and the pain that probably caused her, but I never cheated on her with Jingles. I was fucking set up, which is why she"s been AWOL since I kicked her out of the club. And Suzy, well, I didn"t fucking cheat—I know I feel like I did, but I didn"t. She"d broken up with me, and I couldn"t handle it.

Do I wish I could take it back? Every fucking day, but I can"t. It"s something I have to live with, but her pushing me away like she has, being willing to move…nothing makes fucking sense.

She cut her dad out of her life over something that happened years ago despite her parents' healing. She"s closed herself off from me at the very first hurdle, and I just don"t fucking get it!

I sigh, throwing my pen down before running my hand over my head, contemplating showing up at her place, knowing schools are out for a break. A knock sounds at my door.

I silently groan, hoping it"s not another fucking problem between Sparkles and Candy. Last week Candy fucked Sparkles despite being in a relationship with Honey. It was one messy fucking catfight in the changing room—makeup and glitter everywhere.

"Come in," I state loudly as I retrieve my pen, ready to get this shit sorted so I can pick Noah up, where, hopefully, he"ll speak to me.

I look up as the door opens but furrow my brows when Janet Sanders walks in. Her eyes, so much like her daughter's, are red like she"s been crying, and her dark blonde hair is a mess.

"Mrs. Sanders?" I question.

She sniffles, a few tears falling as she shuts my door, and then leans against it. I keep quiet, waiting for her as she shakes her head and sobs.

"I"m so-so sorry." Her words confuse me. She wipes away her tears and rasps, "For so long, I-I thought the reason for Quinn"s closed-off heart was because of her father"s infidelity and what she walked in on, and I-I…. Oh God, I"m so sorry, Breaker, I never realized I was the reason she was so closed off…."

I lean back, still confused, and ask, "Why would you be the reason for my girl"s closed-off nature?"

She shakes her head before she admits, "I never told Paul; I-I didn"t want him to know what he caused and-and…." Her tears fall before she removes the thick bracelets on her wrists, and then turns them, showing the long diagonal scars from her hand to just before her elbow.

I slowly close my eyes, rasping, "Ah shit…," knowing exactly where this is going.

She speaks again, and I drop my head, pain shooting through me for what my girl had witnessed at a young age, her reasoning becoming clearer.

After witnessing that shit, she doesn"t want to fall for someone as hard as her mother did, yet she already has.

"After, fuck…after she walked in on her father and that woman, my mother, a woman she adored, died in hospital. She was the reason why we were there to begin with. I told Paul I wanted a divorce, that he broke us, before moving us to my mother"s, Jack opting to stay with his father, not knowing why I was moving out of our family home with his inconsolable baby sister who refused to allow her father to even look at her." She sniffles, her eyes holding apologizes. "I-I am the one who ruined her childhood, but she blames her father because of the love I held and still hold for him. I couldn"t cope with the losses; my heart was breaking, and, when I thought she was asleep, I got drunk and decided to kill myself like the selfish person I am. For years, I pressured Quinny to speak to her father, believing she needed to get over it." Her tears fall some more as she whispers, "Yet how can a little girl, a seven-year-old, forgive when she walked in on her momma, slitting her wrists, crying, and sobbing about how unworthy she was. I begged to know why I wasn"t good enough to my seven-year-old. I blocked that day out. I chose to forget her holding pressure on my wrists. I chose to forget her calling an ambulance, and I chose to forget her screaming at her daddy that she hates him for ruining everything."

I shake my head, running a hand through my hair, and state, "It"s not the cheating that"s traumatized her, it"s the aftermath."

She nods. "I always wanted to believe her issues were based on what her father did. God, I tried to guilt trip her repeatedly. It wasn"t until Paul called me and screamed at me for not telling him the truth during our counseling sessions, and not opening my eyes to what we put our daughter through. It wasn't until then that I realized what I had done, I understood the true reasons for her behavior toward her father."

I suck my lip ring into my mouth, thinking for a moment before I admit, "Tech has made sure she won"t be able to take that job in Cali. She"s not moving; I won"t allow it. Knowing this, it helps, but I have a long fucking road ahead of me. We"re not talking about her fear of being hurt here, Mrs. Sanders, we"re talking about her fear of falling so deeply for someone that she"ll lose herself like you did, and in doing so, hurting the ones she loves."

Her tears fall some more as she nods, guilt shining through her eyes.

Fuck….

A few hours later, and I"m fucking tired. After Quinn"s mother left and I finished the paperwork, Sparkles cut Honey"s hair with a razor. It took four of us brothers to break up their fight; the lovely scratch on my cheek was proof of how hard they fought to get to each other.

Fucking women!

I open the front door to the club for Noah to run inside. I picked him up from a friend"s house and, as I expected, he hasn"t said a word.

He blames me for why Quinn is leaving, and technically, he"s right. It is my fault she"s going—but it's also Jingles' fault. Quinn seeing me in bed with the bitch, and the hurt that took over, scared her enough to run.

Well, the running fucking stops now.

When I walk through the door into the common room, Lola rushes to the edge of the steps, obviously their letting her inside the club again. I sigh.

"Not now, Lola."

She swallows hard. "I-I know I messed up. I shouldn"t have made a complaint against Quinn, but surely you can"t keep me in the doghouse. I"ve only just been allowed back into the club. Quinn"s still got her job, so I don"t understand the problem. I"ve apologized over and over, and I am sorry I…."

I shake my head, about to shout at her, but my little boy, my five-year-old, does it for me. He grabs the nearest drink off a table and throws it over Lola, making her gasp as he shouts,"She"s leaving because of you! I hate you!"then runs off. Momma quickly follows him as Doc comes to stand by me.

We still have our issues because of my relationship with Ken, and him not knowing she"s my cousin, but he's also had falling out with Sniper, whom Ken still contacts when she has time. When it comes to Quinn, though, he"s got my back, even against his own sister.

Lola"s eyes tear up when she hears my son cry, and Doc states, "The parents at the school staged a petition to have her removed because of your jealous lies. For years, you"ve wanted Breaker, without any encouragement from him. But we all know it"s not him you actually want, it"s what he represents and can provide. You saw Quinn as his forever and decided to be a bitch. Fuck, even Kennedy would be ashamed of what you"ve done." Lola flinches, knowing he"s right. "Stay away from my brother, or you're back out of the club!"

Doc pats my back in support as Lola"s tears fall, guilt etching her features, but I ignore her and go to see where Noah has gone, not at all mad that he threw a drink at her. Snake, Tats, who"s finally coming around the club more, and Smokey all pat my back, showing they are there for me. I am grateful, but the only thing, the only person I want right now, is my girl.

How in the fuck can I help her overcome her fear of being consumed by what she feels for me? Because that"s what her problem is. She"s petrified of me consuming her.

Doesn"t she realize that she consumes me, too?